Chapter 41 Azahara
Azahara
Several days had passed in a blur. There was no concept of day or night inside the medical tent—it was always dark. If there had been any indication, Azahara had missed it.
She hadn’t eaten or slept since returning from Helgum, and despite the best efforts of the medical team at the Order Outpost to reason with her, no one could reach her.
Kaed, too, attempted to connect with her, but he understood the importance of not pushing too hard.
He provided her with water and food and slept in the chair beside her every night.
They had spoken very briefly about what had happened, and Illyan confirmed the story of putting the ward around her to mask her lies. Kaed felt that was the case, but allowed his emotions to get the better of him. He had profusely apologized, which Azahara had accepted but said wasn’t needed.
The only one who needed to apologize was Illyan, and they did so about a million times. Azahara didn’t accept their apology. How could she, when she was looking at a motionless Zhal, whose ebony skin was ashen, as if drained of all life?
She felt her lips trembling as another wave of sadness encroached on her.
Illyan had wethered them to the Order Outpost just outside the kingdom walls, where initially she thought they would be going.
The medics had rushed to them immediately, ready to tend to Azahara, who had been covered from head to toe in blood.
Instead, they were brought face to face with the horrific sight of Zhal dying at her feet.
She hadn’t remembered them trying to fight her off, screaming for her to move so they could get to her. The only force able to get her away was Kaed. Then Illyan used Magic to put her under, marking the last time she slept.
When she woke, they nearly had to sedate her again.
She demanded to see Zhal and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
The medics worked tirelessly, using every bit of Magic to repair the damage that had been done to her.
If she were to have barged in, it would have disrupted all the progress they had made.
Kaed had done all he could to keep her calm, from holding her while she screamed and cried, to keeping his distance but watching over her while she shattered furniture and destroyed training dummies.
Whether it had been sitting outside of the medics’ tent or running mile after mile, she never once entered her own sleeping quarters.
Kaed did his best to stay with her, or at least in bird’s-eye view.
He was afraid to leave her alone, even for a minute.
When he shared why with her, she broke down further.
“I’m afraid the outcome will further pull you away from me, and I won’t be able to help you. That you’ll give up and leave me alone in this world.”
She hadn’t let herself believe there was no positive outcome for Zhal. It scared her what might happen if she didn’t come through. Fear of what she would do wrapped her entire being and held her prisoner.
It wasn’t until the third day that she could see Zhal.
The medics had done all they could, but because the Vaeragi were so disconnected from Magic, her body wasn’t reacting to it as it should.
They had suggested taking her back to her people, but Azahara knew that would be sentencing her to death.
She wasn’t sure how Zhal’s father would take being returned a daughter that betrayed him and his people.
Azahara had then decided she would go to Veesilka to see the chief and beg for a way to save his daughter.
Except, Illyan wouldn’t send her.
“They will kill you.” There was no light in their voice. “You won’t even get a word out before they slaughter you like a pig.”
She had looked at them then, both emotionless and with disgust. “Yet, you would bring us to Helgum, knowing we may not make it back alive.”
They didn’t budge. “Zhal would not want this.”
Tears of anger had torn through her, leaving her feeling utterly helpless. Riding there without Starlight would take a week if not longer, and the same amount back. By then, she may not be here.
“Spend the time with her now—”
“Shut up!” There was so much hate inside her, it was burning through her skin like lava. “Just... why can’t you give this to me, Illyan? You can’t let me try and save her?!”
They didn’t speak after that, and while deep down inside, she knew why they wouldn’t, it didn’t matter. “I love you so much, Ladybug. I never meant to put you in harm’s way—”
Get out of my head!
“I never wanted anything to happen to any of you. I just wanted—”
Get out!
“I can’t send you to die. I would not survive it.”
She completely shut the window to her mind, putting a mental block on anyone who would dare try to break through.
Illyan hadn’t seen her since then, nor did she try to see them.
Now, she sat quietly at Zhal’s bedside, clutching her hand tightly.
Azahara’s eyes appeared sunken, shaded in a dark purple hue, with red veins staining their surface.
