6. Thursday, May 10, 2012
THURSDAY, MAY 10, 2012
T hursdays were Julia’s therapy days, literally and figuratively. Her individual therapy and parent coaching with Clio happened every Thursday at five-thirty. Julia had found Clio several months ago, after Paige’s disastrous attempt to steal from Cardone’s. It was a minor miracle when Julia managed to snag not just one, but two coveted weekly appointments with Clio – one for Paige, and one for herself.
Under Clio’s guidance, Paige and Julia had both grown exponentially. So every Thursday, after closing the shop, Julia took the bus to the Mission. Clio’s office was only a short walk from William’s apartment.
After her session with Clio, it was another short walk to the studio on Valencia Street where she took her weekly dance class. And dance had become just as essential to Julia’s mental health as Clio had. Thankfully, Julia’s mother gladly took on childcare duty every Thursday so Julia could tend to herself in this way.
That Thursday, when Julia emerged from the bus and checked her phone, she found a text from William had come through while she had no reception.
Happy to meet up after your class. What time? And would you like to meet at the taquería?
Is 8:30 too late? If not, then ? to taquería. ??
Never too late for you. See you at 8:30 at the taquería.
??
Smiling privately to herself while she walked, Julia texted back a kiss emoji, then took a moment to savor his last two texts. Everything was still so new, and it still didn’t feel real. It had only been five days since Julia thought she would never see him again.
A little past eight-thirty, Julia stepped through the open door of the taquería. William had already claimed a booth and was watching the doorway expectantly. When he spotted her, he rose and took a step forward, his eyes riveted to her, his mouth curving into an almost bashful smile. As she reached him, they exchanged a quick peck on the lips.
He guided her into the booth beside him, and they spent a few moments simply holding hands and smiling deliriously. Clearly he had showered after work, because he smelled delicious – something vaguely spicy, warm, and masculine that Julia couldn’t place.
“You look…” His eyes swept over her, as if he might find the right word somewhere on her body. “...stunning.”
Heat pooled between Julia’s thighs. “I was just thinking the same thing. About you, I mean. In the dictionary under ‘good enough to eat,’ there’s a picture of you.” When he flushed, she turned toward the door and waved. “Bye-bye, filter.”
He smirked. “What filter?”
“Touché. Sorry about that.” She gave him another quick peck on the lips and started to scoot out of the booth to go order.
But he stopped her by tugging her closer and caressing her cheek with his thu mb. “You know, you don’t have to apologize for who you are. To me, or to anyone else.”
Scrambling for a witty reply, Julia gave a breathy, nervous laugh, instead. But she gulped it back when he rested his palm on her cheek – a tender, steadying hand.
“I fell in love with you with no filter, and I still love you with no filter,” he continued quietly. “So please, never apologize for who you are.”
Swooning, Julie murmured, “If I promise not to maul you again, will you kiss me with tongues?”
With a soft laugh, he pulled her even closer and dipped his head, pausing just before their mouths met.“I thought you’d never ask.”
The kiss was far from chaste, but not enough to get them kicked out of the taquería. Afterward, Julia went to order. When she returned, she said, “Sorry I was a little late. I took a few minutes to freshen up after class.” Snuggling against him with her head on his shoulder, she added softly, “But I could never compete with how scrumptious you smell right now.”
“I do?” His voice was a little deeper, his tone knowing.
“Mm-hmm.” She took his hand in hers. “Even better than birria.”
He laughed. “I’ve never been compared to birria and come out on top.”
“So you're saying you’ve been compared to birria?”
“Come to think of it, no. That’s a pretty original compliment.”
With her head still on his shoulder, she threaded her fingers through his, and he stroked her hand with his thumb. The chaste caress sent electric impulses directly from her hand to her nether regions, leaving her speechless in their wake. Julia would never understand how such a tiny spark, delivered from this one man’s fingers, could ignite her libido into a towering inferno. But she was beginning to seriously doubt her ability to keep her own touches chaste.
“This was your dance class, right?” asked William, his tone a bit husky now.
“Yeah. It’s kind of my second therapy.”
“Honestly, I get that. What kind of dance?”
“Bollywood. ”
His eyebrows lifted, and he smiled. “Why Bollywood?”
“I made a good friend in San Jose named Savreen. She’s from India, and she dragged me along to her Bollywood lessons. It helped me rediscover my love for dance.”
At that moment, an employee delivered their food. William squeezed Julia’s hand once before releasing it, freeing her to gnaw off an impressive bite of taco; and she chewed while he smirked across the table at her.
