Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
LUNA
One month with my baby. One more month of Sadie not waking up. And yet another month of dealing with all the paranoia of my past.
I wish I was as pure and innocent as Jude.
Then again, he might not exist if I was.
As I prepare another bottle of formula and find the next bib to catch my son’s dribbles, I cannot regret anything I did to bring this beautiful boy into my life.
I love caring for him every day. Seeing his little face in the morning.
Feeling him nuzzling into my shoulder. Knowing that he looks at me the only way I have ever wanted to be seen. Like I truly matter.
Postpartum can be a hard time for some mothers, but not for me.
All my hardship came before.
It’s about time I got to enjoy life a little.
As I feed Jude, I check the time and see that we should have company soon.
Reid will be on his way home with Arthur and Ruby in tow, another day of school complete for them, whilst Reid will have an hour or two of work to finish on his laptop in the spare room before he calls it a day.
I look forward to the moment everyone arrives home, upping the population of this house from two to five and making it feel fuller.
But until then, I’ll savour some quiet time with Jude, who will grow so fast that he will soon be the one coming through the door in his school uniform, asking me what’s for dinner.
When the door does fling open several minutes later, Jude has finished his bottle, and I have finished burping him.
As predicted, I am asked about dinner, the question coming from the hungry Arthur, who is always eager to learn what will be on his plate each night.
He’s followed by the sulking Ruby, the little girl having undergone a personality swap without Sadie, and she sulks off to her bedroom, where I know she’ll stay until we can coax her out with food later.
Finally, I see my man, Reid, walking through the door in his smart suit, and while he looks tired, he is able to muster up a smile for me.
‘How are you guys doing?’ he asks as he sees me and Jude approach.
‘It’s been a good day, hasn’t it, little one?’ I say, giving Jude a kiss on his soft head before passing him over to his father, who repeats the gesture.
I always melt when I see Reid holding our baby, and it’s another pinch-me moment that this is actually my life nowadays.
It almost feels like it couldn’t get any better, although I know it could.
For that to happen, I’d need Sadie to be officially dead and buried, not lingering in life like she currently is.
‘Do you have much work to finish?’ I ask Reid as he fails spectacularly to stifle a yawn.
I can see the disrupted nights of sleep since Jude arrived are taking their toll on him now and he looks weary.
It might also explain why I feel he hasn’t been quite as affectionate with me lately as he usually is.
I was used to lots of kisses and cuddles, but they have reduced over the past few weeks, although from what I have read online, that is to be expected.
Very few couples, if any, are able to maintain the romantic routine that they had before welcoming a baby.
But I am confident we can find our way back to how we were before, once the fatigue subsides.
‘I love you,’ I say to Reid before offering him a kiss too, making a nice change from only kissing Jude for the last several hours.
When our lips meet, I still sense something in my partner, a distance or a hesitancy that I can’t quite explain.
But then our lips part, he passes Jude back to me, and now he’s on his way to the spare bedroom to finish working for the day.
But he’s barely got halfway up the stairs when his mobile rings.
‘Hello,’ he says as he answers it, pausing on the staircase while I look up at him with Jude wriggling slightly in my arms. I can’t see Reid’s face because he has his back turned to me, but I notice his body stiffen, so whatever he is hearing at the other end of the line is shocking and surprising him.
Is it work? Are they adding more responsibility to his day?
Or is it something else? Something closer to home?
‘Wow, that’s good news. Thanks for calling. I’ll get the kids and we’ll be there as soon as we can.’
He hangs up then before turning around to look at me. When he does, I see that he looks visibly stunned, as if he’s just heard the last thing in the world he expected to hear. Then he tells me what it was and it’s the last thing I expected to hear too.
‘That was Sadie’s mum. She’s at the hospital and she says Sadie is showing possible signs that she might be about to wake up.’
A weaker woman than I would have dropped her baby at this point, succumbing to the shockwaves that the news has just sent around my body.
But I manage to maintain my composure, holding on to Jude whilst also holding on to an expression that makes it seem like that is not the worst news I have ever been given in my life.
‘Really?’ is the extent of what I can say in this second.
‘Yeah. I need to tell the kids and get over there. Is that okay?’
‘Yeah, of course,’ I reply, understanding that Arthur and Ruby are going to be overjoyed at this development and want to be there just in case Sadie really does wake up like the doctors are apparently suggesting that she might.
Reid rushes up the stairs then, seeking his daughter first, and a few seconds later, I hear a loud squeal coming from Ruby’s bedroom.
The little girl appears at the top of the stairs a moment later, followed by her father, and the two of them come rushing down before Reid goes looking for his son in the kitchen.
As Ruby gets her coat and shoes back on as quickly as possible, I hear Arthur let out a loud cheer before he appears in the hallway too and within a matter of seconds, all three of them are ready and raring to go to the hospital.
That’s how quickly it feels like my wonderful family is ready to abandon me to go and see Sadie, that woman I wish was long gone so we could focus on each other and forget about how our lives were all different before this.
‘Will you be okay here?’ Reid asks me. ‘I’m not sure how long we will be, but I’ll call you from the hospital and keep you updated.’
That’s when I make a snap decision that I might later live to regret.
‘I want to come with you,’ I say, deciding that Jude and I are going to accompany the others to the hospital.
‘Really?’ Reid asks, surprised. ‘You don’t have to do that. You can stay here.’
‘I know, but I want to come. I want to be with you all,’ I say, feeling it is important that I keep myself as integrated with them all as possible rather than be left back here on the sidelines, leaving Sadie to get all the attention.
I also need to be there so I can see the state of the patient for myself.
Is she really waking up?
Is she really coming out of her coma?
Most importantly, is she going to remember what she knew before?
There’s only one way to find out.
I have to go to the hospital.
So that’s what I’m going to do.