Chapter 28
Jake
Christmas Eve Morning
Great sex, excellent family time, and inflicting torture on my brother and Spence had lifted my spirits through the roof. The grand finale was drawing nigh, and when all was said and done, I was confident that none of those cocky CEO sons of bitches would dare prank Collin and me again.
“So, what’s on the agenda for today?” Ash’s dad asked in humor.
I smiled at my father-in-law and took great pride in the fact that the man was entertained at Spencer and Jim’s expense.
Of course, Collin and I were suffering right alongside those bastards, but seeing Jim and Spence so far out of their comfort zones, going through withdrawals from being on their laptops and phones all damn day, made all these nonstop Christmas festivities downright enjoyable.
“Ah, yes. Today,” I said, standing from the breakfast table and smiling at Jim and Spencer’s bedheads. We’d worn their asses out yesterday chopping up firewood.
“Spit it out,” Spencer said, his once ambivalent mood finally matching Jim’s annoyance. “What Christmas song are we honoring by playing a festive Christmas event for the ladies and children?”
“Excuse me?” Nat snapped, staring at her husband. “What the hell was that?”
“It’s nothing,” Spencer grumbled, and my lips were pressed into a fine line, trying not to laugh.
“The hell it isn’t,” she said. “You’re lucky our daughter didn’t hear that or the fact that you won’t be getting laid tonight for daring to refer to the children and women in such an annoyed tone.”
“I thought you were excited to keep up these festivities after seeing the look on your daughter’s face yesterday when you helped her make Lady Winter the snowwoman?” Collin questioned, provoking Spencer even more.
“Precisely,” Nat said. “This sour mood you’re in is beyond me.”
“Beyond you?” Spencer said, too exhausted to be wise enough not to talk back to his wife. “Try having your ass jerked out of bed every morning by these two dumbasses in the name of Christmas cheer—”
“Spence, stop,” Jim tried to warn Spence from continuing down this paved road to hell. “You’ve enjoyed this.”
“Speak for yourself, Jim,” Spencer said.
“I think this has gone far enough. I’ve already put my email responses to auto-vacation mode, or whatever you call it.
See, I don’t even know what it’s called because I never use it.
And because I’ve chosen to ghost all our clients and partners, God knows how many deals we’re losing while we prance around in homemade ugly Christmas sweaters, bake Christmas cookies, percolate fucking coffee outside, and—”
Either Nat punched the man in his balls, or the lights came on, and he’d realized what an asshole he sounded like.
This could be bad for Spencer because what the ladies weren’t seeing was the constant poking of these two bears that Collin and I had been doing behind the scenes to make ourselves feel better about the torture we’d suffered.
“Okay, okay. That’s enough from Papa Bear,” I said. “Nat, cut the old man some slack. He’s tired. Fortunately, this will be his last big event, and he can sleep in tomorrow.”
“Sleep in tomorrow? Tomorrow is Christmas morning, dipshit,” Spencer snapped.
“Oh, shit. That’s right,” I eyed Collin with a grin. “Well, that sucks. Now, we should review today’s itinerary before Nat divorces Spencer and takes everything in the marriage. Allow me to go over the plans.”
“Hopefully, those plans consist of all you miserable shits leaving this house. I’m done with this thundercloud who thinks work is more important than spoiling his family during the holidays,” Nat said.
“Do you see what you’ve caused?” Spencer asked. The poor guy honestly looked half awake and completely exhausted.
Which was the point.
“I haven’t caused jack shit,” I defended myself.
“You’re the one cracking under Christmas pressure, and if you keep this shit up, dialing down the Christmas spirit in this home, then Collin and I are sure to send everyone on a festive journey to the tune of the twelve days of Christmas.
We haven’t done anything from that song yet. ”
“It would be ideal if we could put together a little Silent Night event, if you ask me,” Jim added.
“Well, no one is asking you, Jimmy,” Collin said. “Don’t try to co-sign on mine and Jake’s ideas. Even though we found a crack in Spence, we’re staying the course. Today, the reindeer arrive.”
“Dear God,” Ash finally said with a chuckle. I was surprised that she and Avery hadn’t entered this conversation until now. “I can’t even imagine what you guys managed with the Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer song.”
“No, my love,” I said. “This was Collin’s idea, and it’s not about Rudolf. It’s based on a little tune called Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”
“Oh?” Carmen said, coming in from the kitchen. “I’m the only grandma here, so I prefer we skip that event, eh? Abuelita ain’t getting run over by nada!”
