Chapter 27
The rest of the day was spent gathering the weapons. Natalie was never far, but Owen was all too conscious of the wall she’d erected around herself.
He also tested the sights on a sniper rifle and three other semi-automatic rifles. While he worked on the weapons, he thought over what he’d told Natalie. He wasn’t sure why he’d shared the memories of that life-changing day. He had never even spoken to his brothers about it.
Returning to the ranch brought everything back in living color. A reminder of how much life had sucked after his mother’s murder.
Knowing what he did now, he was surprised Orrin hadn’t gone after those responsible for his mother’s death. Then again, for all he knew, his dad had. It wasn’t as if he kept in contact with Orrin.
He began putting bullets in the magazines. It had been easy to stay away from the ranch and the memories. Yet, it also brought home a painful reminder—he only had one parent.
And Orrin was in the hands of the Russian military.
There was no doubt he and his brothers had done their father wrong. All of them had handled Melanie’s murder their own way, but it pulled them apart instead of bringing them together.
If his mother were alive, she’d be grossly disappointed in all of them. And he found he was disappointed in himself.
He set down the magazine and closed his eyes. If he and his brothers had felt the loss of Melanie, then their father had been hit even harder.
Not only had he lost his wife, but also the mother of his children. Their father had become a single parent while dealing with his own grief. Owen didn’t even want to think of how he might’ve handled things in his father’s shoes.
“We’re going to find him.”
His eyes snapped open at the sound of Natalie’s voice. He turned his head to find her standing in the doorway to the armory, but he couldn’t hold her green gaze. He looked to the magazine clip in his hand, now full. He set it aside and began to load a second.
“Being back is hard, isn’t it?” she asked.
“Yeah. I think that’s why I kept away for so long.”
“It wasn’t just because of your dad?”
He gave a shake of his head. “I’ve been thinking of him a lot. Growing up, I was lost in my misery. I’m only now comprehending that he had his own grief to overcome while trying to raise us.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“Hating him was easy. He left us with Virgil and Charlotte to go back to the SEALs. I know it was his job, but it made it easy to blame him for everything. He was rarely here.”
She leaned against the doorway. “Do you still hold him responsible for your mother’s death?”
“I’ve always believed he was the cause of it. I know that with certainty after being a SEAL. No matter how deep undercover or unseen we think we are, someone always discovers our identities.”
Owen finished the second magazine and started another. To his surprise, Natalie walked to him and laid a hand upon his, stilling him. She took the clip and began to fill it herself.
He searched her face, but she simply gave him a small smile. It wasn’t just memories of the past that stirred something within him. It was Natalie, as well.
Being with her again, recalling how hot the passion burned between them and how good they fit together had pulled back the curtain of his life.
And he didn’t like what he saw.
He thought he didn’t need anyone, but the truth stood before him now. It was Natalie. It had always been her. How empty his life had been without her, how meaningless everything was.
Without a doubt, he knew he wanted her in his life—forever. He wanted her by his side, living, fighting, and loving as only they could.
The chances of that happening were slim, but regardless of the outcome, she had a right to know the real reason he’d left her fourteen years earlier.
“It was because of Mom,” he said.
Natalie’s brows rose. “What was?”
“My leaving you graduation night.”
Her hands stilled. She blinked up at him, her eyes giving nothing away. Finally, she set the bullets and magazine down and ran a hand through her long, light brown tresses.
Owen took that as his cue to continue. “I never doubted love existed. I saw in with my parents. I also saw how my father suffered after her death. More than anything, I knew what it was to walk into a room and find someone I loved murdered. The military was where I was born to be. I recognized and accepted that from an early age. What I wouldn’t accept was bringing my work home and it affecting my family. ”
Her gaze lowered to the floor for a heartbeat.
“It’s dangerous work I do. I never wanted to worry that some vermin would come after you while I was on a mission. I refused to have my children come home and find you as I found my mom. The only way I could guarantee that wouldn’t happen was to leave.”
For long minutes, Natalie didn’t respond. Then she resumed loading the magazine. “Now that I know how you found Melanie, I understand it all now. You should’ve talked with me, though. Leaving as you did was a dick move.”
“It was,” he said, trying to hide his smile. “I’m sorry.”
“As I told you already, it’s in the past.”
“Is it? Seems it’s still very much a part of current things.”
