Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
brENT
Sunlight streamed in through the floor to ceiling windows, heralding another beautiful day.
If only I felt good about it. I lay there, Uly’s head on my chest, his fingers splayed over my stomach.
Eddie and Jack were curled up at the foot of the bed, wrapped around each other. The picture of contentment.
Meanwhile, I lay here feeling like the biggest ass in existence.
Uly had asked for nothing since he moved into the mansion. He cooked, even though we had Amelia. He cleaned, though we had housekeepers. He played with the boys, even to the distraction from things he wanted to get done.
And I’d freaked out and kept him from seeing Jamie and Deb.
This mate thing was a lot more potent than I gave it credit for.
From the moment Uly left, a gnawing hopelessness crept into my heart, eating away at me.
The boys were listless, wandering around, looking for Momma, even though we’d explained he’d be gone a week.
And I was no better. I was supposed to be strong for the sleuth, but once the door closed and I watched the car with Uly pull away, I’d gone into our room and curled up in bed, clutching his pillow to my chest, and cried.
It was the same when Jenna died. Even though I knew Uly was alive, there was that overwhelming sense of loss, of being alone, of never knowing happiness again.
But I was doing my best to tough it out. For Uly.
I wouldn’t have lasted, though. I knew it. Everything in me was crumbling because my mate wasn’t where I could see him. Touch him. Smell him.
Love him.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Uly whispered. “Go back to sleep.”
“Nah, not tired.” Even though I’d lay there most of the night, holding him, making sure he was real. “You get some rest, though.”
He sat up, despite the fact I tried to hold him against me a little longer. The moment I lost that touch, I grew cold. Lonely. Despite the fact he was right next to me.
“You’re a terrible liar. Talk to me. What’s going on in your head?”
I wish to hell I knew. “I’m sorry I pulled you away from Jamie and Deb,” I said.
“It’s fine. Deb promised she’d….” He peered down at the sleeping boys. “Suck his lollipop to soothe things over.”
“But it never should have been a thing,” I protested. “I should have been able to be alone for a week.”
“Should you really? Did you not listen when Chaim and Benjy told you about mates? The draw is irresistible, if what they said is true. You need me and, even though I’m not a bear, I need you too.
I was thinking how I would do if you told me you had to go away for a week, and I’m going to admit, I wouldn’t have done well.
Maybe I don’t feel the same pull you do, but you and the kids are tattooed on my heart.
You’re all a part of me now, and it would crush me to be alone again. ”
“But you’re never alone,” I reminded him.
“Neither were you. You have Chaim, Benjy, Cullin, Amelia. You’re surrounded by people, yet you missed me. Why?”
Because you’re my mate was the obvious answer, but it wasn’t the one I wanted to give.
I’d never felt so needy than when the car disappeared from sight.
Or gotten so freaked as the hours ticked away.
Even talking to him for those few minutes had barely put a dent in my desire to have him with me.
And it wasn’t just about the sex. Hell, it wasn’t even part of it.
His scent filling my lungs made my brain work better.
His hand on mine made me stronger. His eyes staring into mine made me see things more clearly.
I was hopelessly hooked on him, needing him more than I needed to draw a breath.
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.
“Maybe because you love me? Maybe because we need each other? Or, possibly, where we are right now, is exactly where we’re supposed to be?”
I slid a hand around his waist and pulled him closer. Just the feel of his skin near mine eased some of the ache that had built up yesterday. He wasn’t wrong, I needed him near me. Was lost when he was gone, even for a few hours.
“I spoke with Chaim. He said he had the same issue when Benjy went away. Apparently there are meds he takes that helps, but doesn’t cure it. He also said there were coping techniques. I told him it was fine, I’d stay in town and—”
“No.”
He reared back. “What?”
“No, I won’t allow it. You have a life, a family.
It only makes sense that at some point you’ll need to go back out there.
What happens if Deb needs you after Wyatt is born?
