Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Like you grow with your tasks, relationships grow with their problems.
From the self-help book for self-pitiers by psychologist Rachel James
Do you always have to grow? Maybe you should just pull the weeds and see what’s left? - Connor
Twelve o’clock Saturday. I’ll be there. And you’ll go down. I’m talking about mini golf, of course.
Rachel gritted her teeth and stared at Connor’s message, which had made her heart skip three beats. He was coming. Of course he was coming. Nothing had changed.
Except that she’d been feeling bad for days because Connor was angry. She shouldn’t care that the cynical divorce lawyer next door was upset, but she did, and by God, she had no idea why!
“Rachel, are you okay?” Maddie asked hesitantly, sitting at the desk to her right, the desk Rachel would probably never be able to look at again without blushing. “You seem a bit distracted. Is everything okay with the questionnaire? I have no idea why you’re revising it.”
“I’m just…changing the wording in places to encourage our clients to be honest with themselves.” This was a problem she hadn’t even considered before, that people were checking off what they wanted to be, not who they were.
“Okay.” Maddie sounded disappointed, as if she’d hoped for more.
Uncertain, Rachel glanced over the computer screen. Hailey was walking dogs at the local animal shelter and they were alone in the office. Of course, she hadn't really felt alone for days; she kept hearing that voice in her head…
Because you are the most amazing woman I know.
God. Only Connor Stone could manage to squeeze a compliment into a shouted accusation. Only Connor Stone could make her angry and wet at the same time. He was such an incredibly frustrating man!
And she wanted to believe that she was amazing, but right now, she felt like a coward.
“Are you nervous about your upcoming date?” Maddie persisted.
Her voice sounded casual, but her gaze seemed almost longing.
In fact, she’d been glancing at her a lot since her late lunch break, as if she were expecting…
something. Maybe emotions. Maddie always wanted emotions.
Rachel was good at recognizing and understanding emotions.
But sharing them?
Rachel swallowed and squared her shoulders. She was strong. She was amazing. And there was something she wanted to talk about. Something she would normally have called Maya for. To Maya, she could have divulged a name. But she didn’t know anyone in L.A. Maybe…
“To be honest, it’s not about the date or the questionnaire. I had a huge fight with…with someone a few days ago, and I can’t let it go.”
“Oh, with Lucy?”
She blinked. “No. Is Lucy mad at me?” Shit, of course she was, because she still hadn’t contacted their father. Because she was back, but hadn’t done anything yet.
Maddie quickly turned her face away. “Lucy’s always mad at someone. Don’t worry about it.”
Rachel sighed heavily. Maddie wanted to protect her. She appreciated that, but…never mind. That was a problem for another day.
“So, who did you fight with?” Maddie asked.
“With a…friend.” There was no other word she could use to describe Connor. Nemesis sounded silly, and she didn’t sleep with casual acquaintances.
“Oh, okay. And why can’t you let it go?”
“Because I don’t know if I’m wrong or not,” she whispered. Because that was exactly what had kept her awake. “I think I’ve hurt that friend even though I didn’t think that was possible. Now, I don’t know if I owe him an apology or not.”
Maddie ignored her computer, and Rachel could be wrong, but her cheeks seemed to glow, as if she were incredibly pleased that Rachel was speaking about a problem with her.
God, was she really this guarded? She didn’t even notice anymore.
“Tell me what happened,” Maddie said softly. “Maybe I can help.”
Rachel swallowed, but nodded and rolled her desk chair closer to her sister's. “Okay. I accidentally interfered with my friend’s work. I didn’t know I was doing it, but I did, and…now he has been forced to throw his entire work schedule out the window and maybe redo an unpleasant task.”
Maddie frowned. “Could you be more specific?”
Her cheeks caught fire. “No, I’m sorry.” If Maddie knew she was referring to Connor, it would raise a whole new set of questions.
“No problem.” Maddie nodded understandingly — and Rachel admired her for her good, patient heart. “So, it wasn’t your intention, but you made more work for him?”
“Yes, and…I think I hurt him. Unintentionally! His work is incredibly personal to him – which I didn’t know! – and I practically told him he was doing it wrong, and it turns out I was right.”
“Ouch,” Maddie said, grimacing.
“But I didn’t know I’d hurt him!” she said quickly. “It wasn’t my intention…”
“Sometimes, it doesn’t matter if you had good intentions or if you accidentally hurt someone. Have you always done everything right just because you didn’t want to hurt the other person? Even though the end result is that they’re hurt?”
Rachel swallowed. Maddie sounded like Connor.
“Is there a chance you’re…wrong, Rachel? That he has a right to be angry?”
“I didn’t mean to interfere,” she said quietly. “I didn’t know I was.”
“But you did. And you’re sorry for hurting him?”
She swallowed and looked away. “Yes. He looked extremely angry, desperate, and hurt.”
“I think you should apologize for that then,” Maddie said, shrugging.
“You can be sorry for the effect your words and actions had, even though you didn’t do anything wrong.
It doesn’t hurt to let him know you’re sorry.
You don’t have to apologize for what you did, but you can apologize for hurting him. Or did you mean to hurt him?”
“No.” No matter how frustrating Connor was or how contrary his opinion, she hadn’t wanted to make him that angry and reopen old wounds.
“Well, then…” Maddie shrugged.
Shit. She was right. She owed Connor an apology. If only for psychoanalyzing him when he asked her not to. He’d accepted her boundaries and stopped when she’d asked him to, but she hadn’t.
“Man, Maddie,” she said weakly, “when did you get so wise?”
Her sister smiled broadly. “I’ve always been wise. I just struggled with speaking my mind. Sex with a hot hockey player helped.”
She laughed. “Really? I think sex complicates everything.”
“Hmm.” Curious, Maddie stretched out her chin. “Who have you had sex with? I thought your dates so far have been bad.”
“No one!” she responded quickly. “Because it complicates everything.”
Maddie laughed. “But it’s fun too. And, Rachel, thank you.” Her eyes lit up. “For asking for my advice. It means a lot to me. You know you can tell me anything, right? Whether it’s…” She hesitated. “It doesn’t matter if it hurts or not.”
Stunned, Rachel raised her eyebrows. Those were a specific choice of words.
Rachel smiled uncertainly. “Fine. I’ll try...to do it more often.” But it was difficult when you’d been encouraged your whole life not to share your secrets with your sisters because they wouldn’t understand…
“That’s enough for me,” Maddie said gently. “So, how are things with Connor? Have you become friends or something?”
Rachel’s heart fluttered. “Friends? Us? No. Why…do you ask? We’ve barely had anything to do with each other.”
Maddie narrowed her eyes and nodded. “Just asking. I ran into him earlier and…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
Rachel nodded and went back to work, thinking she wished she didn’t care about Connor either.