Chapter 46
Lucas
One month later
M y phone buzzes in my pocket as I’m perusing the aisle-long array of diapers on the shelves. How can there be so many options? I pull my phone out to see Sadie’s name on the screen, so I quickly swipe the answer button and hold it up to my ear.
“Does Henry need diapers for crawling yet?” I ask.
She laughs into the phone. “He can’t even hold his head up yet. He needs diapers that don’t blow out the back. Is that an option?”
I scan the aisle again. There is a brand that specifically advertises blowout protection . “Got ‘em,” I say as I grab a package in his size.
“I’m hungry. Will you get me some sushi while you’re there?” she pleads.
“Grocery store sushi?” I ask with a grin as I make my way up toward the deli area.
“Listen, it’s been ten months, and I’m desperate. ”
“You got it. Anything else?” I ask.
“Nope. Just you,” she adds sweetly.
“I’ll be home soon.”
“Love you,” she says through the line.
“Love you too,” I reply before hanging up.
I catch sight of myself in the glass doors of the deli section and realize what a mess I am. I desperately need a haircut, to shave my beard, and apparently check the state of my shirts before leaving the house. This one has a spit-up stain right on the shoulder.
After picking up a variety of sushi rolls for Sadie, I make my way to the register. A text from Adam on my phone pings as I drop everything on the conveyor belt.
Need to talk when you have a chance.
It’s about time. I can’t say I’m surprised to get this message. Apparently, when we were at the hospital, Mom let it slip that my brother was with me, but he did some digging and found out that the brother wasn’t Caleb.
I knew this day would come, and I’m not nearly as worried about it as I once was. So Adam found out I’ve been in contact with Isaac. He’ll deal with it.
There’s a man in a suit standing in front of me, checking out with the cashier as I stare at the text from my brother. The reason I notice the man is because he keeps glancing back at me suspiciously.
Is the spit-up stain that bad?
Once he pays, he politely smiles at the cashier and tells her, “God bless.”
Then as she starts to ring up my items, the man takes his time putting his wallet away, glancing at me more than twice. I’m officially weirded out now.
After I pay, I grab the bag and take a step toward the door, but the guy is still there .
“Caleb Goode?” he asks as he steps in line next to me on the way to the parking lot.
I pause. “No…” I reply skeptically. “You must be looking for my brother.” Which is weird because Caleb and I don’t even really look alike. I look more like Adam if I’m being honest.
Finally getting a good look at the guy, I notice that he’s well-dressed, handsome, tall, and probably about my age. Nothing about him gives me reason for concern, except for the fact that he knows my twin brother’s name.
Laughing, he shakes his head. “It was a fifty-fifty chance. You must be Lucas.”
“I am, and you are…”
“Sorry,” he says, putting out his hand. “Jenson Miles. You don’t know me, but there were still pictures of you and your family when I moved in. And we’ve never been properly introduced.”
“Moved in?” I ask without shaking his hand.
“To the church.”
For some reason, my mind immediately goes to Adam’s church, the one we went to as kids before our father opened a megachurch and sullied his reputation and lost it.
“Redemption Point. I’m…” he stammers for a second as if he’s surprised I don’t know who he is. “I’m the new pastor.”
If he’s waiting for a reaction from me, he’s going to be sorely disappointed. Instead of congratulating him on his new gig, I continue the walk to my car. “You’ll have to understand, Mr. Miles, that it’s a bit of a sore subject for me and my family.”
He walks briskly beside me. “I understand, and I didn’t mean to ambush you.”
“Well, if you’re here to talk about what a great man my father is, you’re barking up the wrong tree.” I unlock my car, in a bit of a pissed-off mood now.
“I don’t think your father is a great man,” he says as he stops behind me. The words make me pause. I turn to glance at him skeptically. “And if I can be frank, I think your dad is pretty deplorable, not only for tarnishing your family’s good reputation but the congregation’s as well.”
“Well, then you and I do agree on something, after all,” I say as I toss the bags in the trunk. “It was nice meeting you,” I add, trying to end the conversation.
He steps up to stop me, a look of hopeful determination on his face. “I think seeing your family back at the church would be amazing. Find common ground with our followers. They were hurt, too.”
