Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Ru
When I see the white screen and projector set up, my breath catches in my throat and I turn to Nate. Is he for real? Then I look at the screen again and let out a burst of laughter.
“What is it?” Nate asks, frowning, and I turn to him, giving him a grin.
“It’s perfect.”
“Oh.” He only looks slightly mollified and I feel I ought to explain. “When you mentioned theatre, I thought you meant an actual theatre, like plays. I was expecting to have to sit through Shakespeare or something. Not that I’ve got anything against Shakespeare, if that’s your thing...” I trail off as he’s laughing now.
“I promise there’s no Shakespeare.” He gives my hand a little squeeze and releases it. I feel its loss immediately.
“Be right back,” he says, and darts off towards a stone building I hadn’t noticed before in the corner of the field. Well, hardly a field, a paddock really, but it is lush with meadow grasses, and the hedges that surround it must be at least eight feet high. It’s like a little secluded oasis. The projector springs into life and it’s then I notice a long cable leading back to the building. A few seconds later Nate appears, his arms filled with cushions and blankets and a basket hooked over one arm.
We spread the blankets out and Nate tosses the cushions on top so it looks comfy.
“What’s in the basket?” I nod towards it.
‘Wine and popcorn.” Nate says proudly, and he should be, it’s a perfect combination.
Once again, like the previous two dates, I marvel at his ingenuity and the lengths he’s gone to. Not only to make them special but also so that they’re discreet, or camouflaged within a friends group, even including Jenna and Alice. Jenna has called me several times since, to give me her views on my boyfriend. Is he my boyfriend? We’re dating, so I guess so. Or rather, Nate is dating me. I haven’t done anything so far except show up and enjoy myself. I haven’t planned anything myself or asked him out, and that makes me feel—well, even the thought of it makes my chest tighten and I can’t breathe. To have a boyfriend, to ask him on dates, that requires a shift I’m not sure I can make. It’s not about commitment; that doesn’t scare me. I can’t think of being with anyone but Nate. But to acknowledge that, both to myself and to the world... I’m not sure I can do it.
“What’s wrong?” Nate’s question cuts through my thoughts and briefly stops them whirring out of control. I release a sigh.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks, his green eyes filing with concern.
“You did everything right, Nate, but?—”
“Oh please, you can keep your but.” His head drops and I catch his hand. I’m not being fair to him. I need to explain; I owe him that. I pull him down onto the cushions, and he sits but he still looks worried. I don’t let go of his hand.
“Nate, I’m finding this hard. Not you. Being with you is incredibly easy. I felt that from the first time we met. Okay, maybe not the first time, but I wasn’t finding anything easy that night. But the time we’ve spent together... I’ve never felt so authentic in my life. I’ve felt freedom, to be who I am, who I want to be.”
I link our fingers. “To be able to love who I want.”
He looks at me from under his dark lashes. Did I just tell him I love him? Do I? I feel so much, none of it I’ve ever experienced before. I push on before I can explore what I’ve just said.
“Since you’ve been here, these dates have been magical, and when I’m with you, I am me.”
I swallow, trying to gather my thoughts for how to explain it.
“All of these feelings, these times with you are here.” I knock my fist against my chest. “But they feel like they’re in a box, and around it is also me, but the me I’ve been for the last twenty-eight years. The son of my father, the heir to Harrington Investments, the Cardew estate, and the title of Lord Harrington. It’s what I’ve been conditioned into being my whole life. It’s my duty.”
“But do you want it?” Nate asks softly.
It’s a fair question and it deserves a fair answer, but I can’t give it.
“My future has been mapped out for me since before I could walk. It’s what we are bred to be. I can’t contemplate what a different life would look like. And that’s what scares me the most.”
Nate stays quiet for a few minutes before responding.
“I think that’s the most honest you’ve ever been with me. I can’t say I like it, but I can sort of understand it.”
He raises our joined hands and places a kiss on each of my knuckles. My heart nearly bursts out of its box, until I stuff it back in again, not daring to let it overtake me.
“I don’t have the answers, Ru, because it’s your life. But I promise I can help you figure out the future you want. Because I’d like you to be a part of mine.”
