Chapter 16
I’m not sure when I’ll ever not feel the need to pace with worry by the front door when Shayla is late because here I am again, pacing and pulling at my hair. When we were interrupted this morning, Shayla’s expression quickly transformed from ecstasy to disappointment to horror, and I haven’t been able to get that last look out of my mind. What had nearly been the greatest moment of my life had turned sour when she shoved me off her and threw herself out of my bed and into the shower without a word. She avoided my eyes and my touch as she gathered her things and took off with Lainey.
And now she’s almost an hour later than usual coming over after school. My heart seizes with fear that she’s going to quit, and I’ll never again get to touch her or even just bask in her presence ever again.
I close my eyes and bang my forehead against the door. I pushed her too far. I know it. I had her consent to push my cock inside her, and my body was instantly flooded with bliss, but I did so when she was in the throes of pleasure and perhaps not thinking clearly.
I just couldn’t help myself. Shayla was so beautiful, so angelic, laying naked in my bed with her blonde hair haloing her face, looking at me like she wanted me more than her next breath—the same way I always look at her. Her legs were spread wide and so inviting, my lips and tongue coated in her arousal after she came. I doubt any man could have pulled himself away at that point.
I groan and press my palm against my cock that hardens and throbs, thinking about this morning before we were interrupted, trying and failing to get it to go back down. I’m thankful Grayson is playing happily for the moment on his activity mat while I wallow in self-pity and worry.
I bang my head again, but instead of hitting the door, I stumble forward just as it swings open, barely getting my footing before I crash into Shayla and Lainey on the front porch.
My angels. They’re here. They came back!
I’m so overjoyed that I take them both in my arms, hugging them tightly as I close my eyes and say a silent prayer of thanks. It’s obvious I’ve caught Shayla off guard, and she stiffens momentarily in my arms, and I want to bang my head again. But then she softens and leans into me, circling my waist with her free arm and fisting my shirt at my back, clinging to me as much as I am her.
We break apart when Lainey squirms and squeals unhappily from where she’s crushed between us. “Shit—I mean shoot. Sorry, Angelainey.” The endearment I’ve been calling her in my head slips out for the first time. All is well with her again when I take her from Shayla unprompted and tickle her cheek with my nose, making her giggle, then settle her on my arm.
Shayla has a dreamy look on her face. I hope with every bone in my body that it means she’s not on the brink of telling me she never wants to see me again. I pull her in with a half-hug and dare to brush a kiss to the crown of her head, pausing for a moment to close my eyes and inhale her sweet scent.
“I missed you. Both of you,” I whisper.
“We missed you too,” she says even lower before pulling away and stepping into the house when Grayson squawks from inside.
Just as I’m about to close the door behind us, I catch a flicker of movement at the front window of her house across the street. I can just make out the figure of her mom standing at the window, and I lift my hand, giving her a small wave, but she doesn’t wave back.
A whole new batch of worries and fears rear their ugly heads within me. What must her parents think of me, of this strange relationship I’ve developed with their teenage daughter a decade younger than me? The man who hogs all of her free time, who takes every opportunity to touch her, not caring who is around to see?
Does her mom know what we’ve done?
Fuck.
I close the door, deciding to push the worries and fears from my mind and focus instead on the here and now, on the three people who have quickly come to mean the absolute world to me.
Grayson reaches for Shayla, and she hurriedly drops her backpack and breast pump bag on the floor before dropping to her knees on the activity mat to scoop him up. I can tell she’s just as happy to see him as he is her, and it all just feels so right. The four of us together, delighting in being reunited after too many hours spent apart.
She settles on the couch with Grayson on her lap, unclipping her new hot pink nursing tank top I bought for her recently, which she was shy about accepting when I first gave it to her. And maybe I had been too forward, buying clothes for her, especially one as small and tight as it is. But when I saw it in the store, I couldn’t help picturing her in it and had to get it. I came so close to buying her a whole new wardrobe, wanting to spoil her and see her wearing my gifts in her favorite colors, but I figured that might be taking it too far. Among the other things I’ve taken too far.
“Thanks for coming back,” I say, hoping she won’t hear how panicked I was at the possibility she wouldn’t in my voice. I sit with Lainey on the activity mat, dragging over the basket of new toys I purchased with her in mind. Shayla isn’t the only one I want to spoil.
“Of course, I came back. Why wouldn’t I?” She sounds surprised that I would think she wouldn’t. Almost a little hurt, too.
“Well, I mean, after what happened this morning…” My words hang heavy in the air. “You left in a hurry.”
She bites the inside of her cheek and sinks deeper into the couch. “Speaking of, we really need to talk about that later.”
“Ok.” I bob my head, fear clutching my heart at the way she said it, some apprehension to her tone. I plaster on a fake smile for Lainey’s sake as I play with her while trying to push my depressing thoughts away so I can enjoy this time with them.
