Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
RYDER
If I’d thought the first time with Thaddeus had been incredible, the second was devastating in a more troubling way.
One that was about far more than simply the sex.
One that said maybe, just maybe, this thing between us could be something more than just a rebound distraction for a guy who’d had his heart and trust broken.
I like you, too, Ryder. A lot more than I should.
The response had been completely unexpected, even if I had secretly hoped he might feel something too. A pull? A connection? An electric current? Whatever the fuck it was that I felt whenever I was with him. It’s why I hadn’t asked him outright. Just left him to pick it up or ignore it.
He’d picked it up, and my heart was still in shock.
But I couldn’t push it, I knew that much.
It was too soon, and Thaddeus wasn’t ready.
It was enough to know that he was thinking about me differently than he had when he’d left my bed that first time.
But he had a shitload of baggage to work through first. He was going to need time, and I could wait.
Knowing the door was open would be enough for now.
I pushed him back a little and kissed him.
Not with the hungry passion of the previous twenty minutes, but a kiss that said I see you, and I like you, and I know this can be something if you give me a chance.
He moaned softly into my mouth, his hands cupped around my face as his shadowed eyes fixed on mine, something unreadable in their depths.
He broke away with a lazy smile and melted into my arms. “I . . . I don’t know what I’m feeling, Ryder,” he admitted in a whisper.
“This is a lot for me right now. You confuse me. This, us, confuses me. I don’t know—” He stopped abruptly and sighed.
“I think I want more, but I just don’t know.
” His gaze lowered to where our bellies gleamed, slick from my spill.
I tipped his chin up and kissed him again. “I’m not asking for anything from you right now. I’m just hoping you’ll keep the door open.”
He drew a deep, shuddering breath and fell quiet. Then after a long few seconds, he said, “Yeah. Okay. I can do that.”
My heart jumped in my chest, and it was all I could do not to fist-pump the air. Instead, I pulled him against me and kissed his hair, smiling when his arms snaked around my waist, and he turned to kiss the side of my throat.
“Let’s stay here forever.” His hot breath brushed over my cool skin. “Not that I’m looking to run away again, of course.”
I ran my nose through his hair. “Sounds good to me, although I think Ziggy might have something to say about that.”
Thaddeus groaned. “Dammit, that dog is far too sensible.”
I pushed him upright. “Come on. You’re starting to shiver. Back in, you go.”
Thaddeus wrinkled his nose at the inky water. “Do I have to?”
“Yes.” I rubbed my hands over the goosebumps popping on his shoulders. “It’s warmer in the water, and I have one more thing to show you.”
He cocked a sexy brow and I groaned.
“No, not that.” I put my hand on the top of his head and turned him back to face the water. “But you can’t see it unless you get back in.”
He released a put-upon sigh, stretched his arms out sideways, and fell backwards off my knees into the water, gasping as the cold swallowed him down. He surfaced, cursing like a trooper. “Holy fuck, that’s cold. You lied.”
I laughed and wriggled to the edge of the rocky shelf, sliding in to join him. “Come on.” I held out my hand and he took it.
“Where are we going?”
“Just wait.” I pulled him a couple of metres beyond the ledge to where the rock face looked like a living wall, covered top to bottom in a curtain of ferns, the bottom layer dangling in the water, the fronds drifting downstream in the gentle current.
Thaddeus eyed me speculatively. “Is this it?”
“O ye of little faith.” I lifted a hand to part the curtain of fronds while gesturing for him to pass through into the pitch-black interior.
He blinked and his gaze flicked to mine, a huge smile breaking over his face. “A cave?”
I waggled my hand. “Not quite. More like a room.” I crowded him from behind to encourage him through. “It’s a couple of metres deep at most. I didn’t even know it existed for the first few years I lived in the cottage.”
Thaddeus resisted my pressing him forward and looked over his shoulder. “And it’s safe?”
I kissed his shoulder. “One hundred per cent. I’ll drop the ferns once we’re inside. Give it a few seconds for your eyes to adjust, and then you’ll see.”
He drew breath, grabbed hold of my hand, and glided inside.
I followed, dropping the ferns and plunging the small space into darkness.
