Chapter 4 #2
“My reasons for marrying are, first, that I think it a right thing for every clergyman in easy circumstances—like myself—to set the example of matrimony in his parish; secondly, I am convinced it will add very greatly to my happiness; and thirdly—which I have mentioned earlier, it is the particular advice and recommendation of the very noble lady, whom I have the honour of calling ‘patroness.’ Twice has she condescended to give me her opinion—unasked for too—on this subject; and it was but the very Saturday night before I left Hunsford—between our pools at quadrille, while Mrs. Jenkinson was arranging Miss de Bourgh’s footstool, that she said, ‘Mr. Collins, you must marry. A clergyman like you must marry. Choose properly. Choose a gentlewoman for my sake and for your own; let her be an active, useful sort of person, not brought up high, but able to make a small income go a good way. This is my advice. Find such a woman as soon as you can, bring her to Hunsford, and I will visit her.’
“Allow me, by the way, to observe, my fair Miss Lucas, I do not reckon the notice and kindness of Lady Catherine de Bourgh as among the least of the advantages in my power to offer. You will find her manners beyond anything I can describe; and your intelligence, I think, must be acceptable to her, especially when tempered with the silence and respect which her rank will inevitably excite. Thus, much for my general intention in favour of matrimony; it remains to be told why my views were directed towards Meryton instead of my own neighbourhood, where I can assure you there are many amiable young women. But the fact is, being as I am to inherit the Bennets’ estate after the death of my cousin, I could not satisfy myself without resolving to choose a wife from among his daughters,” Realising what he said, Collins paused to try and recover from his gaffe.
“Err, as I said, my cousins are unsuitable to be an exalted parson’s wife, hence the honour has fallen to you, Miss Lucas.
As the Miss Bennets misbehave so, I will not keep them under my roof once we become master and mistress of the estate. ”
It was necessary to interrupt him now. “You are too hasty, sir,” she cried.
“You forget that I have made no answer. Let me do it without further loss of time. Accept my thanks for the compliment you are paying me. I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than to decline them,” Charlotte retorted.
As much as she wanted to give the awful man a set down, her good manners prevented her.
Mr. Collins replied with a formal wave of the hand, “Am I am now to learn that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour; and that sometimes the refusal is repeated a second, or even a third time? I am, therefore, by no means discouraged by what you have just said and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.”
“Upon my word, sir,” averred Charlotte, “your hope is a rather extraordinary one after my declaration. I do assure you that I am not one of those young ladies—if such young ladies there are—who are so daring as to risk their happiness on the chance of being asked a second time. I am perfectly serious in my refusal. You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who desires to make you so. Nay, were your friend Lady Catherine to know me, I am persuaded she would find me in every respect ill qualified for the situation.”
“Were it certain Lady Catherine would think so,” said Mr. Collins very gravely, “but I cannot imagine that her ladyship would at all disapprove of you. And you may be certain when I have the honour of seeing her again, I shall speak in the very highest terms of your modesty, economy, and other amiable qualifications.”
Charlotte could see the man would not understand good manners.
“Had I not had the displeasure of your company at Longbourn and understood exactly what kind of man you are, Mr. Collins, I may have entertained a proposal from you. Thankfully, my friends invited me to come see for myself what sort of creature you are. Even though you never actually asked, I will not now, nor will I ever marry you, Mr. Collins. If you were the last man in England, I still would not marry you!” Charlotte exclaimed.
Seemingly not to hear her, Collins spewed forth a yet more incomprehensible statement.
“When I do myself the honour of speaking to you next on the subject, I shall hope to receive a more favourable answer than you have now given me; though I am far from accusing you of cruelty at present, because I know it to be the established custom of your sex to reject a man on the first application, and perhaps you have even now said as much to encourage my suit as would be consistent with the true delicacy of the female character.”
"Mr. Collins, I had not known you five minutes before I knew you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry! Do you think I could ever align myself with one who plans to hurt my dearest friends? You stand here telling me how you will throw your cousins from their ancestral home with glee! Do you think I do not know about Mr. Bennet refusing his permission to marry any of his daughters? No, Mr. Collins, I am not trying to increase anything in you with regards to myself except that I am in earnest, Sir, for I will not marry you—ever!” Charlotte stated as plainly as she could.
Collins was flummoxed. How could one with excellent prospects such as he be turned down, by first his cousins and then this plain spinster?