Everyone laughed except Spencer, who was more concerned about having pissed off his wife than he was entertaining another long day of Christmas chores.
“Don’t worry, Carm. No abuelas will be harmed in the reenactment of this reindeer song,” I assured her.
“However, we will be using reindeer to pull our sleighs to Gersbach’s farm in order to sail out over their acreage and find the perfect Christmas tree for the kids to hang the hand-crafted ornaments we made together the other day. ”
“What does that have to do with the song?” Avery questioned.
“Aside from the presence of reindeer, absolutely nothing, actually,” Collin said. “Hey Jake, I know you wanted the reindeer and all, but we got to take this in a different song direction, or it won’t work.”
“Oh?” Jim perked up. “Our two Christmas elves have found themselves backed into a corner. Looks like we can’t go in a sleigh to get the family Christmas tree.”
I eyed my brother, “You could only dream of a day when Collin and I back ourselves into a corner, unable to continue what we started.”
“Oh, Christmas Tree, duh?” Collin said. “How lovely are thy branches…”
He finished in song.
I grinned. “See, we’re back on track. So, that’s taken care of. Mark, do you want to come along with us?” I asked Ash’s dad. “John’s excited about this one, and I know your grandson would love to have you with us.”
“Absolutely,” Mark said.
“As for you ladies,” I said, smiling at the women, “we’ve taken into account that this has been a long week of decorating, putting lights on the house, winning neighborhood Christmas competitions—”
“We’re the only house on the mountain,” Avery laughed. “You guys did do a fantastic job, though. It’s beautiful.”
“Indeed,” I continued. “Anyway, we reconnected the main room’s television.”
“Skip to the point,” Jim said. “I don’t want another lecture about how technology was ruining our holidays.”
“Well, the TVs are coming back into play, and you’ll be glad to know I called the staff in again to help prepare meals while we’re out today finding the perfect family Christmas tree.”
“We did the Clark Griswold shit with the lights and house decorations last night, dude,” Spencer said. “Let’s just get a goddamn tree from a lot. We don’t want any squirrels ruining the Asters’ furniture.”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Collin waved his index finger at Spencer. “This has nothing to do with that movie. This has everything to do with following Swiss traditions and honoring how they celebrate as we show gratitude and appreciation for spending the perfect family Christmas in their country.”
“By chopping down and killing one of their trees?” Spencer taunted.
“I’m not going down that road with you,” I answered. “Nice try, though. In respecting Swiss traditions, we’re going to harness some reindeer to a sleigh and have them bring us to a Christmas tree farm where we’ll find and cut down our very own Christmas tree.”
“That sounds exciting,” Avery said.
“And bitterly cold,” Nat added. “But Spencer could stand to do a little manual labor right now.”
Spencer tightened his lips, realizing he should’ve never talked back so harshly to his wife.
“Nat, Spence was doing manual labor yesterday as well. He’s the one who did the roof lighting and cut half a cord of wood,” Jim said, coming to his defense.
“It really is cute watching you defend Spence as if he were your boyfriend,” I taunted.
“Unfortunately, you all were at the market in the city center, unable to witness his efforts,” Jim finished, ignoring me.
She looked at Spencer, “Is this true?”
“Yeah, and hey, I’m sorry for what I said. I’m just sore as hell, exhausted, and not in the mood to hear Jake’s fucking chipper mouth through another fucking Christmas song.”
“Listen to me, baby,” she said, disregarding everyone in the room and capturing Spencer’s lips in a sensual kiss.
“Oh, come on, Nat,” I said.
“Chill out, Jacob,” she said, annoyed. “Now,” she returned her attention to Spencer, “because you were a dick, you’re still going on this reindeer adventure, but because you apologized and busted your ass for us with the Christmas lights and wood, you’ll get a special little surprise tonight.
You know, the one I vowed to take away from you moments ago? ”
“Yeah?” Spence said with the broadest smile any man has ever managed. I rolled my eyes, seeing the bastard get off too easily.
“All right, pervs. Let’s go,” I said. “Get your parkas because it’s going to be cold as shit out there.” I looked around the table, “Ladies, enjoy your relaxing afternoon. The staff will be here to wait on you, and we’ll be back before sundown.”
If only I knew how haunting those words would be to me two hours into our Christmas tree hunt, I would’ve smartly grabbed at least one cell phone to ensure we wouldn’t become stranded in the middle of nowhere…