Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Jonny’s accusatory tone made Ada forget all about the warm, relieved feeling that had rushed through her upon seeing him here, the light that made her feel like she wasn’t alone, that she had someone to face her troubles with.
Her face and her heart hardened. “Pardon me?”
He came closer to her, his face within inches of hers. “I said, what the hell are you doing here in this tavern? Do you know what this is?”
“I know exactly what this is,” she said, her eyes darting past him to Sharpe, who was walking away from the table. “I need to speak to Sharpe.”
“You sure as hell don’t.”
She poked a finger into his chest. “I don’t know who you think you are, but I have had quite enough of you telling me just what I can do and who I can do it with. If I want to talk to Sharpe, I will talk to Sharpe.”
She caught the flash of panic in his eyes. “No, you will not.”
“And just why not? My name has been dragged through the mud long enough. This needs to end.”
“I agree with you about that, but this isn’t the way to do it. You talk to Sharpe, and that will only make him all the more interested in you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
“How?”
“Because every time you open your mouth, I am all the more interested in you, and I have a feeling any other man would feel the same.”
That captured her attention.
“Who are you?” she ground out.
“Isn’t that the question?” he said, running a hand through his hair. “Let’s get out of here.”
“I told you, I—”
“Please, Ada?” he said it so quietly, his tone losing all of that anger and authority, that she couldn’t help but soften. She nodded quickly.
“Fine.”
“Thank you,” he said, and she didn’t protest when he reached down and grabbed her hand, intimately interlacing their fingers before he tugged her out of the bar, the staring glances and the thick smoke hiding more than just the faces of those within.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Are you alone?”
She gave him a look. “Can you think of anyone who would agree to accompany me here?”
“Fair enough,” he said, whistling for a hack to stop for them. “I should take you home.”
“You should, should you?” she said, lifting a brow.
“Yes. But we have much to discuss,” he said as he helped her into the hack after giving the driver his address.
“To your place then?” she said, hoping her voice didn’t waver as she thought about what had happened last time the two of them had been alone together in his rooms.
“Nothing will happen,” he said firmly.
“Right.” She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the seat behind her. They must have had very different experiences the last time if he wanted nothing further to do with her, even if it had likely been a mistake.
They sat in silence until the hack pulled to a stop in front of the building where Jonny lived. As he paid the driver, the man tipped his hat.
“Good night to you and your wife, sir,” he said before driving away. Ada said nothing as she noticed that Jonny didn’t correct him.
Why did the thought of being a wife not seem to matter so much when Jonny was the man in question?
He opened the door and ushered her in, then crossed the room to light the gas lamps and coax a fire to life.
She decided to make herself at home, sitting in one of the two chairs on either side of the small table.
He finally sat across from her, and Ada tried not to be distracted by the sight of his bare forearms crossed on the table before her after he had pushed his sleeves up to just below his elbow, having removed his jacket before stoking the fire.
“Well?” she said, deciding that she had no wish to make this conversation easy on him. “What did you want to talk about?”
“You need to keep your distance from Sharpe, from Will, from the docks, from that entire organization,” he said, his words clipped, almost harsh. “Stay with your family. Do as your father says. Marry Carter and get on with your life.”
Her mouth gaped as she fisted her hands and placed them on her hips. “I’ve had quite enough of you telling me what to do and who I should marry,” she said through tight lips, trying not to allow her anger to overwhelm her. “How is that any business of yours?”
He cocked his head at her. “I believe it became my business the other night.”
“So, because we were together, I am now yours to do with as you wish?” She shook her head with a snort. “I don’t think so.”
“It is not as though I’m telling you to do anything you weren’t going to do already,” he said with an indifferent shrug. “I heard Carter telling you that it was time to marry.”
“Did you hear my response?” she said, wondering why she was even bothering, but she needed to get this all out.
"You asked him why now.”
“I did. Because I wanted more information. I wanted to know what was happening. But I certainly have no interest in marrying him, which is exactly what I was about to tell him before you waltzed in and basically answered for me.”
He said nothing as he sat there, staring at her.
“Why?” she said, splaying her hands out to the side. “Why would you want me to marry him? Do you want to get me away from you, off your hands? Is that it? Have someone else to take on the responsibility if… if something should come of us being together?”
“No,” he said with a muttered curse as he dropped his head into his hands. “That’s not it at all.”
