Chapter 20
Twenty
NORTH
“Imight as well be here alone, old boy.”
I glanced away from the TV screen, not even aware of what was on, surprised to find Theo smirking at me from the treadmill next to mine.
“What?”
Theo let out a huff of amusement. “I was talking about that the gymnast and how, unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to let her go despite her considerable talents.
” Sweat dripped down his temple as he hit the speed button on his machine to slow to a walk.
“And I was going into great detail about those talents, so much so my trainer left here redder than a lobster. Despite my lascivious gym conversation, you, apparently, find the TV ads more interesting than a woman who can touch her toes while I stand and deliver, and can wrap herself around me like a fucking pretzel. Pun intended.”
“You’re pure filth, you know that?” I decreased my speed, too, hoping to find a machine away from him so I could ignore him in private.
“I’m heartbroken.” He deadpanned as he hopped off the machine. “I’m losing my gymnast.”
“Because she wants more, and you’re a randy playboy who wouldn’t know what more meant if it bit him on the arse.”
Theo raised an eyebrow. “Unlike you, who is so clearly daydreaming about your luscious American.”
I cut him a warning look.
But he wasn’t wrong.
Two weeks. That was it. Two weeks, during which I spent most of my nights at Aria’s beach house while I got my career back on track.
With help from my publicity team, I posted a video to Instagram explaining the leaked footage and what exactly happened to Gil MacDonald and my part in it.
I felt sick to my stomach doing it, but Aria had been the one behind the camera, reassuring me as I told a story I’d never meant to tell anyone.
The response was overwhelming. The public who had condemned me now hailed me as a young hero, which made me want to upchuck.
So I switched off the internet again and let my team deal with it.
All I needed to know was that within a week of posting, the studio green-lit Birdwatcher with me as the lead.
Considering what they’d put me through, I’d requested they send the personal trainer I’d begun training with before everything went tits up to Ardnoch.
I’d have to leave the estate soon enough to start filming, so I wanted to stay as long as I could.
Because of her.
Aria.
I was addicted to her.
As if reading my mind, Theo stared stonily at me as I stepped off the treadmill. “Please don’t tell me you’re maudlin enough to think yourself in love with her?”
“Fuck off and let me work out,” I grumbled before striding over to a rower.
“That means yes.” Theo followed. “It looks like it’s incumbent upon me to teach you something you should have learned long ago.
Great sex does not equal love. Endorphins might trick you into thinking otherwise, but I’m here to tell you they’re just chemicals lying to you.
Your cock loves her vagina, mate. That’s all. ”
I sighed heavily and asked no one in particular, “Why the hell are we friends again?”
After finishing my workout, I left Theo to agonize over his never-ending screenplay and made my way to Aria’s office.
At her distracted-sounding “come in,” I entered to find her staring at her phone and biting her nails.
The posture of anxiousness was unlike her, and my gut knotted a wee bit.
Her mood affected mine way more than I should be comfortable with, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything but happy that I’d found Aria during one of the toughest moments in my adult life.
And I never wanted her to be anything but happy too. I closed the door and strode across the room. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
She blinked rapidly as if surprised to see me. “Oh. I’m … what? Is everything okay?”
“You tell me.” I settled my arse on her desk.
Today she wore a short-sleeve silk blouse that accentuated her curves.
Her hair was down, something I noted she’d been doing more often lately.
It fell in straight, silky strands around her perfect face.
My attention snagged on her full mouth and I fought the urge to steal a kiss. Or ten.
Her eyes glinted with amusement as if she knew my thoughts. “I’m fine. What brings you to my office?”
I wanted to push, but I also had to run the conversation I’d had with my agent this morning by her. “Forster wants me back in training ASAP.”
Aria’s expression turned annoyingly blank. “So you’re leaving?”
Frustrated that she was still hiding herself from me, I buried it because I didn’t want to push too hard. “I hoped it would be all right with the club if my trainer comes to Ardnoch.”
Still no reaction. Just efficient estate manager mode. “You know your membership includes a plus one. We can accommodate your personal trainer. May I ask for how long?”
“About a month, and then I’ll have to leave to go train with the stunt team.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You’re doing your own stunts?”
Was she worried about me? I smiled at the thought. “Not all of them. But some. I want to be as believable as possible. Matt Damon was Jason Bourne. Daniel Craig was James Bond. Those are the kinds of performances I want to live up to.”
She nodded, lowering her eyes. “Well, be careful.”
“That’s why I’m training.” I leaned in and nudged her leg with my foot. “So, why were you biting your nails when I walked in?” Was it because I was leaving in a month? Was she going to use it as an excuse to break things off between us? Because I wasn’t giving up that easily.
Aria opened her mouth to speak, hesitated, shifted uncomfortably, and then let out a long, exasperated sigh. I tried to wait patiently through it.
Then she grabbed her phone off the desk and waved it in agitation at me. “I’m worried about Allegra.”
Not what I’d been expecting, but I also wasn’t surprised. Aria had already told me things were strained between them but had gone into little detail. “What’s going on?”
“It’s stupid. I’m being stupid.” Her eyes brightened with tears. “It’s just hormones.”
Aria’s period had arrived last night, so we’d hung out, made out, but not a lot else. Which was more than fine with me. She hadn’t quite realized we were acting like a couple in a relationship, and I didn’t intend to enlighten her until she was already too deep in.
