Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Sadie
I stay in Luke’s bed all night. His body is wound around mine like a shield, and I sleep so soundly that I don’t hear my phone buzzing on the nightstand. It’s Luke who wakes me up and not on purpose.
But when the person lying next to me gasps, it’s hard to stay asleep.
“What is it?” I say, turning toward him. He’s staring at his phone through sleep-dazed eyes.
Without responding, he just rotates the phone toward me. And there on the screen is a bright photo of a newborn baby, wrapped tightly in a blue-and-pink hospital blanket with a tiny baby beanie on her head.
It’s a text from Adam, and below the photo, it reads:
Say hello to Faith Marie Goode. Born at 11:05 p.m. last night.
“Oh my god!” I squeal as I sit upright and steal the phone from him to stare at the picture some more. “She’s so cute and perfect!”
Next to me, Luke is grinning softly at the picture. “She is cute.”
Realizing it’s his phone, I pass it back to him and watch as he types out:
Congratulations. She’s beautiful.
My phone buzzes again, so I reach over to retrieve it. It’s a text from Sage, and when I open it, it’s the same photo and message that Adam sent Luke.
I quickly text back a reply.
Hi, Faith.
I hope everyone is doing well. Congrats to you both!
I’m sure Sage is sleeping, or at least I hope she is, so she doesn’t respond. So, after staring at the perfect picture a few minutes longer, I set my phone back on the nightstand and lie back down on the pillow.
My hand goes to my stomach as the baby does a little karate kick to my rib cage. I don’t know how or why, but I can’t help but feel like he’s a boy. And suddenly, I’m picturing myself sending texts out just like this one.
A cute, bundled photo with a perfect little name so I can show off my baby to the world. It feels so surreal and daunting.
Luke stretches out next to me. As our eyes meet, we don’t say anything for a moment. The weight of what we did last night hangs over us.
Everything between us feels so confusing, but I do know a few things for certain.
First, I know that it won’t be the last time we have sex. It’s obvious to me now that Luke is done holding back and restraining himself from what he wants with me.
Second, I know he’s still leaving. This fling has a shelf life, and it’s in the vicinity of three to four months.
And because these two things are true—that he’ll both have me and not have me, I know he won’t kiss me. That seems to be some unspoken rule of his. Kissing is too intimate and real.
Can I live with this? Do I have a choice?
I want Luke. But the longer we continue with this, the more it will hurt when it’s time to say goodbye.
When we finally get out of bed, Luke goes to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, and I hop into the shower. The entire time I stand under the spray, I think about last night and relive every moment.
The way he looked at me as he filled me to the hilt. The sounds he made as he pounded into me. The feel of his fingers intertwined with mine.
That wasn’t just fucking. Fucking would have involved far less eye contact and delicate touches. Luke made our first time special.
When I step out of the shower, I hear Sam Cooke playing in the living room, which means Luke is in a good mood. The semester is almost over. He just found out he’s getting the job of his dreams. His brother just became a dad.
He’s on cloud nine.
I wish I could feel happier for him.
I slip on a simple dress for class and throw some beach wave product in my hair because I don’t have the energy to blow-dry and straighten it today. It’s getting too long anyway.
As I’m throwing on some mascara, my phone buzzes again. Assuming it’s Sage replying to my text, I pick up and freeze as I read Jax’s name on the screen.
It was great seeing you last night. I realize I’ve been a total asshole to you. Do you have plans tonight? I’d love to see you .
I read the message over and over again. What is happening? He wants to see me? For what?
Is this about the baby or about me?
Should I ask that?
Instead, I settle on something safe and noncommittal.
It was great seeing you, too! I don’t know my plans for tonight, but I’ll text you later.
Then, because I start to feel bad, I add…
And you totally have not been an asshole.
I mean, he sort of has. But at least he’s acknowledging that, right?
What if he wants to give us a try? What if there’s still a chance for a romance here? I owe it to the baby to at least try, right? Even if Jax and I could just establish some sort of relationship, we could co-parent, and I’d have some help. I need that.
As I walk into the living room, I decide not to tell Luke about the text from Jax. I don’t need him judging me for my response or the fact that I’m considering this.
Besides, I don’t want it to tarnish the good mood he’s in.
We decide to ride together to class today. It’s a risk, and normally, we never do this, but I enjoy this reckless side of Luke. Showing up to campus with his pregnant student in his car is definitely enough to raise some eyebrows, but he parks in the back of the student lot, and I get out first, walking to class before him because I always have to stop at the bathroom first—even if I went right before we left.
As I walk out of the bathroom stall, a beautiful, tall woman in black heels comes into the bathroom. I glance up from the sink and our eyes meet briefly.
“Good morning,” she says in a greeting, and it seems like that’s all she’s about to say, but then she pauses and says, “Oh, we’ve met. You’re Dr. Goode’s student, aren’t you?”
I swallow, drying my hands on a paper towel. “Yes.”
“He talks about you a lot,” she says, crossing her arms as she leans against the white tile wall.
All I can think about is that day at the library when she invited him to dinner and kept fucking touching him. And now, to hear that she talks to him a lot when I’m not around—even if it is about me—grates on my nerves.
“He does,” I reply, not quite like a question but more of a statement.
“I think you make him like teaching,” she adds. “Of course, don’t tell anyone I said that. He really wants to submit your name for that grant, but as long as you’re a business major…”
“I’m a business major for a reason,” I reply a little too coldly.
“I understand,” she says with a smug expression.
She’s blocking the door, so I can’t quite leave. I’m just standing here, awkwardly staring at her with my bag slung over my shoulder.
“He’s just taken a real interest in you,” she adds. Her gaze drifts downward to my stomach and then back up to my face. “I assumed it was just because he wanted you in our department. Because you’re so bright, of course.”
Is she…insinuating something?
“I should get to class,” I mumble under my breath as I pass her by to get to the door. But as my shoulder breezes past hers, she touches my arm.
“A scandal would ruin his chances for that program,” she says under her breath.
There’s a lump caught in my throat as I side-eye her. “He’s already in the program. ”
“He’s been accepted, Miss Green. He’s not in it yet. And losing it would devastate him, so please…be careful.”
Her tone sounds sincere, but what she’s implying is that I will be the reason Luke’s dreams are crushed. She has no idea how much turmoil I’m already in. So I clench my jaw and turn to stare at her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mutter.
“Good. I think you should keep it that way.”
She leaves my side and walks to the bathroom stall, her heels clicking against the floor as she walks. I storm out of the bathroom, fuming from the conversation. I’m tempted to just leave campus now and ditch the rest of the school day, but Luke drove, and if I don’t show up, he’ll worry.
So I walk into class and take my seat at the side of the room. He’s already unpacking his things. His gaze finds me, and he gives a subtle wink that no one is paying enough attention yet to see.
I can’t help the smirk on my face, but I can’t get that conversation with the professor out of my head. If people suspect, does that mean the administration does too? Will I be the reason Luke’s dreams fall apart?
Resting my elbow on my desk, I stare at him as he discusses something with another student.
If I were a good person, I’d step aside and ensure that Lucas doesn’t lose his internship. If I were a good person, I’d spend more of my energy working things out with Jax rather than pursuing a passionate fling with my English professor.
But as he smiles at me again, I can’t help but wonder…am I really a good person at all?