Chapter 31 Control
A t some point, I must fall asleep because the next moment I’m groaning when I stretch out on the cold wooden floor.
The room is engulfed in darkness and the silence is, once again, eerie.
In the club, there was always a subtle undercurrent of movement, a slight vibration, the hum of a melody, it was never truly quiet.
Although soundless, in what would be an otherwise eerie setting, I could feel I wasn’t truly alone.
I could feel them again, my wall seemingly disappearing during sleep and I felt too weary to replace it now. That’s what I told myself anyway. When, really, I enjoyed feeling them.
Even him.
“Meet me in the dining room,” Kane orders, cold voice puckering my skin and soothing the ache of my muscles. I scowl into the darkness, hating the effect he has over me.
I don’t respond.
My fury is still in place, flickering in the back of my mind, running over my skin in a prickle of invisible spikes.
I search the bed filled with the clothes I didn’t put away, grabbing the first items which resembled active wear. Dark grey leggings and a matching sports bra, a black crop top and mesh trainers.
I scrape my hair back into a tight ponytail, splashing my face with cold water to ease the reddening of my cheeks and puffiness of my eyes, narrowing my gaze at my traitorous reflection, seeing the glimmer in my gaze and the flicker of darkness there. The part of me keen to test out this darkness and the other burning with a hatred it’s eager to unleash.
I take a deep breath, watch my chest as it expands and take another two, enjoying the cooling sensation expanding my lungs. I give my ponytail one hard tug and nod to my reflection.
He’s perched upon a stone chair, phone in hand, gaze focused upon whatever he’s reading when I enter the room. He doesn’t look at me, continuing to flick his finger slowly upon his screen.
I grit my teeth, my eyes locked upon him, and as my irritation grows, I wish I had the power to burn .
On that final thought, he looks up. His black gaze barely touches me before he peers back at his device, standing up as he does.
I want to hurt him so badly.
Make him acknowledge me. Just make him feel something .
The need makes my blood boil, I can feel the heat cascading through my bones as I simply stand there, waiting for him to call the shots.
“That anger will be useful,” he murmurs, the cold caress sweeping my skin urges the heat to cool.
I meet his hard stare, unwilling to respond, words aren’t necessary. When he steps forward, I force myself to keep our eye contact until he is an arm's length away. He’s wearing black combat pants and a tight t-shirt, revealing all the lines of his muscles adorning his stomach. I snatch my gaze upwards.
When he holds out his hand, I want to snap it off. I want to break every single bone in his hand and watch the blood as it spurts and…
I wince, forcing my eyes shut and shake my head.
“You’re letting your emotions control you again,” he informs, his tone sardonic, the message clear.
He’d rather be anywhere than here, with anyone other than me.
I stare at the ground, at my black trainers, refusing to allow him the glory of my expression. When I grab his hand, we flit instantly, and I pull away the second I feel different ground beneath my feet.
I feel him step away and force myself to take three, deep, calming breaths, enjoying the new air, fresh and cold with a hint of wet earth.
We’re outside?
My gaze sweeps around us, my mouth parting slightly in awe. We’re surrounded by towering trees, enormous pines that pierce the gloomy sky and nip at the sparse clouds. We’re in a circle of empty, flat land, with clean-cut trunks and branches indicating it’s man-made, but clearly the only thing that has been touched.
There are no lights, only the brilliant moon casting a luminous glow upon the ground. Beyond us, I can hear the soft tinkle of water from a stream, accompanied by the distant sounds of creatures singing into the night.
It’s beautiful. Its beauty almost stops me from noticing the darkness encroaching on my space—almost.
My shadow expands, meeting the wave of darkness and forcing it to halt. My gaze sweeps up to meet Kane’s, his face barely lit with the shadows he’s masking in .
“Stay focused,” he orders. Simultaneously, his darkness overpowers mine, crawling over my shadow and sending a spike of ice through my veins.
I quickly back step, reinforcing my power into thick, defensive shapes which collide with his, creating enough force to keep it from reaching me. My entire body tenses, well aware of the threat attempting to reach us and thick coils surge around me instantly.
Cautiously, I move my gaze over the battling shadows, along the ground until it lands upon Kane. I nervously watch as he takes a step forward, the ground tremors slightly and another slice of cold seeps into me.
An edge of the moonlight catches half his face as he says, “We’ll begin.”
I thought we’d already begun?
