Chapter 32 Losing Control
W ithout waiting for my response, he instantly flits us back into the house.
We’re in the dining room and he’s placed me onto the nearest chair. I can feel my feet as they skim the floor, my back against the cool stone, but my legs refuse to move.
I open my mouth to speak, eager to continue our conversation, when blue sparks erupt around the space.
“What the fuck, man?” Sai’s anger pierces the air and flows into me, my body hums in appreciation but I cautiously watch as he advances towards Kane. “She’s literally just been healed, what were you thinking?”
He doesn’t get to reply, the shadows expand and wisps of silver tinge the room before Ezekial appears, his body forming with each step towards his brother. “We agreed to take this slowly, brother.”
My blood heats as the space beside me is suddenly filled by a towering form, leaning against my chair as warm fingers trail over the back of my neck. “Are you OK, Little Bird?”
My power spikes, I close my eyes with a sigh and sink into the chair. I reel in the delectable emotions like medicine. The aches created from our training session, the ones which returned the second he removed his touch, are instantly healed. I even manage to shuffle my feet and readjust myself on the chair more comfortably.
“I’m fine,” I reply, watching the toes of my trainers as I focus upon flexing them. “Just trying to move my legs.”
If Sai was a fire elemental, flames would be cascading from him, instead, his markings violently flare and encase the room in a blinding sapphire hue. His emotions, however, spread just like a fire, engulfing all others and smothering me within it. My spine burns and I gasp.
“She can’t move her legs?! Are you fucking crazy?! What the fuck did you do?!” His furious voice makes my body tense as I watch him stand toe-to-toe with Kane.
“Training her, like we all agreed,” Kane replies, he’s cold and collected, everything Sai was currently not. “You need to calm down.”
I flinch, waiting for the inferno to erupt, knowing that that was the final bit of fuel needed for this fire .
“CALM DOWN?!” Sai repeats in a roar, his eyes engulfed in black, crackles and sparks of violet bouncing around him and his body alight with an intense aura. “You want me to calm down ?!”
If this was a few months ago, I would be terrified at the chaos this scene could ensue… but now? It makes the coils inside me tighten with anticipation, eager to see the violence erupt, desperate to devour the dark emotions they create, expand them, feed them, amplify every single blow…amplify… oh—
This is me.
This is all me.
I’ve amplified everything .
I think they hear those words. I feel eyes upon me but I’m too busy focusing upon my breathing, taking my time to draw in the emotions I’d been unintentionally amplifying: the hatred, rage, frustration and terror all wrapped into one tight knitted knot which I was fighting to alter.
I close my eyes, try to imagine the feelings as physical forms, sharp objects which spike and spiral when I try to grip them. I grind my teeth, grip the sides of the chair, feel my eyes change as I focus upon them again and begin to take small slips of them.
“What is she doing?”
Another piece fragments, then another, and my darkness engulfs it. I sigh in relief when I feel the air physically lighten.
“I was amplifying your emotions,” I manage to say, my breath catches on the last word and I feel warm fingers running along my skin again. “I’m fixing it.”
It doesn’t take long, visualising the emotions as they chip away, sinking into my devouring darkness which never seems sated, always insatiable. When only a strand remains, I open my eyes once more.
“Done,” I say aloud, glancing around the room and at the four men who watch me, completely dumbfounded. But I feel euphoric, powerful, controlled. “Everyone feeling a bit less… volatile?”
I glance at them all, but no one responds, they don’t even blink.
I suddenly feel awkward, nervous, and continue in desperation to fill the silence. “I’m sorry, this is what happens when empaths start staying somewhere new, with new people…. But I’ve fixed it, I’ve removed the amplified emotions. I’ve never done it that quickly before…” I mutter the final sentence, smiling to myself in realisation and feeling genuinely proud of my accomplishment .
Then, I wiggle my toes more firmly and I bark out a laugh in shock. “And I can move my toes! I’ve never healed this quickly either...”
My last words fade out into a whisper as I look up and see all four men are staring at me with a mixture of terrifying expressions, ones which send a plethora of sensations along my skin and deep into my stomach.
My smile drops.
