Chapter 37
37
This time, Olivia couldn’t hide her shock and looked at his damaged face for longer than was polite, knowing that her cheeks had flushed pink, before she dropped her gaze to the ground. But during that intense moment, she’d seen something in his remaining eye, felt a frisson flutter across her body when he’d finally looked at her properly, as they’d sat facing each other in that tiny backyard. She was no Gibson Girl but she also knew there was something about her men found attractive – even if it was just her spirit. Howard had fallen in love with her, so had Seth, even poor Benji thought he had, in his own misguided way. Tanner could see she was no longer the child of before, but instead a young woman – she sensed it in his body language and the way he’d assessed her figure when she’d first arrived.
He’d stood firm with his refusal to return to Merriford Lode, but had, at least, been polite and, after the promised tea and cake, Mrs Tanner had shown her out. Olivia took the opportunity to quiz the diminutive lady as they returned through the house.
‘It’s sad to see him so lost. Why did he not marry? He must have had interest before the war?’
‘There’s never been anyone since his first girl, Annie,’ she said. ‘I don’t think he ever truly got over her.’
‘But she left him for someone else. Surely he doesn’t still hold a candle for her?’
‘I don’t reckon you ever met her, but she was uncommonly pretty, that girl. All the lads in Merriford Lode thought so. Never seen eyes so blue. And such a kind soul, always helping out at church and doing good. Perhaps there’s part of him that thinks she might come back one day – he’s the loyal kind.’
Olivia felt deflated and chided herself for momentarily believing she was some sort of Mata Hari, beguiling young men wherever she went. Her wild hair and tendency to drift off into a dreamworld would be no match for the sparkling sapphire eyes of an angel, who the whole village was apparently in love with.
She thanked Mrs Tanner and left.
* * *
‘Jonty failed to mention that the man was quite such an invalid,’ Cynthia said as they sped down the chalky lanes towards Newmarket. Olivia had filled her in on the visit and his reaction to the job offer. ‘You’ve done your best but if he won’t be helped, there’s an end to it.’
‘I’ll persevere, if only because there is nothing I can do for Clarence, or Louis, or Howard. But if I can help even one man who went through what they did then, in a funny way, I feel I’ve helped them. Imagine if it was one of your sons who had returned injured? You’d be overjoyed to have them alive, but broken-hearted if they felt that they were worthless. He seems to have given up.’
Lady Fairchild was wearing leather driving goggles and was focused intently on the road ahead. They had the top down and Olivia had unpinned her hair and let it fly loose behind her, determined to blow all Tanner’s defeatism away. She felt the older woman briefly glance her way and they consequently swerved rather erratically to the left, before she got control of the motor vehicle again.
‘He was always a good worker. Not the most cheerful button in the box from what I heard through staff, but pleasant enough, and always happy to help me with the cut flowers for the house. Leave it with me, darling. I’ll see what I can do.’
* * *
‘And?’ Seth asked through the wall that night. ‘Am I still dashingly handsome, built like one of them Greek gods and unbelievably witty?’
Olivia had considered the best course of action on the long, and occasionally perilous, journey home. How would she feel if he told her that the other Miss Davenport was not faring so well? It was not news she would want to hear, so she decided to be economical with the truth. The disabilities and disfigurement didn’t bother her, but Tanner’s state of mind did. In the end, she decided to pretend that things were proceeding nicely. After all, there was no way he could ever find out about himself unless she told him. He could hardly pop by.
‘He was pleased to see me and is currently considering the Fairchilds’ offer of employment.’
‘And how did you feel about him?’ he asked, a touch of anxiety evident in his tone. ‘Do you think you could love him? Because I’m certain he could love you.’
‘Honestly!’ She laughed at his eagerness. ‘I talked to the man for barely half an hour. I’d like to see how you get on when you visit Miss Davenport and try to convince her to elope with a gardener she’s never formally met. These things take time.’
‘With a bricklayer to pay for and only one afternoon off a week, it’s not so easy for me. I’ll have to get the train to Windy Acres, but I’ll pursue the young lady when I can.’
‘Annie Taylor was mentioned…’ She let the name hang between them, suspended somewhere in the fabric of the wall until he answered.
‘What did he say?’
‘Tell me about her?’ She didn’t answer his question, curious as to his response.
‘She was just a girl from the village who stepped out with me for a while when I was a young lad.’
‘ Just a girl who you felt strongly enough about to propose to.’
‘Ah.’ A deep sigh floated into her room. ‘I should’ve told you about her – I’m sorry.’
She agreed and her silence spoke for her, as she plumped up one of the pillows and placed it behind her back. She was settling down for a long story.
‘I forget how involved you are with everyone’s life at the manor,’ he said, ‘when you are only a fleeting presence here. Did I talk about her to you when you came to live with the Fairchilds?’
‘No, Benji mentioned her years ago, but your mother seems to think you never got over her.’
‘I can assure you that I have.’
‘Tanner hasn’t.’
‘Poor chap. I guess there’s nothing like your first love; it stays with you forever. When you’re young, you’re passionate about everything from cricket matches to workers’ rights. You fall so much harder, and I couldn’t believe she’d chosen me, out of all the lads in the village. I think me being a regular at church and her father being somewhat of a zealot was in my favour. She was widely admired.’
‘And extraordinarily pretty?’
‘Yes,’ he begrudgingly admitted. ‘That too. Her home life was difficult, though. Not sure her father trusted me, as though I might defile his daughter if he left us in the parlour for more than a minute. She reminded me of you in many ways – desperate to break free of Merriford Lode and to try new things.’
Olivia tried not to mind that ‘extraordinarily pretty’ was not one of the comparisons.
‘But the difference was she cajoled others to go along with these grand schemes, whereas you were always prepared to undertake them alone. She was forever suggesting that she escape her house at night and we meet up, but I was worried what that might lead to.’
His worries, as it turned out, were entirely justified. It was obvious to Olivia that Seth had been too sensible, too morally sound. Annie had gone in search of excitement elsewhere. And that excitement had landed her in trouble.
‘To begin with, I didn’t mention her because you were just a child, and the things I was dealing with back then were too heavy to lay at your feet. And then, more recently, it was because she didn’t matter no more. Someone else had filled the hole she left. Someone who was so much more than a pair of bright-blue eyes.’
She had to smile. He’d dug himself nicely out of the earlier hole.
‘Who was your first love?’ he asked, and she heard the bedsprings groan as he jiggled about, making himself comfortable. ‘The first man who really captured your heart?’
She thought for a moment that this could be the time for her to be honest about Howard, but then she realised that her first love, the first real person she had dreamed of, made future plans about and had awoken tantalising sensations in her body had been a nineteen-year-old undergardener back in the summer of 1912. He was right about the strength of adolescent feelings.
‘You,’ she replied, knowing she meant Tanner, but allowing him to think otherwise.
‘Well, now, that does wonders for the old ego. Thank you.’
And they made love again, through a wall, together but entirely separately.