I swallow, glad he can’t see the action from this distance, and push my feet into the damp earth. It’s the only adjustment I’m able to make before he begins his onslaught.
Which is exactly what it is.
His darkness multiplies, forming out of the ground, engulfing the entire area to surround us both in an impenetrable ring of black. I quickly assess it, watching as it forms over us into a cage which blocks out all sound, all light. This is his domain and my heart races in panic.
This is our domain too.
My eyes bleed out, providing a blurry outline of Kane. If I blinked, I’d lose him. Which is exactly what happens when a shadow spikes towards me, piercing the thin coils and striking me so hard my bones ache.
Is he trying to kill me?
I gasp at the vicious slice filling my body, the glacial sting making my chest ache as I try to catch the air in my lungs.
I have no time to recover, another comes, striking at my ribs and I fall onto my knees, biting my tongue on impact. Fuck.
Although there’s nothing visible here, no light, no objects, there’s always feelings. And currently, pain is mine. I take it, double it, make it excruciating to the point I scream. The sound seems to shake something in Kane, I feel his shadows halt for a second, maybe even recoil, which is all I need .
I’m stood, pain now twisted into another bitter emotion, feeding into the rage and fury I’d had hanging upon my fingertips only moments ago. My shadows bloom, form into wild, uncontrollable visages around me, filling my half of the space as I send strike after strike directly into Kane.
Over and over and over.
A plume of dust hovers between us as I pause. My breathing is erratic as I search for him, my body shaking with adrenaline and unbridled rage. Like a frantic animal I pace forwards, seeking out my target hidden within the dust, my shadows following and consuming any space it can.
Until there’s no more space.
Until I can’t see or feel him anywhere.
“Now, pull it back,” he commands. His voice echoing, repeating his words as I frantically, pointlessly, search the darkness.
I don’t want to pull it back.
I want to find him.
I need to feel his pain.
I lash out with another scream, forcing my shadows against the barrier he created, feeling it alter under the pressure but not crack, not yield.
“Where the fuck are you?” I snarl, my voice animalistic, drenched in the darkness I only hear in my mind.
“Pull it back.”
Instead, I push it further.
I pull onto those coils tightly packed away, the ones which make my spine burn like molten mercury, like raw skin dipped in acid. The pain is so intense I fall onto my knees as I watch my shadows push against his barrier.
When I feel him, I try to turn, but the pain paralyses me. I can’t move from my knees as my shadows continue to wreak havoc, grabbing onto nothing, feeding on nothing, the fire of my marking burning so intensely that I wonder if my skin is melting away.
He’s before me, but I can hardly make him out. There’s no light, nothing, but I feel him, even before he places his hand on my skin, holding my jaw.
The sensation is, unfortunately, heavenly.
The pain immediately dies away .
“I hate you,” I whisper, eyes intent on his even in the darkness.
He doesn’t reply, but I feel his thumb brush against my cheek, which only makes me hate him more.
“Hate is a powerful emotion,” he replies, ignoring the chaos ensuing around us as our shadows continue colliding and fighting for dominance. His voice remains quiet and calm, contrasting our surroundings and everything I felt. “Use it, use it to control your darkness.”
“Why do you hate me?” The words tumble out, so soft a passing breeze would engulf them.
I really feel him then—the way his fingers tense ever so slightly, how his barricade seems to ease for just a moment, and the sudden chill emanating from him, created by my words, running over my skin in a soothing touch.
“This hatred isn’t for you,” he explains, “this hatred is mine and mine alone.” His fingers skim my cheek and I’m helpless, falling into his touch further. “Now, pull it back.”
I wince and my eyes scrunch together tightly as I try to follow his order.
“I can’t,” I gasp, unwilling to open my eyes as I feel my darkness continue to smash and claw at his. It’s unrelenting.
“Look at me.” The delicate touch upon my face doesn’t match his stern command, but even when I open my eyes, his fingers continue to brush my skin in that soothing touch. “Prove me wrong. Show me you can control it, show me how strong you are, show me what you’re capable of.”
The need to do all of those things, to show him I’m not collateral, I’m not damaged or dangerous, fill me instantly. But that chilling realisation isn’t why my shadows begin to rescind as his blackened gaze holds mine. It isn’t why they slowly morph back into coils, slithering along the earth as they return to me.
No, it’s the realisation that I’m so desperate for his approval which makes me finally take control.
When it’s fully contained, the weight of our darkness simply seeps away into the chilled air.