“Tell me how I make you smile like that again.” Sai’s soft voice and glowing gaze practically caresses my skin, it crawls over me and leaves me hanging for more. “What if I beat the shit out of Kane?”
A bubble of real laughter erupts from me which only seems to encourage Sai more, his eyes flickering in flashes of dark blue, his dimples and wicked smile fully on display now.
“That was all me, guys. That smile and laugh are mine ,” he proudly announces, looking over at the others as he places a hand over his chest which glows beneath his palm.
“She needs to rest.” With that snippet, Kane leaves without any warning.
I physically feel the tug as he does, it’s a cold ache which my powers are eager to soothe, latching onto the others still in the room instantly.
“That fucker thinks he can do this and just leave?” Sai barks, his laughter filled with renewed anger as his instantly flickers away.
“I’ll go,” Ezekial says, meeting Julien's gaze with a nod before slipping into the shadows and leaving.
More aches slice through me but I feel the warmth of Julien as he pulls me out of the chair into his arms, into the same position as Kane held me, and my blood sings in relief.
“Julien, I’m fine… I don’t need—”
“I’m not.”
I peer up into his crimson gaze and I see the fury swirling there, an emotion I’d previously amplified and hadn’t fully removed. He flits and we’re in the room I’d slept in as he carries me towards the bed.
He pauses, his eyes flicking to one side of the room before landing back upon the bed, the one still covered in clothes.
“You slept on the floor ?”
His emotions are too raw, they practically melt into me and cause my blood to heat with the need to soothe him. His anger, concern and confusion all battling for dominance .
“I didn’t mean to, I just... fell asleep there,” I reply, trying to seek out his eyes which are still studying the spot of the floor I slept on.
He closes his eyes and I watch as he takes a slow inhale, his jaw locking for a moment before he stares at the bed again and walks forward once more.
He gently places me upon the edge of the mattress and I watch as he begins to sweep the clothing off the bed but when the first silk dress hits the floor, I instinctively shriek and grab hold of his large hand.
“Don’t put them on the floor,” I squeak, feeling the muscles of his hand loosen as my fingers tighten upon them. “They’re too nice.”
He pauses, then releases a small laugh at my words, closing his eyes again. I’m enraptured when his tongue slides out and over his lower lip, head gently shaking as though he can’t believe what I’ve said.
When his eyes finally open and meet mine, they’re an entrancing burgundy with flickers of black. I swallow and I think my grip upon his hand tightens more.
“You’re very confusing, Little Bird.” His deep voice heats my skin as he releases the clump of clothing under his fingers, but I don’t remove my hand, the warmth emanating their rushes through my body, the magnetic pull keeping me locked to him. “I thought you didn’t want the clothes?”
I’m not mentally prepared to answer questions, I’m too busy staring at his soft smile which makes it hard to breathe.
I look over the clothes surrounding me, forcefully plying my hand away from his and take a moment to regulate my breathing as I do.
“I didn’t—I mean, I don’t. ” I hear the soft rumble of a laugh as I try to explain, I take another breath and seek out his eyes. “I like them, OK. They’re perfect. Is that what you want to hear?”
Oh no.
I knew my admission was a mistake the second I’d finished it.
The smile now upon Julien's face is a mixture of beauty and danger as he purrs, “There’s so many things I want to hear from you.”
If possible, my blood burns more, sending a flush of scarlet along my chest. His gaze darkens then, eyes tracing the blush I can feel creeping along my neck as he leans towards me.
I cautiously lean away but it doesn’t stop him trying to close the distance and soon I’m using my hands to pull myself back and up upon the bed .
“I want to hear you say you’ll never sleep on the floor again.” He follows me as I keep moving back up the bed, until I reach the pillows. I have to use my elbows to prop myself up as he remains seated upon the edge, his height allowing him to still tower over me. “Say it.”
“I won’t sleep on the floor again,” I say, my words are soft-spoken, laced in a nervousness as I await his next words.
“Tell me you accept my gifts.” I watch him, cautiously, attempting to pre-empt his next move but his eyes are busily tracing my chest and slowly travelling the length of my throat.
