Chapter Eighteen
IAN
“I like her,” Mei whispers to me, watching Bella and Lila chat animatedly about some movie they both like.
I peek over at her, noticing her warm smile as she eyes her wife with my…my Lila, and I feel my own mouth curling to match, a tightness spreading through my chest. I reach up to rub the spot through my shirt, nodding.
“I like her too,” I murmur back.
Like feels…not quite right, but the alternative feels too much, too soon. Regardless of whether or not it feels right.
“I guess you bringing her here means that you clarified things?”
“Not…exactly,” I tell her. “I mean, we’ve established that she’s okay being here, with you knowing that we’re…something, but as far as defining whatever it is…”
“Ah.” Mei nods thoughtfully. “Well, if the way she looked at you all through dinner is any indication, I would say it’s a conversation you should totally have.”
“How did she look at me?”
“Exactly like you looked at her,” Mei chuckles.
My grin widens. It’s been a lot more satisfying than I thought it would be, having Lila here. Seeing her blend so well with these people who are so important to me but whom she has every reason to be less accepting of, if she wanted to be. I mean, I can’t say that if she brought me to dinner with her ex I would be as cool as she’s being right now. I know that I explained the history between Mei and me, but still, the fact that she’s settled so easily into outright pleasantness with Bella and Mei takes a weight off my shoulders I hadn’t even fully realized was there before coming here.
“You seemed different tonight,” Mei says, drawing me out of my thoughts.
“Different?”
“Yeah,” she confirms. “Different. A good different though. The last few years…It’s always seemed like you’ve had your guard up. I don’t think you were unhappy, per se, but you definitely had me worried sometimes.”
“I didn’t seem happy?”
“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “Maybe I was reading too much into it. You were always just so carefree in college. Do you remember?”
“I remember doing a lot of dumb things in the name of being ‘carefree,’?” I scoff.
Mei chuckles quietly. “Still. You were always smiling. It was infectious, you know? I guess it was just difficult seeing you go from that happy guy to the hardened one you’ve had to be these last few years.”
“I hadn’t noticed, honestly,” I answer, my brow furrowed.
“No, I doubt you would,” Mei sighs. “You’ve been too worried about everyone else. I just always worried that you weren’t as okay as you let on.”
My mouth parts as her words trigger a memory, remembering Lila saying something very similar the other night.
The world won’t end if you’re okay, Ian. You know that, right?
Have I really been so different these last few years?
“I didn’t mean to be,” I tell her. “I guess it was just…easier. Expect the worst so you can’t ever be let down, right?”
“That’s a horrible way to think,” Mei chides. “Still. Tonight…” She smiles softly. “You seemed more like yourself tonight. The you I remember. You just seem…brighter. Around her.”
I turn my head to catch Lila throwing her hands up, her expression equal parts exasperated and amused as Bella waves her hands around while yammering about whatever point she’s trying to make. I realize that just looking at Lila puts me at ease, makes all the noise in my head quiet and all the worries I’m constantly juggling seem less important—and I wonder if it’s normal to feel this way for someone so quickly, or if our history has somehow paved the way for these feelings. If the protectiveness and the friendship I’ve felt for her all these years were only holding the door for something more. If it was inevitable that I would wind up here.
Mei’s voice interrupts my thoughts again. “Does she know?”
“She does.” I don’t have to ask what she means. “I told her everything.”
“That’s good,” Mei sighs. “That’s really good. How did that go?”
“It went a lot better than I ever expected it would. Lila was…She is amazing.”
“I don’t know why you always expect the worst,” Mei tuts. “None of what happened is your fault. I’ve told you that a thousand times.”
“Yeah, well. Tell that to…pretty much everyone.”
“I tried,” Mei grumbles. “I would have said a lot more if you weren’t so stubborn. I don’t know why you work so hard to protect that bastard just because he’s your father. He doesn’t deserve it.”
Yeah, pretty sure if Mei knew Dad pushed me into leaving, she’d be right behind Lila forming a line to cut off his balls.
“I don’t do it for him,” I remind her.
“I know, know,” she huffs. “I just get so angry thinking about it.”
“That’s because you’re a marshmallow.”
“Shut up,” she scoffs, elbowing me. “I am not.”
Bella plops down on the couch beside her wife, throwing an arm around her neck. “What are we saying about Mei?”
“That she’s a marshmallow,” I tell her.
