Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Debra barely recalled the walk to Maeve’s place.
She’d gone to Billie’s apartment wanting to feel the atmosphere a month on, and now she couldn’t think of anything else.
She wasn’t over Billie, she wouldn’t be for a long time, but she understood her need to step away entirely…
even if she’d secretly hoped that Billie would have picked up the phone and called her before they’d bumped into one another today.
Maeve poured the wine, sensing that something was playing on Debra’s mind. She’d always been perceptive like that, but Debra wouldn’t change her. Maeve was there for her when it mattered most. She always would be.
“So,” Maeve said as she lowered herself to the couch. “You look like you’ve had quite the day.”
Debra puffed out a breath. “I have.”
“The good kind…” Maeve tilted her head. “Or the emotionally exhausting kind?”
Debra smiled faintly. “Both, unfortunately.” She took a sip of wine and gathered her thoughts. “Lucille and I have decided to be friends.”
Maeve’s brows shot up. “Oh.”
“It was mutual in the end.”
Maeve studied her over the rim of her glass. “And what prompted that turn of events?”
Debra cleared her throat, deciding that it was pointless to skirt around the truth. If Maeve admonished her for feeling the way she did, then so be it. “I ran into Billie today.”
Maeve’s expression shifted immediately to concern. “You ran into her, or you sought her out?”
“I ran into her at the museum. And yes, it was completely by chance.”
“And Lucille was with you.”
“She was,” Debra nodded. “She clocked it straight away. The history…or at least whatever it is that Billie and I have between us.”
“And?”
“And she asked questions I couldn’t dodge.”
Maeve nodded slowly. “Like whether you were really available.”
“Yes. It turns out that I’m not. It just took seeing Billie to remind me of that.”
“How was Billie?”
God, that was quite the question. She was…
stunningly beautiful. She was…perfect in all of her messy, chaotic personality.
She was real. “She was different. Quieter than usual. She looked like someone who had finally stopped bracing for impact. It was nice to see, since I’ve always wondered who she really was deep down. ”
Maeve shifted closer and rested her elbow on the back of the couch. “She’s changed?”
“Yes. At least she’s changed enough for it to be noticeable.
Whatever spiral she was in, whatever was going on in her life…
she’s definitely changed.” Debra’s pulse picked up a little.
Billie had been so heartfelt before she’d left her apartment, but Debra hadn’t been able to ask for more at the time.
She hadn’t been able to tell Billie she wanted to see her again.
It hadn’t felt appropriate in the moment, and Debra had needed to walk the streets of London with it before she’d made a decision. “She’s…I need to see her again.”
Maeve’s brow creased. “Debra…”
“I know,” she said as she lifted a hand. “I’m being careful. I’m not rushing in blind.”
“But you’re not stepping away either.”
Debra shook her head. “No.”
Maeve took a sip of wine, then sighed. “So where does that leave you?”
Debra lay her head back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “I want to see where things go with Billie. Slowly, and on my own terms as much as hers, but I do. I need to see where it goes, Maeve.”
“I don’t really know what to say. I thought you were moving on.”
“I don’t want to rescue her or fix her. I just want to know her as she is now.”
“And how are you thinking of doing that?”
Debra smiled when a shiver worked its way up her spine. “I was thinking of asking her over. Maybe just for a glass of wine with no expectations. Or maybe dinner if she feels up to that.”
“This is a pretty big shift from where you were a month ago.”
Debra laughed. “Tell me about it.”
“I am a little worried about this, but I can also see the difference in you when you talk about her now.”
A swell of emotion rushed up Debra’s throat unexpectedly. If people noticed the change in her mood when she talked about Billie, that surely had to mean something. “It feels different. Even the way she looked at me was different.”
Maeve lifted her glass. “Then do it. Invite her over. Just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
Maeve met her gaze. “That you won’t disappear from your own life trying to make space for hers.”
Debra reached for Maeve’s hand and squeezed it. “I won’t. I promise.”
The quiet settled around them, giving Debra the perfect opportunity to decide if this was what she really wanted to do.
But the decision had already been made the moment she’d walked out of Billie’s apartment building.
The hope in her chest wasn’t similar to the hope in the past. It didn’t sit the same, and it didn’t swell the same.
It flourished the moment she looked into Billie’s eyes at the door, and even now, a couple of hours on, it hadn’t really settled.
Debra had been pacing for the last ten minutes, back and forth across the living room, debating whether or not to do this.
She knew in her heart what she wanted, but her heart hadn’t always had the brightest of ideas.
Hadn’t she learned that by ever falling for Billie Brown in the first place?
She picked up her phone for the fifth time, then put it back down on the counter again.
Fucking hell. This is ridiculous.
She’d been married, and she’d had children. She’d survived things that had required far more bravery than making a phone call. But the idea of hearing Billie’s voice, of offering something that could be refused, made her feel sick to her stomach.
Maeve’s words echoed in her mind.
Invite her over. Just promise me you won’t disappear from your own life.
