Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
LUNA
‘I feel really weak,’ I say to the frowning doctor who sits beside me in the same hospital corridor where I just collapsed.
Except I didn’t really collapse. I faked it.
That’s because I had to do something about the chances of Sadie waking up from her coma soon and this is my something.
The ‘fake fainting’ was part one of my plan. Now it’s on to the second part.
‘Something’s wrong,’ I say to the doctor whilst Reid stands in front of us, holding Jude, and looking very worried.
‘She has been under a lot of stress lately,’ my partner chimes in, but that’s not really helping me because I don’t just want this doctor to think I became overwhelmed with my busy life and succumbed to stress.
I need him to think there is some serious medical issue that I have that warrants investigation and, to do that, I’ll need to be given a bed on a ward somewhere in this hospital until the time comes for the tests.
I need that to happen rather than the likelier outcome, which is that I get told to go home and rest, because I cannot go home now.
Not when Sadie is on the verge of rejoining us in the land of the conscious.
I have to stay here, where she is, but not to simply wait for her to wake.
I have to stay so I can silence her before she does.
‘My heart is pounding and my head feels like it’s going to explode,’ I say to the doctor. ‘I feel hot too. Something is seriously wrong.’
Come on, doc. I need you to fear that I am falling victim to some awful disease or virus and get me hooked up to an IV drip as soon as possible. I need nurses fussing over me. I need a bed. I need to become a patient here like Sadie is.
‘Do you feel like you could lose consciousness again?’ the doctor asks me, and I have to pretend I do.
‘Yes, I feel awful. Like I’m getting worse by the second.
I don’t know what is wrong with me, but it’s bad,’ I say, using all my acting skills on what I hope is an easily deceived doc.
He looks fairly young, so that might mean he lacks experience, or at least I’m counting on it.
An older, wiser doctor might not be as easily fooled by me feigning a serious illness, but this guy might.
I need him to be worried, not just about me but about himself and his career if he makes a mistake and sends a poorly woman home when he should have let her stay here.
‘I don’t want to die. My baby needs me,’ I say then, really going for it, like some ageing actor who knows they are filming their last movie, and this is their final chance to capture that Oscar that has always eluded them.
‘I think we should get you checked over by one of my colleagues and take it from there,’ the doctor says, deciding he can’t risk anything based on what I am telling him.
‘I need to lie down. The room is spinning,’ I say, hinting at the bed that I so desperately want. ‘Is there somewhere I can go? Is there room here at this hospital for me? I’m not sure I can stand a waiting room when I feel like this.’
‘I will go and check,’ the doctor says, standing up, and he tells Reid to keep a close eye on me before he departs.
Reid quickly sits down beside me, and I look at the sleeping Jude in his arms. I’m going to miss him if I do end up staying in here overnight, but it’s necessary and is the only way I can guarantee I won’t be missing any other nights with him in the long term.
‘Here. Have some water,’ Reid says, handing me the bottle he brought from home but has barely touched so far.
I tentatively take it and put it to my lips, making a point of shaking my hands a little so it looks like I am weaker than I really am. I feel bad that I will be worrying Reid now, but again, it’s all collateral damage that must occur if I am to keep our family together.
‘Maybe it is all the stress lately,’ I say to him after taking a drink. ‘Or maybe it’s something else. I don’t know. All I do know is I feel so tired and need to rest. Would you be okay if they decided to keep me in here overnight?’
‘Yes, of course. Don’t worry about us. We’ll manage,’ Reid quickly assures me.
‘Thank you,’ I say before I notice the doctor returning with a nurse by his side. She looks as young as he is, so this could be more potential inexperience that I can try to exploit.
‘Are you okay to come this way?’ the doctor asks me. ‘We have somewhere we can lie you down and examine you there.’
‘I’ll try,’ I reply, hating how useless and pathetic I’m forcing myself to sound because the truth is I feel strong and like I could do anything. Like kill a person. But I have to bide my time on that and, right now, appearing weak will ultimately be my strength.
The doctor and nurse help me up out of my seat, lifting me by taking an arm each, while Reid stands and continues to be occupied with our son.
Then they lead me down the corridor, away from Sadie’s room and, eventually, onto another ward about a ten-minute walk from her.
When we get there, I am delighted to see that I am being shown to a bed and, as I am helped onto it, I am praying this is going to be declared as mine for the night.
The doctor tells me the nurse will conduct a few checks and he will be back shortly, so I allow his colleague to do what she needs to do.
She takes my temperature. Monitors my blood pressure.
Looks at my pupils. Listens to my heart.
Has me cough and recite back a couple of things to her to test my memory and cognitive function.
Then she decides I’m dehydrated and gets me that IV drip that the doctor previously mentioned.
All the while, Reid stands by, he and Jude, like worried watchdogs beside my bed, although Jude isn’t doing as much watching as his father because his eyes keep closing not long after they have opened.
The nurse writes down all the results of the various tests she has conducted on me before going to leave. But just before she can, I have to find out if my plan has worked.
‘Am I staying here for the night?’
The nurse turns back.
‘Possibly. We’re not quite sure what is wrong with you yet, but we’d rather not have you leave in case you get worse. Is that okay?’
‘I suppose it’s sensible,’ I say, feigning some sadness that I won’t be going home to my own bed this evening. But inside, I am delighted. Now all I need is everybody to leave me alone so I can do what needs to be done before the morning comes.
‘Seriously, don’t worry about Jude or me or anything else,’ Reid says to me. ‘We’ll all manage. The main thing is that you are feeling better, and if a night’s rest in here is what you need, so be it.’
‘I’m not sure how much rest I’ll get in here,’ I reply. ‘Hospitals are hardly the perfect place for sleep.’
‘I’m sure you’ll sleep a lot better without Jude waking you up,’ Reid says, smiling slightly before looking concerned again. ‘You had me really worried out there in the corridor when you collapsed. I thought I’d lost you.’
Again, I feel terrible for putting Reid through this extra stress because he has been under more than enough pressure lately himself.
If only he knew that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me.
Well, nothing physically, anyway. But mentally, I am freaking out, and it’s all because Sadie might open her eyes soon and tell everyone who I really am.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say to him.
‘You have nothing to be sorry for,’ Reid replies firmly, just as Jude wakes and starts to grizzle, probably hungry, or just fed up with the bright lights and noise in this hospital.
‘Maybe you should get him home,’ I suggest. ‘He could do with a feed and then putting down in his crib.’
‘I don’t want to leave you alone here,’ Reid says.
‘I know, but you’ll have to. You can’t stay all night. They’ll tell you to go home at some point. You might as well go now and get Jude settled. I’ll be fine here.’
Reid looks a little lost, and it could be that he’s worried about being the only one responsible for our son when he gets home. Sure, Arthur and Ruby will be with him too, but he’s the only adult, and with three children to look after, it’s a lot for anyone to have to do.
‘You can do this,’ I say to him, giving him the confidence that he might need. ‘Super Dad.’
Reid laughs, a little nervously, but he also looks like he knows he has to step his game up now and make this work.
So that’s what he does. He gives me a kiss goodbye and allows me to do the same to Jude before leaving me, but only after I have to promise him that I will let him know when there is any news.
I assure him that I will, and one other thing I could have assured him of is that soon, there will be lots of news coming from this hospital. But it won’t be about me and my ‘medical condition’. No, it will all be about another patient here.
The patient I am staying here with overnight.
The patient who is still in her coma but showing signs of waking up soon.
The patient who I will ensure never opens her eyes again.