I turned my back to the rock wall, wedged a foot into a crevice I knew was there, and pulled Thaddeus against my chest, my arms wrapping around his from behind.
“Just breathe,” I whispered into his ear. “I’ve got you.”
“Apparently,” he grumbled, but he breathed, and his body slowly relaxed. A few seconds later, the roof above us began to sparkle with tiny lights, and Thaddeus let out a squeak of delight. “Oh my God,” he exclaimed in a whisper. “Glow worms.”
His head turned side to side as his gaze swept the ceiling.
“They’re everywhere. I’ve seen them in books and on TV, but—” A few seconds later, he spun in my arms and kissed me soundly on the mouth before snuggling close, his gaze returning to the magical display.
“Holy crap, Ryder. It’s beautiful.” He sighed and rested his head on my shoulders; his gaze fixed on the twinkling display. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Then say nothing.” I tightened my hold and kissed his shoulder, and ten minutes later, freezing cold and with goosebumps popping from head to toe, we left the glow worms to do their thing and made our way back to the small stony beach.
We got ourselves dried and dressed in record time, and although Thaddeus was quiet from the moment we left the glow worms until we started for the cottage, his expression seemed thoughtful rather than troubled.
I left him to his thinking and held his hand as we made our way back.
Once inside, with Ziggy suitably appeased by a round of cuddles, I got Thaddeus out of his wet clothes and into my bed.
I left the curtains open so I could see him in the soft grey moonlight, and he made no attempt to protest, just wriggled onto my side of the bed and flung the sheets back to invite me in.
I considered shifting him back to the other side for all of two seconds, then slid between the sheets and pulled him against me.
He immediately draped his leg over my thighs and slung his arm around my waist while Ziggy scratched a bed for himself at our feet.
Thaddeus reached down to pat him before relaxing back in my arms. “Thank you for tonight.” His slender fingers traced small circles through the hair on my chest.
I took his hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. “You’re welcome. I’m glad I got to show you one of the really special things about this place.”
He stilled. “I’m not sure I deserved it.”
I frowned down at him. “What do you mean? You’ve been a big help since you arrived, not to mention I kind of like you, in case you haven’t noticed.”
Thaddeus huffed but said nothing, and I didn’t push, not wanting to do or say anything that might cast a shadow over the evening. Instead, I said somewhat offhandedly, “I was kind of hoping we might see Boris tonight, but I guess he’s a little shy.”
Thaddeus rose slowly on one elbow and stared down at me. “And who exactly is Boris?”
I swallowed a grin. “Our resident eel.”
Thaddeus’s eyes blew wide. “A freaking eel? Are you telling me there’s an eel in that swimming hole? Like with teeth and everything?”
I grinned. “Boris is friendly.”
Thaddeus spoke over me. “How big?”
“Oh, let me think.” I frowned like I was considering his question, and then said, “About a metre, I’d say.”
His mouth dropped open, and then he all but shouted, “A metre?” Thaddeus poked me hard in the ribs. “You let me swim in a pool with a monster eel?”
I grabbed his hand before he poked me again. “Boris is fine. He knows me, and he generally keeps his distance.”
One eyebrow shot up. “Define generally?”
“Well, occasionally he’s been known to swim over and say hello, nothing threatening.”
“To say, hello?” Thaddeus’s expression was becoming more horrified by the second.
“But mostly I only see him at a distance,” I quickly qualified. “And he’s never come near me at night.”
“Not yet,” Thaddeus muttered, his brows tipping into a scowl. “He hasn’t come near you at night . . . yet. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I tipped my head to the side. “Would you have come in the water?”
His lips pursed. “No, I fucking wouldn’t.”
“I rest my case.” I cupped his cheek. “Are you mad at me?”
His scowl gentled. “Not really. I wouldn’t have missed this evening for anything. But now I know about Boris—” And we were back to finger-stabbing my chest. “—you better have a laundry list of suitable incentives at the ready before I put one toe back in that water, understood?”
I grabbed his finger and sucked it into my mouth, watching his pupils darken. “I think I can come up with something suitably alluring.”
He huffed and looked at me sideways. “I’ll be the judge of that.”
I grinned and pulled him back into my arms. “Challenge accepted.”