Chapter 8 #4
“So what?” I fired back. “You gonna build your life on what other people think? Fuck ’em. Find the people who like you for who you are and stop wasting time trying to roll a boulder up a hill.”
Thaddeus threw me a narrow look. “Is that what you did when James left?”
I choked on a laugh. “Hell no. I wallowed in self-pity for so long my brain wrinkled like a prune. I was almost ready to sell up and chase James to Sweden.”
Thaddeus’s mouth dropped open. “Really?”
I stood my empty beer bottle on the deck, minus its picked-off label.
“Yep, true story. It took both my sisters reading me the riot act to turn me around. They staged an intervention, I suppose. Right here.” I swept my arm around the covered deck.
“They told me I needed to stop trying to blame myself and stick with being angry. That I deserved to be treated better by someone who loved me. Maybe you should try the same.”
Thaddeus gave a slow nod. “Yeah, maybe.” He relaxed back in his chair, the deep frown on his forehead smoothing as the seconds passed.
We sat in silence for a while, a cicada and a pesky mosquito the only things to break the stillness of the night. I passed Thaddeus the bottle of repellent I kept on the deck, having used some on myself. He considered the label, or lack thereof, and cast me a dubious look.
“It won’t kill you,” I assured him. “Yes, I happen to make my own, as you can see, but I conduct full and rigorous testing. It has the official landscape gardener stamp of approval.”
The corner of his lip quirked up. “You mean Tap and you?”
I grinned. “Only the best.”
He snorted, gave his exposed skin a liberal spritz, then fell back into a comfortable silence, easy and unforced, something I hadn’t had with another man in a long while.
When Tap visited, we chatted almost constantly.
He wasn’t particularly comfortable with silence, and James had been much the same—too much of an extrovert and too needy for attention.
But when I cast a sideways glance at Thaddeus, he appeared content to simply study the thickening night and keep his own counsel.
The idea made me smile, and I left him to it.
I lost track of how long we sat there, but eventually Thaddeus turned and set his feet on the deck. “I’m gonna crash. Thanks for keeping me company.”
I huffed. “Keeping you company on my deck? Any time. This is about as crazy as things get up here at night, except for once a year when the frogs are mating. Hardly riveting for a city boy.”
He grinned. “You won’t hear me complaining. I might’ve lived all my life in the city, but I’m as far from a social butterfly as you’ll get. Hence, my mother’s concern about me ever nailing down a partner. I find spending time with people is mostly overrated, present company excluded, of course.”
I let the comment slide rather than risk the conversation straying into the flirtatious again. Thaddeus Grey was a temptation on too many levels to count. “Thank you again for dinner, and if you don’t want company during the night, I suggest you close your door.”
Thaddeus’s eyes widened. “But—” He stopped and frowned. “Did I miss something?”
I replayed my words in my head and heat raced into my cheeks. “Ziggy. Sorry, I meant Ziggy, not . . . me,” the words tumbled out. “Ziggy is bound to creep onto your bed. I don’t have company stay over very often, and since he’s clearly taken a liking to you—” I stopped before I buried myself.
Thaddeus’s mouth tipped up in a sultry smirk. “Well, thanks for clearing that up. So, you don’t have company stay over very often?” He eyeballed me. “You do know there are apps for that these days.”
“Shut up.” I grabbed his shoulders and steered him inside. “You heard wrong. I have lots and lots of people staying over. So many. Many, many, many. I’m so popular, I’m booked months ahead.” I pushed him through the kitchen and into the hall before letting him go. “Goodnight, Thaddeus.”
Thaddeus turned, his eyes dancing with humour, and the hallway fell silent. He was waiting. One step closer and everything would change.
I stayed where I was and so did he.
“Good night, Ryder.” His smile was more wistful than disappointed. “Thanks for a better-than-expected ending to a crappy couple of days.”
I inclined my head. “Sleep well.”
He didn’t move. “You do know that my friends call me Thad.”
I held his gaze. “Well, this friend likes the name Thaddeus.”
He studied me for a long moment. “So, we’re friends now? Is that what this is?”
I was so very not clear about what this was or wasn’t that I was gonna need a flashlight to find my own damn arsehole before I fell into it. “Yes, of course. Friends.”
His mouth curved up in a slow, sexy smile and he wagged a finger at me. “You are so full of shit, Ryder Nelson, I should bury you in your own compost heap.” He turned and headed for his bedroom. “See you in the morning.”
I watched Thaddeus walk into his bedroom, trying and failing to drag my attention from the bunch and swell of his tight arse in my sweats.
It should’ve set those damn alarm bells ringing again, if it wasn’t for the fact they already were and had been since I’d first laid eyes on him in my shed.
I’d ignored them then, like I was about to do again, the invitation teetering recklessly on my tongue.
Really, Ryder? Are you really going to do this?
“You know, you’re welcome to stay,” I blurted, since apparently, I was.
A second or two passed before Thaddeus stepped back into the hall, his expression curious. “Stay?”
I shrugged. “I mean, only if you want to, of course. If you need a bit more time before you go back to Wellington to face everything. If it would help?”
A playful smile spread over Thaddeus’s face. “That’s a lot of ifs.”
I smirked. “Well, you’re an iffy kind of guy, but it turns out you’re not terrible company . . . so there’s that too.”
Thaddeus ran a hand over his mouth, covering his grin.
My cheeks burned, and I silently cursed my impulsiveness.
“Plus, I could do with an extra pair of hands to help me fix the hole in my greenhouse from the storm. Not that I can’t do it on my own, of course,” I rambled, praying for the ground to open under my feet so the humiliation could end.
“But it’s always easier with two, right?
” I sighed and screwed my eyes shut for a moment.
“And if you could please shoot me and put me out of my misery, I’ll be eternally grateful. ”
Thaddeus laughed. “Oh my God, that was so fucking cute. I bet you couldn’t do it again if you tried.”
I groaned. “Shut up. All I’m trying to say, badly apparently, is that if it would help you to have a little more time to get your head straight, then you’re welcome to stay on.”
Thaddeus was still grinning. “I definitely preferred the first version better.” He considered me for a long moment. “Not terrible company, huh? Hardly a ringing endorsement.”
I leaned against the wall with my arms folded. “Well, you trashed my compost heap, and my chickens are gonna need therapy. What can I say?”
He broke into laughter. “Arsehole. I cleaned up your damn compost heap, and those chickens love me, but sure, I’ll take you up on your offer if you have the room. Word is you’re booked months ahead, so I don’t presume—”
“Jesus Christ.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure I can squeeze you in.”
“Really?” Thaddeus looked me up and down. “That’s a somewhat presumptuous statement for a man who’s never seen me naked. Good night, Ryder.”
By the time I caught up with his meaning, the bedroom door was closed, and I was grinning like a fool.