“Then enlighten me.”
“You are not safe with me,” he bit out, leaning forward on the table, his face slightly contorted, although it was hard to tell how much was anger and how much was despair. “Carter offers you respectability as well as safety. You can have a good life with him.”
“Can I?” she asked, her brows rising. “Do you know anything about him? About how he treats me? I can see you don’t, so I’ll tell you.
The man basically ignores me. He far prefers other women.
The reason we haven’t married before now is that he has been trying to get out of this as much as I have.
How does a life between two people who want nothing to do with one another look to you?
I know it is not nearly as impossible as what Minnie was facing before Tommy married her, but I should still have the opportunity to choose for myself, and I would appreciate you not trying to choose for me. ”
He was silent, stroking the stubble on his face as he focused on her.
“But you would be safe,” he repeated, and Ada nearly cried out in frustration.
“Is that all that matters to you?”
“Yes, actually,” he said. “It does.”
“Why?” she practically shouted.
“Because,” he said, before dropping his head for a second. “Fuck,” he muttered, as Ada waited, as patiently as she could. “Because I care about you,” he finally said, not meeting her eyes. “Because I don’t want to see anything happen to you. Is that a good enough answer?”
Her heart started beating rapidly at that, but she had to ignore it — for now.
“If you care so much,” she bit out, “Then I would appreciate it if you would let me choose my own path. Is that too much to ask for?”
“I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you,” he said, his voice low. “I couldn’t live… with myself… if anything did because of me.”
“Don’t you understand?” she said imploringly. “My family is already involved with Sharpe. Me being with you doesn’t change anything.”
“Is that what you want?” he said, those eyes lifting to meet hers, and she couldn’t read what was within them. Did that thought cause him pain or was he… interested? “To be with me?”
“I don’t want to, no,” she said honestly. “But it seems that… I do anyway.”
Fire flared in his eyes, even as he shook his head.
“You can’t say those things.”
“Why not?”
“Because they give me hope. And I’m not in any position to have hope. Not anymore.”
“Everyone can have hope.”
“Even those who have worked for Blackwood? Been an enforcer against innocent people? Have a brother who won’t let him move on? A former employer who is framing him for a crime he didn’t commit? You still think I can have hope?”
She read the despair on his face, understood why he was pushing her away. She stood and walked over to him, taking his face in her hands. “I do,” she said. “But if you cannot hold hope, then I will hold it for you.”
“I just…” he closed his eyes, his nostrils flaring. “I just can’t, Ada. Sharpe wants me to work with him again. I’ve told him no, time and again, but he won’t leave me alone. If he knew that there was someone in my life he could threaten me with… it just wouldn’t be good.”
“So, you are saying no to me because of Sharpe?”
He lifted his eyes to her, regret swimming in them.
Ada had been upset, but now, anger flooded through her. Anger that Jonny would choose to give in to Sharpe, that he wouldn’t fight for what they had – for what could be so good.
“That’s it, then?” she said, straightening abruptly. “You choose Sharpe?”
He lifted his hands to cup her forearms. She wanted to rip them off her, but at the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to step away from this man.
“I don’t choose Sharpe,” he said in a soft voice, nearly soothing if it wasn’t for what he was saying. “I am choosing to keep you safe. To not bring you further into this world that you are trying to distance yourself from.”
“So are you,” she argued.
“It’s much harder for me,” he said. “You have an opportunity before you.”
“So, you are willing to give me away to another man?”
He sucked in a breath, his eyes hardening.
But his answer belied what she wanted to hear.
“Yes.”
“Fine,” she said, wrenching herself away from him. “If that is what you want so badly, then maybe that’s what I will do.”
She recognized the hurt in his expression, but he nodded.
She backed up toward the door, wanting so badly for him to chase after her, to tell her that he had been wrong, that she needed to stay with him and be his, that they were perfect together and that it would kill him to see her with another.
“I’m leaving then.”
“I will see you home,” he said in a low, hard voice.
“I’ll be just fine.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I cannot let you go alone.”
“But you’re perfectly fine to let me go into a marriage without love,” she said bitterly.
He didn’t answer as he put on his jacket and led her out the door. “Time to go,” was all he said.
It was the last either of them spoke until he left her at her back door.
He had made it very clear. Whatever was between them was finished.
Whether she liked it or not.