Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
If you don’t understand emotions, don’t torture yourself, just don’t think about it!
Tips and tricks for every situation from divorce lawyer Connor Stone
Wow. You capitalize the D in displacement, right? - Rachel
Why exactly are you coming to see me?”
“Do I need a reason to visit my big brother?”
Connor leaned back in his office chair. “I’d say yes.”
Alec chuckled softly on the other end of the phone. “Hmm, hearing that, I could almost mistakenly assume you don’t want me around at all.”
Connor narrowed his eyes, stood, and closed the office door. If Cian overheard this conversation, he’d spend the rest of the day lecturing Connor about the importance of family.
Connor knew how important family was. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Alec or that he didn’t miss Mallory and Allison, but every time he saw his siblings, he was overcome with all-encompassing guilt.
Rachel had been right about every damn thing, and he’d been angry that she’d identified every single sore spot.
God, how could a woman know him so well without him saying a word about himself?
Not even his siblings knew how terrible their childhood had been for him. He hadn’t talked about it with Cian or Gareth, or Mallory, Alec, or Allie. Rachel, on the other hand, had taken one look at him and just known. As if he needed another reason to stay away from her. Damn psychologists!
Because, yes, he was the eldest; he'd had to take care of everything. Naturally, he had protected his siblings from how bad things had been for the family at times, that their father had been so obsessed with his artistic career that their mother had had to work herself to death to keep them afloat. That it still had been barely enough. That their parents had argued constantly, but their mother had ignored every one of Connor’s pleas to leave or give their father an ultimatum.
And, yes, eventually, his father had become famous, but with his daughter’s damned art, not his own.
Connor should have seen it coming. He should have known.
He hadn’t been able to protect Allie the way he'd wanted.
Mallory had gotten pregnant as a teenager, and Alec…
he had left Alec to his own devices as soon as he had the chance.
Yes, his siblings lived on the other side of the country.
He could have stayed on the East Coast after Harvard.
He didn’t have to move to L.A., since dozens of good law firms had wanted him back then, where his siblings still lived.
But…he had longed so much for freedom, for less responsibility.
He'd still been angry at his mother; he hadn’t truly grieved when his father died — and he hadn’t wanted to justify that to his siblings.
Then he would have had to explain that he had spent his youth secretly slipping money to his mother and doing housework in the middle of the night so that Alec, Allie, and Mallory would have clean dishes for breakfast the next morning, when his mother couldn’t manage anymore in terms of time and energy.
Even when they suddenly became rich from selling sculpture, everything still fell on their mother.
Suddenly, their father was too important to drive Alec to his baking class and too busy to do the laundry.
So, yes, Connor had seized the first opportunity to get as far away as possible from his family and his responsibilities.
And it had worked out. They were all happy now.
But he wasn’t contributing much anymore.
Rachel had been right about that too…he didn’t know if he could make people happy or if he had the stamina and the strength for it.
Nevertheless, he should at least make the effort to give his siblings what he could still give.
“Connor, are you still there?” Alec asked.
“Yes, I’m still here. Sorry.” He slumped back in his chair. “Alec, of course you can come. I have a guest room, so stay as long as you want. I’ll be happy to see you. I just asked why because…” He sighed heavily. “Is everything okay? Are you and the family okay?”
There was a moment of thoughtful silence on the other side.
Then Alec murmured, “Mallory is happily busy with her two kids and her husband. Allie is happily busy with her art and her ex-Navy SEAL. My friends are busy proposing and fulfilling their dreams. And me? I’m making one wedding cake after another.
” He clicked his tongue, sounding oddly exhausted.
“I love Eden Bay, the town is magical, but…it’s a bit crowded here.
Too many people in love. I need a change of scenery and thought you’d understand that better than anyone. ”
Connor’s throat tightened. “I do.”
“Besides, I have a few…appointments in town.”
“Pastry chefs have appointments?” His brother was a baker, not a businessman.
“Oh, sure, a lot of them.”
“What kind of appointments?”
“None of your business. I just thought I’d try something new. Develop myself.”
“With what?”
“None of your business,” he repeated.
Connor snorted, but he felt a smile coming on. It had to be something embarrassing. Alec was usually an open book. “Come whenever you want.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear! But just be warned, Mallory expects a daily report from me on your physical and mental state.”
“I wouldn't expect anything less.” His sister thought he was sleeping with too many women and it wasn’t making him happy. His sister was a smart woman.
“Yeah, just wanted to let you know so you could give me some bullshit about finding yourself and having the time of your life.”
“Will do. See you soon.”
“Yep.” The next moment, Alec hung up.
Connor lowered the phone and caught himself with that smile that had crept up on him. Mallory and Allie were fine. He would help Alec be fine. As far as he knew, his siblings weren’t even mad at him for living so far away. And he was working on sleeping with fewer women and finding the right one.
His thoughts immediately flew to Rachel.
Well, everyone takes a step back before they move forward, right? He would—
“—Not want to physically attack her, Maddie! I just want an explanation.”
“But you demand explanations with hellfire in your eyes, Lucy!”
“Dax thinks it’s cute.”
“Dax also thinks it’s cute to fight on the ice!”
Connor blinked. Where the hell were the voices coming from?
“Lucy, I’m begging you.” It was Maddie’s pleading voice, and then Lucy’s…Rachel’s other sister? “Don’t start a fight! She’s finally here. I honestly didn’t expect to see Rachel more than once a year at Christmas for the rest of my life.”