“What?” she said around a mouthful of food.
“I’m just remembering what my brother Mike used to say about tacos.”
“What?”
“Are you sure you really want to know? This is Mike we’re talking about here.”
“Against my better judgment? Yes.”
He performed a fair impression of Mike’s ape-like posture. “‘If God didn’t want man to eat pussy, why did he make it look like a taco?’”
In spite of the libido-killing impersonation, Julia’s body threatened to spontaneously combust, knowing that’s what William was imagining as he watched her eat. But she played it cool. “I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it was Bette Midler who said that first.”
William laughed so hard, his face resembled a stop light. “Oh God, I hope so, because if I ever talk to that bastard again, I’m going to roast him so hard for quoting Bette Midler.”
Julia couldn’t help laughing with him – Mike quoting Bette Midler was hilariously out of character. But she still couldn’t stop her nether regions from responding warmly to the mental image of William between her thighs, indulging his appetite for her with as much relish as she indulged in these tacos.
Finally, William unwrapped his burrito, and they spent a couple minutes eating in companionable silence – until she remembered. “I guess we should talk about what we came here for.”
“You spoke with Aaron.”
“Yes, and also with Clio, our family therapist.” Wincing under the pressure of her nerves, Julia nevertheless plunged right in. “I need to break the news to Kevin before the kids talk to him on Saturday. ”
“You mean because the kids have already spent time around me?”
“Yes, and of course, I can’t ask them to hide anything from their dad. Can’t, and wouldn’t.” She shook her head in dismay. “I know the way the kids met you wasn't ideal, so I want to be as sensitive as possible in how I explain it to Kevin. Not just for his sake or mine, but for the kids’ sake, too. I know that whatever helps Kevin’s peace of mind also helps the kids.”
“Will this change anything with Kevin’s paternity rights, or mine?”
Julia recounted everything Aaron had told her the previous evening, wrapping up with, “So this is really just about telling Kevin we're back together, and that Robert will be spending time with you. All of that, plus ideally – eventually – I’d like to fold you into our family as Robert’s other dad. That’s not something that can happen overnight. Clio said we’ll need to prepare Robert by having him spend plenty of time with you and me together. That way, he feels safe with you when we do finally tell him. And she also said when the time is right for that major conversation, it would be great if you, Kevin, and I all come to her office with Robert. Ideally, Kevin would tell Robert that he has permission to love both of his dads equally.”
William nodded slowly, considering. “All of that makes perfect sense.”
“But first things first – telling Kevin.” At the mere thought of it, Julia suppressed a groan. “He usually has internet and cell phone access on Friday evenings, when he gets into town, so I thought I might call him tomorrow.”
William’s eyes drifted to the ceiling, and he rubbed his jaw. “What are you afraid will happen when you tell Kevin about this?”
“Honestly, I have no idea; but my worst fear is that he’ll feel threatened, and sic his high-powered legal team on us.”
“From what you said earlier, it sounds like Kevin has no control over whether I see Robert during your custodial time. But still, maybe you could start by reassuring him that neither of us wants to take Robert away from him – that he’s still Robert’s dad, he still has all the rights, and he’ll still have just as much time with him. You can tell him I’m happy to work with all of you to come to an arrangement that includes me in Robert ’s life, but doesn’t diminish Robert’s relationship with Kevin.”
Julia’s heart fluttered at how evenly William discussed something undoubtedly very painful. “That sounds like a good plan.”
“What kind of phone or internet service does Kevin have out there in the Galapagos?”
“By Galapagos standards, it's top-notch. I can’t say his calls never drop, but not much more than they do here.”
“That’s good. You wouldn’t want to lose the call in the middle of a conversation like that.”
She squeezed his hand. “How are you feeling about all of this?”
“None of it really surprises me,” he admitted. “Since I did have time to think about it and prepare, I’m okay. Maybe I’m still a tiny bit bummed on some level that I’ll have no legal rights, where Robert is concerned; but honestly, I understand. It is what’s best for Robert, assuming Kevin’s been a good dad; but I guess...” He trailed off, and he tapped his foot beneath the cover of the table until he dragged his eyes back to hers. “I guess I’d be lying if I said I’m not a little sad right now.”
Tiny cracks formed in Julia’s heart, and her voice came out as a croak. “I can imagine a lot of reasons why you might feel that way, but I don’t want to put words in your mouth.”
