Chapter 42
TANISHA
Winter in New York was magical. Everywhere Tani looked, Christmas spirit had erupted in earnest, spilling out of store windows, wrapping around lampposts, clinging to fire escapes.
The city glittered under strings of fairy lights, every corner draped in holly, ribbons, and enough tinsel to make even the dullest street shimmer.
Some storefronts had gone overboard, dangling mistletoe in places that made unsuspecting pedestrians duck or laugh as they passed.
Snow dusted the sidewalks like scattered sugar, melting into slush in some places, sparkling like crushed diamonds in others. Carols drifted from speakers outside cafés, mixing with the hum of traffic and the laughter of bundled-up tourists trying to capture the perfect holiday photo.
It was chaotic, loud, crowded and magical. A city that somehow felt softer in winter, as though even New York knew the world needed a little extra magic this time of year. God knows, Tani did.
She kept her head down as she trudged through the scurrying pedestrians.
Six weeks, she thought. Six weeks since she’d left Kabir and come back to the city where it had all begun.
Their love story, their heartbreak, their bitter war, and their cycle of hurt.
It had all begun here. And yet, this city had her heart. This was where she’d come to heal.
Six weeks of silence between them.
She’d stayed in touch with her family, getting constant updates on what was happening back home. So, she knew all about Kabir’s aunt’s passing and the shit storm that had hit his life the day she’d flown out of Mumbai.
She’d stayed off her phone but her heart wouldn’t let her completely abandon him at a time like that. She knew he had his family. Hell, he even had her family…But he hadn’t had her and that had been unacceptable to her.
So, she’d started emailing him. An email a day.
Her ‘Dear Kabir’ emails as she thought of them had ranged from comforting, loving, friendly, to angry, bitter, and hurtful.
Every thought, every feeling, every last strain of regret, she’d committed it to the ether of the internet sending it whooshing off to his inbox.
And she hadn’t heard back. Not one word. Nothing came whooshing back.
And yet, she knew he was fine. She knew Zara and he had taken a little break together, away from her school and his work, and flown to Australia to spend a little time together, to hopefully forge a relationship that could work for the two of them.
She had a picture of the two of them snorkelling near the Great Barrier Reef tacked up on her fridge. Her mother had sent her that one with a note that said, ‘He’s fine.”
So, he was fine…and she was…well, she was surviving.
She had a new job, a new apartment, good friends, and a wonderful family. She should be counting her blessings. And yet, all she felt was the void in the centre of her existence. A Kabir shaped void.
She took a deep breath, rummaging through her purse for her keys as she turned onto the narrow street leading to her apartment building.
The cold nipped at her cheeks, the wind carrying the faint scent of roasted chestnuts from the vendor on the corner.
Her fingers finally closed around the cool metal of her key ring, and she pulled it out with a small sigh of relief.
She looked towards her apartment and froze. A familiar pair of boots sat on the bottom step. Scuffed leather, worn at the edges, the kind of boots she’d seen pacing countless dressing rooms and studio floors.
Her heart did a strange little hop, recognising what her mind was struggling with. Her gaze drifted upward, almost afraid to look but utterly powerless to stop.
Familiar comfortable boots, showcased long, denim-clad legs stretched out in front of him. A black cashmere sweater pulled tight across shoulders she knew far too well. And then…Him.
Kabir.
Her breath caught, the cold forgotten, the key digging into her palm as the world narrowed to the man she’d been trying and failing not to think about.
He looked tired, bone-deep tired. His gaunt face, the hollowed-out cheeks, the bruised shadows smudged under his eyes, all of it hit her at once, a sharp, twisting pinch straight to her heart.
He’d lost weight. Too much. His clothes hung looser on him, his shoulders sloped, like exhaustion had carved pieces out of him she didn’t know how to put back.
He sat on the stairs leading up to her apartment building, elbows resting on his knees, long fingers loosely interlaced as though even his hands didn’t have the strength to hold on to anything anymore.
And yet, his gaze, tired though it was, lifted the second she appeared.
He didn’t blink, didn’t look away, didn’t even try to hide how she was the only thing he could see.
His eyes, sunken, weary, but unmistakably him, locked on her face with a focus that made her breath catch. He looked wrecked. He looked like hell. He looked like he’d been waiting for her.
“Hi Bug.”
The words were quiet and hesitant, unsure of his welcome. But they’d barely left his lips before she was running. Kabir rose to his feet and caught her as she hurled herself into his arms, holding her with a force that bordered on fierce, a ragged breath escaping him.
He held her tight, so tight. Almost like he was afraid she might vanish if he loosened his grip even an inch. She buried her face against his neck, breath hot with emotion, fingers fisting in the back of his sweater anchoring herself in his solid warmth.
Bit by bit, awareness seeped back into her, bringing a faint flush to her cheeks. She was wrapped around him like out of control tinsel, arms around his neck, legs braced against him, face tucked into his shoulder.
She tried to step back, to regain some semblance of composure, but Kabir’s fingers snagged in the fabric of her coat, tugging her closer with a low, involuntary sound. He wasn’t letting go for even a moment.
“Inside,” she murmured, breathless, sliding her hand down to find his. Their fingers tangled instantly, naturally, like they’d both forgotten how to not reach for each other. She pulled him with her into the warm foyer.
He followed silently, gaze sweeping over everything, cataloguing her life here. They climbed the stairs to the third floor. Tani unlocked the door, pushed it open, and ushered him in.
The moment she shut it, he was on her.
Her back hit the wood with a soft thud, his body pressing into hers, heat and muscle and desperation bracketing her in. She barely had time to gasp before his mouth found hers, hot, fierce, and consuming.
He kissed her like she was oxygen, like she was redemption, like she was the only thing standing between him and the darkness he’d been drowning in.
Her handbag slipped from her shoulder, thudding to the floor, forgotten. Her hands rose automatically, instinctively, threading into his hair, clutching him close as she kissed him back with everything she had, relief, longing, anger, love all tangled into something wild and unstoppable.
For the first time, neither of them held anything back.
“Tani,” he whispered against her lips, his voice hoarse with need. “We need to talk.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.” He buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing her in.
Her hand went to the back of his head, slipping through his hair and cradling him to her. “Can it wait?”
He pulled back a little to smile ruefully at her. “No, I don’t think it can.”
Tani kissed him one last time, long, slow and sweet before pulling back and asking, “Coffee?”