I swallow, which only makes his eyes lock onto the action. Fear spikes through my body as I shuffle back a little further, his eyes follow me but he doesn’t move as he waits for my response.
“I’ll accept these clothes.”
My last words are barely out when he’s filling the space again, a subtle smile upon his face. “Clever empath.”
I keep my knees together, desperate to create some type of barricade even if my skin is practically vibrating with the need to feel him.
As though sensing that need, his knuckles caress my left shin and I feel my elbows straining under the pressure of keeping myself upright.
“I want to hear what other pretty sounds can come from these lips,” he murmurs, his touch never ceasing and when our eyes lock, his irises become a flame, they’re a dark red filled with a deep hunger. “You can move your legs again.”
My brain is in such a daze from his words, his slow touch, it takes me a few seconds to register his words. I can? Since when? I carefully pull my legs away from his touch and try to push myself back up the bed even further away from him.
I’ve no time to comprehend how I’d healed so quickly when Julien is staring at me like I’m his salvation.
Without any warning, he leans forward, pushing between my legs and placing his forearms either side of my elbows as his eyes dart over my face, landing upon my lips.
“Tell me you’re here, with me,” he says, his voice a soft caress as one hand reaches for my face.
“You can see me,” I whisper, heart racing. “You know I am.”
He cups my jaw tenderly and tilts it up until our eyes are fully aligned again. “I need to hear you say it so I know that this is real. I need to know we weren’t too late, we got there in time, that my nightmares are just that.”
Nightmares?
The sudden emotion in his eyes overwhelms me. The feeling of lust still burns brightly in the air but now I feel the others just as intensely.
I feel his fear, his pain.
It’s so consuming that I barely understand it, only when there’s a brief flicker of a memory, one of me hanging soaked in blood, do I realise where the feeling has come from. Was this his nightmare?
“I’m here. With you.”
He leans down and captures my mouth with his.
I freeze but he leans closer, pushing me down with his lips which caress my mouth in gentle, needy touches. I shudder under his touch and fall back onto the bed fully.
He’s coaxing me, easing me into this kiss as I carefully copy his movements. He’s pleading with me, without words, to allow him this, to allow control. And when his hand engulfs my calf, slowly lifting it, I follow his lead and hook my legs around his back, pulling him down and onto me.
He groans against my lips with pure satisfaction as our body’s connect. He’s so large my legs barely wrap around him but my Goddess do I try.
His hard muscles brush against me in heavenly ways and my power spikes into the air, amplifying his touch and darkening the soft light beginning to seep in.
When one hand begins to skim over my bare stomach, trailing up until he’s softly gripping my neck, thumb upon my pulse, I moan and his tongue sweeps into my mouth. Once, twice, before descending to my throat.
“Such pretty sounds,” he murmurs against my neck, whilst I shamelessly pull him into me with my legs. His tongue traces along my throat, only stopping when his lips meet the dip between my neck and shoulder.
“Here.” His voice, thick with need, vibrates against my skin and he slowly pulls down the strap of my top, kissing the skin there. I feel dizzy from the feather-light sensation. “This is where I’ll mark you. ”
Although in a haze of lust and desire, I’m still aware enough to hear those words and I instantly still beneath him. My heart races from a new emotion as Julien's peers up at me.
“Not now, Little Bird,” he soothes, placing another gentle kiss upon that spot before moving up until we’re face-to-face again.
I force my gaze to stay steady with his even though my breathing is erratic.
“I don’t want you to mark me,” I breathe, trying to stop my eyes flickering between his hungry gaze and lips.
“Are you sure?” His fingers trail the very same spot, barely touching my skin as they trace an imaginary pattern and my eyes flutter close. “Do you really know what you want?”
The deep lull of his voice is hypnotic and his feather-light touch is torture as it moves along my throat before grasping it gently. “Tell me what you want.”
I swallow, feeling the pressure of his hand and stupidly enjoying the sensation, but his soft demand makes my eyes open.
His gaze is dangerously feral. I’d seen vampires on the cusp of losing control, barely holding back their predatory needs, but I’d never seen one this close before. I feel like my body is dosed in flames.
And the darkness within me begins to unfurl.
