Chapter 8
Ryan
I keep my eyes on Janet, but I see Claire’s mouth drop open out of the corner of my eye. Of course she’s shocked and disappointed. We used to do everything together.
But that was before.
Before she got engaged.
Before she promised forever to another man.
Before I realized my future would never include her.
And now? Now is after. Now I’m making plans without Claire and maintaining my distance, both physically and emotionally. That’s why I’ve been holding my office hours in the library and avoiding our cubicles altogether.
So working at a tutoring center with her? Yeah, no thanks. I don’t want to be locked in a small office with her for hours every week, working closely together and laughing and joking and feeling a stab every time her ring catches the light.
But Janet narrows her eyes at me. “Ryan, I think you should take a minute to think about this.”
“I just don’t know if I have the extra time to dedicate.”
Janet’s eyes flick over to Claire, then back at me. “You know what we discussed two weeks ago…” She lets her voice trail off, unsure if Claire knows about my tenure being at risk.
I appreciate that she’s trying to help me maintain my dignity. “There’s no need for secrets. Claire knows about my tenure.”
“That’s part of why I thought of it,” Claire says softly, and I turn to face her. She looks me in the eyes and says, “I wanted to help you out.”
Now I feel like a jerk. My chest tightens, and I run a hand through my hair. “I appreciate that, Claire. I really do.” I hope she hears the sincerity in my voice.
“But?” she says.
“But I just… I don’t know if…”
Janet interrupts my stammering. “I did have another idea for you, Ryan.”
I raise my brows and turn to her, hoping she’ll give me a way out of this. “Oh? What were you thinking?”
“Liam Patel is hoping to create a committee to oversee all the budgetary spending in the math department, and he needs someone else to work with him.”
Oh, heck no.
Claire stifles a giggle next to me, and I turn to her with a grin. “Something to share with the class, Ms. Beaumont?”
She covers her mouth with her hand. “No, Professor. Carry on.”
So now I’m stuck with an impossible choice.
Behind door one, forced proximity to Claire, but working on a project I actually care about—tutoring students in their prerequisite skills.
And behind door two, distance from Claire, but working side by side with Liam Patel on administrative crap that I couldn’t care less about.
Claire’s eyes are still on me as I cycle through the two possibilities, but there isn’t a choice to be made. I have to suck it up.
“All right,” I say to Janet. “I’ll do the tutoring center with Claire.”
Janet gives a polite smile. “Excellent. I’ll start working on the paperwork, and you two can get started on planning.”
I stand immediately, not wanting to be in this room for too much longer, and Claire catches my arm. “Where are you going?”
“I, uh, have to go meet students,” I say.
“Can we start working on this soon? Maybe Thursday?”
I inhale through my nose, let out the breath, and give her my best attempt at a smile. “Sure. I’ll see you then.”
Then I book it out of there as fast as I can.
“Hey, my sweet son.” My mom’s voice rings through the speakers of my car on my drive home.
“Hey, Mom. How’s Maui?”
“Beautiful as always.”
I can hear the waves crashing and imagine her sitting on the porch of her little house. She’s been on the island for the last thirteen years, ever since I was fifteen and moved out there with her after my parents’ divorce.
“You need to come visit again,” she continues. “It’s not the same without you here. Maybe this summer?”
“Maybe. Kai is trying to convince me to come, too.” Kai was the first friend I had in Maui, where the locals don’t take kindly to newcomers. For some reason, he took me under his wing and let me be his surfing buddy.
“Ah, that’s probably more tempting.” She sighs. “Why would you want to surf with your mom when you can surf with Kai instead, huh?”
I chuckle. “You know I love surfing with you, too.”
“I know, baby.”
My mom put me on a surfboard before I could even walk. She’d sit me on the edge and take me with her. Some of my earliest memories are out on the water with her.
“Tell me about work,” she says. “Are you getting your tenure figured out?”
“Yeah, I just got a solution today. I’m going to work on creating a tutoring center with Claire.”
“Oh, that’s perfect.” I can hear the smile in her voice, imagining her long, brown hair waving around her shoulders. “You’ll have fun working on something with her.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Mom knows about Claire. Well, she knows that Claire is my best friend. I haven’t explicitly told her about my romantic feelings for her. Maybe she knows, but I’m not about to tell her outright.
Maybe if my dad hadn’t cheated on my mom when I was a teenager, effectively ruining the family unit I depended on and upending her entire life, I would feel more confident in telling her how I feel about Claire.
But I don’t want her to be disappointed in her son for falling in love with someone who’s already taken, just like my dad.
The only thing I want to have in common with him is my aptitude for math. Everything else about him pretty much sucked. Not that I know how he’s doing anymore, but the last I heard, he was doing statistics for politicians in Washington, D.C.
“I’m happy for you,” Mom continues. “You finally found a way to keep your job, and you’ll get to work on a project with your best friend.” She pauses. “How’s she doing?”
“Fine. She got engaged last weekend.” I say it lightly, hoping to hide the pain at the news.
“Oh, that’s great,” Mom says brightly.
“Yep.”
“Well, I’d love to meet her one day. You’ll have to introduce us.”
“Sounds good.” Yeah, not happening. Maybe before she got engaged, I would’ve introduced the two of them. But now that I can’t consider her my best friend, plus the fact that she’s getting MARRIED, I don’t think I need to mix my family with Claire.
Mom pauses. “When’s the last time you went on a date?”
I snort a laugh. I know exactly how long it’s been—almost three years. The last date I went on was two months before I started my job at Coastal Vista. It was a blind date with my roommate’s sister. She was nice enough, but after I met Claire, there was no point in dating anyone else.
“It’s been a while,” I say to my mom.
“Well, maybe you should think about it. You’re a catch. And I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom.”
“I don’t know. The only relations I have time for are the math kind.”
She’s silent for a moment.
“It’s a math joke, Mom. Relations and functions…”
“Ah. Gotcha.” I can almost see her shaking her head at me. “I’m serious, Ryan. Give dating a try. You’ll see. There’s going to be a nice, beautiful girl who will love you.”
“Okay, Mom. I’ll think about it.”
But I don’t tell her that the only nice girl I want is promised to someone else.