Chapter 50
HARLOW
Spencer hasn’t let me sleep at all.
I think he’s making up for lost time, while also trying to make the most of it.
He hasn’t asked me what’s going to happen when I leave here, and for that I’m grateful, because my brain is such a clustered knot of confusion, I wouldn’t even know what to tell him and I’m afraid I would unintentionally hurt him more than I already have.
He pushes into me from behind and I gasp, yanking at his sheets.
“Spencer.” His name is a cross between a gasp and a moan.
“Fuck, you feel so good.” His hand smacks down on my ass cheek. “You have no fucking idea, Harlow.” He bows over my body and presses a kiss to the back of my shoulder.
My pussy is sore and tender, but I don’t dare ask him to stop as he pounds into me. I think I’m as terrified as he is for this to end, and I don’t want to look too deep inside myself on why that is.
Even then, the thought still manages to worm its way into my head, and I can’t help wondering if the reason I ran all those years ago was fear of how intense things are with us.
I love Jameson so much, but it’s not like this.
Terrifying and all-consuming like we’re one entity instead of two separate people.
“Do you believe me yet?” he murmurs, body still over mine and his mouth near my ear. “I’m never, ever getting sick of you.”
I don’t say anything and his grip on my hips tightens.
“Answer me,” he demands.
“I believe you,” I cry out.
He kisses that spot on my shoulder again and slides one hand around until his fingers find my clit. He plays my body like it’s an instrument that was made for him and only him.
“Harlow, I…” He stops himself and my stomach clenches, because he doesn’t have to finish. I know exactly what he was going to say.
My orgasm is right there, and it only takes a few more expert strokes of his fingers for me to come. My vision goes hazy, exhaustion heavy in my limbs. I think it’s safe to say I don’t have another round left in me.
Spencer moans and his rhythm gets sloppy as he nears his own release.
When he comes, he pulls out of me and quickly gathers me into his arms, so I’m sprawled across his naked body. Both our chests rise and fall rapidly with our need to catch our breath. We’re both sweaty, but neither of us seem to care. His hand falls to the back of my head, cradling my skull.
“What time is it?” I ask.
With a groan, he musters the energy to lift his head slightly and glance at the clock. “Fuck. It’s almost four.”
“In the morning?”
“Yeah.”
“Shit.” I lay my hand on his chest. I don’t have the energy to move. “I have to be at work at eight.”
“I have to be on set at the same time.” He rubs his hand over his face, his days old stubble rasping against his palm. “Fuck. We’re going to be dead on our feet.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “And my pussy is sore.”
He grins at me with pure male satisfaction. “Good.”
“Good?” I taunt.
“Yeah.” He nods, stifling a yawn. “This way you can’t pretend I haven’t been inside you over and over again all night long.”
We lay there for several minutes, and I’ve nearly drifted off when he gives me a nudge. “Bathroom.”
“Ugh,” I groan. “I don’t want to.”
But as much as I don’t want to move, a UTI would be even worse, so I force myself out of his bed to go pee. When I’ve finished and washed up, we swap places.
I let out a quiet moan as I sink into his bed. It’s the plushest pillows and mattress I’ve ever had the pleasure of laying on.
Spencer returns to bed and swipes his phone off his nightstand. “Is 6:30 enough time for you to get up and shower? I know you’ve never liked mornings.”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” It’ll be cutting things tight, and I’ll have to skip breakfast, but worse things have happened.
He sets the alarm on his phone and puts it on a charging dock.
“Get over here. You’re too far away.”
He doesn’t give me a chance to protest before he’s tugging me over to the middle of the bed and wrapping his arms around me. My eyes are heavy, and fall closed instantly.
I wake up to the alarm going off and groan when it won’t stop. Opening my eyes, I jolt awake at the unfamiliar space.
Oh, fuck.
That really happened.
Reaching over, I shut the alarm off. I don’t have time to dwell on where Spencer is. I head straight for his shower, because I need to wash the sweat off my skin. I would feel gross going to work like this and smelling of sex.
After the quickest shower of my life, I swipe some of his toothpaste onto my finger and do my best to brush my teeth that way.
He has a hairbrush sitting out, and considering it has a Disney Princess on it, it must be Roe’s.
I quickly brush out my strands and secure my hair in a low bun.
I don’t usually put on much makeup, but I’ll have to forgo any today.
As for clothes, I’ll need to wear what I had on yesterday.
I have a spare Cool Beans shirt in my work locker that I can change into when I get there.
I search his room, making sure I’m not leaving anything behind and when I find nothing else of mine, I head downstairs. It’s only a few minutes before seven, so I’m doing okay on time. I might even be able to grab something from his fridge before I go.
I’m assuming he must’ve had to leave already for some reason, so I’m surprised when I find him in the kitchen plating up breakfast.
“I thought you’d be hungry,” he remarks, sliding a plate across the island in my direction. Eggs, toast with avocado and red pepper flakes, and two strips of bacon. It’s a relative feast compared to my usual breakfast.
“You didn’t have to do this.”
“I know,” he replies simply, washing his hands.
“Where’s your food?” I ask, looking around.
He points to a glass of green colored liquid. “Protein shake.”
I raise a brow as I sit down. He opens a drawer and passes me a fork. “You made me all this, and you’re not having it?”
“No, I’m on a strict diet for this movie, but you’re not so you might as well have something you can enjoy. Do you want lemon water? Orange juice?”
“Orange juice would be great.”
He fills a glass part way and sets it beside my plate.
“I would drive you to work if I had time, but I’d be cutting it too close to get to set.”
“My car’s here. You don’t need to worry about me.” I take a bite of toast.
“I know, but I…” He leans against the counter beside me and his fingers wrap loosely around his glass. “I’m scared of what happens when you walk out my door.”
“Oh.”
“I feel like we should talk about this, but I’m scared it’ll push you away and I don’t want that. Help me out here, Low. I don’t know what to do.”
I set my fork down. “I’m … I’m very confused right now,” I admit, forcing myself to hold his gaze.
“This isn’t me. I’m not this girl who doesn’t know what she wants, and yet…
” I trail off, shaking my head. “I love Jameson,” I tell him honestly.
“I don’t want to hurt him. But I’m realizing I love you too, and even though I thought I moved on, I didn’t. ”
He nods in understanding and flicks his head when his hair gets in his eye. “And what about me? Do you want to hurt me instead?”
“No.” I close my eyes. “God, no. I just…” I push my plate away. “I don’t know what to do right now. I don’t know what to think. And I … I’m sorry that I’m so confused and hurting you in the process.”
His Adam’s apple bobs with a swallow. “I’ve already waited this long for you, and I think even if I thought I had a chance fifty years from now I’d keep waiting.”
“Spencer.” I shake my head. “That’s a lot of pressure and I—”
He places his hand over top of mine on the counter and gives it a gentle squeeze. When I glance at him, his smile is sad. “I’m not saying that to put pressure on you. I’m just being honest. You’re … well, you know how I feel about you.”
I nod. “I love you, Spencer, you know that, right?” I ask him.
His eyes are sad when he replies, “I know. But some loves are so damn painful they nearly kill you.”
With those words, we both get quiet. I stomach a few more bites of food but can’t clean my plate. He finishes his protein shake and cleans up.
In silence, we head out together and he follows me down the driveway in the car that’s there to take him to set.
We turn separate directions, and I wonder if that’s some sort of omen.