Or if something necessitates you having to be there for Jamie?
Having you here every day would be a dream, but that’s all it can ever be.
I’ll talk to Chaim. We will get through this together. ”
“But the boys—”
“Will adapt and adjust. We have to. They need to see that if you’ve got to go away, you will come back.” I smiled at the two of them, still sleeping side by side. “We’ll figure it out.”
“But what if you or the boys needs me, and I’m with Jamie?”
“That’s why you take the jet.”
“But it’s still hours away.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to see Jamie and Deb and bring me back cake?”
He sighed and shook his head. “You’re a stubborn man.”
“I like cake.” I reached down and cupped his ass. “Some cakes more than others.”
“Why can’t they come here to visit?”
“That’s not logical, and you know it. First off, how would you explain Mr. Jensen running down the street in his bear form or naked, if he switches back?
Or just naked because he enjoys the sun?
And what if Deb isn’t able to fly and he needs help?
This is on us to fix, not you. So let us figure out how to do that. ”
We would do anything for Uly.
Even if it hurt us.
ULY
Of all the stubborn, pig-headed… er, bear-headed, people I knew, Brent was the absolute worst. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had some donkey shifter in his bloodline.
“Hey, do you have any donkey in you?”
He smirked and cupped his crotch. “You tell me. You were on the receiving end of it.”
Yeah, I should have realized he would say that. “You told me we’d solve this as a family. Then you say it’s up to you to fix. It can’t be both. Am I, or am I not, a member of this family?”
He sighed. “Yes, you are. Of course. But—”
“No, no buts.”
He stroked a hand over my ass. “None?”
I wanted to laugh, but I had to remain strong. Plus, the boys were still in the bed, and no way did I want them waking up finding me in a compromising position.
“Stop that, perv. And quit trying to dodge the question. Am I part of this family? Does my leaving cause issues for you and the boys? If you can answer yes to either of those, then I need to be part of the solution.”
He huffed. “You are a pain in the ass.”
Now it was my turn to play. “Guess we’ll never know about that, will we?”
He leaned in and kissed the rim of my ear. “Told you, anytime you want to try, we’ll give it a go.”
Asshole had an answer for everything.
“I love you, you know.”
He gave me a sweet smile. “I have been made aware, yes.” He nudged me. “Have you called Jamie?”
“No, not yet. I was kind of involved in something.”
“Maybe you should give him a call. Let him know you’re okay.”
Sounded like a good idea. Jamie was a worrier. “Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”
I slid from the bed, doing my best not to wake the boys up. Of course, I should have realized the futility in that.
“Momma?”
“Go back to sleep,” I encouraged them. “I have to go make a phone call.”
“No, don’t go again,” Eddie whispered.
“I’m not leaving the house. Just wanted to go call my brother.”
He opened bleary eyes. “You have a brother?”
“I do. His name is Jamie. He’s…. Well, he’s your uncle.”
Brent beamed a smile at me. “And his wife, Deb, is your aunt. And soon, they’re going to have a baby who will be your cousin.”
“A cousin?” Eddie said excitedly, which woke Jack.
“We have a cousin?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“And an aunt and uncle,” Eddie added.
“You’ll love them,” Brent said. “Uncle Jamie makes the best chocolate cakes.”
“Chocolate cake? Yum!” the boys shouted.
I shot him a look, then smiled. At least he was consistent.
“Okay, let Uly make his calls. You guys can help me make sure your room is clean.”
A chorus of groans and whines filled the air as I left the room.
I went back downstairs and picked up my phone.
Fifty-two missed calls and about forty frantic voicemails from Jamie and Deb.
Apparently the blow job wasn’t as good as advertised.
I dialed his number, waiting for the explosion.
I was mildly surprised at his first question.
“Are Brent and the boys okay?” he asked, sounding short of breath.
I wanted to explain to him about the unusual situation we found ourselves in, but I’d promised Brent that not even Jamie would hear about it from me.
