Chapter 30 Ryan
Ryan
It’s Monday afternoon, and I’m almost giddy to see Claire. After all our texting throughout the week, and of course her NyQuil confessions, I’ve been living on a high. Over the weekend, her texts were fewer, but she said she was spending time with her family, and I didn’t think much of it.
I think we’re turning a new leaf. I have to hand it to Chase; he gave me the motivation I needed.
I didn’t see her in the office this morning, even though I brought her another cup of coffee.
When I texted her, she said she was working from home and would be here just to teach and attend our monthly faculty meeting.
So I left a sticky note on her monitor, hoping it would make her smile before she taught her class.
This one said, I think I’ve got the math flu—every time I stand up, I divide by zero.
I think it’s my favorite joke so far. I wish I could see her reaction, but maybe she’ll text me later and let me know how hard she laughed.
Now I’m waiting in a science classroom for the STEM division meeting—early for probably the first time ever—with an agenda on the seat next to me, saving the spot for Claire.
We’ll be here for a meeting with Janet and all the science and math professors first, then we’ll have a smaller math department meeting run by Christopher David.
The room fills with instructors, the volume level slowly rising with their conversations. Andy, another math professor who’s been like a mentor to me, takes the seat on my other side. “You’re never here early,” he comments, his gray curls waving around his head.
I shrug a shoulder. “Figured I’d try it out and see how it feels to be on time.”
“What’s the verdict?”
“Undecided.”
I look up, something inside alerting me to Claire’s presence.
There she is, her auburn hair waving around her shoulders, and she’s wearing a floral dress that hugs her curves just right.
The men in her class must have been beside themselves today.
She smiles at Grace and Betsy, taking an agenda from their desks.
“Claire!” I call out over the noise and wave at her, pointing at the seat next to me. Everyone turns to stare at the spectacle I’m creating. But Claire just waves at me, then looks around the room for a seat and sits with the chemistry professors.
What in the world? We always sit together for these meetings.
“Is she mad at you?” Andy asks.
“I didn’t think so,” I say, my brow furrowed. Claire is chatting with Gerilyn, an older chemistry professor, not even sparing a glance my way.
“This spot open?” Liam Patel’s grating voice sounds at my side, and he slides into the seat I had saved for Claire. Perfect. That’s exactly who I want to sit with. He picks up the agenda—Claire’s agenda—and hums in approval.
Janet stands at the front of the room and calls out, “All right, let’s get started! Christopher?”
Christopher comes up to the front and calls out, “Give me an S!”
Everyone around me halfheartedly says, “S.”
“Give me a T!”
I lean over to Andy as the professors continue repeating his letters. “What the heck is this?”
His eyes are full of mirth. “The school of STEM cheer. You’ve never been here for one?”
I shake my head and sit back in my seat. What a weird tradition. If only Claire were sitting next to me instead.
After the division meeting and a way too long conversation about safe chemical handling, I rush over to Claire so we can talk on the walk to the department meeting. “Claire!”
She’s stuffing her agenda into her purse, and at her name, she looks up at me with a tight smile. “Ryan. Hey.”
“Hey.” Okay, not exactly the warm welcome I was expecting after all the caretaking and the texts last week. “I’d saved you a seat,” I say, sounding like a pathetic little boy.
“Oh, I wanted to sit with Gerilyn.” She gestures to her side, but Gerilyn has already left. When she realizes she isn’t there, Claire just goes back to organizing her things.
“How are you feeling?” I ask.
She nods. “Better.”
“Your energy? And your appetite?”
“Fine.” She picks up her bag and walks to the door, and I follow her like a puppy.
“Claire!” Grace stops her before she leaves the room, and I take a step back, allowing her space.
“Hey, Grace!” She greets her with ten times the enthusiasm she had for me. “Guess what?”
Grace shakes her head with a grin.
Claire’s eyes light up, but I can’t tell if she’s genuinely excited or putting on a show. “We set a date for the wedding!”