Connor turned around. The voices were coming from his window. He’d pulled down the blinds so he wouldn't catch Rachel strolling along the promenade, which she did far too often, but his window was open a crack and Lucy and Maddie seemed to be talking right in front of it.
“Yes, Rachel’s here, Maddie,” Lucy said tensely. “But is she really here? Have you talked to her about anything serious yet? Has she told you what happened in Chicago, how she’s doing, or why she doesn’t want to see Dad? Anything?”
After a brief silence, Maddie meekly replied, “Well, no. But you know Rachel. She doesn’t open up easily. She keeps her thoughts and feelings to herself. She needs time to warm up.”
“We’re her sisters. Why does she need to warm up with us?”
Connor’s jaw tensed. Sometimes, you thought twice before telling the people closest to you something that might upset them. As the oldest sibling in a troubled, unhappy household, you automatically assume the role of protector. It was just the way it was!
He didn’t know Rachel’s family history, but…
I understand you better than you think.
Yes, Rachel had understood him, and he’d bet his firm it was because they were more alike than he wanted to admit.
It fit. She immediately defended Maddie.
She didn’t share much personal information and preferred asking questions rather than answering them.
She wanted a quiet life because hers had never been quiet.
Didn’t Lucy and Maddie understand that? That you had to figure some things out for yourself before bothering the people you loved with them?
“I mean, she should love us as unconditionally as we love her, right?” Lucy continued bitterly. “She should be able to trust us! So why doesn’t she just tell us what’s going on?”
Connor had a momentary lapse in judgment. He didn’t know what came over him, but one moment he was sitting in his office chair, and the next, he was pulling up the blinds and banging his fist against his window.
Maddie and Lucy, who were standing six feet away, were startled and whirled around to face him.
“Hey,” he said sharply. “You should be talking to your sister, not about her.”
The James sisters stared at him, their mouths gaping.
Fuck. When would he learn to shut up? He should just close the blinds again and get on with his work, but all he could think about was how he would hate it if his siblings thought the distance he’d created between them had anything to do with his love for them.
It would kill him to find out that Mall, Allie, and Alec believed they weren’t important enough for him to share his feelings with.
“Have you ever considered that Rachel isn’t hiding things out of resentment, but to protect you? That she’s not sharing what’s on her mind because she doesn’t want to hurt you? Because she feels like she’s let you down enough, and doesn’t want to bother you with her shit?”
“What the hell is happening right now?” Lucy whispered, looking fearfully at Maddie.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “But I think Connor WTF Stone is giving us a dressing down.”
Oh, dear God. “I’m not saying it’s right,” he growled.
“I’m not saying she shouldn’t share her worries with you.
And, hell, it has nothing to do with her not loving you — but everything to do with the fact that she does love you.
Now get the hell away from my window and get better at having confidential conversations! ”
With a yank, he closed the window before letting the blinds fall again. It was Rachel’s fault that he broke his sacred rule to mind his own business and not interfere in anyone else’s!
All in all, Rachel bore a lot of the blame.
She was responsible for his poor sleep and lack of concentration.
And he no longer trusted his body because, around Rachel, he seemed to lose all control.
He made one terrible decision after another…
He couldn't think! God, he’d been so angry at her for butting in, even if it hadn’t been her plan, and yet he’d wanted to kiss her.
He hadn’t done it just to shut her up but because he hadn’t thought about anything else for weeks.
And it had been too intense, too much for him.
But he still hadn’t wanted to let go of her as they lay breathing heavily on her desk.
He’d tightened his arms around her instead of just getting up and leaving.
And ever since he’d left, his chest had felt tight. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. A mixture of…excitement, longing, and frustration? He was warm and restless.
Shit, there should be a word for what he felt.
His phone vibrated. As if he'd conjured her up with his thoughts alone, Rachel’s name popped up.
Saturday, 12 o’clock: Mini golf date at the course by the beach cafe.
Don’t accuse me of playing dirty again.
Same rules for everyone, right?
He clenched his teeth. Rachel wasted no time. How awfully kind and fair of her to inform him.
He narrowed his eyes and rubbed his chest. Now another ache was added to his exhausting feelings. But if he were honest, he had little desire to analyze them further. The bottom line: he was fucking pissed off. He wanted to get the dates over with and then stay away from her!
“Fuck,” he whispered, burying his face in his hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
He had to figure out what was wrong with him.
“Are you okay?”
He abruptly dropped his hands. Cian had poked his head into his office.
“Can't you fucking knock?” he asked, annoyed.
His friend looked at him, irritated. “We don’t knock when there are no clients.”
Yes, yes, he knew that. “What do you want, Cian?”
His partner narrowed his eyes. “You said you were going to look at the candidates for the paralegal and receptionist positions today.”
“It’s four o’clock, there is still plenty of time.”
“Connor, you said that yesterday too.”
“Get lost, Cian.”
“Christ, you’ve been in a ridiculously bad mood this week. We need help! The two of us can’t do the work of five.”
“I know!”
“Then pull yourself together and hire someone! You’re never satisfied with my choices.” He slammed the door.
Great. Now he wasn’t the only one who was pissed off.
Cian was right. He had to take care of this. And he would take care of it. But first, he needed a damn date for Saturday!