Once Grayson is done nursing and Shayla has put away her fresh bags of milk in the fridge, she joins us on the floor. Grayson is all gummy smiles for Lainey as they play around each other. She keeps trying to give Grayson her toys, but she’s not too happy when they end up in his mouth.
Shayla stretches out on her side on the carpet, her head propped up on her hand as we talk about her day at school, avoiding the elephant in the room for the time being. She’s so exquisitely beautiful, and if our babies were asleep in their nursery, I’d be sorely tempted to push her onto her back and cover her body with mine. I’d tell her just how beautiful she is and how much I dream about her and want her. And then I’d show her, too, by worshiping her body until she’s screaming my name, begging me to never let her go.
Shit, shit, shit, I have got to stop thinking like this if I have any hope of keeping her from running out on me again. I hop up to make a snack for Lainey and Grayson in the kitchen. When I make it back to the living room with a chopped-up banana and grapes cut in quarters, Shayla’s eyes droop, and she covers her sleepy yawn with a hand over her mouth.
“You ok?”
“Yeah, sorry. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” She blushes the prettiest shade of pink because she knows that I know exactly why she’s so tired. I fail miserably at hiding my involuntary grin, and her blush deepens.
“How about you go lay down? I can take it from here while you get some rest.”
“I can’t. Mr. Heart docked points off my next test, so I need to study and make sure I don’t miss any questions. And don’t you need to get back to work?”
This Mr. Heart pisses me off. If I ever come face to face with her teacher, I’ll be using more than just a few choice words with him. I blow out a breath, trying to dispel the rising tide of anger, and ask, “Realistically, how well do you think you’re going to do if you’re half asleep while studying?” She chews her bottom lip, and I press her again. “I can take the rest of the afternoon off to watch them. Go on. I’ll help you study later.”
“You sure?” She looks tempted when she yawns again.
“Yup. I’ve got this. Go.” I point toward the hallway leading to my bedroom.
“Um, wake me in an hour? I should be good after that.”
“You got it. Now, seriously, go.”
She smiles sleepily as she rolls to her knees and kisses Grayson and Lainey on their cheeks. She surprises us both when she kisses my cheek, too, close to the corner of my mouth, her eyes rounding wide.
I want so badly to sink my hand in her hair and pull her down for a hungry kiss on the lips, but I clench my fists in my lap to keep my hands to myself.
I can’t help but watch as her hips swing side to side, her leggings molded to her gorgeous ass as she walks away. I nearly fall flat, leaning too far back to watch her disappear into my bedroom. I crack a genuine smile, loving the idea that my angel will be napping in my bed, right where I want her every day moving forward.
I’m a pro at putting Grayson and Lainey to bed now, though I don’t often have to do it by myself. I smile as I poke my head in the nursery one last time to check on them before padding into my bedroom and getting changed.
Try as I might not to wake Shayla, she stirs when I slide in behind her and drape my arm over her waist. My cock twitches when I realize she must have taken her leggings off before she laid down for her nap since she’s only wearing panties from the waist down. Too bad I can’t see what color they are.
I angle my hips back when what I really want to do is press them forward and nestle my cock between her cheeks. But then she wiggles her ass as she stretches and yawns, rubbing up against my hard dick, and I can’t bite back the moan of pleasure she pulls out of me so easily. She rolls her hips, grinding against my lap, and my hips jerk forward on their own. I curse under my breath when she gasps and sits up straight, scooting away until her back hits the headboard.
“Oh my god, what time is it?” She looks around wildly, her eyes darting to the darkened windows and then to the digital clock on my nightstand. “You were supposed to wake me up after an hour!” she whisper-shouts.
I rub my hands over my face, then sit up, sliding back against the headboard beside her. “I did wake you up. You told me, quite literally, to fuck off, or you’ll throat punch me if I try waking you up again.”
“I did not!”
“Oh, yes, you most certainly did. Then you told me you’d never, and I quote, suck my huge cock again if I didn’t leave you alone when I tried waking you up an hour after that. I couldn’t risk it,” I chuckle as if it were a joke, though, in all seriousness, I hope and pray Shayla will, in fact, wrap her soft pink lips around my cock again in the future.
“Oh my god. I’m the worst.” She rubs the sleep from her eyes, trying to wake herself up, then picks up the baby monitor. Lainey turns her head to the other side, and I silently pray that she won’t interrupt us again. I blow out a breath, thankful she settles back to sleep.
“You could never be the worst,” I whisper when she sets the baby monitor down on the nightstand and slumps back. “You’re the best, actually.” That last part comes out even lower.
We’re both quiet for several minutes, and I wonder if she heard me. But then she turns to face me, and I hold my breath. She stares at me silently for a long time, her brows creased. I place my hand on her knee over the covers and slide it slowly up her leg. She watches it, then darts her eyes back to my face when I gently squeeze her upper thigh.
