Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MONDAY—ONE WEEK LATER
RYDER
I woke early, heard the pattering of rain on the iron roof, and turned off my alarm so I could watch Thaddeus sleep a while longer .
. . on my side of the bed . . . for the seventh night in a row.
Since our swim. Since the night that I’d given in to the idea that I might just be falling in love with him. Since . . . what felt like forever.
We’d talked, laughed, showered, worked, and cooked together.
We’d made love whenever the opportunity presented itself, and it presented itself with a frequency that seemed to surprise both of us.
And catching Thaddeus like this, peaceful and relaxed, before all those problems and decisions of the day creased his brow and troubled his eyes, had become my favourite time of the day.
Moving him into my bed probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’d ever done, and it certainly wasn’t the safest for my heart.
But the thought of him sleeping anywhere but in my arms just didn’t feel right.
Not that he’d needed convincing. The day after our swim, I’d come home to find his book on one of my bedside tables and his razor in my en suite.
When I asked him why he hadn’t moved all his stuff, his cheeks blazed a bright beetroot and he apologised profusely for assuming I’d be okay about it without checking.
I’d kissed him to shut him up and set about gathering the rest of his things and stowing them in my room.
I couldn’t have been happier . . . about everything.
And Thaddeus taking the initiative, in even a small way, relieved any fear I had of pressuring him.
Everything was going swimmingly, except for the small problem of when he was going to leave, as he inevitably would.
Thaddeus hadn’t mentioned it since that evening on the deck, the weekend had come and gone, and he was still there.
He’d even returned to the emergency dentist to have his new crown applied.
We were living in a bubble of denial, but the conversation was coming, nothing surer.
Thaddeus had a life to get back to and a messy situation to sort out.
And then there was us, whatever we were.
We’d skipped most of the getting-to-know-you part and jumped straight into sleeping together and sharing a house.
It might’ve started as nothing more than a short-term dance between the sheets, but that excuse had long passed, at least for me.
Thaddeus, however, was harder to read on that particular topic. I knew he liked me. I knew he liked what we were doing together. And I knew he didn’t really want to leave. But whether that was because of me or because of what he was going home to, I wasn’t brave enough to ask.
We’d fallen into a comfortable routine that suited us both, one that included never discussing the elephant in the room.
Every night, we worked together on the sofa, him at one end, me at the other, our feet meeting in the middle.
I’d often look up to find him watching me.
He’d smile and then go back to whatever he was doing.
But occasionally, I’d catch him unawares, and in those times, I’d see confusion and conflict in his eyes, along with something that looked a lot like guilt.
I wasn’t sure what it meant. Was he worried about outstaying his welcome at the cottage?
Worried about what we were doing? Or just worried about his future in general?
The more negative side of my brain, the side that had been sideswiped by James’s departure, was bracing itself to be told that Thaddeus needed time and space to think.
That once he left, I might not see him for a while, or maybe ever again.
Tap thought I was imagining things, but Naomi was a great deal more cautious when I’d told her.
She liked Thaddeus, I knew that much, but when she’d left that day after meeting him, she’d pulled me aside to tell me that if Thaddeus owned that particular apartment—a slip I was sure he hadn’t meant to make—then he was either in a lot of debt or he was pretty loaded.
Either way, she’d warned me to take things slow and be careful.
Advice I’d completely ignored.
But that didn’t mean I hadn’t thought about what she’d said, and one thing I was pretty sure of was that Thaddeus wasn’t a big risk-taker, at least not in his private life.
The idea of him taking out a huge mortgage didn’t sit right.
Thaddeus thought things through. His brain was always making connections and trying to improve whatever he came across, my laying hens, for example.
From what I’d seen, Thaddeus seemed to have two default positions.
One was to spreadsheet everything in his daily life into submission.
The other was to run away—but only when the emotional side was too difficult, the one thing he couldn’t spreadsheet away.
Which left him sitting on the loaded side of Naomi’s equation.
I moved an errant lock of hair from his lashes and tucked it aside.
His nose wrinkled and he made a noise in his throat, but he didn’t wake.
I ran the back of my fingers down the side of his face and couldn’t help but smile.
He looked so young, so innocent. I wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and hide him away.
I felt guilty for even questioning what he’d told me, or implied, but there was no escaping the truth that I’d offered him a place to stay partly because I’d thought he didn’t have a place to return to.
He’d said as much himself, and I’d come to terms with that.
It wasn’t like he owed me an explanation of his finances, especially since he was more than contributing to the grocery bill as well as mucking in with the housework.
But something still didn’t seem quite right, and I hated the feeling.
So what if Thaddeus had a bit of money stashed away?
It didn’t change the fact that he’d been cheated on and was looking for a place to lick his wounds.
We weren’t even officially dating . . . I didn’t think.
That conversation had fallen into the elephant-in-the-room basket, along with the one about when he was leaving.
And what did that say about what we were to each other, that we were actively avoiding those conversations? Just like I’d done with James. Oh God.
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to Thaddeus’s forehead.
I was so gone for this man; I didn’t know which way was up.
I’d thrown common sense to the wind and decided to go with my gut.
Only time would tell if I’d been courageous or just another fool.
Thaddeus was a good man, I knew that much.
A little lost and a whole lot hurt, but with a stellar brain and a wicked sense of humour.
Did I really need to know more than that?
“You’re creeping me out.” Thaddeus’s eyelids flickered open and a smile tugged at his lips. “And if my breath smells as bad as yours, we’re at risk of breaching the clean air act.”
I straddled his hips and pinned his arms above his head. “Alternatively, we could harness its power as a weapon of mass destruction. Whole armies will be lining up to invest.”
