Chapter 27
Fredrik
Iwas supposed to stay away from this woman, not fuck her in the middle of my workplace.
“Now what?” I asked as I helped her down from the armchair I’d probably have to torch. “We’re… friends?”
Obviously, I couldn’t be just friends with her. Not if she ever took her shirt off. Not if she even looked at me like that. I would fall every time.
Her arms still around my neck, she pressed her naked body against mine. “Friends with benefits?”
I sighed into her hair, my hands tracing the curves of her back. She was unbearably hot and beautiful. Touching her felt like winning the lottery without buying a ticket. I could no longer protect myself from hurt. I only wanted to stay with her.
“Okay,” I said. “What kind of benefits are we talking about?”
I already knew I’d take anything she was willing to offer and would accept any terms. I’d sign the contract blindfolded.
Noelle smiled, picking up her clothes and dressing as she spoke. “We see each other at your place or here or anywhere private that works out? And we do this… or something else we both enjoy.”
“And do you have any other friends enjoying similar benefits?” I tried to keep my voice light, but even I could hear the jealousy.
“No! Of course not. I hope you don’t, either?”
I almost laughed at her uncertain expression.
As if I had multiple ladies on rotation.
I couldn’t think of anyone else. She’d snuck in and filled my entire world.
My eyes followed her wherever she went, and my cock was constantly hard as I thought of her.
If this was what friends with benefits felt like, I must have misunderstood the concept.
“There’s no room for anyone else in my mind,” I replied truthfully.
If she thought I was pathetic, at least I wasn’t misrepresenting myself. Other than hiding the true degree of my obsession. It made no sense to feel this way after knowing someone for such a short time. Maybe it was the sudden influx of sex hormones. My body wasn’t used to them.
Noelle pulled her sweater over her head, and two glistening eyes appeared, framed by mussed hair. “That is the sweetest thing anyone’s…” She took a deep breath and made an emotional noise as she crashed into my chest, wrapping her arms around me.
She mumbled the rest of that sentence, holding on tight.
The hug lasted for a long time. With every inhale of her scent, I felt weaker and stronger at the same time.
I didn’t want to let go, and it seemed neither did she.
I wondered if other people in friends-with-benefits relationships were acting like this. This was the exact opposite of casual.
Eventually, I let her go and walked her upstairs. I didn’t want to leave her there, but at least the power was back on. The room felt warmer.
“Do you think it’ll blow the fuse if I turn these on?” She gestured at the ridiculous pile of Christmas lights covering the window.
“Should be fine. But I think they’d look better downstairs. You know, where they were.”
“You’re not changing your mind!” She laughed, a little incredulous. “I just took everything down.”
I shrugged. “Up to you.”
I felt different. Maybe my store could look different, too. I scooped her waist and pulled her closer, full of wonder that I could do so. That I was allowed to touch her. She sighed, relaxing into me like she belonged right there.
Still, her eyes held a hint of rebellion. “I’m keeping the lights up here. Otherwise, it’s too much too soon. Friends with benefits don’t decorate each other’s houses. Or workplaces.”
“Okay. Can I get a list of dos and don’ts? It’d be really helpful.”
She glanced at the ceiling, thinking. “They do hang out, I think. Because friends do that.”
“And what are the benefits, exactly?”
She blushed, her teeth skating over her lower lip. “Anything we both enjoy? Just no couple stuff.”
“What’s couple stuff?”
Her smile morphed into confusion. “Umm… hand holding? Or anything else only a couple would do.”
“What, like joint bank accounts? Co-owning a turtle?”
“A turtle sounds amazing! But yeah, I guess.”
My phone rang, and I pulled it out of my pocket. “It’s Jackson.”
That was weird.
I was about to ignore the call, but Noelle grabbed my wrist. “You need to take it.”
“Why?”
“Because friends don’t blow off other friends.”
I stared at the phone, a little alarmed. Jackson never called. Most people didn’t. “But he and I have no benefits.”
“Ha ha! You have a signal, which means it’s a good day in Hideaway! Don’t take that for granted.”
She urged me into the hallway, and I finally answered the call.
“What’s up?”
“Teddy?” Jackson’s voice was full of wonder. “Did you really pick up your phone?”
“Why are you calling?”
“I’m channeling my inner boomer. I watched Taken the other day, and people just looked cooler having real phone calls. Like, urgent ones on a tiny slide phone.”