Her hair was tangled and disheveled. This was the true reflection of how she had been feeling, how she should have appeared all along—not the mask she had worn for the past several weeks.
Footsteps approached her, and she ignored them as she had always done.
“Miss Starfall?” a young woman called to her, but she didn’t shift or speak back. “I’m going to run some tests on your friend, okay?”
It was Kaed who spoke. “Go ahead.” She had completely forgotten that he had been sitting in one of the chairs closest to the wall. “Let me know if you need her hand, please.”
Azahara only shifted her eyes to the girl as the medic came into view. It seemed to startle her and cause her to jump back. Not wanting to disrupt any efforts to bring Zhal back to her, she looked back at her warrior’s still face.
From the corner of her eye, she saw the medic moving her fingers up the veins of Zhal’s arm.
Then she moved up to her head, where her fingers gently checked her ear and mouth, and then her eye.
When the girl pulled her eyelids apart, Azahara shifted upward to see.
They were dark, holding nothing but emptiness inside of them.
“No change.”
Azahara lowered her head onto Zhal’s arm, her shoulders trembling as tears welled up. While it wasn’t unexpected, having been by her side for several days, it still pained her to hear it spoken aloud. It felt like the confirmation of her greatest fear, even though it was right before her.
“Her heart is beating, but…” That wasn’t new information. They had gotten it beating after the three days of unrestful Magic. It hadn’t changed her situation; no activity in her brain, no motion, absolutely nothing. “Only time will tell if she can fight whatever her body is doing.”
The medic left without another word, and she heard Kaed get out of his seat. “My love.”
“Don’t say it. Please.” Her voice was weak, trembling under the weight of her sobs.
“I’m not.” He was right behind her then. “Let me comfort you, please.” The pain in his voice tore her apart. “Come to me, I beg of you.”
With resolve, she stood and turned to him.
The stream of tears down her cheeks was never-ending.
She looked up at him, broken pieces of her falling, never to be put back together again.
“I told her she couldn’t protect me. That was the last thing I said to her.
” He didn’t move toward her, allowing her to decide for herself.
“I may as well have been the one to have thrown the axe.”
Her jaw clenched as she closed her eyes and stepped into him with a shaky breath. He was waiting, without judgment but with love, for her. A warm hand on her back, and another at the back of her head, holding her to his chest.
“Azahara.” She sucked air through her teeth as she sobbed, her arms weakly holding onto him.
“She knew you didn’t mean it. She knew how much you loved her—” Her legs gave out on her, and Kaed fell to his knees with her, his arms never wavering in their hold on her.
“Let’s not give up hope, and even if it is to be this way…
she’ll always be with you, no matter in what form. ”
Her broken sobs were interrupted by her attempts to find enough air to breathe. She didn’t know how to move on. Zhal was going to die because of her.
“You know better than anyone—” There was a brokenness to Kaed’s voice as he spoke. “What death means.” She felt no strength left in her arms and let them fall. “Don’t give up, please, don’t give up.”
Azahara hadn’t realized that she had passed out in Kaed’s arms. The darkness of the room indicated that it was night; the candles had been blown out, and there weren’t any signs of life other than her own.
She had been laid in bed, and as she was getting ready to sit up, she felt someone beside her. At first, she thought it might have been Kaed, but to her surprise, it was Zhal.
It hit her then that Kaed had not brought her back to their tent, but instead put her beside Zhal. For whatever reason, that realization hit her with another wave of emotion.
Her vision felt blurred as she drew her fingertip along the line of Zhal’s jaw. Her hand trembled, and no tears fell even as her eyes burned.
Hovering over her, she brought her thumb to her mouth and bit so hard that she pierced from one side of her skin to the other with her teeth. The numbness in her body blanketed the pain.
Moving her thumb between Zhal’s lips, she pressed downward, allowing the liquid to spill down her tongue and into her throat. She had no idea if her blood held any powers like Goddrick’s did, but she figured at this point, what harm could it do to at least try?
She leaned in and kissed her lips as she took her thumb away. They were so cold, nothing like they had been back at the Idle Fox—filled with warmth, love, and desire.