20. Katie
Katie sat on the edge of Lucy’s bed. Her daughter had her arms folded over her chest and was looking up at the ceiling. She was not going to make this easy. Katie felt a bit fuzzy-headed after all the wine. She shouldn’t have had that last glass. She needed to tread very carefully here.
‘Lucy, I’m sorry you’re upset. I should not have lost my temper and called Nancy a bad word but –’
‘A VERY bad word. Even Joni and Janis were shocked.’
‘Well, yes, okay, it was a very bad word, but Nancy was also really rude to me and she has been for years.’
‘I’ve never seen her be rude to you, except today, and she only called you a stupid fool, you called her a waaaaaaaay worse word.’
That’s because nine-year-olds don’t understand digs or passive-aggressive behaviour and how it eats away at your self-esteem.
Keeping her voice steady and her frustration buried, Katie kept going. ‘You may not have seen it, but it happens all the time. Even Melanie said so, and you know Melanie always says it straight.’
‘How is Granny mean to you?’
‘She says things that make me feel stupid and she doesn’t think being a hairdresser is a good job.’
‘But she lets you do her hair, so she must think you’re very good.’
‘She lets me do her hair because it’s convenient, I go to her house and she spends the whole time on the phone or on her computer. She barely speaks to me.’
‘She’s a very busy person, Mum. She runs a whole agency.’
‘I have lots of busy clients but they usually talk to me and don’t treat me like I’m their staff.’
Lucy sighed. ‘I think you’re being way too sensitive.’
Really? Am I? I’ve been belittled for years, it’s a bloody wonder I didn’t snap sooner.
‘No, I don’t think I am. I think I’ve been very patient and I’ve bitten my tongue a lot. Today I just snapped.’
‘But Granny has a sore leg and she’s old and she was just cross because you spilt things on her.’
‘I understand that, Lucy, but she was rude.’
Lucy blinked back tears. ‘She said she won’t come to our house ever again.’
The cow! How dare she upset Lucy? ‘Of course she will. This will all blow over,’ Katie lied.
Lucy shook her head. ‘No, Mum, it won’t. Granny was furious. I’m scared … I’m scared she won’t love me any more because of you.’
Katie’s heart broke as her daughter sobbed into her pillow. ‘Lucy, you are Granny’s favourite grandchild by miles. She adores you. That will never change. Even Melanie and Amanda were saying how much Granny loves you.’
Lucy sniffed, but looked a little less worried. ‘When Uncle Ross said you’re a basket case, what did he mean?’
Katie felt sick. She knew her mother-in-law didn’t rate her highly, but for Ross to call her a basket case? Jesus, did everyone think she was worthless? Did they all agree with Nancy and think Jamie married beneath him?
‘Mum?’
‘Oh, he was just being silly. It means nothing.’
‘You have to fix it, Mum. You have to say a big sorry to Granny. She’s my favourite person.’
Did she mean more favourite than her own mother? Katie was feeling too insecure to ask. She tucked a strand of Lucy’s hair behind her ear. She hated seeing her so upset. If she had to walk barefoot on broken glass to fix this, she would.
‘I will, sweetie. I promise I’ll do everything I can. Now, please stop worrying and go to sleep.’ She leant down to kiss her, but lost her balance and fell on top of Lucy, who squealed.
‘You’re squashing me!’
‘Sorry.’ Katie steadied herself. ‘Night night. I love you, Lucy.’
Silence. She was not getting off lightly with this issue. Lucy was going to make her pay.
Katie’s head throbbed as she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed. She had the beginnings of a hangover, was riddled with guilt and worry about Lucy and, deep down, she knew she had behaved badly, even if Nancy had had it coming to her.
Jamie was sitting up in bed, reading. He had said very little to her since he’d come in from his run.
Katie slid in and turned off her bedside light. She just wanted to sleep and deal with it all tomorrow.
‘Katie?’ Jamie’s voice was sharp.
Oh, no …
‘Yes?’
‘We need to talk.’
Sighing, Katie turned to face her husband, and the music.
‘You were out of line. You cannot speak to my mother like that, or anyone for that matter.’
‘But, Jamie, she’s always –’
He snapped his book shut. ‘I know how difficult she can be. I work with her every day. But she is my mother and my boss and we invited her to our house to celebrate Toby’s birthday.
You spilt cake all over her, made a right mess, she got a bit snappy and then you totally lost it.
Who the hell calls their mother-in-law a poisonous bitch in front of the whole family? It’s out of control, Katie.’
‘I just snapped. She’s always belittling me. I’ve put up with it for years.’
‘The whole thing got crazy. I had to call Ross and apologize. I shouldn’t have fought with him. It was wrong.’
‘You were defending me, babe. I love that you did that.’
Jamie sighed. ‘I can defend you without losing my temper. It was not cool, especially in front of the kids. Ross said he’s never seen Mum so angry. He was shocked at what you said. Everyone was.’
Her hatred of Ross grew deeper. ‘I’ll apologize.’
‘I don’t think Mum’ll accept it. Not only have you upset her, you’ve upset Lucy. She’s been crying.’
‘I know. I was just talking to her.’
‘Mum’s relationship with Lucy is really special.
I’ve never seen her like that with anyone.
I love that Mum sees how brilliant Lucy is and how sweet she is with her.
Lucy brings out the very best in Mum, but you jeopardized that with your big mouth and, frankly, too much wine.
You would never have said that if you hadn’t been drinking. ’
Hang on a minute, he couldn’t blame her for everything.
‘That’s not fair, Jamie. I haven’t ruined everything. Your mum’s relationship with Lucy is separate from me.’
‘But she’ll never call in here to see her now, will she?’ Jamie’s jaw tensed.
‘I’ll drop Lucy up to her house.’ Katie was panicking now. She needed Jamie on her side. She was all alone here, drowning. Jamie was her person. ‘I’ll grovel and do whatever it takes to get her to forgive me.’
‘I’m not sure she ever will. You’ve just made everything so much worse, awkward for Lucy and for me in work. Jesus, Katie, why did you have to drink so much wine and be so disrespectful?’
Katie had never felt so small or alone in her life.
It reminded her of how she’d felt after her mother died – like no one understood her, like no one really cared about her, like no one had her back.
She wanted to cry and shout, What about me?
What about my feelings? What about your mother calling me stupid?
Making me feel stupid? Belittling my career?
Quietly, in as calm a voice as she could manage, she said, ‘I understand that you’re angry, but can you please just acknowledge that your mother has been pretty disrespectful to me since I first met her?’
Jamie clicked off his lamp. ‘You’re oversensitive about all that. Mum prefers bookish people, that’s all. It’s why she loves Lucy so much. You just don’t have much in common. You’re a bit paranoid about it. Anyway, I’m tired. Tomorrow we’ll figure out how best you can apologize to her.’
Jamie rolled over. Katie stared at her husband’s back.
She’d known he’d be cross, but she’d presumed he’d also see her side.
But to call her paranoid and oversensitive?
Katie had put up with years of micro-aggressions from Nancy, and Jamie knew that.
But one blow-out, one curse word and he was no longer Team Katie: it was all ‘poor Nancy’.
Thank God for Melanie and Amanda. At least they saw what a weapon Nancy was.
Katie felt tears streaming down her cheeks.
She wanted Jamie to hug her and tell her it would be okay.
Now she’d have to grovel and beg forgiveness from her mother-in-law, when she actually believed she deserved an apology from her.
She closed her eyes and thought of Lucy.
She’d do anything for her, even if it meant eating a mountain range of humble pie.