“What’s the urgency?”
The line crackled as he laughed. “Nothing. I just wanted to catch up. Are you home?”
“No, but…” Was I going back home? Was that what a friend-who-didn’t-blow-off-other-friends would do? I’d figure this out.
“Bookstore?” he guessed.
“Yeah. I can come home—”
“Let’s meet at Kippis? My treat.”
I cringed at the idea. Not because anything was wrong with the small corner bar. I just didn’t want to go out in public, not unless I could hide behind a book and pretend other people didn’t exist.
Which, I now realized, I wouldn’t have to do with Noelle. I could just hook up, quietly, and not worry about any of that. No pointless outings, expensive meals, or other couple friends to entertain.
How had I landed such an amazing deal?
“That’s the worst deal ever!”
Jackson’s hand flexed like it wanted to bitch-slap me.
We’d secured a small table by the window overlooking the street. It was a picture-perfect scene, complete with Christmas lights and floating snowflakes, both of which I was uncharacteristically appreciating on this fine night. And for some inexplicable reason, my best friend was glaring at me.
“Why? You do it all the time.” I sipped my beer.
He groaned. “Yeah. Sure. I have. And it can be fun if you’re the type. Which you’re not.”
“How do you know?” I managed to sound hurt.
“Because you have to keep emotions out of it. You have to set clear rules and boundaries.”
“We did!”
He shook his head. “No, you didn’t. You can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re involved up to your eyeballs. Because you’re in love with her. Because she’s falling for you. Take your pick.”
“Earlier, you told me I should have a fling. You said it’s great because she’s only in town for a short time. No hassle. She’s still going to get on the next ship and sail away.”
“And you’re okay with that?” He gave me a long, hard look, and I covered my flinch by taking a long swig of beer. “Didn’t think so,” he concluded.
The tourists at the neighboring table watched the scene behind the window, hypnotized.
The snow was falling more heavily now, and the wind was picking up, obscuring visibility.
Where they saw a photo opportunity, I saw hazards.
I saw a never-ending labor camp of snow being pushed and scraped.
Noelle had no idea. She was one of those tourists.
“Maybe she’ll change her mind. Maybe she’ll… stay.”
“To be your fuck buddy?”
“It was her idea!”
Jackson put down his beer and took a deep breath. “I know I’m not any sort of authority on commitment or relationships, but lately, I’ve been thinking I want more. I don’t know what exactly it’ll look like, but I’m done with the hookups. I deleted Tinder.”
“Seriously?”
He looked exactly like I remembered, dressed and styled for the cover of GQ, but there was a hint of pain and uncertainty in his eyes I didn’t remember seeing before.
He’d always been the incorrigible charmer who didn’t let life get him down.
The one who saw the silver lining in the worst tragedy. Even mine.
“Yeah. I think I wanna grow up. Be worthy of someone’s primary cell number. Not the dirty little secret.”
“Sounds good. Is that why you called? Is something… going on?” I narrowed my eyes.
Jackson looked surprised. “No. I mean, not yet. I’m working on it.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but changed his mind.
The door slammed as the tourists left, their phones held high as they photographed the flurry of snow swirling around the string lights of Main Street, holding onto their hats. Their enthusiasm made me think of Noelle. Everything made me think of her.
“Like I said, I’m still working on this, but you’re already that guy, Teddy. You’re a commitment junkie. Premium husband material. Which makes me think you’re fooling yourself.”
I took another gulp of liquid encouragement, keeping my gaze out the window.
“I know what you mean, and I did that at first. I came on too strong, and I freaked her out. We nearly broke up before it even started. But you know what? I hate relationship stuff. Going to concerts and restaurants and endless public outings that you have to shower and dress up for. Clearing drawers and watching them take over your space and move everything… fill your windowsills and counter space with pointless crap. Cushions everywhere! Pretending to like their family and friends… it’s dreadful. ”
“Do you know her family or friends?”
“No, but…”
“So you’re talking about Elle?”
He’d never called Elora by her real name, and she’d hated it.
“Well, you can’t choose your family, so the chances are—”
“The chances are that your severely introverted ass won’t enjoy any social interaction that involves more than two people. That doesn’t mean her family is awful.”
I tilted my head, accepting his assessment. “Yeah.”
“And if that’s your reasoning… that this arrangement will let you off the hook and you don’t have to suffer through dinner parties or double dates, then you’re an idiot.”