Debra stopped pacing and stood in the middle of the room, her phone somehow in her hand again.
She stared down at it, knowing a text would likely be easier and safer.
It would give Billie space to think and to craft a response that didn’t put her on the spot.
But Debra didn’t want safe. Not tonight.
She wanted to hear Billie and know where she stood without guessing.
She took a breath and pressed call.
It rang out, but just as she was about to hang up, Billie answered. “Debra?”
The sound of her name—entirely different from how Billie once said it—sent a wave of relief washing over her.
“Hi,” Debra was suddenly aware of how fast her heart was beating. “I hope it’s okay that I called. I wasn’t sure whether to text or—”
“It’s okay,” Billie said. “It’s fine. It’s always nice hearing your voice.”
God, this Billie was far more dangerous than the one she’d initially met.
She smiled and lowered herself to the couch, taking the weight off before her knees did it for her. “I…I feel a little bit lost, Billie.”
There was a small pause on the other end of the line. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”
Debra swallowed. “I don’t want to overstep, and you absolutely don’t have to say yes, but I wondered if you might want to get together. Just for a few hours. No expectations. We could talk, or not talk. Whatever feels right.”
Debra noted the heaviness in the silence that had just settled between them. Something deep down told her Billie was going to reject her.
“I, um…I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m sorry.”
Debra’s stomach dipped, but she kept her voice steady. “Okay. That’s okay.”
“It’s not because I don’t want to see you, I do, but you’re dating Lucille. I’m really happy for you, but I can’t put myself in a position where I blur lines or do something that feels dishonest.”
Debra frowned. “Dishonest?”
“I don’t cheat,” Billie said. “Not with someone outside of The Full Service…emotionally or physically.”
Debra closed her eyes. Oh. “Billie, Lucille and I decided that we’re better off as friends.”
Billie’s breath caught audibly through the phone. “W-when?”
“Today.”
“But I saw you together today.”
Debra understood Billie’s confusion, she hadn’t exactly been forthcoming with the truth at her apartment a little while ago, but it was time to be honest. If they had any hope of moving forward together rather than alone, then Debra knew she had to say what she was feeling.
“Yes, I know. We discussed it at a wine bar afterwards.”
“So,” Billie said slowly. “You’re not—”
“I’m not seeing her, and I’m not over you. Far from it, actually.”
The words landed between them, terrifying but undeniably true.
“I was scared to push.” Debra’s voice held steady even as her heart pounded.
“After everything that happened, after seeing how much you were carrying, I didn’t want to be another demand or another expectation.
I wanted to call, but I didn’t want to put more on you than you were already dealing with. ”
Billie’s breath caught audibly. “And now?”
“And now I realise that I’m miserable without you in my life, and that you’re all I think about from the moment I wake up.”
“Y-you chose me?” Billie asked. “When you could be with someone like Lucille, you…chose me?” That comment wasn’t triumphant or sickening confidence. It was simply Billie, stunned. “Debra?”
“Yes. I did.”
“I don’t know what to do with that,” Billie admitted. “I didn’t think…after everything…I thought you’d be better off—”
“Billie,” Debra interrupted before Billie could spiral. “I’m not asking for promises. I’m not asking you to be anything other than what you are right now.” She paused. “I just want to spend a little time with you. You know, see how it feels together.”
“Oh.” That single syllable held more hope than Billie likely intended it to. “Well, um…”
“As I said, if you don’t want to…that’s okay.” Debra closed her eyes, willing Billie to say yes. “Whatever you want to do.”
“Do you mean tonight?” Billie asked suddenly, catching Debra off guard. “Getting together, I mean…”
“I’m home if you wanted to come over. We can keep it simple. Takeaway, TV, that kind of thing. I just want to sit in a space with you as you are right now. If you think that’s something you’d be interested in, then I’d love to spend the rest of the night with you.”
“Yes,” Billie said immediately. “If you’re absolutely sure.”
“I’m sure.”
“Then I’d like that a lot.” The sudden brightness in Billie’s voice almost melted Debra, but she knew she had to keep her wits about her tonight. It was important that they knew what was expected of one another before anything moved forward. “What should I bring?”
“Just yourself. Maybe that smile, too.” Debra closed her eyes and recounted the moment they’d come face to face again. God, her heart had been pounding; it was no wonder Lucille had asked what she did. She could probably hear it throughout the space. “The one you gave me at the museum.”
“Pretty sure it’s the same one I’m wearing now.”
Debra grinned as she took her bottom lip between her teeth. If this was the Billie she was about to become familiar with, she couldn’t wait. “Hey, and Billie?”
“Y-yeah?”
“Maybe come comfortable, too. Since I found out you like to binge-watch shows, I’m sure I can find something for us to pass the time.”
“Give me thirty minutes, and I’ll be there.”
“Don’t rush. I’d like you to arrive in one piece.”
When the call ended, Debra sat in the moment. She didn’t know what would come of this, but she knew she wasn’t rescuing or chasing something fragile. She was simply learning about a woman she’d met…who had changed for the better.