Chapter 41 Azahara #2
She moved her hand under Zhal’s deadweight arm, placed it over her shoulder, and curled against her. Azahara rested her head against her chest, hearing the smallest of heartbeats that fought for life. She placed her hand on Zhal’s neck, wanting so badly to feel warmth but getting nothing but ice.
“I can’t breathe without you.” Her voice was hoarse and bled with such ache. “Please don’t go.” She brushed her thumb against her skin. “I need you by my side.”
She took an unsteady breath in. “I didn’t mean it. You are my warrior. My friend. My protector.” Closing her eyes, she wrapped her arm around Zhal and fell back into the darkness of her mind. “I can’t do this without you. I love you.”
Sleep was not what she deserved, but it was what she needed.
She is mine. Mine. Please…
Unsurprisingly, nothing had changed when Azahara woke the following day. When she emerged from the tent, Kaed stood talking with Illyan just outside.
As they both noticed her, Illyan quickly turned and walked away. She didn’t have the energy to talk with them right then, but it was on her list to do after catching up with Kaed.
He smiled and offered his hand, which she took without hesitation.
“Morning,” he said, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.
She was thankful he didn’t say “good” morning. “Morning.”
“I’m glad you got some sleep.” His thumb brushed against the top of her hand. “I told the medics not to go in there until you came out unless there was an emergency.”
She was only going to give him a gentle nod, but she knew that wasn’t right. He had laid her there to be with Zhal because he knew she wanted that. It was as though he always knew exactly what she needed. “Thank you.”
“It’s nothing—really.”
“It’s everything.” She squeezed his hand. “You can’t imagine how much it meant to me.”
He gave her a weak smile and placed his hand on her cheek. “I can see how much she means to you.” He looked at her lips, which began to tremble. “Can you eat something for me?”
Thankful for the distraction before she started breaking down again, she nodded.
“Good, then we can come back and check on her.”
Kaed took her then to the common space, where lunch was being served. None of it looked appetizing, but she knew that she needed to eat to have any strength, which she did, four helpings. It surprised not only Kaed, but also the soldiers around them.
No one sat next to them, and she wondered if an aura around her warned them not to come near.
It was how she felt, after all. The alternative would have been for them two to sit in the tent eating, and something about that felt unappealing.
Not that it would have been with Kaed, but just the silence would have been too much.
At least there, they could hear the ramblings from the other soldiers.
“I’ve sent word to the king about what you learned from Thall,” Kaed said while she was devouring her fourth and final plate.
At some point, she spilled everything Thall had shown her and spoken of.
They had to have her recount everything because, according to Kaed, they couldn’t hear anything Thall had said to her or what had been down in the benthic of Helgum.
He noted that Illyan figured someone there was using a form of Magic to censor his plan.
“They are going to investigate the claims.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Investigate?”
Kaed let out a heavy sigh. “Aza—”
“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to make excuses for the king. I don’t care.” She finished eating, wiping her face with a napkin. “What will they do once they’ve confirmed what I’ve said?”
He leaned forward, his elbows propping him up. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions here.” He lowered his voice to keep those around him from hearing. “I suspect war. If there are as many creatures down there as you say… he’ll call on all sectors of his forces to stand against Thall.”
He narrowed his eyes and watched her. “He didn’t say why he was doing this, huh?”
She brought her mind back to that moment. “We can discuss specifics when it’s just the two of us.” The thought of being alone with Thall made her gut wrench. “No. I asked why but wouldn’t have gotten the answer without raising suspicion. It was all I could do—”
Kaed took her hand from across the table. “You did more than you needed to.” There was a frown on her face, remembering the torment he must have felt when Thall kissed her.
“Thank you”—she pulled his hand up, putting her lips against his knuckles—“for understanding.”
He took his hand away and put it against her face, a smile on his lips. “Anything for you.”
From the corner of her eye, she saw Illyan looking at them.
Kaed turned to see the Fae and then back to her.
“You should talk to them.” She didn’t take her eyes off them while Kaed continued, “What they did, it wasn’t right.
Lying to us—to you—it was heartless given the days you had just prior. But…”
“There is that stinking ‘but…’” She sighed.
“But Illyan is hurting too. Losing their great-grandfather, the only family that truly loved them for who they are, and hopeful of gaining any love like that from his grandfather, it’s hard to blame them.
” He put his fingers to her chin and turned her to look at him.
“They also did it for you. They thought it would prove you were good and a worthy part of the family if you both brought back the Fae Magic to its rightful place.”
Azahara dropped her gaze to the table. “They still lied.”
“You lied to me.” He was smiling. “You know, about your age.”
“I think this is a bit different,” she quipped.
“Is it?”
She knew it wasn’t different. Had she told Kaed what she was the moment they were together, they could have allowed the Gorruk to take her life, and things may have been different. A different reality altogether would have been created—one where they hadn’t needed to run.
With a heavy sigh, she looked back at Illyan and waved them over. They pointed a finger towards themselves, and she rolled her eyes, giving them a look that said, ‘Don’t make me take it back.’
They were sitting beside her before she could blink twice.
Illyan, with open arms, stared down at her. “Ladybug, I’m truly sorry. I am. I swear, I never meant to hurt you. Or get Zhal hurt—”
Hearing her name shot a painful throb through her chest, one they noticed in the grimacing of her face. “If you want me to leave, I will. I’d understand if you never wanted to see me again.” They dropped their arms and head.
“Don’t be stupid, Illy.” Azahara put her arms around their torso and pulled them close. “I can’t lose two people. Just... don’t ever do it again. Or I’ll eat your wings.”
Illyan laughed nervously. She wondered if they truly feared that after her attempts in Helgum.
While the thought was grotesque, she wondered briefly what would have happened if she had been able to take Helio’s Magic. Would she have been able to control it and destroy Thall right then?
Would Zhal be there with her, threatening to destroy the Fae for putting Azahara in danger? I never got that night with you… She frowned against their chest, tears brimming in her eyes.
When they pulled her back, she quickly wiped away the tears and deeply breathed. “Don’t do it again.”
“I promise,” they said, a smile forming.
“You are my best friend... I will always listen...” Her hand came to their cheek, and they leaned into it.
With a resounding sigh, Azahara asked, “Now what?”