Chapter 40
TANISHA
The devastation in his eyes had her heart wrenching in her chest.
“I’m not asking…” His voice cracked as he swallowed, his chest heaving like he was holding back a scream. “I’m not asking for a future. I’m asking for you to stay in my life… in whatever capacity possible.”
Her breath left her in a painful exhale.
“And that,” she whispered, stepping out of his arms as despair funnelled through her, “is exactly why you can’t fix this.”
“Tan-”
“I don’t want to stay in your life in whatever capacity possible, Kabs.
What the fuck does that even mean?” She dragged her hands through her hair, tugging at the roots, frustration simmering under her skin.
“I don’t want scraps. I want to be the biggest part of your life.
I want a future. With you. And if you can’t give me that, then there is no fixing any of this. ”
“What fucking future can I give you?” he snapped, fatigue and fear ripping through his voice. “Look at me.”
His arms flung out in a helpless gesture.
“I am the son of a mafia boss and her goddamn enforcer. My drug-runner aunt has an illegitimate daughter I’m about to become legal guardian of. This is my life, Tani. Is that what you want? To play mommy to a foul-mouthed, sullen ten-year-old at twenty-five?”
“So what is it you want?” she shot back. “For me to be your best friend? The one you call when you need me and vanish from when you don’t?”
“You are my best friend,” he said quietly. “And I need you… all the time.”
“And you’re the love of my life!” she cried, the words tearing out of her. “And I want to be with you all the time.”
“Love doesn’t solve everything, Bug.”
She scoffed, a bitter, heartbroken sound. “No, it doesn’t. But it sure as hell makes everything easier.”
“You think I don’t love you?” His voice dropped, dark and rough, a confession pulled from his bones. “I burn for you. From the moment I understood what it meant to love someone, I have loved you. Every choice I make, everything I push you away from, is because I love you.”
“And I am telling you I don’t want that love.
” Her voice steadied, even as her eyes shone.
“I want to be loved as an equal partner, not someone you think needs to be protected, saved, or wrapped in cotton. Was playing mommy to a ten-year-old part of my life plan? No. Would I do it if it meant being a part of your life? Absolutely. But until you start respecting my decisions, Kabs, we have nothing to talk about.”
They stared at each other, hearts bruised and breaking, as the gulf between them widened.
Finally she looked away. “You have a concert to get ready for,” she murmured. “I’ll order something from room service to settle your stomach.”
“Bug?”
She stopped, her back to him, tensing.
“Thank you for coming.”
“I’ll always come for you,” she said with a tired smile before adding. “Burgers work?”
He nodded and she left him to change, placing their room service order, requesting housekeeping to come in and clean the wreckage from the room and finally, calling Vikram up to update Varsha and him.
“Varsha wants to know if you’ll get him to the stadium on time?” Vik asked, his voice lowered. “She’s a scary lady, Tan Tan.”
Tani grinned though the smile trembled on her lips. “She is. Tell her I’ll get him there. What he does post that is on him. And Vik, will you be there too?”
“Do you need me?”
She glanced back at the shut bedroom door. “Yeah, I think I will.”
“Then I’ll be there,” he said, hanging up and going to deal with Varsha, the ‘she devil’ as he referred to her.
The door opened behind her and Kabir stepped out, looking pale but steady in jeans and a simple black T-shirt.
For a moment she could only stare, drinking him in, her breath catching at the sight of him.
The power that this man held over her was enough to restructure the very foundations of her life.
“Food’s on the way,” she said finally, forcing her voice to stay even. “Once you’re done eating, we’ll head to the stadium.”
He lowered himself into the chair across from her, his movements careful and measured, one hand going to his temple like his head was hurting. “You’re coming?”
The hope in his voice hit her like a punch, soft but devastating. It almost unravelled her resolve. Almost.
“To the stadium?” She kept her tone light, almost breezy. “Yeah.”
A knock on the door interrupted them. She opened it for room service and housekeeping, stepping aside as the staff slipped in to clear bottles, mop up spills, straighten the chaos left by the party. The room service trolley was rolled over to where Kabir was sitting.
Kabir watched the team cleaning up, shame creeping up his neck in a slow, painful flush.
“Don’t think about it now,” Tani murmured, placing his plate in front of him.
“I fucked up,” he whispered, still staring at the mess unflinchingly. “I fucked all of it up.”
“Eat, Kabs.” She sat back down, reaching for her own plate.
He didn’t move.
“I’m going to fix it, Bug.” His voice was low but certain, cutting through the quiet. “All of it. Starting with us.”
Her hand trembled around her burger. God. He said it so easily. Like he meant it.
Like he believed he could. Like he would reorder their lives to make it work for them, to make everything happen for them…But if he could, he would have already.
“Eat,” she said again, before he could see any of her thoughts play out on her face. She took a big bite, swallowed hard, and forced the rest of her words down with it.
Because if she said anything now, anything at all, she wouldn’t be able to hold the line she’d just drawn for herself in her mind.