“Oh,” Bella laughs. “Totally. Might as well put her on a s’more.”
“I’m not a marshmallow!” Mei crosses her arms indignantly over her chest. “I can be a total bitch if I want to be.” She looks to Lila pleadingly. “Dee, tell them I can be a total bitch.”
Lila barks out a laugh as she sinks into the couch cushion at my other side. “Definitely not going to be doing that.”
“Face it,” I say, patting Mei on the shoulder. “You’re soft.”
Mei is still grumbling as Lila’s hand slides over the top of my thigh, the gesture innocent, but the way it makes me feel decidedly less so. “Did you finally come to an agreement?”
“We agreed to disagree,” Lila says, huffing air out of her nostrils. “Since Bella clearly has no taste.”
“Um, excuse me,” Bella quips back, sitting up. “I think I have more insight on who Ms. Swan should have been with. We literally share a name.”
“The entire love story is for Bella and Edward! You can’t argue with canon.”
“I can when it’s wrong,” Bella grumbles.
I arch a brow at Mei. “Do you know what they’re talking about?”
“Twilight,” Mei sighs. “Trust me, I don’t get it either.”
“That’s because your parents kept you from all the good stuff. I mean, if it was up to them, you still wouldn’t know the benefits of boobs.”
“I have boobs,” Mei points out.
“I mean other than yours,” Bella amends. “Who wants to play with a dick their whole life?”
“Um, I have no qualms with that,” Lila says, raising her hand and grinning.
Bella waves her off. “We’ve already established we can’t trust your choices.”
Mei groans. “Can we talk about literally anything else? Whose idea was it to get all of us together like this, anyway?”
“Yours,” Bella, Lila, and I say in unison.
Mei shakes her head. “I regret my decisions. Everyone go home now.”
“Nah.” Bella smacks a kiss on her wife’s temple. “We still have Cards Against Humanity to play.”
“That game is filthy,” Mei grouses.
“Which is why it’s so awesome,” Bella says.
I turn to find Lila watching the two of them bicker with a smile, her eyes meeting mine and looking like she’s genuinely having a good time, which makes me relax even more. “Do I want to know what Cards Against Humanity is?”
“Don’t worry, Cupcake,” she tells me. “You’re going to love it.”
“If someone gets the one about Daniel Radcliffe’s delicious asshole,” Bella tells us, “I promise you that card will be an instant win for any of my rounds. Fucking gets me every time.”
“I’m sorry,” I splutter. “What?”
Lila’s head falls back in one of those loud laughs that I love so much, distracting me from my incredulity. She recovers only enough to tug on my arm to drag me off the couch, patting my forearm as Bella does the same to Mei and we all make our way to the dining room for what is apparently a hellish card game.
“This is going to be so much fun,” Lila says, her eyes gleaming.
I’m a little suspicious of that, if I’m being honest, but seeing how happy she is, how genuinely okay she is with being here, with all of this—my past and my present colliding to make what is hopefully a better future—has that same tightness setting off in my chest. The one that feels both wonderful and terrifying all at once.
So I let her lead me into the dining room for the seemingly awful game, starting to come to terms with the fact that I would let this woman lead me anywhere. And what’s more…I find that I’m entirely unbothered with the revelation.
Mei and Bella’s place is well outside of the city, which means that the drive back consists of a lot of two-lane highway with woods on either side. It’s a far cry from the usual traffic in city limits. Lila has been chatting idly about the night—how good dinner was, how much fun she had with Bella and Mei—and I’ve been content to mostly just listen, distracted by the gentle circling of her fingers where they’ve come to rest on my knee.
“—and Bella told me she even wrote fan fiction for Bellice back in the day,” Lila snorts. “She wouldn’t tell me her username, but I’m going to get it out of her.”
“And Bellice is what exactly?”
“The ship name for Alice and Bella,” she explains, as if this is obvious.
I nod dumbly. “Right.”
“We are so watching these movies the first chance we get,” she says firmly. “I need you on Team Edward with me.”
“Yes, dear,” I tease.
She flicks my knee. “Shut up.”
“But you had fun?”
She must sense the slight hint of worry still lingering in my voice, because her palm settles back against the denim of my jeans, squeezing my knee through the fabric. “So much fun. They’re really great.”
“Good.” I blow out a surreptitious breath. “That’s good.”
“Aw, were you nervous? Was this like ‘meet the parents’ for you?”
“You’ve already met my parents,” I remind her.
