46. Blake
BLAKE
Mercifully, this hideous video call with my parents wraps up a few minutes after I agree to book my flight back to Chicago.
My heart is hammering as I duck out of the kitchen and head upstairs. All I can see as I ascend is the disappointed look on Grady’s face. It’s killing me.
He’s pissed off that I won’t tell the truth.
No, he’s let down, and I hate that more than anything. I’d rather he be annoyed. It’s easier to deal with.
No, it’s not. None of these emotions are easy to deal with!
This is exactly what I’ve been so afraid of facing with my brother and parents. I didn’t mind so much when I annoyed Grady before, but now he really means something to me, and the idea of me letting him down is too much.
My heart kicks out of place, picking up another notch until my breaths start getting too shallow. It hurts to inhale and? —
No, no, no! I won’t give in to another panic attack. I won’t do it.
Pausing at the top of the stairs, I grip the railing and sway on my feet. Closing my eyes, I force air in through my nose.
My entire body feels on the verge of snapping—muscles so tense I can’t even move.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Tell the truth!
But how? If I let the first part out, the rest will have to follow, and my family will never look at me the same again. All of Mom and Dad’s pride will vanish in an instant, and then what’s left? If I’m not their shining star… what am I?
Nothing.
My heart rate kicks up another notch and I grip the railing, my chest vibrating as I expel these shaky, shallow breaths.
A toilet flushes behind the bathroom door, and I flinch. I don’t know who is in there, but they can’t see me like this.
Dashing away from the top of the stairs, I should head to my room and bolt the door behind me, but I think I’ll lose my mind pacing in that space, so I find my feet rushing to Grady’s door instead.
Why?
I can’t even answer that.
I have no idea why I head for his door, but I do.
Shouldering it open, I burst in there and find him sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands.
He looks up as soon as he hears me, and our eyes connect for a thick beat .
“Don’t hate me,” I rasp, then suck in a sharp breath.
Rising to his feet, his brown gaze drinks me in—soft and kind—and the second he’s within reach, I fold myself into his arms.
“I could never hate you,” he whispers, cupping the back of my head. “I just want to help you.”
“Why can’t I do it?” I squeak, clinging to the back of his hoodie. “Why am I such a coward?”
“It’s okay,” he murmurs, brushing his lips across the side of my face. “You’re not a coward. You’re brave and strong and smart. You can do this, Bee. And I’ll do it with you. We can go down there together, right now.”
My body stiffens. Everything in me is coiled so tight that I feel like I’m about to break.
“Take me away from here,” I beg him. “Let’s just go back to the forest. I felt safe there and unhindered.
No one was judging me or demanding anything of me.
I was free. I want to be free again.” My voice starts to pitch, and I’m going to start crying in a second.
The tears are brewing, building, threatening to start and never stop.
“You can be free now.” Grady pulls back, holding my face in his hands. “All you have to do is tell the truth. Get this over with, and then you can move on.”
I’m shaking my head, and he must think I’m such a stubborn little shit.
“I can’t just steal you away, baby. As much as I’d love to go back to the forest with you, that would be a really big mistake.
You need to face this. And the longer you leave it, the worse it becomes.
It’s growing into a mountain so big you can’t climb it anymore.
Please, I’m begging you… just rip off the Band-Aid and deal with this. ”
His face right now .
He so desperately wants me to come clean, because he cares about me. Maybe.
Or because he’s the kind of guy who likes to do the right thing.
I’ve been doing the right thing my whole life… until I got to Chicago and fucked everything up.
But I don’t want to go back to that rigid path I was walking before.
I want my own life that isn’t controlled by my parents or Cleo!
I just want to be free to do whatever the fuck I want!
Staring up at Grady’s gorgeous face, I drink him in.
I want him.
I want to have him without the shackles of secrecy.
Tears burn the back of my throat as I circle back around to the fact that he’s right. If I want all those things, I have to tell the truth.
I just wish it wasn’t so damn scary!
Grady’s smile turns soft and tender, his thumb brushing over my cheek, and I swear I’ve never loved a boy until now. I mean, I guess I started falling for him in the forest, but that look on his face, his willingness to fight for me, to help set me free…
I love him.
And maybe after this shitstorm is over, I’ll have the chance to tell him.
But for now…
Lurching forward, I plant my mouth on his, needing this connection, needing to draw from his strength.
With my courage flailing, I sweep my tongue into his mouth, clinging to him as his arms circle around me. It’s like he knows what I’m trying to do and is delivering like the champ he is.
Fueling me with his fortitude and bravery, he pours everything into this kiss, claiming yet another piece of my soul. I sign it over without hesitation. He can have it. He can have all of it.
And once it’s his, I’ll find the strength to pull away. To walk back downstairs and take on my first fight. I’ll start with Wily, then?—
“What the fuck!” A roar comes from Grady’s doorway, and I rip my mouth from his, turning with wide, horrified eyes to find my brother towering in the space, his face mottled with rage.
Oh shit.
The battle’s been brought to me.
And I’m so not ready.