Chapter 14 #2
I was such a shit sister. “I’ll go talk to her now. I promise.”
The security guards at the main entrance of the estate recognized me and opened the gates.
I’d made the drive onto the grounds many times, but it never got old.
Ardnoch Castle was magical. The long driveway led through a stretch of woodlands before the trees disappeared to reveal grass for miles around the large castle.
Flags were situated throughout the rolling plains of the estate—a golf course.
It was still early in the morning, but there were a few figures in the distance, playing.
The castle was a rambling, castellated mansion, six stories tall and about two hundred years old.
It was the club’s main building, but there were several buildings throughout the mammoth estate, including permanent residences that belonged to members like my parents and North and Aria.
The estate sat on the coast and offered pine forests, rolling plains, heather moors, inland lochs, and golden beaches.
A private beach was just a ten-minute walk from the castle.
As I approached, the familiar details of the building grew clearer—the turrets, the flag of the St. Andrew’s Cross flying from one of the parapets.
Columns supported a mini-crenellated roof over an elaborate portico that housed double iron doors.
They opened as I drew to a stop and a valet appeared to take my keys so he could park my vehicle in the mews around back.
Stepping inside the castle, I drank it in with a soft smile, despite my nerves over seeing Aria.
I stood in the entrance of the great hall.
This was where Lachlan and my sister hosted ceilidhs and their Christmas and New Year’s parties.
Aria had also added an end-of-summer party to the annual agenda since the estate was busiest at this time of year.
The great hall was a spectacular room for an event.
It had polished parquet flooring. The décor was traditional, slightly Gothic, with more than a hint of Scotland and luxury.
A grand, wide staircase descended into the room, fitted with a red-and-gray tartan wool runner.
It led to a landing where three floor-to-ceiling stained glass windows spilled colorful light.
Then it branched off at either side, twin staircases leading to the floor above, which you could partially see from the galleried balconies at either end of the reception hall.
A pennant flag hung from either balcony with the Adair family coat of arms on it, bearing the words Loyal Au Mort.
It was the Adair clan motto. Aria told me it meant Faithful unto Death.
I thought that pretty fitting considering they were a family who’d clearly do anything for one another.
Plus, I’d never seen men and women more devoted to their spouses.
Other than North and Aria. And surprisingly, Theo and Sarah—the surprising part being Theo, not Sarah.
The handsome Englishman turned into an entirely different person around Jared’s shy but strong cousin.
His adoration for her was clear for all to see.
It made me kind of envious. All of them did.
I stared at those words on the flag for a moment, trying not to overanalyze my sudden misery.
Then a crack brought my attention to the fire.
It burned in the huge hearth on the wall adjacent to the entrance and opposite the staircase.
Tiffany lamps sat scattered throughout on end tables to cast a warm glow over the dark, wood-paneled walls and ceilings.
Usually the smell of burning wood and flickering flames in the hearth made Ardnoch’s great hall a bit cozier.
But it would grow hot out soon, so I saw no reason for the fire to be lit today.
Aria must’ve requested it for some reason.
Maybe it had something to do with the member who sat opposite the fire in one of the two matching suede-and-fabric buttoned sofas.
There was a coffee table in between where her laptop sat while she tapped away on her phone.
More light spilled into the hall from large openings that led to other rooms on this floor.
I could hear the rise and fall of conversation in the distance beyond just as the head butler, Wakefield, appeared.
He was dressed like the underbutlers and footmen in black tailcoat and white gloves.
His waistcoat, as well as the ma?tre d’h?tel’s, was dark green instead of white to differentiate them from the rest of the staff.
“Mrs. McCulloch,” Wakefield greeted me with a deferential nod, and I tried not to show my surprise that he knew of my change of circumstances. “Are you here to visit with Mrs. Hunter?”
“Yeah. Is she available?”
“I will inquire. May I offer you a refreshment while you wait?”
My mouth quirked at the corner. I just loved the old-fashioned manners here. “I’m all right. Thanks, Wakefield.”
