Chapter 21
KABIR
Looking at Tani felt like looking directly into the heart of the sun. Kabir blinked, pushing his sunglasses up his nose with one long finger, throat clenching as emotion clogged it.
Fuck, she was a beautiful bride.
Rehan came charging across the lawns like an untrained puppy and launched himself at Kabir. “Bro, you’re here!”
“I’m here,” Kabir agreed, smiling despite his misery. “Where else would I be?”
“Good point.” Rehan wrapped an arm around Kabir’s shoulders and dragged him into the crowd of family and friends clogging the vast space.
Kabir allowed himself to be hugged, his hair to be ruffled, and his back to be thumped, endlessly.
All the time, he was acutely aware of her sitting on that stage, her cheeks flushed with streaks of turmeric, her eyes bright and sparkling.
Eyes that were looking everywhere but at him.
He heard her laugh, a bright, tinkling sound that had his heart doing a little jitter even as he struggled not to turn and look, to see who was making her laugh.
“Kabir.” His mother came up, looking gorgeous as ever in a pretty cream saree. “Come put haldi for Tani. Almost everyone else is done with the ritual. You’re late.”
“Isn’t it a ladies function?” he asked, a little desperately as Aayushi started to tow him towards the stage.
“No,” she replied, smiling at him. “We’ve decided that this is a loved one’s function. Everyone who loves Tani is going to put haldi on her as shagun. And you love her, no?”
The words were a blade through his heart. His feet faltered as they stopped at the foot of the stage.
“Ma, this –“
“Come on, Kabir.” Aayushi looked impatient. “Don’t act like you’re shy or have stage fright of all things. This will mean a lot to Tani.”
No. He didn’t think it would. But at this point, with everyone watching him, there wasn’t much he could do but step up, on to the stage she sat on.
He saw her shoulders stiffen, even as she kept her gaze determinedly forward.
His mother shoved him from behind and he had no choice but to keep walking as he came to a stop in front of Tani.
Kabir dropped to his knees at her feet, the soft, yellow skirts of her lehenga crumpling a little beneath him. Tani glanced down, her breath hitching before slowly, ever so slowly, looking up to meet his eyes.
“Hi Bug,” he said softly, dipping his fingers into the silver bowl of turmeric paste.
Tani said nothing, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears, as they roved his face.
He reached forward, his turmeric coated fingers stopping a hairsbreadth from the delicate curve of her cheek. His hands started to shake but before it was noticeable, Tani’s hands came up to cover them, bringing them to her face, and making him slide his trembling fingers over her cheeks.
“You look beautiful,” he said hoarsely.
“You look like shit,” she replied, her voice a broken whisper.
He laughed, a sad, brittle sound. “I feel like shit,” he admitted, his gaze skimming over her face, drinking her in.
“Kabs, I-“
But whatever she was going to say was lost as loud music started to blare from behind them.
Shouts and cheers went up as several of the younger crowd started to dance with Rehan, God help them, as their DJ.
Kabir rose to his feet, his heart tight and hurting.
But before he could walk away, Tani reached for his hand, her slim fingers closing around his callused ones.
She squeezed hard and tight, three times.
Their unspoken code for I love you. For a second, Kabir considered squeezing back, letting everything in his heart spill out and fall in a glorious mess at her feet.
Your mother was the local don.
The conversation with his aunt and the ridiculous farce his life was swam through his mind, another layer to all the reasons he shouldn’t be with her, shouldn’t exist in her sphere.
And so, for the first time since he’d known Tani, he pulled his hands free of hers, not allowing himself to squeeze hers back.
He could feel her hurt gaze boring into his back as he left the stage but he didn’t look back. If he did, he would break.
He walked straight over to where his father sat with some guests. “Dad,” he said abruptly. “I’m leaving.”
“Kabir.” Ved looked at him, perturbed. “You just got here.”
“Yeah.” He forced the surly rudeness of his adolescence into his voice. “And I’ve marked my attendance. Can I go now?”
“Marked your attendance?” Anger sparked in Ved’s eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Kabir sighed. “Dad I came for your sake. I’m attending all the functions for your sake. This isn’t my scene. You know that. I came. I did my bit. I want to go now. I’ll be back for the next function.”
“For my sake?” Ved repeated. “Not for Tani’s sake? Or for yourself?”
A bitter laugh escaped him. “No Dad, I’m not doing this for myself. So, if you’ve finished guilt tripping me, can I go now?” he asked insolently.
“You’re acting like a spoilt brat,” Ved said tersely. “Not the grown man I know you to be.”
“Maybe,” Kabir said, rubbing a palm over his scruffy beard. “You don’t know me at all.”
“Or maybe we know you too well and that’s what you can’t handle.” Ved took a deep breath, composing himself. “Go, if you want to. But we’re going to talk later.”
The disappointment in his voice sliced like a scythe through Kabir. If there was one thing, Kabir never wanted to do, it was disappoint this man. And yet, no matter what choices he made, he still ended up doing exactly that.
Not trusting himself to speak, he turned on his heel, walking away from his family as they laughed, danced and partied. He left the joy and the love behind and walked away, alone.
Just like always.