Chapter 21
Noelle
Ifound it hilarious that Fredrik thought he could make anyone uncomfortable. He was the most reserved guy I’d ever met. Every word out of his mouth was carefully considered, and most of them probably never left his lips. He always paused before speaking.
But the way he smiled at me, presenting this ridiculous challenge, made my entire body vibrate.
I knew I was witnessing a rare phenomenon, like one of those flowers that bloomed for only a few minutes at midnight.
I couldn’t peel my eyes off his pearly white teeth.
Had I ever seen him smile before? I couldn’t remember. He was gorgeous.
I thought he’d try to embarrass me with words, maybe to make me blush, but he’d chosen a different tactic. The sauna. It was a mistake. I’d grown up with Finnish sauna culture. He couldn’t bring out anything that would rattle me.
Half an hour later, I followed him across the snowy backyard. My memories of Finland were set in summer, but the snowy scene felt idyllic and equally Finnish. Maybe even more so.
“Here’s the changing room,” he said, opening the door to a log building.
The heat hit us at the door, radiating from behind the glass door leading to the sauna. Showers were behind another glass door. The changing room looked traditional, with wooden benches and hooks on the wall, and towels stacked in one corner.
“I’ll let you go first,” he said, hovering at the doorway. “But you should consider rolling in the snow. It’s a tradition. And it’s also customary to go to the sauna fully naked.”
A laugh bubbled out of me. If he was blushing over that line, I’d already won this contest. “If we’re going with tradition, you’ll strip right now and join me in there.”
“What?”
I pulled off my sweater and tossed it on the bench.
“I told you I had a Finnish grandma. Mummi. We visited her in Finland twice. She lived by a lake and had a sauna. It wasn’t fancy like this with running water, but she heated it every day.
We’d all go in together, naked. I’d swim in the lake naked. I loved it.”
He shrugged, dropping the bag he’d been carrying on the bench. “Noted.”
With a funny smile on his face, he took off his jacket, then pulled off his sweater and thermal shirt.
He had a different energy today. More alert and intense, the corners of his mouth tugging up with ease I hadn’t seen before.
I stared at his muscled chest, suddenly unsure about my bravado.
We were playing chicken and considering how much I wanted to trace the dark hair leading down his stomach, there were worse things I could be than a chicken.
But I couldn’t back down. I pulled off my pajama bottoms and tank top, throwing them on top of the sweater.
Last night he’d seen me in my lace panties, but that wasn’t the full picture.
I’d been running low on clean laundry and paired my purple panties with an orange sports bra.
A terrible combo if there ever was one. Good thing we were just friends playing a silly game.
Fredrik turned to face the wall, yanking down his corduroys.
“Is my mismatched underwear making you uncomfortable?” I asked.
“What? No!” He angled his body slightly toward me but still wouldn’t look at me.
His skin was pale, but his muscles showed signs of use. “Do you work out? Your trapezius is really pronounced.” Without thinking, I dragged a finger down his muscled back.
God, stop it, you total perv.
I pulled back my hand, clamping my mouth with it. “This is what I mean. You’ll never outdo me in awkwardness.”
He laughed. “Jackson drags me to the gym, and I split a lot of firewood. I think your underwear is cute.”
He worked hard to force those words out, looking slightly past me, and it made another laugh burst out of me.
“Eyes on me, Fredrik,” I said, unhooking my bra. “If you want to make me uncomfortable, you don’t get to be a gentleman. It’s time to leer.”
His gaze snagged on my bare chest, his face red as a beet. “This is a dangerous game, Noelle. You have no idea…”
“It’s a game you will lose,” I exclaimed, dropping the bra on the bench and wiggling out of my panties.
I hadn’t shaved for a while, adding to my genuine embarrassment. But nobody would beat me in this. I was the queen of awkward.
“Sorry I’m so hairy,” I blurted. “It’s a great way to keep warm in winter.”
Fredrik allowed the briefest glance, coughing into his hand. “It’s not like I shaved for this.”
“Shall we?” I asked, gesturing at the sauna door.
“Oh. I almost forgot.” Fredrik dug into his bag and pulled out a tied-up bundle of something. Branches?
“Is that a vasta?” I asked in awe. I remembered the Finnish tradition of using birch branches in a sauna.
