Chapter 3
brIAR
Dawson and I have had a couple of weeks to consider bowing out of our agreement if one of us changed his mind.
I still feel guilty for not only suggesting the idea, but also for lying to my parents so I can avoid a lecture and get through the holidays unscathed.
And okay, to also prove something to my high school ex, which sounds pretty juvenile.
I’m relieved Dawson will be accompanying me.
He always has this calming presence, but even more than that, we’ve become friends.
I really want to show him my postcard-perfect hometown so he feels like he’s living in one of those cheesy but beloved Hallmark movies.
Minus the love interest, of course. Because that’d just make it weirder, wouldn’t it? Besides, it’s not like that between us.
When I pull in front of his shop to pick him up for our road trip, a bout of nerves scrambles my stomach. What if this ends in disaster?
I text my parents. About to get on the road. See you in about five hours.
Mom responds immediately. Great! We’re excited to meet your mystery guy.
His name is Dawson, remember?
I’d told them his name once I knew Dawson would be coming.
Of course we do, but he’s still a mystery guy to us.
God, this is mortifying. It was supposed to be Nathan, the guy I was dating until a couple of weeks ago.
The guy I’ve seen in our office building since our breakup.
Once in the elevator—awkward—and another time in the gym, where he was already flirting with the handsome new front-desk assistant.
It’s only a matter of time before he asks him out because the way the guy was smiling at him, who can resist Nathan’s charms?
Christ, what am I doing dragging Nathan’s brother into this mess? This holiday recreation. Simulation? An exchange of one twin for another. Now I feel even more awful.
“You okay?” Dawson asks as he slides in the passenger seat.
“Uh-huh, just…I’m gonna have to start getting used to us pretending to be a thing.” I scrub my hand over my face. “Are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have agreed otherwise. It sounds like an adventure, and I need to have more of those.” He motions to his shop, which is locked with a CLOSED sign on the door. “I’m excited to get away for the holiday.”
I nod numbly and pull onto the street, heading toward the freeway. “What did you tell your parents?”
Dawson hitches a shoulder. “They didn’t ask. Probably figure I’m staying put like I planned.”
“And Nathan?” Panic wells in my chest. “Does he know where you’re headed?”
“I didn’t say anything…wasn’t sure how or if I should broach the topic. Plus, Nathan’s on his way to a beach holiday in Miami with friends.”
I blow out a relieved breath, then mutter, “Guess he wanted to get out of the city after all.”
“I’m sorry.” Dawson pats my arm, and despite the cold, his fingers are warm. “I know this is difficult for you.”
“It’s fine, really.” I scoff. “In fact, running into him has helped me realize how wrong for each other we were.”
“How did that go—seeing him?”
“As well as could be expected. You know your brother—nothing seems to faze him. He’s friendly as ever. Especially to the hot, new employee at the gym.”
“Oof, that’s tough. I’m sorry you got wrapped up in this. Not that Nathan is a terrible person. He’s not. He’s just…very focused on himself and having fun. He doesn’t spend much time thinking about others. I don’t think he does it on purpose, but that doesn’t change the fact that it hurts others.”
“Well, if that isn’t a great summation, I don’t know what is.”
“I did grow up with the guy. Even shared a womb.”
I smile, forcing myself to have a sunnier outlook. Despite the wintery landscape. Snowflakes fall against the windshield and evaporate, but the weather forecast doesn’t call for much accumulation. It’s the exact reason we chose this day to leave.
We turn up the music and fall into a comfortable silence until about an hour into our trip, when we stop for food at a drive-thru restaurant.
I can feel Dawson’s breath against my cheek as he leans toward me to see the board.
My heart gallops from the proximity. “I’m taking a number eight with a Coke,” I tell him.
He grins and settles back in his seat. “I’ll have the same.”
Once we get our lunch, I pull into an empty spot so we can down our food and then get back on the road.
“So…will any more guests be arriving for the holidays?” He averts his eyes. “Will I be sharing a room with your long-lost aunt Patty?”
I laugh. “No, it’s usually just us. And that always feels nice after the flurry of activities at the farm and around town.”
“That sounds awesome.” He sips his drink, then clears his throat. “Suppose what I was getting at is…will we be sleeping in the same room?”
My gaze springs to his. “Oh shit, I forgot about that.”
Christ, how long has Dawson been ruminating about the accommodations? It’s an important question, and I completely dropped the ball. What else haven’t I considered about this trip?
“My parents would definitely expect us to share a room, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, so we can come up with some excuse for you to—”
“No, it’s okay. We’ll make it work.” His fingers white-knuckle the cup. “Besides, how would it look if we didn’t want to sleep together?”
“You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t think this through. We’ll figure something out.” I can sleep on the floor, and my parents would be none the wiser.
“It’s all good. Just making sure we’re on the same page.”
“Okay, cool.” That same guilt makes my chest feel heavy. I hope he doesn’t feel like he has to live up to any expectations. “You don’t have to try and prove anything to my parents, by the way. Just be yourself.”
“You mean be Nathan?” He smirks. “I’m kidding. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I can use my own name, so that worked in my favor. But I expected you to at least brag a little about how successful your new guy is or how you met. Why didn’t you tell them anything about him?”
“Maybe because I knew how it would end. I didn’t want my parents to ask too many questions after we went our separate ways.” I wince. “Suppose I manifested that shit. Nathan dumped me right on schedule. Though I would’ve preferred after the holiday.”
