Chapter 32 #2
“No, I mean…I want mornings with you.” Billie locked eyes with Debra’s. “Like this. I-I want to come home to someone, when the time is right, and just be. I want to stop feeling like everything is just…survival.”
“Then that’s exactly what we’ll do.”
Billie blinked back tears, her bottom lip trembling.
Debra sighed as she swiped her thumb beneath Billie’s eye. “You’re going to be the death of me, Billie Brown.”
Billie snorted, choosing to look forward rather than dwell on the past. She couldn’t change any of it, but she could, finally, stop it from ruling her life. “That’s dramatic.”
Debra kissed her slowly, grinding down as she moaned, “Oh, shut up and make me forget my own name.”
Billie flipped them and braced her hands on either side of Debra’s head, then leaned down towards her ear. “I wish I could call in sick today.”
Debra chose not to rush her morning. She should have, she had a life waiting outside Billie’s apartment, a list of things to do…
even a routine she was supposed to return to so she didn’t start to revolve around a woman she’d only just found her way back to, but Debra couldn’t do it.
She couldn’t bring herself to pack up and go.
The shower had been scorching hot, the steam indulgent as she’d allowed it to envelop her, and now Billie was sprawled out on her bed. Seeing her so relaxed…that kind of thing did something to a person.
She stood in front of Billie’s mirror in nothing but one of her oversized T-shirts, towelling her hair with slow, lazy movements as she stared at her own reflection.
She didn’t quite recognise herself. This version of Debra—the one with a light in her eyes that couldn’t be dimmed even when she tried—did not look like the woman who’d walked into Brown & Co.
months ago, convinced she wasn’t worthy of starting over again.
She looked…happy. She looked like she’d been taken care of thoroughly and properly. And God, she had.
Debra shuddered when she felt Billie’s eyes on her. She had a particular way of occupying a space, even in bare feet and with her sleep-tousled hair. Like she belonged exactly where she was, even if she’d spent most of her adult life believing the opposite.
A moment later, Billie’s arms wrapped around Debra’s waist from behind.
Strong and protective, a reminder of who she was now.
Debra’s breath caught, her hands pausing mid-towel as Billie pressed her face into the side of Debra’s neck and breathed her in.
It was so strange, the way Billie clung to her now.
It felt as though Billie had finally stopped pretending she wasn’t the kind of woman who needed contact.
“I thought you were getting dressed,” Billie murmured against her skin.
“I am.” Debra snorted inwardly. She didn’t sound very convincing. “At least, I’m trying.”
Billie’s arms tightened around her waist. “Mm.”
Debra tilted her head, giving Billie a little more access, and Billie took it.
A slow, lingering kiss just below Debra’s ear, then another along the side of her throat.
Nothing excessive, nothing that crossed the line, but enough to make Debra’s pulse stumble.
Enough to make her close her eyes and grip the towel a little tighter.
“Billie,” she warned, but Billie just hummed.
Debra could feel her smiling against her skin. “You’re doing that on purpose.”
“No.” Billie’s lips brushed her throat again. “You know I’d never.”
“That’s a lie.”
Billie’s voice softened. “It’s not. I’m just…making the most of you.”
Debra swallowed. God, she wanted to make the most of Billie, too.
She lowered the towel to the bed, then turned slowly in Billie’s arms to face her. Billie had that look again. That careful hunger, tempered by restraint, hinting that she’d already worked hard this morning to behave, and she didn’t want to ruin it.
She took Billie in properly, searching her handsome face. Relaxed shoulders, that dark hair a mess, and those eyes… Fuck, those eyes were the worst of it.
They were still vulnerable around the edges, still cautiously bright. But Debra knew what this was. Billie wasn’t sure how long this version of her was allowed to exist for. She was waiting for the moment when Debra changed her mind.
As if that could ever happen now.
Debra reached up and slid her fingers into Billie’s hair.
Billie leaned into the touch instantly, her eyes closing.
All it did was make Debra’s heart ache. She couldn’t begin to imagine the thoughts and fears still running through Billie’s mind.
She couldn’t imagine spending so long being a different version of herself, only to one day crave something more.
Well, she did understand being a different version of herself, but her reasons were entirely different from Billie’s. They were certainly less harrowing.
“You’re going to have to let me get dressed.” Debra lifted her hand and stroked a thumb against Billie’s jaw.