“I bet,” I reply before moving to get in the car again, only to be stopped by him again.
“Just take my card. And think about it.”
He fishes in his pocket for a business card as I let out a sigh, hoping to get out of this conversation. The guy seems nice and genuine, nothing like my father or the other smarmy pastors with fake smiles and bullshit personas. This guy seems down to earth, but it changes nothing for me.
“Listen, it’s not you,” I say with a sigh. “You just ran into the wrong brother. You’d have better luck with?—”
Music starts playing on his phone and the words are cut from my mouth. Because it’s not just any music—it’s my little brother’s most popular country song. It’s his raspy singing voice with backup guitar strums and a low drumbeat.
“Sorry,” Jenson says as he silences the call and shoves his phone back into his pocket. “My ringtone is too loud. I know, I know, no one uses songs for ringtones anymore, but I just love that one so much.” He’s bumbling nervously with a sheepish look.
“You a big fan?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at the man.
“Of Theo Virgil? Huge fan. You know of him?”
“Yeah…” I say as I shuffle my feet and scrutinize him even more. “I’ve heard of him.”
He smiles at me for a moment before handing me his card. “Your family is always welcome at Redemption Point.”
“Thanks,” I mutter as I take the card .
I don’t bother telling him that I’ll never step foot in that church, or any other for that matter, ever again. But he seems nice enough, like he might actually have good intentions. So I wave goodbye to him as I climb into my car to leave.
“Take care, Luke,” he calls as he walks away.
As I sit in my car, I stare at the card in my hand. I haven’t given my father’s church a single thought since everything went down. And it doesn’t mean anything to me to be invited back, but I wonder if it will mean anything to Caleb or Adam.
And, of course, I can’t help but wonder—when he said our family was welcome there, did he mean Isaac, too?
When I get home, Sadie is sleeping on the couch while Henry naps in the bassinet next to her. One of her hands rests on the edge of the crib, and I smile to myself as I lean down and press my lips to the side of her head.
After putting away the diapers in the nursery and storing Sadie’s sushi in the fridge, I hear a soft coo from the living room. Going over to his bassinet, I find him staring up at me with wide, alert eyes.
I wonder how long the sight of him will steal my heart from right out of my chest the way it does now.
Leaning down, I scoop him up from his bassinet. When he starts to fuss, I pick up his pacifier and put it in his mouth. He sucks on it contentedly as he stares up at me in wonder.
As I gently trace the soft curve of his nose and the shape of his brows with my finger, he flutters his eyes closed for a second before opening them back up and gazing at me some more.
I carry him over to my leather chair on the other side of the room, and I quietly sit, propping my feet up and nuzzling Henry close. His eyes don’t leave my face, and I smile down at him.
“‘When I compare what I have lost with what I have gained,’” I whisper softly, remembering the old Longfellow poem by memory. “‘What I have missed with what attained, little room do I find for pride.’”
Henry stops suckling on his pacifier, letting his mouth hang open, enthralled by the sound of my voice as I continue.
“‘I am aware how many days have been idly spent. How like an arrow the good intent, has fallen short or been turned aside.’”
I whisper the rest of the poem to him, kissing him gently on the forehead as I finish.
“‘But who shall dare to measure loss and gain in this wise? Defeat may be victory in disguise. The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.’”
Then, out of nowhere, Henry’s lips tug upward at the corners, and I stare in shock as he smiles gently up at me. His first smile.
Tears prick my eyes as I gape at him with so much love in my heart I swear it’s about to burst.
“He likes poetry,” Sadie mumbles softly from across the room.
“He just smiled at me,” I reply with tears in my eyes.
“Read us some more,” she says sleepily as she closes her eyes again.
Reaching over to the table next to my chair, I pick up the book of poems I bought for Sadie just a few months ago. I read each one out loud to Henry until he falls asleep in my arms.
The moment screams with significance. I could have missed this, and for what? Like the poem said, the loss of my previous life was no loss at all when I look at what I’ve gained.
I pushed away love for so long out of fear, and that fear almost cost me this. All because my own father shattered my heart into pieces.
But these two people, my new family , have somehow found a way to put it back together again.