I lowered to my haunches to force her to look at me. “You can tell me anything, princess.”
She flicked a manicured hand near her eye and chuckled unhappily. “I’m acting like a baby.”
“That’s for me to decide,” I joked, smoothing my hands over her thighs in reassurance. “Come on, tell me what’s upsetting you.”
Fiddling with her phone, she took a minute before meeting my gaze.
And at that moment, I felt myself falling into her.
Falling for her. Because there was nothing more important to me than taking away the sadness I saw buried in her eyes.
My hands tightened on her and my words were thick as I pushed, “Talk to me.”
“Maybe it is stupid … but … Allegra always used to tell me she loved me in her texts.” Her voice broke a little as she dropped her phone onto the desk with a thump.
“She hasn’t said it since I refused to help her with dropping out of college.
I thought things were weird, but not so weird that she wasn’t talking to me. Does that make sense?”
I nodded, pressing closer.
“She hugged me when she left. I thought we were okay.” Without thinking, she sought my comfort, sliding her hands over mine.
I turned my palms up and tangled my fingers through hers.
“But she’s so distant. She just posted a picture from the South of France.
She’s there for spring break and never mentioned to me she was going to an entirely different country.
Oh, God …” She tugged on her hands, but I wouldn’t let her go. “I sound about ten years old.”
“You sound hurt,” I disagreed.
“I am.” Fresh tears brightened her eyes. “What? I’m only worthy of my family’s love as long as I do exactly what they want me to do for them? That’s how Mamma has made me feel my whole life, how the guys I’ve dated made me feel … I never thought Allegra would treat me like that.”
An ache scored through me. I hated that Aria was hurting.
And I wanted to promise her I would never make her feel that way, but I knew it was not the right time to broach the subject of our relationship.
Yet I wanted to fix this for her. “I’m going to give you the same advice you gave me. Speak up.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Sometimes people are so caught in their own shit, they don’t know how deeply their actions can cut others …
until it’s pointed out to them.” I brushed my thumbs over the tops of her hands, trying to soothe her.
“The girl I met hero-worships her big sister. Loves her. And no one is doing Allegra any good by treating her with kid gloves because she went off the deep end once.” Aria had confided in me that Allegra had gone off the rails a while back and ended up in rehab and therapy after a dodgy hookup with a drug dealer who turned out to be Sloane’s ex.
“You all have to accept that she learned a big lesson from that night with Sloane and start treating her normally. Which includes calling her on her bullshit and telling her when she’s hurt you. Call her.”
Aria considered me, the frown between her brows intensifying. “What if I did hurt her?”
“Maybe you did. But you guys need to talk about it because this is eating you up. Nothing is more important than family, princess.”
New emotion sharpened her expression, and her grip tightened in mine.
I knew that was for me. Empathy, not pity.
And if I wasn’t mistaken, admiration. My chest suddenly felt too tight, and I had to swallow the urge to tell her how I felt.
“Call her.” I moved to stand to give her privacy, but Aria refused to let go of me.
She licked her lips nervously. “Will you … will you stay with me while I call her?”
Hope—big, terrifying, brilliant fucking hope—filled me at her request. “Of course,” I answered gruffly.
And so I settled back on the edge of her desk while she dialed her sister’s number. Aria absentmindedly traced a pattern on my knee with her free hand as she waited for the call to connect. Then her gaze moved to mine and she mouthed in disappointment, “Voicemail again.”
“Leave a voicemail, then,” I whispered.
She looked hesitant for a second and then said, “Hey, Allegra, it’s me.
Look … I wish you’d pick up, but since I have a feeling you won’t …
” She exhaled shakily. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.
I really am. But you need to know you’re hurting me too.
I”—her fingers curled sharply into my knee but I didn’t mind—“I didn’t know that your love for me depended on me giving you everything you want, but I guess that’s true.
Every time I tell you I love you and you don’t say it back …
” Her face crumpled and she sucked in a breath.
My heart lurched, and I grabbed her hand.
“It just … it hurts. It reminds me of all the times Mamma withheld those words unless I acted like she wanted me to act. She does that to you, too, so you know how it feels. I’ve always tried to be more for you than a big sister …
but maybe I fucked up. Maybe I hurt you and so you want to hurt me back.
I don’t know. I just wish you’d talk to me.
” She disconnected suddenly and looked up at me with shimmering eyes.
“Oh, fuck, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m the grown-up.
I’m not supposed to burden her with my feelings. ”
I tugged on Aria’s hand until she stood and pulled her between my legs so I could hug her to me.
She looked so sad and lost as she rested her palms on my chest, and I wondered if she could feel how fast my pulse raced.
“You’re not her parent, Aria. You’re her big sister.
Stop trying to protect everyone’s feelings, including your own, and let yourself feel whatever the fuck it is you feel.
” Then I kissed her, pouring my emotions into the kiss until she melted in my arms and kissed me back with a hunger that ignited my blood.
It took everything within me to gentle our embrace, to pull back, slow down, and just offer comfort.
Finally, I released her. She panted as she stared at me in round-eyed surprise. Almost as if she felt everything I wanted to say in that kiss. But it scared me to push too soon. So I smiled, caressed her lip with my thumb, and promised, “It’s all going to be okay.”