After another moment’s hesitation, he admitted, “Honestly, I’m just sad I missed out on being his first dad. His only dad.”
Julia detected no resentment, and he didn’t pull his hand away. Nevertheless, she prompted, “Only sad?”
Gently, he reassured her, “I’m not angry anymore, if that’s what you mean.”
“But if you were… I mean, even if it was just running in the background… that would still be completely valid. I hope you know I would understand.”
“I’ve had to deal with some baggage, where Kevin is concerned. And not just because of this, but for years now, ever since…” Again, his voice trailed off, and she didn’t miss the way he looked down at his left forearm – the one with the mermaid tattoo. His sleeve covered it at the moment, but he stared down at his arm as if he had X-ray vision.
Then his forehead creased, and he pushed his food aside .
Gently, Julia reached for his left arm, her eyes still riveted to his. For the moment he avoided her gaze, dragging his free hand over his mouth and beard. She pushed up the sleeve of the flannel shirt he wore unbuttoned over a T-shirt, exposing the mermaid on the underside of his forearm. He didn’t draw back, so she gently stroked the skin over his tattoo. After a minute, he dragged his eyes back to hers. They were dry, but his forehead was still creased.
To Julia’s horror, her throat constricted, and tears pricked at her eyes. She gulped down a breath, trying to stop them. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“No, I’m sorry.”
They gazed at each other a while, and then she pushed up the right sleeve of his flannel shirt. She ran her fingertips over the compass tattoo on the underside of that forearm, and he obligingly wriggled out of the flannel.
The flash of color on his bicep, peeking from beneath the hem of his short sleeve, caught her eye. She lifted the sleeve, exposing the new tattoo.
It was some kind of bird, stabbed straight through the center of its body with a knife. And a banner over it read Avery .
Julia’s alarm must have registered plainly on her face, because William quickly explained, “It’s a classic sailor tattoo – a swallow with a dagger. It’s meant to commemorate a fallen comrade. I got it in memory of a fellow deckhand, Matt.”
“Oh.” Julia hesitated. “But… I mean… it says Avery.”
William laughed awkwardly. “All of us on the boat called him that because there were two Matts in our crew. It can cause deadly mix-ups on deck if there’s two guys with the same name, so each Matt had his own nickname.”
In spite of herself, Julia couldn’t help feeling relieved that Avery wasn’t a woman. She quickly squashed that thought and asked, “How did he come by the nickname Avery?”
“His last name was Averyanoff, but the other guys were too lazy to learn to pronounce it. So they just shortened it to Avery.”
Julia studied the tattoo again. It was quite beautiful, actually, with its intricately-graded shades of red, blue, and black.
Six years earlier, William showed her some photos he took during his years in Alaska; but he never spoke of his time there, or even of the people he met. Now, tentatively, Julia ventured, “And Matt passed away?”
William's face warped with some intense emotion. “The truth is, Matt pushed me out of the way of a falling crab pot. Those things are eight hundred pounds, you know. It only glanced me and fractured my skull – but it fell on him. Crushed him to death.”
Julia put her hand to her mouth. “Will… you never told me.”
“Because I had survivor’s guilt for so long. I mean, I didn’t cause the accident, but I still felt guilty that he lost his life saving mine. He had Ash to support, and I had no one.”
His voice trailed off, and she clasped his hand in both of hers. "Ash?”
“Matt’s son. Actually, Ash is the son of two good friends of mine.”
At a loss, Julia waited for him to elaborate. Finally, after a tense silence, William added, “It, um... it has to do with a relationship I had. It was after you and I broke up the first time, back in ‘95.”
Slowly, Julia nodded her understanding. Whatever William saw in her face must have reassured him.
“My first sort-of girlfriend after that was my tattoo artist.”
“Oh,” Julia blurted, and he shot her an uneasy look. “No, it’s okay. I just hadn’t pictured your tattoo artist as a woman. Please – go on.”
He shifted his weight in his seat. “Well, after I kind of spiraled downward – you know, with the alcohol and so forth – Haze is the one who suggested I go to Alaska to work on the fishing boats.”
Julia raised an eyebrow. “Haze?”
“Well, that’s not her real name,” William laughed. “It’s Serafima. But everybody used to call her Haze. She lived up there in Alaska for a while. That’s where she met Matt – Ash’s dad. By the time Haze and I dated, she and Matt were divorced, but Haze was the one who suggested I get a job with Matt on one of the sober boats up in Alaska.”
Julia gave a short laugh. “The sober boats?”
