Chapter 4
As soon as he gained the house, Collins made a beeline for his cousin’s study and threw the door open without knocking.
“Mr. Collins, is this what you call acceptable behaviour? To barge into my private study without knocking, and without an invitation? Whether it is acceptable to you or not, it is not to me, and if you cannot regulate your behaviour, I will have you removed from my estate.” Seeing Collins was about to bluster, Bennet pre-empted him. “Do I make myself clear?”
“Please excuse my agitation, Cousin, but I find I must talk to you about a matter most urgent. After seeing the wanton and unacceptable behaviour of your daughters, not to mention the impertinence of Cousin Elizabeth, I find I must speak now and help you rescue your family from ignominy,” Collins decided to show a little contrition, even if he felt none as the estate was essentially his, after all, as he needed this man’s permission to obtain his heart’s desire.
“What is this wanton behaviour you intend to save my family from, Mr. Collins?” Bennet asked acerbically.
“First, your youngest daughter hails officers and then openly flirts with them!” Bennet cringed internally, though he would not allow Collins to see his reaction.
Mayhap it was time to exert himself with Lydia, and by extension Kitty.
“Then some strange man talked to your daughter, Cousin Jane, and worse, kissed her hand when he departed! A man by the name of Bingley,” Collins complained.
“Mr. Bingley is well known to me; he is the master of the neighbouring estate of Netherfield Park, and from what I have seen, he is unofficially courting Jane. They have known one another for some months now, and if Jane did not object to his manner of leave-taking, it can be nothing to you,” Bennet stated as he leaned back in his chair, observing the outrage on his cousin’s face.
He had been sure he would have more time before he had to have the hard conversation he was currently having.
“What is it to ME?” Collins’s voice reached a high pitch as he looked incredulously at cousin, unable to fathom his being so blind after he had clearly stated his intentions in his letter when he explained his reasons for condescending to visit the Bennets.
“I have decided to take Cousin Jane as my wife, so she will the future mistress of this estate. As I will be head of this family and owner of this estate, it is very much my concern!”
“Have you asked Jane if she will accept you?” Bennet asked evenly.
“What kind of question is that? Of course she will accept me! I am to be master of this estate!” Collins asserted. “I deserve such a bride with my position in life.”
“Enough! As much as I enjoy this witty banter, I must inform you of something, Mr. Collins. Firstly, you will never be head of my family! You know you need my consent to marry any of my daughters, do you not?” Bennet looked at the parson.
Mr. Collins looked as if he had been slapped.
Had he not made his intentions plain? Was he not doing this man a great service by deigning to marry one of his daughters?
His cousin’s consent was but a foregone conclusion.
He had no choice, otherwise his daughters would be thrown into the hedgerows the very day of his demise.
“We both know you would not dare refuse me anything I ask for, but if you would like to go through with this charade, I intend to take your eldest daughter as my bride,” Collins stated.
“Mr. Collins, let me be rightly understood! I will not now, nor will I ever allow any of my girls to marry you! Do you think I would ever permit my daughters to be tied to a senseless man who is naught but a sycophant? A clergyman who seems to revere his patroness above God Almighty! No Sir, you are very wrong. There is nothing you could offer to induce me to allow you to marry any of my girls.” Bennet held his hand up as the spluttering man was about to interject.
“If you importune any of my daughters on the subject, you will be evicted from my home immediately and will not be permitted to return until and if you inherit this estate.”
“I have never been thusly insulted in my life!” Collins retorted indignantly.
“My patroness charged me with returning a married man, or at the very least betrothed man, and to marry one of my cousins. I will make another mistress of this estate, as I am sure once I explain the behaviour of your daughters to the beneficent Lady Catherine de Bourgh, she will understand my not wanting to marry one of my cousins!”
“I wish you good luck, Mr. Collins. As long as it is not one of my daughters, I will wish you happy when you find the future Mrs. Collins,” Bennet said sarcastically.
Collins said not another word as he turned on his heel and stalked out of the study, slamming the door behind him like a petulant child.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
Charlotte wished her friends farewell, picked up her valise, and started her walk back to Lucas Lodge. Cutting across Longbourn’s park, it was about a twenty-minute walk, or as Eliza would call it, a short stroll.