“You senseless woman! No man would ever offer for one as homely as you. I was doing you a great service to condescend to offer for you.” Collins tried to intimidate Charlotte by leaning in close to her.
She recoiled, not in fear but from the sickening odour emanating from the man. Her brothers, Franklin and John, having seen Charlotte talking to a man neither knew, had come out of the house in time to see the man try to stand too close to their sister.
“You dare stand so close to my sister?” Franklin growled. Collins, as he was a coward, shrunk back in fear.
“Frank, John, I thank you, truly, but Mr. Collins was just leaving. Were you not, Mr. Collins?” Charlotte demanded; her seething words too marked to be mistaken.
Collins turned and scurried away as fast as his legs could carry him, leaving a noxious trail behind him.
As he put distance between himself and his tormentors, Collins thanked the heavens he had not struck the chit as he had been about to do, for he was sure her brothers would not have allowed him to live had he done so.
“Charlotte, are you well?” John Lucas asked as he and his older brother escorted their sister into the house.
“I am well, John. Thank you and Frank for assisting me. Are mother and father in the sitting room?” Charlotte asked and Franklin nodded. “Let us go see them so I may tell this story only once.”
Once Charlotte told all, neither of her parents disagreed with her decision not to accept the man. Her brothers wanted to go after Collins to punish him for his words to their sister and his intentions toward hurting their closest friends, the Bennets.
“There is no need; I think there is a better way to teach that man a lesson,” Charlotte stated, for an idea started to form in her mind about how she could take charge of the situation and teach the horrible man a good lesson at the same time.
“I need to think; please allow me some solitude to do so.” Her father told her to take as much time as she needed, his eyes gleaming with the expectation of being able to assist his friend and champion his daughter at the same time.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
William Collins did not know how first his cousin and now Miss Lucas had the temerity to throw his condescension back at him in such a disrespectful manner.
Not only was he a clergyman, but he was the beneficiary of the infinitely wise counsel of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, which only elevated him further.
He could have explained the reason he did not return married or betrothed to one of his cousins, but with Miss Lucas’s refusal, he was in danger of returning and facing Lady Catherine’s wrath for disobeying her edict.
As he was wandering in Longbourn’s park, trying to divine a solution to his quandary, he noticed Miss Dudley and her father walking towards the parsonage next to Longbourn’s church. The lady was not comely like his cousin, but she seemed much more pliable than Miss Lucas had been.
Why did he not think of her before? She was ideal, the daughter of a fellow man of the cloth. Who would know how to be a proper parson’s wife better than the daughter of one? Collins turned to follow the Dudleys to their home.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
Although Matilda Dudley was not nearly as intelligent as her friends, Charlotte and Elizabeth, she was not bereft of wit.
She knew that at four and twenty she was considered on the shelf.
She had long held a tendre for Franklin Lucas but did not think he was interested in her.
Her dearest father would never ask her to leave his home, but she had long dreamed of her own situation.
The problem was, she had to compete with the older Bennet daughters for local men as they were both younger and far comelier than herself.
Matilda was not unaware of the fact when Jane and Elizabeth were in a room with her, no one looked her way.
Even Charlotte Lucas, who was considered plain, was more pleasing to look at than herself.
Her father had entered the house, and Matilda was sitting on a bench in the parsonage’s small garden.
As she was sitting, she smelt Mr. Collins before she saw him.
“Good day, Miss Dudley. I would like to speak to you on a particular subject, if I may,” Collins bowed low to her and then reached for her hand, intending to gift her a kiss.
It was not a good beginning for his third attempt to find a bride as the lady withdrew her hand.
“I am not averse to hearing what you have to say, Mr. Collins, but I am about to join my father for dinner. I would be happy to receive you in two hours after your bath which I am sure you take before dinner each day,” Matilda batted her eyelids, trying her best not to insult the man too much.
“Yes, of course Miss Dudley, I will see you and your father two hours hence,” Collins bowed again.
He would bathe, for he did not want any impediment to his third suit that day, though he could not understand why all these people were obsessed with bathing.
Had his honoured father not told him it was not healthy to bathe above once in ten days?
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
Dinner at Longbourn was pleasant for two reasons that day, and both were associated with Mr. Collins.
He did not stink, and he said not a word.
His eating habits were as they had been since his arrival, but given the other two advantageous things, which were very agreeable to the six Bennets, his manner of eating was less bothersome than was usually the case.
As soon as dinner was over, William Collins quickly wished his cousins a good evening and was off like a shot towards the parsonage.