Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
Billie lay still, blinking into the soft morning light as it spilled through the gap in her bedroom curtains.
Her thoughts felt a little sluggish, and her mind was most definitely still caught halfway in sleep, but she found herself unable to move…
or care. She expected the usual the moment consciousness returned.
The jolt, the mental inventory. Where am I?
What time is it? What do I need to do? Who’s expecting something from me?
But instead, all she found were delicate arms and that subtle perfume she’d dreamed about before today.
Debra was wrapped around her from behind, close enough that Billie could feel her breathing against the back of her neck.
Her thigh slotted behind Billie’s, and her hand rested over Billie’s stomach as though this had always been the arrangement and Billie hadn’t spent the last decade training herself out of being held.
Billie didn’t move. She didn’t dare. Because if she moved, there was a chance she would wake Debra, and the spell could break. If that happened, reality may come rushing back in with all the usual cruelty of the morning that Billie was accustomed to.
So she just lay there. There was no panic or dread, just contentment. A contentment that settled deep inside of her like she’d been deprived of it without even realising.
Debra’s nose nudged her shoulder faintly. A cute, sleepy shift, followed by a soft exhale.
Billie’s throat constricted. She wanted to stay right there, in that version of herself which felt…new. Or maybe not new. Maybe it was the Billie from many years ago, long before the rules and control around her life.
And then Debra murmured something incoherent against her skin. Billie smiled, her eyes stinging as she carefully pressed a hand to her bare chest. She turned her head and glanced over her shoulder.
Debra’s eyes were still closed, her lashes resting against her cheeks, those full lips parted slightly.
Her hair was the most beautiful mess, and her face…
oh, what a face that was to wake up to. Billie hadn’t seen many people unguarded, she hadn’t allowed herself to, yet here Debra was, curled around her, trusting Billie completely.
She swallowed back the emotion in her throat and watched on as Debra woke slowly. For a moment, she seemed confused. Her eyes were unfocused, her brow was knitted, and then she caught Billie watching her, and her entire face relaxed.
“Morning,” Debra whispered. “You officially have the world’s comfiest bed.”
Afraid that her voice would break if she dared to speak, Billie hummed and closed her eyes.
“Mm.” Debra’s arm tightened around her stomach. “I’m still here.”
Billie let out a laugh, a sound so strange coming from her that she almost startled herself. “Where else would you be?”
Debra smiled against her shoulder. “Honestly? Anywhere. You’re Billie Brown.”
She turned in Debra’s arms and faced her. Debra’s hand slid up, brushing Billie’s hair from her forehead in a gesture so tender that it made Billie’s skin prickle. “I don’t want to get up.”
Debra regarded her with a lazy smile. “Good.”
“Good?”
“Yes,” Debra said. “Stay a while. I like you like this.”
Billie stared at her. She didn’t know how to take compliments like that. Not when they weren’t about her work, or her ability to manage the world. This was a compliment about her. The real her.
Billie swallowed and lowered her forehead to Debra’s collarbone as Debra tugged her a little closer. All of this care and attention was going to take a minute to get used to.
They stayed like that for a while, the room quiet except for their breathing and the sound of London waking outside. Billie could have sworn time was moving differently this morning.
Debra shifted down the bed and met Billie at eye level. “So…”
“So?”
“Last night was…” Debra smiled as she sighed. “I may need a while to think up an appropriate response.”
Billie’s cheeks heated instantly. “Debra.”
Debra leaned forward and kissed Billie’s shoulder. “You know exactly what you do to me. It’s no use being shy now.”
Billie couldn’t stop the grin spreading on her face. God, you’re done for here. It just kept happening—those random little bursts of joy that seemed to slip through the cracks of her control.
“Okay,” Debra said. “Back in the room.”
“I hadn’t left the room…”
Debra brushed her thumb across Billie’s cheek. “Tell me about your family.”
Billie froze. Not because she didn’t want to answer, but because she wasn’t used to anyone asking her questions that weren’t about her schedule, her work, her success, or her products.
Family.
“My dad’s in the US.”
Debra nodded.
Billie rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “He moved there when I was younger. For work. He’s not a bad person. He’s just…not very present. Not the way people are supposed to be.”
Debra didn’t interrupt. She just listened, her hand now resting on Billie’s stomach.