“Yeah, that’s what we called them,” he said, chuckling awkwardly. “Boats run by captains who were teetotalers. That way, I wouldn’t be tempted back into some bad old habits. And during my five years in Alaska, Matt became a very good friend. He was my best friend, in fact.”
“Jesus,” murmured Julia. “I had no clue.”
Blinking, he took a moment to collect himself, then quietly continued. “After Matt died – after I came back to California – Haze and I reconnected for a while; but sadly, it was really Ash that I loved. Not in some weird way,” he added hastily, with a self-conscious laugh. “I just mean I loved that kid like my own son. Still do. But I couldn’t keep stringing Haze along when I didn’t care for her like she deserved. After that, she moved to Alaska again so Ash could grow up closer to his dad’s family.”
Julia turned her eyes down to his swallow tattoo, running her hand along it again. “Did Haze give this to you?”
William nodded, and Julia’s mouth twisted into a coy smile as an idea occurred to her. Without warning, she shifted herself onto his lap, straddling him. She paused just long enough to enjoy the stunned look on his face before shifting out again, this time settling on his left side.
He shot her a look of complete consternation. “What are you up to?”
But she refused to answer – she just grinned and took his left arm. Touched the mermaid tattoo on the underside of his forearm. Ran her fingers across it.
“Oh, I see now,” he said softly, and her pulse stirred at his knowing tone.
He watched her keenly as she kissed her way up his forearm and ran her hand along his bicep. She slipped her fingers beneath the hem of his shirt sleeve and lifted it, exposing the new tattoo on his left bicep.
A red rose, blooming from a green stem with leaves and red thorns. And a dagger plunged through the heart of the rose.
But now that Julia looked carefully, the rose itself was vaguely in the shape of a heart. A single petal dropped from it, and that was the flash of red she had seen below the hem of his sleeve. But again, as she looked closer, the falling petal could also have been a drop of blood.
Her own heart aching with regret and longing, Julia shamelessly ran her hand over his rose-heart. Traced its outlines with her fingertip, and planted kisses along them.
William dipped his head, bringing his face that much closer to hers. After a minute, he touched her chin, tilting her face up. He hesitated just long enough to catch her eye before nudging her mouth open, his tongue lightly skimming hers. When he broke away, his mouth still hovered over hers, his breath warm on her lips; and he stroked her hair with his hand.
Her pulse stampeded out of control – she remembered that wolfish look all too well.
After a moment, William said, “Let’s get out of here.”
“Where would we go?”
The obvious answer was his place . She knew that; and from the way he hesitated, she knew he did, too.
“We could,” she whispered.
He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “It’s very tempting, but at the moment, I’m probably not thinking with the right head.” He leaned into her again, lightly tangling his fingertips in her hair. “But I do know one thing, Julie – you deserve better.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you deserve an entire night in a nice, warm, comfortable bed,” he continued gently. “And a shower, and a kitchen where I can make you breakfast. You deserve better than getting bent over the back of my couch and leaving fifteen minutes later. Especially for our first time.”
Her heart swelled, then dissolved into a puddle of goo. “Okay, fair enough. But consider this a deposit. I reserve the right to get bent in the future, and it had better be over your couch. A voucher for a coucher.”
He groaned, but humored her with a pity-laugh. “Deal. Just show me where to sign.”
She winked. “Oh, I will.”
“Did you drive here?” he asked.
“No, I took the bus from my shop. I have a dedicated spot there, and it’s free.”
His eyes widened. “You weren’t planning to take the bus back, were you?”
“Why not?”
“Well, I mean… taking the bus at this time of night? ”
“ You do it.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Oh, I see. ‘Yeah, but I’m a man.’” She winked so he would know she was only teasing. “What, you don’t think I can handle the crazy?”
“I just think you have no idea what level of crazy you’re talking about,” he said, snickering uneasily.
“I do this every Thursday, you know.”
“That doesn’t mean you should.”
“Oh, come on; it’s not that bad! Not anymore.”
“Some areas have gentrified, but let’s put it this way – any time I come home after dark, I have to run the gauntlet of the working girls at the end of my block. They usually congregate in front of one of the meth houses. Emphasis on one of the meth houses.”
Somehow, Julia was actually laughing now, when only a few minutes ago, she had been on the verge of tears. At the sight of it, William’s face softened.
“I’ll come with you,” he said. “For the sheer entertainment value. We can bring our food with us. And then, if you don’t mind, you can drive me back to my place.”