“Yeah, there was an uproar, and Brent was freaking out. I decided I needed to be here to help. I am so sorry. I turned my phone off when I got home, and just now turned it back on.”
He chuckled. “This is how I used to worry about you,” he said. “After Mom and Dad moved away, I’d be unable to sleep at night if you got sick or hurt, because I had to be nearby in case you needed me.”
I should have known that, but really, at the time I was pretty clueless about things. I was so caught up in my own issues, I couldn’t see anyone else’s. I was a shitty brother.
“You know I love you, right?” I asked.
“Of course. That part has never been in question.” He was quiet for a minute. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I am. Just… this thing with Brent and the kids had me out of sorts. I was so scared that something was really wrong, and the flight home didn’t help matters.”
“Ask you a question?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Do you love him? I mean, Deb said she thought you did, but me? I wasn’t sure.”
“With my whole heart,” I replied honestly.
“He gives me strength when I don’t have any.
He props me up when I need it. And the boys?
They’re so damned special. I never knew having kids could be so fun and challenging.
I’m actually a little jealous over you guys having one.
But you know what? If you learned any of the lessons from Mom and Dad, you’ll rock it. ”
He sighed. “Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. Tell you the truth? I’m scared shitless. I mean, a tiny life form is going to depend on us to keep him safe, healthy, and happy. What the hell do I know about that?”
“Do you think Mom and Dad knew about any of that when they had you? And look at how you turned out.”
“Mom and Dad are special. They’re prodigies or something. I’m just…. Well, not. Deb gets mad at me because I keep putting myself down, but I’m not sure I can do this, you know?”
“So she gets on you like how you got on me?”
“Yeah, yeah. Yuck it up. Have your fun while you can.”
But I wasn’t. Not really. “When we were growing up, you made me feel safe all the time. The teasing from your friends could have been worse than it was, but you knew when to step in and draw the line. You held me at night when the thunderstorms were so bad, I screamed every time it shook the house. And you never told Mom or Dad, because you were protecting me. You do this stuff for your kid, and you’re bound to win parent of the year.
” He sniffled. “Jamie, you’re going to make an amazing father, just like Deb will be a wonderful mother.
The two of you are unstoppable together. ”
“The three of us. You’re part of that equation too. When our kid is all pissed at us, he’ll need to talk to his Uncle Uly, just like we talked to Uncle Dom. Who, by the way, had nothing but nice things to say about you at Thanksgiving. I’m sorry you missed it.”
I’d missed Thanksgiving? Crap. Even after calls from Mom, I’d blanked on it.
I was so tied up in Brent and the boys, I never even thought about it.
And Brent didn’t have a big celebration like our parents.
We all sat in the great room and watched movies while noshing on popcorn and drinking juice boxes—apple for the boys, grape for me and Brent. And by grape, I meant wine.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Uncle Ira showed up, already wobbling and as soon as he got into the house he headed straight for the open bar and had a few shots. After he got some more liquor in him? The party broke up really fast.”
“What was he complaining about this time?”
He dropped his voice an octave, sounding scarily like the eighty-year-old man who’d turned off more family members than anyone else. “Damn gays. Damn woke. Damn Congress. You know, all the usual talking points he learned from Fox News.”
And I’d missed it. Shucks.
“Mom? She went off. She reminded him that you were gay and demanded to know if he had a problem with you. He said no, of course not. It was those other gays. The ones trying to make kids into perverts like them. The ones that wear women’s clothes and prance around pretending to be like—and it was that point where she kicked him out of the house.
Suffice it to say, since everyone bailed not long after he started, Deb and I brought home a lot of leftovers. ”
I couldn’t love my parents more. I needed to call them soon. They knew I’d moved, but not much beyond that.
“I need you to tell me, Uly. We’re going to be okay, right?” Jamie asked, a quaver in his voice.
“Dude, we are going to be epic.”
And I meant that with my whole damn heart.