Billie swallowed and continued. “We speak sometimes, but they’re just phone calls that feel like ticking boxes. Updates. Work. Weather. Anything except…anything real.”
Debra’s brows drew together, her gaze warm with understanding rather than pity. “And your mum?”
Emotion welled in Billie’s throat. She didn’t speak about her mum often, and especially not with people she was sleeping with, but Debra was different.
She wasn’t just someone Billie was passing the time with or someone she’d met in a bar.
No, Billie suspected that this woman was about to become the centre of her universe.
“She…passed away when I was twenty-one.”
“Oh, Billie.”
“She was everything to me.” Billie cleared her throat, forcing herself not to retreat into the memory.
“I didn’t realise how much I relied on her until she was gone.
She was the one person I could fall apart with.
The only one who saw me angry, or messy, or scared.
” Billie sighed. “I was still young enough to think that mums were meant to live forever.”
Debra’s eyes shone with grief on Billie’s behalf. Like she was carrying it with her. Billie hated being looked at like that, but with Debra, it didn’t feel suffocating. It felt…normal.
“You were only twenty-one,” Debra whispered. “Of course you thought that.”
“I buried her, on my own, and then I just…kept going. I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do.”
Debra’s hand slid to the back of Billie’s neck, drawing her closer gently. Billie resisted the urge to flinch away from the softness. “And look at the woman you became…all on your own.”
Billie smiled. She was proud of the business she’d built, of course she was, but sometimes she wished her mum could see her now.
“I don’t think I ever would have met Janet if Mum was still alive.
And if I had, she wouldn’t have taken any shit from her.
She’d have stopped it all before it could even get going. ”
“That’s what we do to protect our kids. I’d challenge anyone to hurt one of mine.”
Billie searched Debra’s eyes. While she imagined her to be a gentle parent, someone her kids didn’t feel afraid to speak to, she could see the fire behind the tenderness. Debra, beneath it all, was feisty. “I bet you were one of those cool mums when your kids were growing up.”
Debra shrugged. “I made sure they were looked after. That’s the most important thing to me.”
“You said they’re both at uni, right?”
“Yes. Sadly. It would have been nice to still have one of them around for a while. Charlotte will be finished at the end of next year, though. Unless she decides to go on and do something else…again.”
“Charlotte and…?”
“Caleb.” Debra smiled. “Unless you’re a gamer, he won’t want to know you. He just about tolerates ordinary conversations with me.”
Billie looked down between them and chewed her lip. “Do you think that’s something that could happen one day?”
“That he’ll enjoy an ordinary conversation?” Debra frowned. “I hope so.”
“No, that maybe I’ll meet them.” Billie didn’t know what Debra’s situation was as far as her dating history or sexuality were concerned.
They were the sort of things she should have asked instead of bolting and leaving Debra with all kinds of questions.
“Obviously, it’s fine if that’s not something you’re planning on.
Like…if this is as far as it goes with us.
You know, behind closed doors or whatever. ”
“You think I want to keep this behind closed doors?” Debra drew back ever so slightly and looked deep into Billie’s eyes. “You really think that?”
“I don’t know what I think anymore. I just know that I don’t want to lose whatever last night was and this morning is, so if you’re not out or you think your kids won’t approve, then I can manage this however you want me to.”
Billie would like to think that she’d have the opportunity to be openly happy with Debra, but she was taking whatever she could get. If that meant being Debra’s secret, then so be it.
“Billie, I have no issue introducing you to my friends and family. I’m fifty-two, I’ve lived a life that didn’t suit me in the end, and I don’t have time for opinions on who I have in my bed.”
“Yeah?” Billie smiled as she shifted closer. “Even if it’s me in your bed?”
“Especially if it’s you in my bed.”
Billie lifted a hand and trailed her fingertip down Debra’s throat. “Then I guess I’ll just take your lead.”
Debra shifted and pinned Billie to the bed, straddling her thighs. “Am I hearing this right? You’re relinquishing control?”
“I mean…” Billie gazed up at Debra, tweaking a nipple and watching on with delight as her lips parted and a moan slipped out. “Not always. I still fully intend to make you wet at the most inappropriate moments.”
“Mm. My kind of woman.”
Billie wrapped a hand around the back of Debra’s neck and pulled her flush against her. “I want this.”
Debra smiled into a kiss. “I know.”