I swallow, my eyes flickering to the barrier disintegrating. “That was bad, wasn’t it?” I ask as I watch. I’m still enamoured by his touch and I refuse to acknowledge how lucid I am, how easily I could push away from him.
“No, not completely.” A sudden thrill runs through me at the simple thought of pleasing him, I quickly push it down as I look at him. “But your body cannot keep up, it isn’t used to this amount of power and the mark seems to be hindering you too.”
“I’m fine,” I add, then I try to push off my knees but realise my legs are completely numb. “I just need to rest a little.”
A rare glimpse of Kane’s infamous, barely-there smile appears. The subtle lifting of the corner of his mouth sends another fizzle through me. Before I can rip my gaze away, he’s moving and pulling me with him, into his arms— bridal style.
I want to die.
My entire body heats in response, the flush crawling along my skin like erupting flames. Then it’s cooled again by his touch, my face against his shoulder, his fingers resting upon my ribs, and the others under my legs.
Being carried this way when I’m barely breathing and practically unconscious? Fine.
But when everything but my legs are working? No. This is not fine.
“Erm, it’s OK, you don’t need to carry me.” My voice is hoarse and I force myself to swallow before continuing. “I just need like five minutes and then—”
“You can’t hear them from distances yet,” he suddenly announces, now walking through the shadowy mists remaining which part for him instantly. I frown in confusion as he continues, “They’re unhappy with our training session, they say I’ve pushed you too far.”
Well, I don’t think they’re completely wrong, but I’m also not unconscious so…
“But I’m conscious.”
He peers down at me and his expression is one that makes me widen my eyes and shrink back from his face.
“Why do you say that like you’re surprised?” His voice is edged with anger, an emotion I’m eager to erase.
“This isn’t my first time training my powers. When Aug—” I instantly stop myself, but the barest twitch in his jaw tells me I was too slow. So I urgently continue, “When I used to train, I would pass out more often than not. It’s one of the reasons they never wanted me to try. I think they worried one day I just wouldn’t wake up. ”
He seems to consume those words, his darkened gaze never leaving mine. “And being paralysed...”
“Normal. Whenever I woke up, it always took my legs the longest to come back. So, really, this is progress. I can still move most of my body, look.” My fingers, which are clasped against his chest, a chest which is hard and firm and barely covered by a thin t-shirt… twitch in defiance and he glances down at the small movement. “See? I just need a few minutes.”
His movement slows, eyes still watching my hand which I’m forcing myself to flex. I smile gently to myself, secretly impressed that I’m able to clutch at his shirt. It was true my legs took the longest to return but my fingers were a close second. This really was an improvement.
He stops moving completely and a coolness sweeps through me, urging me to seek out his gaze which is already focused upon mine. In this moment, in this position, I feel incredibly small with his obsidian stare peering down at me.
My heart begins to pound and I wonder when the hatred I was so vehemently spouting suddenly disappeared, which is when a new sensation begins to nip into me.
“I owe you an apology,” Kane says, his low voice and the close contact making his chest rumble against me. I simply stare up at him, trying to ignore the thudding of my heart and actually comprehend his words which sound utterly alien to me.
He glances away for a moment, giving me a brief reprieve from his intensity. He runs the hand that was upon my ribs through his inky, tousled hair. The action was one I was becoming more familiar with, one I quite enjoyed watching as his biceps flexed under the tight fabric of his sleeve…
“I’m not good at this,” he murmurs, hand returning to my body, still unable to look at me. “I’m not like the others.”
My brows pull together at his soft confession, the nipping emotion slithering over my skin as I wait for him to continue. When he doesn’t, I use my strength to tug at his shirt again.
“Hey,” I gently murmur, and his eyes flicker to mine.
Words seem incomprehensible for a moment. The sudden grey floating in his irises, the softest colour I’d ever seen upon him, and the slight lines creasing his normally concrete face create a sharp twist in my gut .
The urge, no, the need to reach out and soothe him is unbearable. I physically ache and my breathing halts in response.
“I didn’t mean it.” I don’t even know what I’m saying, but the words keep coming. “What I said… before. I was feeding from too many powerful emotions, too quickly. I know we’ve not exactly seen eye-to-eye on most things, or anything really... But you have saved me, twice. There are just so many of you, your emotions are so strong. I was angry, so angry, and I can’t seem to... I—”.
“It’ll be easier if you hate me,” he interrupts, his abrupt tone cutting through any warmth I thought I was feeling. “For the both of us."