She cut him a look. “Only because you keep bringing it up.”
“Don’t you see we have a second chance here?”
She set down the magazine once more and faced him. “You want me now? Now that you’ve gone about your life as you wished?”
He hesitated because he knew by her tone any way he answered would be wrong. “Yes.”
“Too damn bad. There was a time I would’ve crawled through Hell and back again to get you back. I’m not that girl anymore.”
She turned and left him standing there, wishing he could change the past.
All he had was the here and now. Not even the future was guaranteed in his line of work. It didn’t matter if he had five minutes or fifty years, he wanted that time with Natalie.
All he needed to do was come up with a way to convince her of that while making up for the mistakes he’d made before.
An hour later, he walked up to the barn and stared over the land. With the sun nearly set, the sky was a vivid array of oranges, reds, and pinks.
Being at the ranch was just as hard as he’d always known it would be. It wasn’t just the memories, but the sorrow of not having his mother there to share it with.
From the paddock, the mare snickered at him while the filly flicked her tail, watching him intently with dark, soulful eyes. He stilled when he heard Natalie walk up the steps.
She passed him without a word and walked straight to the mare. While he watched, he saw the smile on Nat’s face as she whispered to the horses, rubbing the mare’s head all the while.
Those lips of hers were more tempting now than ever before. He craved Natalie with a fire that threatened to devour him. All those years thinking he was living the life he wanted had been nothing but a joke.
What he wanted—what he needed—was Natalie.
And he had his work cut out for him if he intended to change her mind about them. There was no way she could respond to his touch as she had and not feel something.
She might not love him anymore, but there were still feelings there. That gave him all the hope he needed that he could get her to fall in love with him again.
The filly pranced around the pen, staying just out of reach of Natalie. He slowly walked to them, stopping a few feet from the fence.
“She’s warming to you,” he told Natalie.
Nat turned her head slightly to him. “She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Master Ben did his job, but it’s the mares who really give us such beauties.”
Natalie squatted down and held out her hand, whistling softly. He held his breath while the foal hesitantly took a few steps toward Natalie before hastily backing away.
But Nat didn’t give up. She called again. This time, the filly came close enough to stick out her nose and sniff Natalie’s hand. After another minute, the foal took that last step.
He listened to Natalie talk to the filly while petting her neck and head. “You always had a way with the horses.”
“I expected to feel odd showing up here that first time after so many years, but I didn’t. This place has always felt . . . ” she trailed off.
“Like home,” he finished.
She nodded, shooting him a brief look. “Why would you stay away from such a beautiful place?”
“Memories. They’re in every facet of this ranch.”
Natalie stood when the foal turned to the mare to feed. “Good and bad memories. Don’t focus on just the bad. It doesn’t do your mother justice. Your father needs you. Remember that.”
“I’m trying.”
“Try harder.”
He hesitated when he saw her looking at the oak tree. Was she remembering the story he’d told her of watching his parents there? She’d thought it romantic, and it was.
He hadn’t done anything like that for her, and he regretted it tremendously. Now wasn’t the time to make such a gesture with everything going on. But that didn’t mean Owen couldn’t plan something when this was all over.
He didn’t want to think about the odds of them winning. Yes, they had the bioweapon, but for how long? Whoever betrayed his father would figure out soon enough that it was in their hands. And then they—along with the Russians—would come for it.
It was bad enough to have the assassins after them, but an unknown enemy, as well? Then there was finding Orrin before he was killed.
The odds were stacked against them at every turn. And truth be told, it scared the hell out of Owen because Natalie was involved.
“You’re thinking of Orrin,” she said.
Owen nodded, keeping his thoughts about her to himself.
She stuck her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “Tomorrow could give us something new.”
Or end it all with her death. But he kept that to himself, as well. “We should get below now that it’s getting dark.”
He walked to the stairs as Nat gave the mare and foal one last pat. He made his way down with Natalie behind him. She slipped on the last step. Instinctively, he grabbed her, yanking her against him.
Her green eyes clashed with his as their faces came close. He wanted to kiss her so badly it took all of his willpower to hold back.
She had no idea how much he hungered for another taste of her, how he yearned to sink into her tight body once more.
He reluctantly released her. Then held his breath, hoping she would reach for him. Instead, she walked around him toward the kitchen area to begin fixing her dinner.
It was going to be a long-ass night.