“Would you, though?” He crumples his wrapper. “Knowing how it would end, as you say, or about your parents’ expectations?”
“Suppose that might’ve made it worse.” I frown. “But at least I’d have had someone to accompany me home.”
“Well, now you have me.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, when it’s actually pretty huge. “Which reminds me. They have no clue what this boyfriend looks like either?”
“Nope. Like I said, limited details.” Come to think of it, Nathan and I never took one photo together.
I wonder what that says about our short dating stint.
But now I’m glad we didn’t. When Mom pressed, the only thing I said was that he’s handsome, which didn’t satisfy her at all.
“Damn, I’m not very good at this, am I? It was my convoluted idea to begin with, but I’m woefully unprepared.
I never considered…well, all sorts of things, apparently. ”
“Obviously neither did I until right this minute.” He cracks a smile. “Suppose we’re lucky you didn’t share a lot with your parents or let anything slip. Cutting my hair in the next rest-area bathroom to match Nathan’s hairstyle would’ve been a hard limit for this fake-boyfriend thing.”
I gulp at the word boyfriend. It makes my stomach tingle, mostly the idea of still having one and bringing him home to my parents. Maybe I’m the one who belongs in a Hallmark movie.
“Right again. I wouldn’t want to touch your hair.” I glance at the soft strands escaping his knit beanie. “I like it.”
“Do you?” He pats his hat self-consciously. “I figured you’d be more into the close-cropped cuts, like yours and my brother’s.”
I shrug. “I don’t exactly have a type when it comes to looks.”
“Only personalities?” he teases.
“Yep—overly confident jerks who don’t consider my feelings.” I bury my face in my hands. “God, how pathetic.”
“Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all have our pasts, and exes are exes for a reason.” He grips my shoulder. “But maybe it’s time to flip the script.”
“What do you mean?”
“Date someone the opposite of your type and see what happens.”
The idea of putting myself out there again curdles my stomach. “Think I’m done with dating for the moment, but I’ll take your suggestion under advisement.”
Once we’re back on the road, I tell Dawson more about my town and my family’s farm.
“As a fellow small-business owner, I’m impressed,” Dawson says after hearing that Blooming Acres is still going strong after thirty years. “Do they expect you to take over someday?”
My stomach sours. It’s not something I enjoy thinking about—my parents growing old and retiring. Or worse, having health complications. “They know my interests lie elsewhere, but if I had to, I would. I’d do anything for them.”
It’s true. They never put pressure on me to help run the farm, especially when I became a computer whiz in school and pursued my degree. But they sacrificed a lot to give me a wonderful childhood, so I’d be willing to give back. I’d at least try to make it work.
“I can hear how much you love them,” Dawson says. “My parents are different, and Nathan is more like them. He dreams of making money and retiring early so he can travel the world. That’s kinda how they are.”
Hearing Dawson describe his brother makes it even more obvious that we were too different to make anything work. I enjoy my career, and it allows me to live comfortably, but I don’t have any other aspirations besides finding someone to grow old with. And so far I’m striking out.
“Were you and Nathan close as kids?”
“Yes. And we still are. I mean, there’s this thing between twins, this connection you don’t experience with anyone else in the world.
We’ll always have that.” He blows out a breath.
“But as soon as we hit middle school, it was evident how different we were. Is it weird that we can be different but still close and not close at the same time? He’s my brother.
He always will be, even if we move through the world differently. ”
It’s obvious even being in the same room with the two of them, but still I ask, “How so?”
“He was an all-star in sports, the class president, popular…and I was just his twin brother.”
“Ouch.” I rub my chest as if I can actually feel the sting.
He shakes his head. “Honestly, I didn’t really mind it. I enjoy living under the radar and following my own path.”
“I can see that. You have this quiet confidence. Bet your parents are proud of everything you accomplished.”
“Thanks.” He dips his head in this shy, unassuming way his brother never would. “I’ve always had an entrepreneurial spirit, maybe like your parents. My one small shop suits me fine.”
At the next rest area, he insists on driving and sharing the load. I don’t fight him on it too long because it feels nice to stretch my legs and watch the landscape from the passenger side.
“What’s the plan if we mess up some of the dating details?” Dawson asks.
“Good question. I’m sure we can play it off. Say we were friends first.”
“Because your office building is close to my shop?” he asks as he navigates traffic.
“Uh-huh. I met you on my latte-and-smoothie runs.”
He nods. “True enough. What else should I know?”
“Um, let’s see…my family is pretty informal, so you can call my parents Jeffrey and Donna. The week before Christmas is busy at the tree farm with all the last-minute shoppers.” I take a sip of my soda, then quip, “Dad might try to put you to work.”
“I don’t mind helping. Do you pitch in?”
“I normally do, but that’s not what this trip is about. We’re on holiday, and I want to show you the town.”
He waves a hand. “There’ll be plenty of time for that. I’ll just go with the flow.”
“Thanks for being cool about all this.”
“It’s not a hardship, believe me.”
And the way he says it makes something prickle on the back of my neck. When I look over, our eyes connect before he glances away. Dawson is a good, kind, pleasant human to be around. Him being so handsome doesn’t hurt either.
I force those thoughts from my brain because I don’t need to complicate this trip for either of us.