19. Blake
BLAKE
I have no idea how long I’ve been crying, but Grady’s chest is a solid, safe wall. His arms around me are the exact cocoon I need to hide away and just let go.
The way he’s cupping the back of my head and holding me close…
The way he’s not saying anything, just being this unmoving anchor I can cling to…
Yeah, I could spend the rest of the day like this.
Except that I can’t.
Pushing away from him on limbs that feel like cooked spaghetti, I stumble back. He catches my elbow, steadying me, and I glance up at him.
Shit. I should have stayed in his arms.
Those eyes of his are asking questions I don’t want to answer.
Dipping my head, I lower my gaze, staring at the ground. It’s safer than his gorgeous face. I really do love his face, you know?
It’s so strong, his features carved from obsidian, with clean lines yet lips that look soft and yielding. I bet they feel great. I bet they could decimate a girl’s heart in a second. Or her senses, at least. I bet those masterful lips could send me right over the edge.
I steal a quick glance at them before darting my eyes back to the safety of the ground.
“Come on.” He takes my elbow again, his voice soft and gruff. “Let’s get out of here.”
I let him lead me back down the street, because I can’t argue with that sexy voice.
Seriously. What is wrong with me?
I should be running, but I’m letting him pull me to his car… his Jeep Wrangler. It’s an older model and looks like it’s seen a few years, been used to its full potential.
Crossing my arms, I wait on the curb while he unlocks and then opens the door for me. I’m starting to shake, and I don’t even know why.
Shit, I hate crying.
I must look like a total wreck right now. I know I have mascara smudged on my face. I probably look ready for a Halloween party. I’ll go as ghost girl.
Flipping down the visor, I check my reflection in the little mirror and grimace, quickly slapping it up again so I don’t have to look. Swiping a finger under my eyes, I try to clean myself up, but I’m probably just making it all worse.
“Here.” A small Kleenex packet appears in my lap.
Glancing to my left, I nod my thanks, my lips too heavy to form a smile.
This has got to be me at my worst.
Please let this be my worst!
Grady’s still nice enough not to say anything as we drive out of Nolan.
I have no idea where we’re going, and I don’t even care.
Wiping my face clean, I absorb the soft R it just slowly seeps through me, and after a few moments of silence, I become aware of this loosening in my chest. My shoulders start to relax, and with a soft sniff, I rest my head against Grady’s shoulder and let out a long, slow breath.
“Think we could just stay here forever? Just like this?” I whisper.
Grady waits a beat, and then his soft, deep voice fills the void. “It’d be nice. But not possible.” Gently hitching his shoulder, he encourages me to sit up so he can swivel and look at me. “Blake, you?—”
“I know.” Dipping my chin, I thread my fingers together, then figure the valley view will make things easier to get through, so I fix my eyes on a crop of trees and start talking, the way I know he wants me to.
I start with the first day I arrived in Chicago and just spill everything .
And I mean everything.
I have no idea what possesses me to tell him all my dirty little secrets.
Maybe I feel like I owe him after rescuing me twice in less than a week.
I don’t know. But I haven’t really shared any of the shit I’ve been going through with anyone, and I obviously have zero control once that door is unlocked, because it all comes out.
Even the shit I pulled with Cleo… and Simon and Nico. That weird-ass four-way relationship we shared together. How fucking screwed up that all was. How Cleo got me stealing and skipping class and…
Shit, I can’t just lay all the blame on her.
I followed, didn’t I?
Like a fucking sheep with zero brain cells!
“I don’t even know how I let it happen,” I admit with a shrug.
Grady hasn’t said anything yet, and I’m too scared to look at him and check his reaction. He’s probably horrified that Wily’s sweet baby sister could fall so far.
“But I was so pissed off with that professor, and I had to get him back…” I shake my head and huff.
“What the hell was I thinking? I’m lucky he didn’t press charges.
Thankfully, I managed to pay for the damage to be repaired, and he left it at that.
It helped that I agreed to leave the school, just quietly walk out the door and never come back. ”
My shame hangs in the air for a minute before Grady eventually murmurs, “So you weren’t officially kicked out?”
With a loud huff, I confess, “No. It just feels that way sometimes. But I knew the fallout for staying, for taking that academic suspension was…” I shake my head. “I couldn’t handle it.”
“So you took the fall, even though it was Cleo’s idea?”
“Actually, I think it was Simon’s. The spray paint belonged to Nico.
And they stood around and cheered me on…
Cleo taking photos.” My expression crumples, my eyes burning so hot, I have to close them and try to speak past the lump in my throat.
“I never thought she’d use them against me like this,” I rasp.
There’s a silent pause while he absorbs that, and then I hear his soft mutter. “What the fuck is wrong with her? She can’t keep blackmailing you like this.”
“Yeah, well, she is.” I spit out the words, bitter resentment dripping off every syllable.
“Cleo knows how to play the innocent victim to perfection. The dean believed her when she said she had no idea how reckless I’d been.
She convinced him that if she’d known, she would have tried to stop me.
But she took the fucking photos! And I… I couldn’t even argue my side. ”
“Why not?”
I shrug, my voice dropping to a hoarse whisper.
“I’ve thought about that a lot. And the only conclusion that makes any sense to me is…
” I glance at him, then look back to the safety of the valley.
“Maybe it was the out I didn’t know I wanted.
So I took all the blame. I owned that shit and withdrew so I didn’t have to face it all.
” I sniff, wiping my nose with my sleeve.
“I take it Wily doesn’t know any of this.”
I shake my head.
“What about your parents?”
“They can’t know.” I turn to him, panic rounding over me. “Please, they can never see those photos. No one can. No one!”
“Hey, it’s okay.” Grady’s arm glides across my shoulder, running up to the back of my neck. He gives it a gentle squeeze.
I swallow, shaking my head. He’s being way too nice to me.
“I thought I’d feel free, you know? The day I moved out?
I hadn’t spoken to Cleo since she dumped me in it, and I couldn’t even look at her as I carried my stuff out of the room.
I ended up paying for a storage unit in Chicago.
That’s where my stuff is. And then I moved into a hotel.
I know this makes me sound like a total bitch, but when I got the call that Wily was injured, I jumped all over that shit.
I was relieved. It was the perfect excuse to get out of Chicago.
” Tears suddenly flood my eyes. “I don’t want my brother to be hurt, I swear.
But the timing couldn’t have been better for me.
” My voice pitches, and I can’t stop the flow of tears this time.
“But I feel like such a horrible person for thinking that!”
“It’s understandable. You were desperate. Wily will get it, you know? He’s a good-hearted guy. He?—”
“No!” I snatch Grady’s wrist, squeezing it way too hard as I urgently tell him, “He can’t know. No one can know! I shouldn’t have even told you!” Panic splits me in half as I desperately beg him to keep his mouth shut. “Grady, you can’t! You can’t tell anyone this stuff.”
“It’s okay. Calm down.”