Chapter 22
AMBER
‘Amber. Amber! Can you hear me?’
‘Oh my God, is she all right?’
‘What the hell happened, Felix?’
‘I brought her up some painkillers because she said she had a headache. We were just talking when her eyes rolled back in her head. Next thing, she went down like a ton of bricks.’
‘Did she hit her head?’
‘I caught her just in time.’
‘Thank God. Amber, it’s Dominic. Can you hear me, angel?’
‘She’s out cold, Dom. Must be the heat. Or the wine.’
‘She didn’t have any wine, Simone. She doesn’t drink.’
‘Yeah, you heard what she said at lunch. Her mum was an alkie.’
‘Willow! Not now. Make yourself useful and get a damp flannel.’
‘No, look, I think she’s coming round! I swear her eyelids just fluttered.’
‘Hey, baby, it’s Dom. Can you hear me?’
I prise open my eyes. Four faces slowly swim into focus above me. Dominic, Simone, Felix and Willow.
‘Willow, would you pass me that cushion?’
Willow’s face disappears then returns. Dominic cups the back of my head in his palm, eases a cushion underneath, then takes my hand and squeezes it in his.
‘You gave us quite a fright.’
‘What happened? I don’t… I don’t remember.’ Instinctively, I reach down, flinching when I touch bare flesh.
Dom must sense my distress as he barks at Simone, ‘Get a sheet, will you?’
She whips a sheet from the bed and he lays it over me. ‘You fainted. Sunstroke, probably. Lucky Felix was here to catch you.’
Lucky.
I struggle to stand, but Dominic lays a hand on my shoulder. ‘Stay there for a bit, just until your head stops spinning.’ He glances up at the others. ‘It’s OK, I’ll take it from here.’
‘If you’re sure?’ Felix’s face looms over me again and I snap my eyes shut.
‘I’m sure. We need to give her some space. I’ll shout if I need anything.’
Shoes slap on the marble floor and the door swishes shut. Only then do I open my eyes again. Dom is gazing at me tenderly.
‘Still dizzy?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Shall we get you into bed?’
‘Please.’
He helps me up and into the bed, arranging pillows behind me and handing me a glass of water like I’m an invalid. ‘Just sips,’ he cautions, smoothing my hair away from my face.
‘What happened?’ I ask again, because I’m struggling to sort facts from fiction.
‘According to Felix, you came inside because you had a headache. He brought you up some painkillers and you fainted. He made sure you were safe and came straight down to tell me.’
According to Felix.
I close my eyes and try to piece together my fragmented memories.
I do remember Felix knocking on the door with co-codamol and a glass of water.
I remember him sitting on the bed, talking.
Something about how similar we were. I know I wanted him to leave.
I can still feel echoes of the visceral fear his proximity stirred in me.
But was I overreacting? Because the more I think about it, the more innocuous it sounds.
I had a headache. Felix brought me painkillers. I fainted. He went to get help. End of.
Dom’s hair is tousled and worry lines fan out across his forehead. I give him a bleary smile.
‘Nessa always said you were a keeper.’
Dominic charmed Nessa’s socks off the first time they met, bowing to her Stasi-style grilling good-naturedly before insisting on paying for our meal. Afterwards, she dragged me into the restaurant toilets, her eyes sparkling.
‘OMG, Amber. You’ve hit the bloody jackpot! Not only is he posh, loaded and drop-dead gorgeous, he’s also nice. You’re a jammy sod, you really are.’
‘I know, right? So what on earth is he doing with me?’
Nessa’s expression turned serious. ‘Are you kidding me? Take a look in the mirror, girl. You’re hot as fuck. He’d be mad not to be crazy about you.’ She linked her arm in mine. ‘You’re beautiful, remember that.’
And that was the problem. When I looked in the mirror, I saw my thirteen-year-old self: a skinny, socially awkward, spotty kid with train-track braces and NHS glasses who lived with her sick gran on the fourteenth floor of a tower block in the middle of a notorious south London estate.
‘Nessa has excellent taste,’ Dom says, straightening my sheet. ‘Why don’t you have a nap? I’ll only be by the pool if you need me.’
‘OK. But, Dom? I’m so sorry.’
He frowns, genuinely confused. ‘Sorry for what?’
‘Being a nuisance.’
His face breaks into a smile. ‘You couldn’t be a nuisance if you tried.’ He drops a kiss on my forehead, smooths my hair one last time and leaves the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.
Even though I’m exhausted, sleep won’t come. My thoughts loop and spiral, memories tangling with misrememberings until I can’t tell one from the other.
I tell myself Felix is harmless. But I don’t believe it, not really. He makes me want to fold myself up so small I disappear, a feeling I’ve learnt not to ignore.
Different creep. Same old story.