Chapter 32 Isla
ISLA
It’s harder to know which emotion carries more weight, the exhilaration or the terror.
I’m an old lady.
On my own terms.
Finding myself made that happen.
I ran over to Garrett and Kai’s home earlier than they said, even though they told me to wait at my place, because I wanted to tell them some good news.
But in the big scheme of everything that happened since I knocked on their bedroom door, the fact one of my videos has gone viral seemed like something that could wait.
A famous podcaster commented on it, saying they’d love to get in touch to talk about what I’m doing, which is the biggest thrill.
I started making and editing the videos for my own benefit, but if they can help others, I want to lean into it.
I’m keeping my job at the vet’s because it pays the bills, but I really want to make my social media and videos more polished.
But I’m also on the way to the clubhouse, which means, I’m too nervous to tell the two of them about it now.
Sure, I’m sandwiched on the bench seat of Garrett’s truck between him and Kai. But as the clubhouse is looming closer, my palms sweat. I wipe them down my jeans.
Kai takes my hand as Garrett drives. “You doing okay, Sunshine?”
“I’m nervous,” I admit.
He puts his arm around me and pulls me close. I tuck my head against his shoulder as we pull into the lot.
“We can turn around,” Garrett says as he parks the truck. He kills the engine and turns to face me. “You don’t need to do this. Tonight should be a happy memory.”
Music bleeds from the clubhouse as the door opens and closes. It’s bass heavy, some big rock song.
This place defined me.
Then, it rejected me.
Now, I think I need to make peace with it. Because the club is a huge part of who Garrett and Kai are, and I’ll miss moments like this with them if I don’t try.
“No,” I say, firmer than I actually feel. “Let’s go in.”
Kai slips his hand from around me and opens his door before Garrett opens his. They move with the synchronized energy they’re both known for. They’ve always seemed to know what the other is thinking.
The night air is cold, biting through my jacket, and I’m suddenly very aware of my clothing choices. Dark jeans that fit me comfortably. Boots with an edge. I look down at them and straighten the hem of my jacket.
“You look beautiful,” Garrett says, coming up behind me.
Kai’s eyes sweep over me, close and appreciative. “I’m gonna fuck you in just the boots sometime…just so you know.”
My cheeks warm. “Thank you.”
Garrett takes my hand. “Come on, Sunbeam. Let me show my old lady off to the club.”
“Our old lady,” Kai adds, throwing his arm over Garrett’s shoulder. “If we’re making a statement about who we are, does that include you and me?”
Garrett nods. “Yeah, Wild. What the fuck have we got to lose? They all know anyway.”
When we enter the clubhouse, the noise dips. Not like one of those needles across a record scratches that you see in movies, but enough that I feel it.
Heads start to turn. Conversations pause as people lose track of what they’re saying. Eyes move to us.
And I’m sure some of them are wondering what the fuck is going on. Kai still has his arm protectively around Garrett’s shoulders, and Garrett is still holding my hand.
I squeeze his fingers tightly, forgetting how every man in the place would be wearing his cut. An intense pressure pushes on my chest, and I’m mad at myself for thinking I was suddenly cured of the anxiety I have about them because Kai held me while he was wearing his.
Karlie is at the bar, staring at us.
“I thought you barred her,” Garrett says to Kai.
“I did. Let me go deal with it,” he says.
“No,” I say, putting my palm on his chest. “Let me go talk to her.”
“Isla, we can’t just have them disregarding our rules,” Garrett says. “And I haven’t forgotten what she said about you.”
“Neither have I. But I want to fix it. I trust you to look out for me tonight. Trust me to sort this out too.”
Garrett raises my hand to his lips; Kai presses a kiss to my forehead.
“I’ll be at my usual seat,” Garrett says, taking a spot at the bar away from the door.
My eyes meet Karlie’s, and there’s a flicker of something there, defensiveness, maybe, with a pinch of guilt. She doesn’t look away, but club girls never do.
I breathe in, straighten my shoulders, and walk over to her.
“Didn’t think I’d see you back in here,” she says.
“No,” I agree. “I didn’t either.”
There’s an awkward silence, for a moment.
“I’m not here to cause trouble, Karlie. I just wanted to tell you that I did what I said I was going to do.
I left because I was confused about who I was.
And it turns out, some of who I was is still who I am.
I want to belong to Jackal and Shade because I love them.