She frowns and shifts her leg away. “We need to talk,” she says, and my stomach drops, despair already sinking in. “We can’t—what happened this morning can’t happen again. I’m only eighteen, and I have college and Lainey to think about, and…” She shifts farther away as she goes quiet again.
Nausea churns in my stomach as I pull my hand back. This is it. Shayla is going to break my heart. She’s going to tell me that whatever this is between us is over, and I…I can’t face her. I roll my lips and bite down hard on them, then twist to swing my legs over the side of the bed with my back to her.
I try to blink back the hot tears that well up and spill over, surprised by just how quickly they’ve formed. I’m not the kind of man who thinks it’s weak for men to show their emotions or other such bullshit, and she’s seen me cry before, but I’m still not the kind who does it so easily. But this pain, it’s too much, and I clutch my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I say with a croak when I stand, then clear my throat, hoping she can’t hear the pain of my breaking heart in my voice. “If that’s what you want, I’ll respect your decision. I’ll, um, go get your textbook if you still want help studying?” I ask with the hope that she’ll stay, that this isn’t the end of our time together. But when she doesn’t respond, I offer dejectedly, “I’ll help you pack up if you’d rather go home.”
I pull on a clean T-shirt from my closet and make my way to the living room to look for her backpack. Except I need a minute to collect myself and lift my shirt to wipe under my eyes.
“James,” Shayla whispers a second before I feel her small hands slide around my waist to palm my stomach as she hugs me from behind, her soft breasts pressed against my back.
Her touch is so soothing, so intoxicating. My skin heats under her palms. My abs clench, and my heart flutters with new hope that she’ll forgive me for being forward with her in bed, that this won’t be the end of us.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have touched you earlier. I promise I won’t do it again if that’s what you want.” I plead softly, “Just please don’t go.”
“James…” She says my name differently this time, almost like an admonishment. She sighs heavily and drops her hands, leaving me feeling cold all over.
Fuck, this really is the end. The thought of never getting to see, hug, cuddle, or sleep next to her again is devastating. I bite my fist and choke back a sob. I don’t want her to think I’m a toxic man trying to manipulate her with my tears into staying or being with me. She’s only eighteen, as she reminded me, planning a whole future ahead of her that shouldn’t include me. Won’t include me.
I have to clear my throat twice before I can say over my shoulder, “I’ll walk you home. Um, you grab Lainey, and I’ll get your things together.”
I can’t face her as I step away and pack up Lainey’s diaper bag with some of her toys that I had left in a pile on the activity mat. I find Lainey’s favorite stuffed kitten on the couch and stroke the orange fur.
I bought the kitten for her the first time they went with me to the store to get diapers for Grayson. Her big, gray eyes lit up when she saw it on the shelf, and when I handed it to her, she hugged it tightly with her chubby arms and squealed. Her little chin quivered, and she wouldn’t let it go when Shayla tried to put it back on the shelf, so I bought it for her just to see her smile again.
A thought nearly bowls me over. If Shayla takes Angelainey home and decides to quit, we’ll go back to being strangers. She’s so young that she won’t remember who I am when she grows up. I won’t even get to see her grow up, except from afar. My little Angelainey won’t be mine anymore.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’ve made a mess of things. I should have been content just having them in my life, but then I had to go and take things too far. Got too attached. Too obsessed. Took advantage of Shayla and the comfort she offered, then scared her off by wanting more. The sob I bit back earlier finally works its way out as I place Angelainey’s kitten in her diaper bag.
“James, you didn’t let me finish.” She takes the stuffed kitten out of the bag and places it back on the couch before coming to stand in front of me. She reaches up and combs my hair back with her fingertips, and when a fresh tear rolls down my cheek, she wipes it away with her thumb. “You really should have let me finish.”
Then her hands are around my neck, her body flush against the length of mine as she stands on the tips of her toes and pulls me down to kiss her.
Instantly, euphoria sweeps through me, erasing my earlier devastation. I wrap my arms around her, my large hands spanning her back as I hold her as close as I can and deepen the kiss.
I can’t believe it. Can’t believe Shayla is kissing me with such fervor, thrusting her tongue in my mouth as I slide mine along hers. I don’t know what’s happening, what’s changed, but I’ll take anything and everything she’s willing to give me and nothing more.
“Angel. My angel.” I breathe out her name with devotion and kiss her lips, then her jaw, and down the side of her long neck.
She fists my hair and tips her head back, giving me more access to kiss and nip the length of her throat as I slide my hands down to grip her ass and yank her hips closer to mine.
“Wait.” She pulls away and drops her hands to push against my chest.
I stop immediately and raise my hands in the air as I back off. “Oh god, I took it too far again. I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”