My eyes drop to his lips again and he growls softly in response, the sound only adds to the heat I’m engulfed in. Only makes the darkness grow. I lean forward, desperate to feel him again, filled with a burning need to quell this sensation.
But the hold upon my throat keeps me from moving closer.
“No.” His rejection instantly stings and I still, but his gaze softens at my reaction. “You need to say it, mon envie . Use your words.” His command runs through me, my skin erupting in shivers as I stare at him.
Although filled with authority, his voice is low, a sensual liquid which only urges me to reach for him again. But his grip remains firm.
“More,” I whisper, hearing a darker husk to my voice. With the word, I feel my coils begin to release. They slowly curl around his arm, coating his skin in delicate lines as he watches.
When my coils suddenly thicken, engulfing and blending into his skin, his eyes flicker to mine. The fire in his eyes has burnt out, all that remains are smouldering embers engulfed by ash .
The grip around my throat tightens as he hauls me onto him, his mouth descending upon mine as I struggle to regain balance during the sudden rush. His other hand claims my back, holding me in place as I straddle his lap and feel every hard inch of him.
Oh fuck.
My fingers race to his broad shoulders, digging into the tense muscles, steadying myself as his hand places more pressure on my back, pushing me down, slowly grinding me against him.
“Is this what you wanted?” His voice rumbles against my mouth as he pushes me against him again. I make a needy, whiny sound and soft French utterances fall from his lips. “Tell me you’re mine. Tell me and I’ll give you anything you want.”
He pushes me into him again, so slowly yet hard, the pressure is nearly unbearable. My body feels on fire, chasing and chasing each little touch, needing even more.
But at my inability to respond to his request, too desperate to feel, his grip softens and I feel him begin to lean back.
“No.” My voice has doubled. It echoes around the room and my power blooms, tendrils of inky black rushing out and over Julien, trapping him to me, refusing to let him go.
When our eyes meet, I see the ember of red dying to break through his eyes but my tendrils wrap around his jaw and force him to focus upon me.
For a moment, I see and feel his hesitation. The flickers of red breaking his sable stare. His eyes tracking over his skin, seeing my power, before staring back into my gaze.
Then I fall back onto the bed.
My tendrils retract instantly. The sensation making me gasp as my vision returns to normal.
I’m alone.
Julien is gone.
I nearly cry out at the unfairness, at the cold ache his departure has left, at the pain it causes.
“ I apologise, Petit Oiseau.” His liquid rumble eases some of the hurt and the lust-filled haze, but my chest still throbs. “ I pushed you too far and my restraint almost faltered.”
I let out a deep breath whilst hating that I enjoy the way his voice sounds in my head. Then I’m imagining the way he’s desperately holding back, maybe he’s just outside the door… but then my chest aches again and I shiver.
“I’m losing my mind.” The sudden burst of realisation of what I had just done, mixed with the sting of rejection, makes my eyes water as my thoughts continue to spiral. “ What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing.” Julien's voice is definitive, his frustration clear in my mind. “ Nothing is wrong with you.”
“I can’t control myself, I can’t control my emotions.” I’m gasping for air, for something to stop this ache in my chest. “It was never like this at the club, I remember it was hard during the first few weeks but it was never like this .”
“Remember what we said about our darkness calling to yours? This is all new to you. This isn’t your fault.”
“I can’t be doing this, I can’t be doing this with you or Sai…”
We’re both silent for a moment. I can hear my racing heart and I focus on the sound to help ease my panic. I can feel a slight flicker of anger, frustration, still burning somewhere in my mind but otherwise nothing passes through.
I rub my eyes suddenly feeling heavy and aching all over. “It’ll pass, it has to pass.”
A stretch of silence commences.
“That is where you’re wrong, Little Empath.”
With my eyes closed and my fatigued body sinking into the plush duvet, his voice becomes a soothing melody of sin.
He continues to murmur soft words to me, a mixture of English and French and sometimes a language I don’t recognise at all, all simultaneously sending a rush of heat through my veins whilst adding to the lull I’m falling into.
I think I remember some of the words, something about ‘waiting’, but the pull to sleep is overwhelming and my mind succumbs.