Chapter 51
HARLOW
“Did hot nerd fuck you so hard that you’ve lost all common sense?” Poppy asks after I’ve made yet another stupid blunder and have to toss a drink in the trash. “Because you have that just fucked look about you and you even came to work without a Cool Beans shirt.”
I turn around and make sure no customers can hear her. “No, not him.”
She laughs. “Not him. What does that…ohmygod,” she slurs the words together and grabs my wrist tightly. “Pablo, I love you, but I need you to handle things up here for like five-minutes by yourself. ‘Kay? Bye.”
She drags me through the swinging door into the back before he can protest.
“You slept with Spencer.” She points an accusing finger, but she’s grinning.
I can’t lie to her, so I say nothing instead.
She claps her hands together. “I knew this was going to happen one day.”
“It was an accident,” I groan, covering my face.
Poppy laughs. “Sex is never an accident. Especially not with your hot as sin baby daddy. So, tell me, how many times did you accidentally fall on his dick?”
“I lost count.”
Her mouth pops open. “Jesus. That much?”
I nod. “I dropped Roe off at my parents in the early afternoon and I don’t know what happened, but instead of doing my homework like I planned, I showed up at his house instead and—”
“Let baby daddy fuck your brains out? Good for you.”
She holds her hand up for a high-five and I ignore it, so she gives herself one instead.
“You should not be cheering this on,” I hiss. “I have a boyfriend.”
She shrugs. “It’s a new era—fuck ‘em both at the same time.”
“Poppy,” I blurt in shock.
“What? They’re both hot as fuck. Maybe they wouldn’t be opposed to it.
You never know unless you ask.” She holds her hand out, examining her neon orange nails.
Lowering her hand, she says, “In all seriousness, I love Jameson. He’s a great guy and he’s good for you, but Spencer is …
listen, anytime he’s around, you two are like magnets being drawn together.
It’s incredible to watch, truly. I’ve never seen anything like it.
It’s kind of impossible not to cheer the guy on when he so openly pines for you”
“You’re not helping,” I gripe.
Letting out a sigh, she says, “If you want me to tell you that you’re a horrible person and how dare you do this, then I certainly can, but something tells me you’re already beating yourself up enough about this whole thing without me piling on top of you.”
She has a solid point.
I frown and toy with the straps of my apron wrapped around my waist. “I don’t know who I’ve become,” I confess.
Poppy yanks me into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re my friend, that’s who you are.”
“I’ve fucked up,” I tell her, exhaling a heavy breath. “I’m going to have to tell Jameson and that will be the end of us and I … I don’t know if I can truly say if Spencer is who I want either. Besides,” I groan, tugging my hair out of my low bun so I can redo it. “It’s not a competition.”
Poppy tsks in sympathy. “Here’s my advice—don’t make any rash decisions or run home and tattle on yourself to Jameson. Give yourself some space and time to think.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “That makes sense.”
At least I think it does.
She gives my elbows a squeeze. “We better get back to work. Poor Pablo can’t fare much longer on his own.”
I swipe a bottle of water and gulp down a few sips to coat my parched throat. “All right, let’s go.”
Jameson: Hey, I’m working late again tonight so I’ll just crash at my place.
The text should come as a relief that I don’t have to face him tonight, but if anything it sends me into a larger spiral, questioning if perhaps somehow, he knows.
Closing my eyes, I lean my head back against the headrest. A tear leaks out of the corner of my eye.
If you’d asked me even a year ago if I would ever cheat on my boyfriend I would’ve told you no with my whole chest and been offended at the very thought.
Within just a few months I’ve completely obliterated who I thought I was.
Taking a few deep breaths, I open my eyes and reply.
Me: That’s okay! Miss you.
Jameson: I shouldn’t be as busy tomorrow.
I tuck my phone away and don’t reply. I need to pick up Roe from my parents’ house.
I park outside the familiar house and instead of texting my mom so she’ll send Monroe out, I decide to go in. I knock, despite having a key, so I don’t startle anyone.
My mom opens the door with a happy smile. Perry stands at her side, his tongue lolling. He’s gone white around his nose, but I think it makes him look like a distinguished gentleman. “You look tired.”
I groan. “Thanks, Mom. Just what every woman wants to hear.”
She laughs. “I’m sorry, but it’s true.”
“I didn’t sleep much last night,” I grumble.
“Let me make you some coffee,” she suggests.
“Mom.” I pause, seeing if the puzzle pieces click into place for her. When they don’t, I say, “I just came from a coffee shop. I think I’m good on caffeine.”
“Oh.” She laughs. “Right. Silly me. Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich.”
“Where’s Roe?” I ask, looking around. The house is eerily quiet.
“She’s in your dad’s office. He’s decided to build her a dollhouse.”
“Like … a real dollhouse?”
“Yeah.” I follow her into the kitchen. “He’s gotten this wild idea that in his retirement he’s going to become a master dollhouse maker or something. Whatever keeps him occupied and out of my hair is fine with me,” she titters. “Are you hungry? You didn’t answer.”
“A little.”
“Turkey sandwich?”
“Yeah, that would be good. Thanks.” I slide onto a chair at the kitchen table and stifle a yawn. Spencer really did keep me up practically the whole night and he’s right, I’ve felt where he was between my legs with practically every movement I’ve made today.
“You seem like you have a lot on your mind,” she remarks, pulling all the ingredients out for my sandwich.
“When do I not?” I reason. “Between school, work, and Roe my brain is always like a hamster on a wheel constantly spinning and getting nowhere.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
There’s no way in hell that I’m telling my mother what I was up to last night.
“Not really.”
“If you change your mind, I’m here whenever.” She adds some chips to the plate before sliding it in front of me. “Oh, this reminds me. Your sister said her and Jasper are coming up this weekend. I thought we could all go out for dinner. Jameson, too.”
“He’s been busy with work, but I’ll ask him.”
She smiles, eyes twinkling like she knows something I don’t.
“Well, I hope he can make it.”
After downing my sandwich, I collect Roe from my dad’s office and say goodbye to my parents.
On the way home, Roe talks my ear off. Everything from, “Are you sure we can’t get a cat?” to “Well, what about a fish?” and “Can we go to the store to look at toys?”
The answer is no, no, and no.
She sulks inside when we get home, and I shut the door behind me with a sigh.
My apartment is the same as it’s always been, but for some reason, after last night I see it differently.
Instead of my own, special space it feels more like a box I put myself in like I could pack away my feelings for Spencer and pretend they don’t exist.
But fuck, they do. There’s no escaping them.
What do you do when you love one man, but you might be in love with another?