“Very good, Mrs. McCulloch. I will return shortly.”
I nodded, flushing a little because every time he called me Mrs. McCulloch, I experienced a fluttering in my belly. Not going to analyze that either.
A few minutes later, Wakefield ushered me into Aria’s office.
The room was a smaller version of the estate library.
Wall-to-wall dark oak bookshelves, an impressive open fireplace, and two comfortable armchairs situated in front of a captain’s pedestal desk.
A floor-to-ceiling window adjacent to the desk let in light so it didn’t feel too dark.
Tiffany lamps aided in chasing off the gloom too.
Luxurious velvet curtains at the window pooled on the wooden floors, most of which were covered in expensive carpets.
Aria leaned against her large desk. “So she finally appears.”
I blanched. “I’m sorry.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed heavily. “You know you used to say that a lot when you were younger. I thought we were past all the apologizing.”
Tears burned in my eyes. “I need you to know that no matter the stupid shit I spewed a few weeks ago that I would never intentionally hurt you.”
She remained unmoved, and I didn’t blame her.
I’d acted impulsively in the past, said and done things I didn’t mean, and I thought I’d grown up since then.
But what I’d said to her … “I know you love me. That you would have done anything for me. I had no right to make you feel guilty about going off into the world and finding what made you happy.”
She grimaced, wincing as if in pain. “But you were right that I didn’t have to go this far away. Where …” Her mouth trembled as her eyes turned glassy. “Where you couldn’t follow me.”
I hurried to her, gripping her hands as my tears spilled free.
“I am not your responsibility. You get to go wherever you want. To make a life where you want. I do not get to make you feel bad about that and … that’s why I’ve been avoiding you.
Because I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed that I’m so selfish, Ari. ”
“It’s not selfish to need someone.”
I sobbed for the second time that day. “I’m sorry for putting that on you.”
“Allegra.” She tugged me closer, dipping her head to meet my eyes.
“Since you were fifteen years old, I have been plagued with worry that something happened I don’t know about.
I thought … I thought it was something outside our family, but the last few years …
” Her grip was almost painful. “You seem so bitter toward our parents.”
The question hung between us, and panic tightened my chest. “They … they just … they’ve never been there for me, Ari.
Not like you.” I pulled out of her embrace, hating the lies that sat between us but knowing they were necessary.
“You know they’ve never been to one of my shows.
I doubt they’ve even seen my artwork outside of what you have here on the estate. ”
“Well, that’s not true. About the artwork, I mean. Dad just asked me the other week if you had any pieces for sale. He wants something for the New York apartment. Though why he can’t just call you and ask, I don’t know. Maybe because you never answer his calls.”
“What calls?” I scoffed, backing away. “The only time Dad and I ever see each other is on the forced family video calls.”
“Forced?” She scowled.
I shrugged, turning away so she couldn’t see my resentment. “Anyway, you and I are good now, right? Because that’s all that matters to me.”
“You know what matters to me? You. Your happiness. I’m worried about this situation with you and Jared. I know you’re a grown-up, but—”
“Ari,” I cut her off, my expression falling. “I don’t want to lie to you, so please don’t make me.”
Fear darkened her gaze. “This could get you into so much trouble.”
I was optimistically starting to believe she was wrong.
“It won’t. I’ve filled out all the forms for citizenship and uploaded all necessary documents.
I have an appointment in Aberdeen next week to do all the biometric stuff.
And that’s it. They’ll give me a decision within six months. It’s all going to be fine.”
“I’m not talking about that … Ally … I see the way you look at him. How you’ve always looked at him.”
Anxiety knotted my gut. “Ari—”
“I don’t want him to hurt you when this is … when it’s done.”
It took a great deal of acting, but I managed an insouciant shrug. “The key is to never give anyone too much power over you. Not even my husband. Jared can’t hurt me.”
My sister winced. “No matter how your marriage came about, I assure you, the one person in the world who has the power to hurt you more than anyone is your husband. That’s why your choice of husband was always going to be one of the most important choices you’d ever make.”