“True.” She squeezes me again. “I really did love them. I had an amazing time.”
“I’m glad,” I tell her honestly. “I was a little nervous. I was afraid it was a stupid idea to even ask you to come.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know…I mean, I know I explained how things were between us, but I kept thinking it was still a dick move to ask you to have dinner with my ex.”
“Ian,” she says, her tone firmer. “I told you that I trusted you. If you tell me I have nothing to worry about, then I’m not going to worry. Okay?”
Tension uncoils in my belly. I have to grip the steering wheel just to keep myself from slamming on the brakes and launching myself into her seat so I can cover her mouth with mine. I mean, I’ve always known that Lila was too good for this world, but I’m starting to wonder if she’s too good for me as well.
I blow out a breath. “You don’t,” I answer, “have anything to worry about.” I can’t help the strangled laugh that escapes me. “God, Lila. You keep being so fucking perfect, and you’re going to have to pry me off of you with a goddamned crowbar if you decide to get rid of me.”
“Mm.” I can just make out her biting her bottom lip when I glance at her from the side. “I kind of like the sound of that, actually.”
“What, prying me off with a crowbar?”
“More like you being so close I would even need to in the first place.”
“You can’t say shit like that to me when you’re still wearing that dress, and I can’t do anything about it.”
Her hand slides further up my thigh, her smile turning coy. “Who says you can’t do anything about it?”
“Lila.”
I groan just as her fingers tease the shape of my cock through my jeans. Her touch is still slight, teasing, even, but the slow back-and-forth of her finger tracing my length that is rapidly filling has my head spinning.
“I cannot guarantee a safe drive if you keep touching me like that,” I warn her.
She squeezes me, and I suck in a ragged breath. “I trust you. Just keep your eyes on the road.”
“You really expect me to be able to keep my eyes on the road when you’re undoing my fucking zipper?”
“Mhm.” And she means it, apparently, since she’s working the panels of my fly apart, slipping her fingers under the waistband of my boxer briefs. “I want to play, and you have to drive.”
“What if I want to touch you?”
“Later,” she murmurs. “This is about you right now.”
I don’t know why that one sentence gets me so unreasonably hot—but the low rasp of her voice telling me that this is about me as she pulls my cock out has me visibly tense and noticeably sweating.
Her thumb teases my slit to collect the splash of pre-come there, circling it around the head of my cock as my hips shift up of their own accord as if seeking more of her touch. She squeezes me gently as my hands tighten on the wheel, feeling like I’m taking the world’s dirtiest driver’s exam with the way my eyes are forcibly focused on the road ahead and my palms are sweaty as they grip ten and two.
A pathetic sound escapes me when she lets me go, but a peek in my peripherals has me almost choking on my own tongue when I notice her licking her palm. Her eyes connect with mine just as the slick pink dips back into her mouth, her lips curling at the corners with a smirk.
“Eyes on the road, Ian.”
“Fuck,” I hiss. “You know when I get you back to your place you’re going to get it, right?”
“Oh, I’m counting on it,” she practically purrs, the wet warmth of her hand circling around my cock again. “But first.”
My head tilts back minutely to rest against the back of the seat, still peering at the road through hooded eyes when she gives me a slow stroke from root to tip. I have to bite my lip to keep from gasping when she does a little twisting motion over my glans, milking out more of my pre-come and using it to ease the glide of her fist as she slides back down.
“Lila. Fuck.” I press harder on the brake as I glide onto the shoulder, putting the car in park and white-knuckling the steering wheel. “You’re trying to kill me. Literally.”
“Couldn’t focus on the road?” she teases me hoarsely, rolling her wrist in a way that has my eyes wanting to cross as she pumps me steadily. “Fuck, you’re so hard.”
“You’re enjoying this,” I manage through gritted teeth. “Aren’t you.”
“I am,” she admits.
“You like touching me knowing I can’t do anything about it?”
She does that twisting thing around the crown of my cock, and my mouth falls open on a shaky exhale as my hand reaches to cover hers—not taking over, just feeling her movements.
“I do,” she purrs.
“You want me to come in your fucking hand?”
“Yes.”
She starts to stroke me in earnest, my cock leaking into her fist with every crest of her hand, but it still feels like it’s not quite enough. My pulse thumps in my ears like a roar, and I’m grateful for the empty highway; the last thing I need is for someone to pull over and check on us. When I glance at Lila, I notice the way she’s watching me intently, her face lit by the soft glow of the dashboard and her expression rapt, like she’s turned on just by the sight of me unraveling.