He laughed and tried to wriggle free. “I don’t know about mass destruction, but I reckon we have a better than even chance of felling at least the first line of attack.”
“I think you’re right.” I released his arms and cradled his face, lowering my lips to his. “You got any complaints if I kiss you, stinky breath and all?”
His arms slid around my waist, and he lifted his head to nip my bottom lip. “At least I’ll die with a smile on my face.”
“You’re such a jerk.” I lowered my mouth to his in a slow morning kiss that moved through my body like a languid flame, rekindling the fire that sparked between us whenever we touched.
Thaddeus freed his legs and wrapped them around my waist, arching his back and bringing our awakening erections together, his heels digging into my arse, his mouth more demanding by the second.
“I’ll be late for work,” I murmured against his lips.
“You’re the boss,” he reminded me, pressing his groin hard up into mine and eliciting a groan. “You make the rules.”
“Tap will be here any minute,” I tried again.
Thaddeus responded with a chuckle and a fingertip in my hole. I let loose another groan, louder this time, and Ziggy jumped off the bed in disgust. “We can be quick.” Thaddeus’s finger slid all the way in, and electricity shot through my body. “Can I fuck you?”
I pulled up and grinned down at him. “I thought you’d never ask.” I glanced at my phone on the bedside table. “Would twenty minutes cramp your style? Shame to rush a first time.”
Thaddeus’s mouth tipped up in a sly smile. “I can be quick and good. Hit that timer, and you’re on. Last to shoot gets to make breakfast.”
I kissed him on the nose. “Get ready to lose then, arsehole.”
Thaddeus waggled his eyebrows. “I do believe it’s your arsehole on the line, baby. Fast means hard, right?” He looked at me sideways. “You ready to play with the big boys?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Absolutely, you cheeky little shit. Bring it on.”
Thirty minutes later, Thaddeus was smirking at me from the other side of the breakfast bar, coffee in hand. “Maybe not quite so ready to play with the big boys as you thought, huh?”
I flipped the eggs and pushed the bacon around the pan, steadfastly ignoring him.
He’d beaten me by a good twenty seconds, coming undone and unloading in my arse at the twelve-minute thirty-second mark.
And yes, it’d been fast. And yes, it had been hard.
And yes, my arse was killing me in the best possible way.
I hadn’t been fucked for years, and I’d loved every second of it, including the way Thaddeus had babied me into the shower and proceeded to wash and then dry me thoroughly like I was a six-year-old kid with an owie.
“Aw, don’t be like that,” Thaddeus teased. “You gave it an admirable go. It’s all in the technique, and you clearly—” He stopped abruptly, his eyes going wide as I pushed the pan off the heat and began stalking him around the breakfast bar.
“Oh, shit.” He put his coffee down, slid off his seat, and backed away with both hands raised.
“Now, now, now.” His eyes danced over mine.
“You know I was only joking. What you can do with your cock has legendary status. Why, just the other day, I was telling someone just how magical that particular appendage of yours is and—wait . . . no . . . don’t you dare . . . oh . . . fuck! Put me down!”
I carried him over my shoulder into the family room and dumped him unceremoniously onto the sofa.
“You have a smart mouth, Thaddeus Grey, but I have a solution.” I crawled up his body, and once he’d stopped laughing, I kissed him long and slow, until we were gasping for air and a deluge of cold water landed on my back.
“What the—” I sprang to my feet to find Tap standing there with an empty cup in his hand and a frustrated sigh on his lips.
“Dammit, Tap.” I pulled my shirt over my head and swore at the large wet patch in the middle of the back.
Tap shrugged. “It works for cats in heat, so I figured it was worth a shot.” He walked nonchalantly back toward the kitchen. “The eggs are overdone, by the way.”
“Shit.” I raced for the stove to rescue breakfast, but Thaddeus quickly pushed me aside.
“I’ll finish these. You go change your shirt,” he ordered. “Tap, you better sit down and keep out of trouble or there’ll be no breakfast for you.”
“But I lost the bet,” I protested.
Thaddeus shot me a wicked grin. “I’m sure we can come to some arrangement in kind.”
“Deal.” I kissed him on the cheek and headed for the bedroom.
Tap considered my overly careful gait and gave a visible shudder. “I’m not even going to ask.”
Twenty minutes later, after we’d cleaned our plates, Thaddeus walked us to the front door and waved us off. We ran through the rain and clambered into the ute, soaking wet.
“Fuck this weather.” Tap brushed the water from the front of his jacket.
“We’ll look and smell like drowned sewer rats by the time we get those diversion pipes in place.
” He turned to face me across the console and pointed to the front porch.
“And just so you know, that right there was horrifyingly domestic. You two are cute as fuck together.”
When all I did was smile, Tap studied me a moment longer, then added, “I sure hope you know what you’re doing, Ry. From what I just witnessed, this isn’t just an opportunistic fuck anymore. Not for either of you.”
I met his troubled gaze and nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
“And he’s still going home.”
“I know that too.”
Tap waited, then shook his head. “This is the part where you tell me that you’ve talked about it and you have a plan for seeing each other after he’s gone.”
My gaze slid back to the house. “We haven’t talked. Not yet.”
Tap groaned. “Jesus, Ry. You have to at least talk to the guy. If you tell anyone, especially Will, I’ll deny I ever said this, but you really need to tell Thad how you feel. That you really like him. Talk to him, for fuck’s sake. Don’t mess this up.”
I patted Tap’s thigh. “But that’s why I have you. To catch me when I fuck up and it all comes tumbling down.”
Tap rested his hand atop mine and squeezed. “I’m getting too old for this, Ry.”
I threw the ute into drive and then caught his eye. “Yeah, me too.”