“Do I, though?” Billie narrowed her eyes. “Really?”
Debra laughed. “Yes.”
Billie’s hands slid up Debra’s sides slowly, then back down again to settle on her hips. “I don’t want you to leave.”
Debra regarded her with a warm, affectionate smile.
“You’re looking at me like I’m about to run off into the sunset.
” Billie didn’t laugh. She just stared through Debra.
That subtle, honest fear presented itself, and Debra’s expression relaxed immediately.
She stepped closer and guided Billie into a gentle kiss.
“I’m not going anywhere. Not like that.”
Billie sighed. “You’re leaving my place, though.”
“Yes. I’m leaving your place.”
“And that’s as good as this morning.” Billie dipped her head and kissed Debra again. “How do I know you won’t get back home and decide that I’m not good enough for you?”
“Good enough for me?” Debra drew back a little and studied Billie. She’d genuinely meant to ask that question. “Trust me, you’re more than good enough.”
Debra shifted closer until the backs of Billie’s knees nudged against the edge of the bed behind her. She cupped Billie’s face in her hands and held her there, steadying her, reminding her of what they shared now. “You know why I’m leaving. You have to work.”
“I know.”
“And I have…things to do.” Debra groaned. “Annoying, adult things.”
Billie broke out into a filthy smile. “You’re very sexy when you say annoying adult things.”
Debra burst out laughing. She wasn’t sure anyone had ever called her sexy before. And if they had, it wasn’t because of some meaningless comment. “Am I?”
“Oh, yeah. But really…all of you is sexy.”
Debra kissed her again. This time slower and teasingly.
A reward for being so honest and ridiculously good for Debra’s ego.
Billie whimpered against her lips, sending a rush of heat straight down Debra’s spine.
When she pulled back, Billie chased more, her eyes half-lidded.
Debra leaned back just enough to look at her.
“You’re feeling a little needy this morning, aren’t you? ”
“I’m sorry.” Billie swallowed. “I’m not used to wanting someone like this.”
Debra’s throat constricted. For all of Billie’s power and control, for all of her deliciousness and those steady, expert hands…deep down, she was learning to live and love all over again. “Then want it. I can handle it.”
Billie nodded slowly. “Can I see you tonight when I leave work?”
“My place or here?”
“I don’t care so long as I’m with you.”
“Come to mine. Just let me know when you’re heading over, and I’ll make sure some form of dinner is being prepared.
” The relief that flickered across Billie’s face was so quick that Debra almost missed it.
God, it made her want to pull Billie into bed again and ruin both of their days.
“Let me get dressed,” Debra said. “And then we’ll have coffee together before I leave. ”
Billie didn’t move. Instead, her grip tightened again.
Debra lifted a brow. “Billie.”
Billie huffed as she stepped back. “You’re being very cruel to me this morning, you know.”
Debra smirked. “I’m being responsible.”
“Fine. I’ll make the coffee.”
Billie left her bedroom, but Debra could only stand there and watch her go.
Life, to Debra, had always been a case of swings and roundabouts.
It had always been what she allowed it to be.
But here, with Billie, she felt a sense of peace holding firm in her chest. She felt as though whatever path she was about to take would be the one to lead her to her happily ever after.
She quickly finished getting dressed, dragged her hair up into a ponytail, and left the bedroom. She found Billie sitting at the kitchen island, looking sullen, her long legs dangling over the edge of the stool.
Debra rolled her eyes. “Billie.”
“I know. I know.” Billie held up her hands. “I’m trying.”
Debra stepped towards Billie and kissed her.
“For the record, this is something I want.” She stroked a thumb across Billie’s bottom lip and smiled.
“But I don’t want anything outside of us to change.
You’ve built an empire, and I don’t want you to ruin that by staying at home…
entertaining me. We have lives outside of our homes.
We have friends, and we have things to take care of.
But once the evening comes back around, I expect to be all yours… and you all mine.”
Billie’s breath shuddered. “Y-yeah?”
“Absolutely.” Debra reached for a coffee on the counter and sipped it slowly. “Do you have a busy day?”
Billie rolled her head on her shoulders and sighed. “Probably. I’ll find out when I get there. If I can find the energy.”
Debra moved between Billie’s legs and pressed a hand to her chest. “You own that place. Make sure you walk in there and show it.”
“You know what, you’re right.”
“Of course I am. That’s why you’re dating me.”