It makes me lose my head a little.
“Spit on it,” I groan.
I feel her hand still, hear her shaky inhale. “I can use my mouth—”
“No.” I’m already shaking my head. “You put your mouth on my cock right now, I can’t guarantee I won’t haul you into the back seat, and we don’t have time for that. Not here.” I curl my fingers tighter around her fist, squeezing my cock through her grip. “But I can pretend.” I drag her hand in a slow upstroke, my abdomen tensing with the sensation. “Make it wet, sweet girl.”
“Jesus.”
“My name,” I remind her. “You say my name.”
“Ian,” she whines.
I place my hand over hers, gripping my cock by the base and holding it straight up. It takes all my willpower to refrain from doing exactly what I want to and actually drag her into the backseat, and when I hear the sound she makes when she does as I ask, when I feel the warmth of her saliva dripping down my cock and onto our joined fists—I almost lose it.
“Fuck. Fuck.”
She’s pumping me harder now, her hand still covered with mine as I guide her strokes. My grip isn’t all that tight, this is her show, after all, but I like feeling her soft skin against mine, love the way the delicate lines of her knuckles work under my palm.
“When I get you home,” I grate as she shuttles her fist up and down my cock again and again and again. “I’m going to peel that fucking dress off you.” My jaw goes slack for a moment when she leans over and spits on me again—a wet, sloppy sound ringing in the small space of the car as she strokes my cock. “And I’m going to fuck you until you forget your name.”
“That’s a tall order,” she breathes, unsteadily, like it’s hard to find her voice.
It turns me on to no end that she seems to be as affected by touching me as I am by having her touch me.
“Fuck, Lila, keep doing that.” My eyes drift closed as my head tilts back against the headrest. “I’m going to fucking come. Make me come, sweet girl.”
“Ian,” she whimpers.
“Are you wet?” I bite at my lower lip, feeling my orgasm building like a hot pressure at the base of my spine but wanting to savor it for a bit longer. “If we weren’t out here on the road, could I pull you across this seat and drop you right onto my cock?”
“Yes,” she groans, her forehead pressing against my arm, which is moving in time with her hand that’s wrapped around me. “I want that.”
“You’ll get it. I’m gonna come in your hand this time, but later it’ll be in that hot little pussy of yours.”
“Are you close?”
“Mhm. Keep twisting like that. Mm. There you go. Just like that. Good girl. Sweet fucking girl. Fuck. Fuck. Right—Keep—Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
My cock bucks against her palm, spurting out so hard that she barely has time to catch it in her fist; I don’t even want to think about where in my car it might have landed—that’s a problem for tomorrow me. Blood rushes in my ears as colors flash behind my lids, my eyes still shut tight and my breath leaving me in deep, rough pants while my lungs feel like they’re on fire.
I’m still breathing hard when my eyes flutter back open, noticing that her hand is still stroking me idly, covered in my come. It might be one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen, but it also wakes my brain up a little, and I sit up straighter.
“Shit.” I hold her hand tight so that I can try to keep from getting it all over her, reaching across us with my free hand to riffle through the middle console until I come back with some of the mandatory stowed napkins from random fast-food places. “Here. Sorry.”
“Are you kidding?” I flick on the overhead light just to be met with her flushed cheeks and her even more flushed chest—her breasts heaving like she’s as out of breath as I am. “That was hot as fuck.”
“I’ll say,” I murmur, distracted by the pretty picture she makes all rosy and satisfied-looking while she cleans my come off her hand. “You almost made me pass out.”
“And you stopped the car,” she tuts. “You were supposed to keep your eyes on the road.”
“I wasn’t willing to risk crashing us for that orgasm, as amazing as it was.”
“Sounds like I wasn’t doing it right.”
I snort, leaning over the console and wrapping my fingers around her neck to pull her in so that I can bring her mouth to mine. I take one long, bruising kiss, nipping at her lower lip for good measure before pulling back.
“I meant what I said, brat,” I tell her. “It’s my turn when we get back.”
“I guess that depends on how long it takes you to get us home,” she says sweetly, leaning back into her seat. “If you take too long, I might have to just start without you over here.”
Her smile is wicked, making me want to spank her ass just as much as it makes me want to kiss her again.
I speed the entire drive home.