“I thought it was a vihta. I froze a few of them last summer,” he said. “I thought I could make you uncomfortable by suggesting that you beat yourself with birch branches, but I guess that failed, too.”
“No. This is amazing.” I grabbed it off him and brought the bunch of wet, slightly frozen leaves to my face. “I love the smell.”
“We still need to warm it up.”
I handed it back to him. Two loose leaves stuck to my chest. As I peeled them off, I noticed his eyes following my hand.
At least he wasn’t looking at the walls anymore.
I spent a moment brushing leaves away, giving him a chance to look.
When was the last time he’d even looked at a live woman?
He seemed to exist in a sad little world, either alone in the bookstore or in his giant, empty house.
“I told you I could make you uncomfortable.” His thick voice caught my attention.
He glanced down and my gaze followed, landing on a huge erection. He gave me a curt nod and covered it with the vasta.
“Why do you think I’m uncomfortable?” I asked. “I’m flattered. I mean, if that’s for me.”
“What do you mean? You’re naked.” He let out a frustrated sound. “I’ve never seen anything this hot in my entire life. You have an unfair advantage in making me look like a fool. The least you can do is forfeit the title of the most awkward person in the room.”
“Never,” I declared. “I’m just as turned on as you are. It’s not as obvious, but you can easily confirm it.”
I was not backing down. Not now. Not ever. I stepped a little closer. “Look at my dilated pupils.” My gaze caught his eyes, noting how dark they were, the deepest evergreen forest. “Check out my nipples.” His gaze dipped lower, taking in the hard peaks that tightened further under his stare.
“It’s dim here, and a little cold,” he said, grabbing the sauna door handle. “We should—”
I yanked his hand off the door handle. “There’s one way to confirm, unless you’d rather be a gentleman.”
He swallowed hard. “I don’t think we need to go that far.”
It was cold, but my insides were on fire. “I’m not losing this game, Fredrik.”
I didn’t even know what the game was anymore. I only knew we were naked, standing inches apart, and I was slowly dragging his hand down my body. He shifted closer, his breath hot against my forehead.
I guided his hand onto my belly, then lower. As his fingers reached my slit, we both gasped. I kept my chin up, staring at him as I guided him right in. His mouth dropped open, and he made a small, strangled noise as his middle finger dipped in, diving into a pool that ended all arguments.
“Oh my God.” He sucked in sharp breaths. “Oh my God.”
I’d never done anything this brazen. I’d reached peak embarrassment, and the next step would probably be spontaneous combustion. But he made me brave. I felt so safe with him that I could say and do unimaginable things. Playful, dangerous things.
Fredrik’s finger flexed, and he groaned. “You play dirty, Noelle.”
“I play to win.”
I waited with bated breath as he held still, a battle raging behind his eyes. I wanted this, but I didn’t know if he really wanted me. Maybe he just wanted to get through this moment of weakness without making a mistake.
I released his wrist, worried that I was forcing him. His fingers remained, hovering over the most sensitive part of me, not touching. He couldn’t take the leap.
Releasing a deep sigh, I turned to open the sauna door.
“Where do you think you’re going?” His low growl stopped me cold.
He closed the sauna door and backed me against it, trapping me between his arms. My body pressed on the warm glass, and the bundle of birch leaves hit the floor with a wet thud. “I told you this is a dangerous game. You don’t get to back out anymore.”
“Why would I?” I batted my eyelashes innocently as desire pooled through me.
The deep, resonant rumble of his voice shot right into my core. “If you want me to be a gentleman, you need to tell me right now. Because I’m not sure I can access that part of myself anymore.”
“I like you like this,” I said breathlessly. “I like you a little out of control.”
He dove for my neck, kissing my collarbone, then dragged his tongue down to my breasts. “You’re so perfect,” he mumbled before sucking in a nipple.
I’d done it. I’d tapped into the primal part of this man, and it was even better than I’d imagined. He trailed hot kisses down my cool skin, running his hands down my body, exploring every bit of me like he’d never seen anything like it. Worshipping every curve and dip along my skin.
“I’m on the pill,” I whispered as he returned to kiss my lips. “I’ve been tested.”
“Me too,” he said. “A long time ago. It’s been a long time.”
“Too long,” I said. “Come here.”
He aligned the tip of his erection at my opening but held there, moving back and forth ever so slightly. Sparks erupted behind my eyelids. When he pulled away, I moaned. “No. Don’t turn into a gentleman now. It’s too late.”
