Chapter 14
Raphael had never been in such a situation before. He believed he had nothing to apologize for, nothing to atone for, yet his guilty conscience assured him it was otherwise.
He frowned to himself, raking his finger through his hair as he paced about his study like a caged tiger. It was certainly not a gentlemanly thing to do what he had done.
Then again, he had never claimed to be a gentleman in the first place. Keira had expressed her desire. All he had done was agree and offer a deal that suited them both. Then why the hell did he feel like he had done something wrong?
“Blast and damnation!” he exclaimed loudly. But this curse did little to abate his torment of emotion.
He realized that the only thing that might appease his guilty conscience would be to find Keira and either explain himself somehow, which he didn’t really want to do, or at least spend some time with her, showing her around the castle as a good host ought to do.
Ye just want to spend time with the lass.
Without wanting to become a slave to his thoughts for a single moment longer, he rushed out of his study and started to roam the castle in search of Keira.
He strode purposefully through the dimly lit corridors of his ancient castle, his boots echoing off the cold stone floors.
The flickering candlelight cast eerie shadows that danced across centuries-old tapestries adorning the walls.
As he rounded a corner, nearing the front door in his effort to head out into the garden, he was met with an unexpected sight. Instead of finding Keira, he stumbled upon Violet. He had only now remembered that he had not even greeted her properly since her arrival that morning.
While Violet was undoubtedly a lovely and suitable match by societal standards, Raphael was quite content with things as they were. His mother’s insistence on this courtship weighed heavily on his mind, and that was just one of the reasons why he had not played the role of the good host.
“Ah, Lady Violet Banner.” He smiled cordially, although without any affection. He endeavored to maintain a polite but distant demeanor, keeping the prescribed social distance.
“M’Laird.” Violet beamed upon seeing him, curtsying deeply, lowering her gaze only for a moment, then locking it with his again.
“I see ye have made yerself at home,” he remarked, a wry smile touching his lips. “I trust ye are findin’ the castle as enchantin’ as it can be.”
Violet smiled widely. “Yer maither has so graciously welcomed me, and I ken that ye, our Laird, has many obligations to take care of. I am so grateful to be welcomed before the other guests have arrived.”
Raphael nodded, acknowledging her gratitude with a simple inclination of his head. “I am pleased to hear that ye are enjoyin’ yer stay,” he replied, but the words held a formality that hinted at his reluctance to be involved in this courtship.
He believed that she could probably sense the distance he was keeping, and he hoped that it would show her how he truly felt about this shared future everyone believed they should embark on.
Violet seemed to want to say something when the front door suddenly swung open, revealing Keira. Her presence was like a burst of sunlight in the dimly lit corridor. It was evident that she was as surprised to see them as he was to see her.
Keira hesitated, standing at the threshold of the corridor, obviously caught between the desire to enter and the wish to disappear from sight, returning to where she had come from. Of course, she did the only thing she could do. She continued walking towards them, a gentle smile gracing her lips.
“Have ye been explorin’ the castle on yer own, Keira?” Violet asked amusedly.
Keira, on the other hand, was a testament of grace and composure, for which Raphael silently applauded her. After the tumultuous conversation they had had, she was masterful at behaving as if nothing had happened.
“Indeed,” Keira replied courteously with her melodious voice.
“The castle gardens are quite beautiful. I believe a stroll through them would be a delightful idea, seeing that you know much more about the castle than I do. Perhaps another time, Lady Violet,” she said, her tone light and seemingly indifferent.
Without waiting for a response, Keira passed by them, heading up the staircase, her footsteps echoing through the corridor. It was a subtle gesture that indicated she had no intention of interrupting Raphael and Violet’s conversation.
Raphael looked in the direction where Keira had disappeared, his thoughts a whirlwind of confusion and concern.
He couldn’t even guess that she would be so good at concealing her emotions, how she truly felt about a certain situation.
Her act of nonchalance only left him with more questions than answers.
Did she truly not care about this situation, or was she merely putting on a brave face, refusing to allow anyone to see how she truly felt?
When he turned his attention back to Violet, he could see in her eyes that she was eager to resume their conversation and establish a connection.
“That suggestion about the garden is a wonderful one,” she pointed out. “Perhaps, unless ye’re nae busy, we could take a stroll through the garden now, m’Laird?”
Raphael’s thoughts were preoccupied with Keira, so he barely even heard what Violet was proposing.
“Excuse me?” he asked, not having heard her.
She gently touched his arm and said, “M’Laird, is somethin’ troublin’ ye? Ye seem distant.”
Her gesture was polite and well-intentioned, but it lacked the intimate and electrifying quality that Raphael felt when Keira touched him. Keira’s touch had a certain magnetic pull that sent shivers down his spine and stirred his emotions in a way that was impossible to ignore.
Violet’s touch, while friendly and supportive, did not carry that same intensity or emotional reassurance. It was a simple, courteous contact, meant to draw his attention, but it lacked the undercurrent of passion.
His awareness of this distinction only deepened his internal conflict as he grappled with his thoughts and emotions, and the expectations surrounding his forced courtship with Violet.
“The obligations of a laird are many,” he explained, pulling his arm away from her touch. He was determined to put some distance between himself and the awkward situation he had found himself in, yet he couldn’t simply walk away without being impolite.
However, before he could excuse himself, his mother made her timely entrance. Her arrival was marked by the swish of her elegant dress and the subtle air of authority that accompanied her presence.
“Ah, ye two are here!” Elspeth said with a joyful smile as she approached them. Then, she turned to Raphael. “I trust ye are showin’ our guest around the castle and ensurin’ she enjoys her stay with us?”
He cleared his throat as he came up with a reply. “Aye, but I’m afraid I must return to me duties. The estate demands me attention.”
“Oh, but the cèilidh, me dear,” she urged, completely ignoring his comment as if she could sense that he was merely trying to escape this conversation. “Everythin’ is in place. It is such a significant event for our family, and ye ken that there are certain… expectations of ye.”
Raphael sighed inwardly, realizing that his mother was not going to allow him to escape, even for a single moment.
He had little choice but to acquiesce. “I’m certain that everyone will have fun at the cèilidh.
It is always the case. As for those expectations, ye ken that, sometimes, things just dinnae go accordin’ to plan, no matter how much we’d like them to. ”
“Oh, nonsense.” His mother waved her hand dismissively. “We must be ready for everythin’, isnae that right, dear Violet?”
“Aye,” Violet agreed, eyeing Raphael, but he refused to look in her direction.
It was obvious that these two women were determined to see that this courtship was brought to a satisfactory end, regardless of whether he wanted to accept it.
His mother suddenly linked one of her arms with his, and instinctively, Violet came to his other side, each woman vying for his attention.
While the two women engaged in a lively conversation about the upcoming cèilidh, the dance, and the various guests who had assured them they would attend, Raphael’s thoughts were anything but present.
Keira’s expression upon seeing him with Violet still weighed heavily on his mind, casting a shadow over all of his plans. He struggled to focus on the conversation at hand, his gaze wandering, and his responses becoming increasingly more absentminded.
He could see that Violet was doing her best to include him in their conversation, but his distant demeanor was unmistakable.
He tried to be polite and engaged in the conversation as much as possible, but his heart and mind were consumed by thoughts of Keira and the uncharted territory their relationship had entered.
As for the cèilidh itself, he had no idea what to expect of it. It was meant to be a joyous occasion, as always, but now, it seemed to be a night that held the promise of both happiness and heartache, and he was unsure of how it would ultimately unfold for everyone involved.