Chapter 11
KABIR
Fury ignited in his blood as he stared into her mutinous face. “I don’t have the right to ask you anything?” he asked, working to keep the hurt from his voice.
“No, you don’t,” she said. “Not when you give me nothing, Kabir!”
He reared back, rocking back on his heels, the hurt now painted into every inch of his soul. They watched each other in silence, endless memories from the past streaming through their minds.
And then a cruel smile tipped his lips up. “Nothing, Tani?”
He’d given her everything. Everything. His battered heart, his blackened soul, his tattered conscience…Everything he had, everything he was, everything he hoped to be, he’d given her.
But she was right…it was nothing. Nothing compared to what she deserved.
“Yes, nothing!” she flared up now. “I begged you, Kabir. I came to you and I – “ her breath hitched as she struggled to control her emotions.
“Don’t, Tani,” he said roughly.
“No dammit.” She slammed her hands into his chest but he didn’t move. “You don’t get to tell me to stop. You cracked this door open.”
“And you’re going to drive a fucking bus through it?” He shook his head, struggling to keep a lid on his emotions. “You’re marrying another man. I think we’ve said everything-“
“You kissed me.”
The words were the pin pulled out of a grenade. And the past exploded out of it.
“Don’t do this, Tani.”
“You kissed me,” she hissed, rising to her knees and grabbing his face so he couldn’t look away, “and then you left me.”
“Do you think I’m proud of that?” he roared back. “Do you think I don’t realise that touching you, kissing you, holding you, was the worst mistake I could ever make?”
“The worst mistake?” She laughed bitterly. “Is that what I am? Stupid of me,” she said, “But I thought you were the best thing to ever happen to me.”
Her words were a lance to his heart. “I never happened to you,” he said quietly. “We can’t be, Tani.”
“But we already are,” she whispered. “Whether you want to accept it or not.”
“Bug,” he whispered hoarsely. “Please.”
His phone rang, loud and clear, breaking the tense silence that had fallen between them. He didn’t glance at it. It rang for a while and fell silent. A brief pause and it began again.
“You should take that,” she said. “It might be important.”
“Nothing is more important than you are, Tani.” He silenced the phone and tossed it aside. “Please tell me why you’re doing this. This is all you’ve ever wanted. This job on Wall Street…you’ve been talking about it forever.”
He still remembered the day she’d got her offer of employment, the day she’d come charging onto the stage mid soundcheck, her beautiful face lit up with a joy and excitement that made her glow.
She’d thrown herself into his arms and they’d spun around like lunatics, laughing and babbling, their words tumbling over each other’s.
“It’s your dream, Tani. You’ve worked so damn hard to get here. Why are you giving it up over a guy?”
And what kind of guy would ask that of her, he thought, but he kept that part to himself. This wasn’t about Jay. This was about Tani. For Kabir, it was always about Tani.
Tears sprang to Tani’s eyes but she blinked, refusing to let them spill over. He watched her, waiting, his heart breaking in his chest.
Before she could say anything, his phone lit up again.
“You should get that,” Tani said huskily.
“It can wait.”
But the phone started up again, juddering on the floor and he made the mistake of glancing at it. His blood ran cold at the number flashing on the display. Almost on cue, someone knocked on the door.
“Tani?” Shikha’s concerned voice filtered through the door.
Their eyes locked as the implications of getting caught together in a locked room sunk in. Tani put a finger to her lips, not that he needed the warning. Kabir shut his eyes and fell back on the ground, flipping his phone face down as he did so to avoid looking at that damned number.
“Yeah?” Tani called out.
“Are you okay sweetie?”
“I am, Ma. I’ll be down in a minute.”
A pause and then Shikha said, “Can you open the door? I just want to see that you’re okay.”
“I need a moment, Ma, please?”
Another pause and then, Shikha sighed heavily. “Are you drinking in there, Tani?”
Tanisha groaned. “NO! When I come out, I’ll breathe in your face okay?
But could I just have this moment to myself?
” She channelled her inner, outraged, hormonal teenager and let loose.
“Is it too much to ask for? One moment of privacy away from the madness of this family? Do we need to be in each other’s faces all the damn time? ”
“That’s enough.” Shikha’s crisp voice cut through her tirade. “I’ll give you your moment. You can join us downstairs when you’re ready to be in the faces of the people who love you so damn much.”
Before Tani could respond, they heard the sounds of Shikha’s footsteps receding, the click of her heels slowly fading away.
“You’re going to pay for that one,” Kabir said tiredly, sitting up and scrubbing his hands over his face.
She shrugged, an intricate byplay of emotions crisscrossing over her face. “What’s one more added to my list of sins?” she murmured.
Kabir drank in the sight of her, sitting on that mattress, her wild tangle of curls tumbling around her beautiful, sad face.
“No guy is worth giving up your dreams for, Bug,” he said quietly. “This is your life and you should live it for yourself.”
“Jay didn’t ask me to give up anything, Kabir,” she replied tiredly. “Moving back to India was my idea.”
His heart stumbled in his chest. “Why?” he asked, though he had a feeling the answer would destroy him.
“I did give up my dreams of living and working in New York because of a guy,” she said, meeting his devastated eyes.
“I can’t do it, Kabs. I can’t live in New York and not – “ She stopped for a moment, tears finally spilling over. “New York is you. It’s…It was,” she corrected herself, “the hope of us, of us being an ‘us’. I can’t be there anymore.
I can’t be around you and not have you in my life. ”
He opened his mouth to say something but she held a hand up before he could interrupt and continued to shatter his heart, “Not the way I have you. The way I want you. I can’t do it anymore, Kabir.
I want to live my life, I want to move on, and I can’t do it if you’re around.
I need to not be where you are. I need you gone. ”
She rose to her feet, walked over to where he sat on the floor. She crouched beside him, leaned forward and kissed him, softly, gently, aching beautifully. A feather soft touch, there and gone before he could do anything but tremble.
“Bye Kabs.” And with that final whisper, she rose, unlocked the door and left.