His mouth curved. “I just want to do this right.” He grabbed my waist, lifting me to sit on a nearby bench. “Can I taste you?”
I anchored my toes on the wood floor and my fingers around the edge of the seat, letting my legs fall open as he fell onto his knees, diving between them.
His tongue worked magic, rhythmic and hungry.
Circling and teasing, soft and reverent.
I wanted to hold back until I saw him lose control, but I couldn’t.
He’d decided to take care of me, so that was what he did.
Gently. Patiently. Like he was still a gentleman who couldn’t be anything else.
The scent of birch leaves and hot wood lingered in the air, mixing with something sweet and primal rising from us.
He cupped my thighs, holding me in place between his mouth and the wooden seat, and I felt my release building.
It was disorienting and beautiful, like too many flavors dancing on your tongue all at once.
With every touch, I was transported further from the confusing reality, deeper into a space beyond where nothing else existed. Only me and him, and this moment.
It was a moment I’d barely been brave enough to imagine. Fredrik between my legs, devouring me. How was he so good at this? So precise and careful, yet determined, responding to every little sound I made, making me squirm, then finally applying more pressure, growling like an animal.
I wasn’t sure what sent me over the edge, but the release hit me with such force I nearly fell off the bench, every muscle contracting as I rode the wave, finally collapsing forward against his shoulder. It felt so good. So raw. So unfiltered.
When I came to my senses, I reached for him. “I need you.”
He pulled me to my feet and against his chest. “What do you want?”
I reached to open the sauna door, breathing in the hot, dry heat. The bottom step was a freestanding stool, so I pushed it aside to make room and hopped onto the middle bench. It wasn’t too hot with the door open, and I was sitting at just the right height. “I need you here, Fredrik.”
As he stepped in, I spread my thighs, gasping at the size of him.
He aligned himself between my legs, and I felt the tip of him brush my thigh. “Are you sure?”
I wrapped my fingers around him, pulling him closer. “You need this too. Trust me.”
When he thrust inside me, I gasped out loud. He filled me so perfectly, so tightly, leaving no room for movement or questions. We held there for a while, breathing heavily, suspended in that sweet ache. He wrapped his palms around me and moved a little. “Does it hurt?”
“No,” I whispered, dropping my mouth against his shoulder. His skin tasted salty and sweet. “It’s perfect. Give me more.”
He pulled back slightly and pumped into me again, sending sparks up my spine.
With each thrust, I met him harder, teetering at the edge of the seat, relishing that point of contact and the intense sensation.
My body crackled like it held an electric charge.
I couldn’t hold back, moving with him with wild abandon.
“Noelle. Slow down. I can’t—"
He tightened his grip around my bottom, trying to hold still. I felt him pulsing inside me. I could tell he wanted to last longer, but I couldn’t hold back any more than he could. Another orgasm was gathering momentum, coiling tighter inside me. I had to move.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, rolling my hips.
He groaned, and I felt his release erupt inside me. My body followed. I clutched his shoulders and moaned into his chest, shaking uncontrollably, riding the second wave all the way through.
As my brain returned from its journey through the stars, a hazy thought emerged. We’d crossed a bridge we could never uncross, like fastening one of those padlocks and throwing away the key. What did it mean?
After a moment of panting, he pulled away, looking dazed. Fear hit me like a whiplash. Was he going to apologize? Was he going to talk about the future? I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. After a moment’s hesitation, he kissed me back, relaxing into it.
“Don’t say anything,” I whispered quickly. “Please don’t say it was a mistake. Let’s not think too hard yet, okay?”
“I’m not thinking at all. My brain is mush.”
“Good. Because I had two incredible orgasms and that never happens, so I don’t want anything to spoil this moment.”
“It never happens?” He looked concerned.
“No. Unless I do it myself. And I’m not that good at it.”
Truths were slipping out again, my filter completely gone.
And now he was looking at me with that unnerving intensity, all soft and warm and open.
Like he was about to confess something I wasn’t sure I could take.
I pulled him closer, burying my face in the crook of his neck.
He smelled like birch trees and woodsmoke and sex.
I was losing the real game of chicken. I was the chicken. I couldn’t meet that gaze.
“That’s a shame,” he murmured against my cheek. “You deserve thousands.”