As Charlotte approached the large oak with a swing suspended from an upper branch, she saw Mr. Bennet’s cousin Collins sitting on the bench with his back turned to her. She knew she should not listen, but the man was talking to himself, and none too quietly.
“…not allow me to marry any of his daughters! I will show him! The very day he dies I will throw his daughters out of my home. As the head of the family, I will confiscate their dowries as well.
“Lady Catherine will laud me for not marrying one of these uncouth hoydens! Now I need to see on whom I will bestow the honour of my proposals. I know: the plain one! Miss Lucas is no Cousin Jane, but how it will smart when I throw them out and their friend becomes mistress of their home. I will show my smug cousin…” Charlotte backed away, for she had heard more than enough.
What a petty, vindictive man. If he thought she would ever marry him, he was insane! Just as she started to walk, she stepped on a twig making a loud crack. The parson turned and noticed her as she tried to make her escape.
“Miss Lucas,” he greeted her as he approached her with a lecherous grin. “Are you returning to your home?”
“I am, Mr. Collins. Good day Sir,” Charlotte tried to leave.
“Miss Lucas, I cannot in good conscience watch a lady of your quality walk home alone. Even if the Bennets are not attentive to such things, you will find, like my beneficent patroness, I am,” Collins preened, thinking he was making a good impression on the lady.
“If you choose to walk the same direction as me, I cannot stop you, Sir, although I have made this walk since I became an intimate friend of the Bennet sisters, and do not require an escort,” Charlotte hoped the horrid man would take the hint.
She could have said she did not want him to walk with her, but her good manners overrode the desire.
“You know I will be master of this estate one day soon,” Collins began to woo Miss Lucas.
“Really, Sir. Is there something you know about Mr. Bennet’s health we do not? He looks hale and healthy to me,” Charlotte averred.
“Well yes,” Collins did not bother to address her point which was nothing but the truth.
“I also hold the living at Hunsford in Westerham, which boasts an income of more than five hundred pounds per annum. That pales in comparison to the condescension I receive from the eminently wise Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Do you know she is so intelligent she advised me to place shelves in my closets?” Collins related with pride.
“That is the reason I need to marry now, for Lady Catherine told me I need to set the example to my parishioners by being married. And when I bring you home to Hunsford, Lady Catherine will do you the great honour of waiting on you, my dear Miss Lucas,” Collins preened, sure that this time he was about to attain a wife.
“Firstly, sir, when did I permit you to use any endearments when addressing me?” Charlotte demanded. “Secondly, why would I be at Hunsford and have your patroness wait on me?” Charlotte was pleased they were in sight of Lucas Lodge already.
“I am to marry you, Miss Lucas. I have selected you as the fortunate lady who will have the honour of gaining my hand,” Collins explained. Mayhap Miss Lucas was not as intelligent as he thought if she could not understand he was saving her from spinsterhood.
“Of what do you prattle on about, Mr. Collins?” Charlotte asked, flabbergasted at the presumption of the man and barely able to keep from gagging at his odour.
“Believe me, my dear Miss Lucas, your modesty, so far from doing you any disservice, rather adds to your other perfections. You would have been less amiable in my eyes had there not been this little unwillingness. Allow me to assure you your parents will approve of this address. You can hardly doubt the purpose of my discourse; however your natural delicacy may lead you to dissemble. My attentions are now too marked to be mistaken. Almost as soon as I saw you,” Charlotte had to force herself not to laugh, “I singled you out as the companion of my future life. You are eminently more suited than my wild and misbehaving cousins! But before I am run away with my feelings on this subject, perhaps it would be advisable for me to state my reasons for marrying—and, moreover for coming into Hertfordshire with the design of selecting a wife, as I certainly did.”
The idea of Mr. Collins, with all his solemn idea of wooing a woman, being run away with his feelings almost caused Charlotte to lose her composure. And still he did not pause, but charged ahead with his ridiculous speech, not allowing her any attempt to stop him.