I press my lips together to stop them wobbling. No one’s ever made a promise like that to me before. No one’s ever tried to understand what it’s been like, what it is like for me. I’m unable to speak, but thankfully I don’t have to, because he leans forward and touches his lips to mine softly. It’s a gentle kiss, one that has me reaching up and holding his face. It’s not the searing, hot as fuck kisses we normally share. This is different. It feels special, and within it I feel a small spark of hope that I might be able to figure it all out, and a warm glow spreads that I don’t have to do it alone.
“Thank you,” I say when we eventually part, It seems to be my most common phrase with Nate right now, but I have a lot to thank him for.
“Now, are we going to watch this film I’ve prepared for you?” Nate says with a grin and tilts his head towards the huge projector screen.
“What film is it?”
I’m suddenly curious about his choice.
“ Sleepless in Seattle ,” he announces, and I chuckle. He never ceases to surprise me.
“You don’t like it?” he asks with a frown.
“I love it, but I was kind of expecting something like Ant- M an .”
“That’s outrageous. I mean, there is a place for Ant- M an , but not now, and I’m a connoisseur of all the romantic greats. Pretty Woman , The Holiday , Love Actually ...”
“Ooh, I love that one too.”
“But it’s a Christmas movie so we can’t watch it now.”
“Wait? Are you one of those people who can only watch Christmas films at Christmas?”
He gives me a look as if I’ve said the most scandalous thing ever.
I settle down on the pillows.
“Okay, we can watch Love Actually at Christmas time.”
As Nate points his remote at the projector and settles down next to me, I realise I’ve actually spoken about a future time, and with Nate. I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. Maybe I can make it happen.
I know Sleepless in Seattle well, so much that I don’t have to follow it exactly. And it appears Nate doesn’t either. We started watching it and then Nate poured some wine. Then feeding ourselves popcorn turned into feeding each other popcorn and then me sucking the buttery taste from his fingers and then from his lips, and I don’t think I remember seeing much of the second half of the film. As the closing credits roll Nate is lying half on me. He pulls back from a particularly long kiss and says in a husky, breathless voice.
“Will you come back to my place?”
“Yes.”
With another quick kiss he jumps up, and starts gathering up the blankets and cushions.
“Can I help?’ I ask, rising. He fills my arms with the soft furnishings and hooks a now empty basket onto my fingers.
“Can you just put this in the building while I take down the screen? I’ll come back for it all tomorrow.” I don’t know who he’s borrowed the field from, but I send them a silent thanks as we stow everything away and he locks the door. Then he grabs my hand, and stopping only for one more kiss, we walk back to his car.
I’m thankful that Nate doesn’t live in the halls of residence. There are still so many old masters and tutors around the colleges that I’d have been bound to see someone I know. The area of the city he drives to is one I’m not that familiar with, and he directs me up to the apartment he’s renting.
Once inside I only get a brief look at his place before he spins me round and pulls me to him for a kiss. This time it is hot, and I cling on to his waist as I lose myself in him, letting his tongue explore me, and I chase his back for more.
“You know I’m not letting you out of this apartment until I’ve made love to you, don’t you?” he says as soon as our lips part.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I reply breathlessly, desperation for him showing in my voice.
As he takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, I realise he didn’t say sex or fuck, he said make love. My heart swells and I think what I confessed earlier might be true.
He tugs at my shirt, fumbling with the buttons. I help him, but as soon as there’s enough undone, I pull it off over my head and drop it onto the floor.
“Just as I remember,” he says, running his fingers down my chest. He reaches my jeans. “Now take these off. I wanna see you naked.”
I quickly undress while he does the same. He’s still gorgeous, even more so if that’s possible. Maybe a bit more tanned. I’m not. I spend half my time indoors, dressed in a suit.
“You look like you’ve spent your life poolside,” I say. I could never look like that.
“Hey.” Nate cups my cheek and makes me look at him. “I love your creamy skin; it’s beautiful. And I love the colour it goes when you blush.”
Oh! And of course my cheeks heat up at his words, and he chuckles, bending down to kiss my shoulder.