Both of them. You were right when you guessed I was into them before even I did. ”
And I realize the shame I was worried about appearing as I explained it out loud, that I loved two men, never appears.
“Didn’t take a rocket scientist,” she says, her shoulders dropping a fraction.
“I was angry, Karlie. At men who took and took and took and then hid behind statements about how they didn’t make any promises.
I had to leave so I could remember I was worth more than that.
I was losing myself through all the ways I was trying to make myself enough.
When, in truth, it was turning me into someone even I didn’t love.
And how can anybody love me if I don’t love myself? ”
Karlie snatches my hand. “I was angry. Because we were the same. And it felt like you were telling me I wasn’t enough either.”
“Oh, God, no.” I pull her to me and hug her.
After a second, Karlie puts her arms around me too. “Could we be the first club girl and old lady that actually like each other?” Karlie says finally.
“I hope so. Until you become an old lady.”
Karlie shrugs. “Don’t hold your breath, although, there is a cute new prospect.”
“That’s the spirit.”
We stand there smiling, and the tension eases.
“Do you think you could ask your enforcer if he’ll chalk my strong words up to shock and go easy on the ban?”
“I’ll talk to him.”
She smiles. “Good.”
We’re so busy talking that I don’t notice Jinx until it’s too late. “Hey,” he slurs, wrapping his arm over my shoulder and sliding his hand inside the lapel of my jacket to grope my breast. “About time my favorite piece of pussy returned. Where’ve you been, Isla?”
I barely have the time to comprehend what has happened when Jinx is propelled away from me so hard, he lands across a small round table that immediately collapses beneath the weight of him.
“What the fuck?” He grunts as he rolls on the floor.
There’s sweat on Garrett’s brow, and even as I see him wince, Kai rushes over. After a whispered word with Garrett, Kai snatches hold of Jinx, who is coughing and spluttering, and smashes his fist into Jinx’s face.
Once.
Twice.
By the third time, Jinx is unconscious.
“Let me take the trash out for you,” Atom says, dragging Jinx to the door.
“You can strip his patch tomorrow,” Grudge says. “And for fuck’s sake, can we stop groping women without asking, first?”
And now, there’s a needle-scratching-record silence.
A man groped me, and while I, at first, want to trivialize it to keep the peace, I see it for what it was.
I was just assaulted by a man. I don’t care if he knew me as a club girl, because consent isn’t a blanket.
Consent is minute to minute. And right here, today, I did not consent to him touching my breast.
I move to the safety of Garrett, uncertain what to do next beyond wrapping my arms around him and letting him hold me while Kai holds the door open for Atom.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Don’t ask me that when that fucker got his hand on you like he did.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head.
“Then, make it the last time,” I tell him. “Make sure everyone knows I’m yours and Kai’s.”
He draws in a breath, stands straighter than he has since his accident. “In case it’s in any way unclear: Isla is my property. Anyone touches her again; I cut off their fucking hands myself with a blunt hacksaw.”
“Nice visual,” Kai says. “And because some of you are nosey fucks, Isla’s mine too. And I’m hers. And Shade’s.”
Grudge stands and walks over to us, and sandwiched between the two men, I feel strong enough to look at him.
He offers his hand to shake Garrett’s, first, then Kai’s. Then, he looks at me. “I’m happy for you, Isla. For all of you.”
With that, the music starts playing again.
People start to go back to their business, and, of course, people come to us to congratulate us. But my pulse is still racing and faces blur as the music pounds from the speakers.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” I say, feeling a little overwhelmed by what just happened. “I just need the bathroom.”
“Don’t use the public one.” Kai tosses me his keys. “Use the one in my room. You want me to come with you?”
I shake my head. “I’m fine. After what just happened, I’ll be surprised if people don’t give me a fifty-yard radius.”
The hallway is deserted, and I step into Kai’s room.
It’s clean and tidy. Everything has its place.
But it’s hard to take it in properly as I close the door and rest my back against it, taking one big gulp of air after another.
The room smells of him, and I close my eyes, for a moment, letting it soothe me.
“You’re okay,” I remind myself. My men were watching out for me. Lessons were learned. I take another deep breath. “You’re okay,” I repeat.
When I feel steadier, I force myself to look around. I realize there are limited signs of Garrett, and that makes me sad for the two of them, that they had to hide who they are, but also that, as of tonight, they can just be who they want to be.
I use the bathroom quickly, then take out my lipstick to reapply it. Then, instead of putting it away, I write a message on the mirror.
I love you.