“No way!” Grace hugs Claire, and I have to take a moment to process her words.
They set a date.
Claire is getting married. Officially.
The news is so shocking, I literally stumble backwards. “What?” I say out loud. “You set a date?”
The women look over at me.
“Um, yes.” Claire steps back and smooths her hair behind her ear. “We’re getting married on June 4.”
June. That’s barely two months from now. I’m completely at a loss for words.
“That’s so soon!” Grace says.
“Yeah, I guess when I got sick last week it hit Zach really hard.”
Seriously? The guy wasn’t even there until I had been there for a whole day and night, and he barely noticed she needed to get back in bed. It’s a miracle Claire recovered at all under his care.
I snort in derision, and both women look over at me in alarm. I glance around, as if searching for the person who made that sound. Smooth, Ryan.
“Do you have everything ready?” Grace asks Claire.
“Not yet, but that’s what we’ll be doing this weekend. Dress, flowers, cake, venue. All of it needs to get officially booked ASAP.”
I force myself to breathe and tell myself it’s still just planning. They’re not getting married this weekend. It’s just the preparation. It can all be canceled.
Two months. I can still win her over in two months.
Besides, we’ve got the tutoring center. Even if she’s being weird and avoiding me, she can’t avoid me during those planning sessions. I’ll draw them out as long as possible, just so we can spend time together. It’ll be fine.
Claire and Grace keep chatting about wedding plans, and I have to get out of here. I wave at Grace and say, “See you at the meeting,” to Claire, then rush over to the other classroom for our math meeting. When I get there, I take the first empty seat I can find.
“Not looking so good, Matthews,” Liam says, alerting me to his presence at the desk to my right.
You’ve got to be kidding me. How did I choose the seat right next to this guy? “Thanks, Liam.”
“Having trouble with the ladies?”
“Shove it.” I bury my head in my hands, my vision spinning as I come to terms with this new reality.
It’s almost worse than when Claire got engaged, because at least there was no end in sight.
But this time… This time it’s for real. There’s a date.
If I don’t convince her to be with me in the next few weeks, it’s all over.
Everyone files into the room, and I force myself to snap out of it. Once again, Claire takes a seat across the room from me. This time she’s with Andy, who gives me a big grin like he’s trying to be my wingman. Great.
Christopher starts the meeting with a slideshow of our schedules for the fall, set to Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5.”
Fall. Either Claire will be with me, or she’ll be MARRIED by then.
Can I handle teaching Calculus 2 here at the same school when she’ll be so close, but completely out of my reach? It’s going to make me sick. Maybe I’ll need to go to Maui, after all.
Does that make me just like my dad? Running away when things get hard?
But if she gets married, is there any other choice?
“Next item,” Christopher says, “the tutoring center with our dynamic duo. Ryan, Claire, how’s it going?”
“Good,” we both say in unison from our opposite sides of the room.
“We’ve just got a few things left,” I say.
“Actually,” Claire pipes up. “I finished everything this morning.”
I widen my eyes at her. “Wait, what?”
She pulls a folder out of her bag, but she doesn’t look at me.
She keeps her eyes forward, looking at Christopher, as she explains.
“I sent out the survey schedule over the weekend and got it fully staffed. And this morning I created the full curriculum using our Algebra and Pre-Calculus class outlines. So we’re all set. ”
“Wonderful!” Christopher says from the podium. “Look at you two. What a great team.”
Yeah. We’re a great team. Just look at us, not communicating at all. Claire does all the work behind my back just so we won’t spend time together.
I slump in my seat, realizing that my chance with Claire might as well be over. She’s not just being awkward and pulling away from me—she’s cutting every tie that remained between the two of us. I’ve lost my chance.
She’s getting married.
Christopher shoots me a thumbs-up, completely oblivious to my inner turmoil. He must think I’m thrilled, because it means my tenure won’t be at stake anymore. I have a project to show my college involvement, and I’m now a valuable member of the college.
The problem is that I don’t know if I even care to be here anymore.