“And my lord , I love watching you come, which I intend to do over and over.” He kisses down my chest, sinking to his knees when he can’t bend over any further. He teases kisses across my stomach and nibbles at my hip before licking a line down my groin. My cock, desperate for attention while he’s teasing me, is leaking precum. It almost hurts, and I reach for it to seek some relief. Nate gets there first and I jerk as he takes the head into his mouth. The relief is bliss, and I enjoy it for a second before he keeps going and takes the rest of me into his mouth. He works his tongue on me and it doesn’t take long before I can’t take any more.
“Nate, I’m gonna come,” I whine and try to pull away, but he grabs my arse and holds me tight, kneading my cheeks and spreading them in time with the rhythm of his mouth. He keeps his lips clamped round me as I come, and only when I stop shuddering does he slip off me.
He looks up at me. “I said over and over, my lord .”
He stands and I grab the back of his neck, needing to kiss him, wanting to taste myself on him. He opens up for me and I deepen the kiss.
“Now lie down on the bed,” he says, while he finds some lube and condoms. He kneels between my legs and looks down at me.
“So beautiful.”
I sigh as I feel his finger trace round my hole. He goes slowly and I wriggle, trying to get him to enter me.
“Sshh, sshh,” he whispers, and places a hand on my belly to still me. Then, keeping his gorgeous green eyes on mine, he pushes in, and pleasure blooms through me. I tip my head back and groan.
“Isn’t it better with a little anticipation?” he murmurs as he goes back to teasing round my pucker, only occasionally thrusting into me every few times he circles. It’s exquisite, but I’m desperate for more.
“Nate, please,” I whine, and he softly kisses down my thighs, torturing me some more before adding a second finger.
“If you keep this up I’m going to come again before you’ve got your dick anywhere near me, and I do want your dick, darling. I want to feel you fill me up.”
That seems to do the trick as he takes less time before he adds a third finger, and even less before he removes his fingers altogether and sits back and tears open the condom packet. He applies more lube and then I feel him line himself up. He breaches me slowly and I lift my hips slightly.
“All the way, Nate,” I tell him, and smile in contentment as he fills me completely. He leans down and rests his forearms on either side of my head. I wrap my legs around his waist as he starts to move, each thrust punctuated with a kiss on my lips, a nibble on my jaw, a lick to my throat. I capture the back of his head, and hold him down so I can kiss him properly as he rolls his hips over and over again. It’s perfect, he’s perfect, and I can feel my balls draw up. My orgasm washes over me and he keeps going, rolling in that perfect rhythm until I feel him give a final thrust. He stops moving his hips but deepens the kiss, unwilling for us to part just yet. Breathlessly he pulls back and slips his softening cock out of me. I’m boneless and can’t move as he cleans us up. He curls round me and I feel like I never want to move from his arms.
* * *
I blink awake from one of the best sleeps I’ve ever had and look round the unfamiliar room. Last night comes back to me in a rush—the date, the sex, and sleeping with Nate. It’s wonderful but this can’t be my life, can it?
I turn over and notice I’m alone. Nate’s not in bed. I start to rise but then the door opens and he appears... naked. His hair’s wet like he’s just taken a shower.
“Morning, handsome,” he says.
“Handsome yourself,” I quip back, wondering if I could take a shower too. I rise and walk towards him.
“I’m prepped and ready for you. I want you to fill my ass.” He grins at me.
All thoughts of a shower fly out of my head, and blood rushes to my groin as my cock gets on board with the idea extremely quickly.
“Get on the bed then, darling,” I command, and he smirks as he gets on all fours in front of me. I don’t care what he says, I want to see for myself. I want to touch him. I slick my fingers with some lube and run them down his crease, feeling for myself.
“I said I was ready,” he whines, and wiggles, which only serves to push himself onto my fingers.
“Are you wanting to deny me the chance to touch your beautiful arse?” I tease and plant a kiss on each of his cheeks. He groans and I know he’s loving it, really. I pull out.
“On your back. I want to see you smile as I fuck you,” I say, and he wastes no time turning over as I roll a condom down over my cock and coat it in lube.
He may be well prepped but he’s still wonderfully tight as I thrust into him.
I close my eyes, rocking my hips, feeling Nate groan beneath me. He’s a perfect fit. He feels so good. Then my world tips on its axis, and by the time I open my eyes I’m lying on my back and the wonderful pressure round my dick has gone.
“My turn now,” says Nate, grinning down at me.