19. Blake #2
“I won’t calm down!” I bite back. “You have to promise me you won’t say anything. To anyone! Grady, you can’t. You can’t tell.”
“Blake.” He touches my cheek, then ends up cupping both of them, gently forcing me to look at him. “It’s okay. ”
“It’s not okay,” I blubber. “This whole thing is total shit.”
“I know.” He nods. “I know.”
The calm, compassionate look in his eyes stills me.
Why isn’t he mad? Why isn’t he judging me?
“Just take a breath, okay?” He sucks in some air, showing me what to do. “Come on. Breathe.”
I follow his next breath, copying his movement until the thundering in my heart has eased to something manageable.
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” he assures me. “This is your story, and it’s safe with me.”
I close my eyes, releasing a heavy sigh.
His thumb rubs across my cheek in slow, gentle swipes, and I finally find the courage to open my eyes again and look at him.
“I won’t tell,” he promises again, then ruins it all by saying, “But I think you should.”
Ripping my face out of his hold, I angle my body away from him and glare down at the valley.
“Blake—”
“No.” I shake my head, feeling like a coward. “I can’t.”
“But—”
“You don’t know what it’s like being part of my family.
Failure isn’t an option, okay? Wily has to be perfect on the field, and I have to be perfect in the classroom.
We know our roles, and we play them. We don’t fuck up!
” Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees and cradle my head in my hands.
“Sounds like a lot of pressure,” Grady softly murmurs.
“It is,” I croak .
“Do you think that’s why you let loose in college? The pressure just got to be too much, and you exploded?”
“Probably.” My voice is barely audible, a mumble that would be unacceptable in my house. Mom hates mumblers.
“And the shoplifting? Was that all part of… breaking free?”
I sit back up with a sigh, hitching my shoulder.
“I know, right? You think a little partying and carefree sex would be enough to sate me, but I needed an extra thrill. And what better way for a pampered rich girl to get that—by stealing stuff she doesn’t actually need.
” I cringe, rubbing my forehead and hating myself a little more.
When I spell it all out like this, I seriously am the world’s biggest idiot.
Grady’s nice enough not to say it, but surely he’s thinking it, so I feel compelled to explain.
“It was such a rush. There was something so thrilling about the danger of nearly getting caught. And then that triumph when I got away with it. We thought we were motherfucking queens of the world.” Shaking my head, I wish I could explain this better, but I can’t.
“Everything about my life up to that point had been so ordered. I was the good girl who did exactly what she was told. Always. I spent my life creating study timetables and goals, sticking to them, freaking out when I thought I might miss a deadline. I’d berate myself for getting less than an A+ on any test or assignment. Less than a 98 was a fail, you know?”
I glance at him and he nods, his closed-mouth smile small yet so understanding.
Seriously?
He’s sexy and a sweetheart .
Yeah, my heart is officially screwed!
Covering my face again, I let out a screaming wail. It’s a weird sound that probably scares the wildlife around me, but I can’t keep it in anymore.
“It’s okay to want to get out from under that pressure. It’s too much for anyone,” Grady states, filling the silence after my theatrical meltdown. “Maybe you just need to find some healthier ways to do it, you know?”
Dropping my hands, I look at him.
His lips twitch as he reaches up, tucking a reckless clump of hair behind my ear. “I can bail you out anytime, but there are more ways to have fun than being locked in the back room of Liquor King.”
A watery laugh punches out of me, my stomach shaking as it quickly turns into a whimpering little sob.
Grady gives the back of my neck another gentle squeeze before running his palm down my spine.
He feels so good. So sure and steady.
“I’m so lost right now, Grady,” I whisper. “And I can’t find my way out, because I don’t even know what my way is. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to settle this…” I tap my stomach. “This feeling inside me.”
“You’re gonna find it.” His calm, easy voice almost makes me believe him. But it can’t be that simple.
Nothing is ever simple.
Except the way that he’s looking at me right now.
No expectations. No pressure.
Just a calm, quiet look that doesn’t demand anything from me.
There’s no judgment here. He’s not silently telling me to put on a bright smile. I can be a wreck, and he’s not gonna mind .
Reaching up, I brush my fingers down his cheek—a silent show of thanks.
My thumb skims along his lower lip, and I can see the remnants of the split lip he got defending me. Saving me.
“Thank you,” I mouth, leaning forward before I can stop myself and pressing a soft kiss to the wound.
He stiffens against me, but I hold steady, not pulling away like he probably wants me to.
I’m being gentle, only applying the softest pressure… and I can’t stop.
I’m right about his lips. They’re supple and soft. My mouth can’t help but explore, my tongue darting out to taste, to feel, to know.
The tip brushes his upper lip and he flinches, his body still rigid on the hood of his Jeep.
Pull away. Give the poor man some space!
But my hand curls around his neck and I add a little more pressure, molding our mouths together until my tongue is slipping between his lips again.
He tastes good.
Addictive.
I want his strong arms around me. I want to feel his hands curving around my body.
Please kiss me back! I silently beg him, swiping my tongue across his lips again.
And this time, he replies.
His tongue sweeps against mine—this beautiful, exquisite meeting that sends a delicious tingle right down my body.
Tipping my head, I deepen the kiss, hungry in a way I’ve never been before. I’m parched, starving in the desert, and he’s my only source of water, sustenance… life!
With a soft whimper, I meet his tongue again, thrilled by the heady rush of this delicate dance. He’s not thrusting his tongue down my throat; these are gentle licks, his lips only adding to the intoxication of the kiss.
This—
His mouth suddenly rips away from mine, his hands landing on my shoulders and pushing me back. There’s nothing rough or annoyed about his movements, more just a determination to separate us.
“I can’t,” he puffs, shaking his head.
“What? You… you can’t?” The disappointment is brutal—a burning hot poker right in the ego.
“You’re Wily’s sister.”
“So?”
He gives me a pained frown, like how am I not getting this?
Scrubbing a hand over his head, he cups the back, his jaw clenching as he stares out at the valley, no doubt wishing he was a bird so he could soar right off the hood and get away from me.
Slumping back with a soft huff, I angle my body away from him. “It’s some kind of bro code thing, isn’t it?”
“Yep.” He pops the P , and I give him a quick side-eye.
His face is bunched like he’s concentrating on not looking at me…
or touching me. “I can, um…” He clears his throat.
“I can be your friend. I can listen to any of your secrets, and I’ll keep ’em.
If you need help figuring out your next move?
I’m your guy.” He turns to look at me, his expression so serious that he may as well be slamming the door shut on any future kissing.
“But that’s all I can offe r. I can’t…” He shakes his head again. “I respect Wily too much.”
Frustration sizzles and burns. It’s an effort to stop the rant bubbling in my mouth.
Fucking bro code! What the hell?
It’s such bullshit!
Clenching my jaw, I glare at the forest to my left, homing in on a gnarly tree trunk and cursing the bark, because, well… I fucking can!
With a soft sigh, Grady lies back, stretching out on the hood of the car and resting a hand on his chest. He’s gazing up at the sky, not saying a damn thing, and all I can do is stare down at him.
He won’t look at me, and this muscle in his jaw keeps working—clench, unclench, clench, unclench.
Shit, he really is a good guy.
I should be grateful, not annoyed.
After another thick beat, I let out a long, slow sigh and lie back down beside him.
The sky above is a brilliant blue, making the white clouds pop, and I soak it in, focusing on the vastness of the beauty above me and trying to cool that sting of Grady’s rejection.
And that’s when a soft reminder filters into my brain.
Grady may have pulled away from the kiss.
But before he did… he totally kissed me back.