17. Colt
Colt
Watching Ethan skip rocks in the river is almost as calming as when I do it.
It’s been an amazing evening, and I still feel a little off knowing I’ve confessed my love to him, but I’ve never been more sure. As soon as the words crossed my lips, it felt like the easiest thing to speak out loud.
I’ve never been in love before. That feeling everyone talks about in books and movies has eluded me my entire life. Until Ethan.
Ethan, the man from the city who’d never ridden a horse or camped in a tent. The man who lived a life online more than in person. We couldn’t be more opposite if we tried. But by some miracle, we connect in ways I can’t explain. It’s not just the sex. There’s so much more to Ethan than that.
His rock skipping needs work. The stone plops in the water with a splash, and he stands motionless on the edge of the river.
I want so badly to pull him into my arms and tell him we’ll make it work no matter what, but I don’t live in a fantasy world.
I know we have some obstacles ahead, and I’m hopeful we’ll get past them.
I deserve it. I’m more convinced of that now that Ethan has been in my space for several months. He deserves it, too.
“Would you…If I can’t find work nearby…would you wait for me?” Ethan turns toward me in the darkness and stuffs his hand in his pockets that are now empty of skipping rocks. “I know it’s a big ask, and I understand if it’s too much.”
“I would.” My reply is instant and truthful. I don’t need to think about it. He’s what I want.
“When you said you had looked for jobs away from the ranch, I admit it shocked me to hear that. I can’t see you working anywhere else or being anywhere else. Chance is where you should be. The ranch is your world.”
Stepping closer to him, the moonlight casts a glow on his face, revealing a sad expression that wasn’t there before. I don’t like how it’s so drastically different from his earlier joy after finally riding the mechanical bull.
“What changed?” I ask and cup his cheek with my palm. His lashes flutter as he closes his eyes with a shaky breath. “A half hour ago, you were positive things would work out, and now you’re asking me if I’ll wait for you. Talk to me, Ethan.”
His chest heaves, and he presses his cheek into my hand. His lips tremble before he swallows and speaks with his eyes still closed.
“I thought I had it figured out. Really. Until I started thinking of you giving your life up for me, and…” Ethan slowly exhales.
“You really mean it. That overwhelms me because nobody has ever put me first like that before. I just…I’m freaking out a little because what if I make a mistake?
What if this is just another infatuation and I blow up my career?
I might not be happy with my career, but it’s what I have.
The enormity of what I’m about to do just hit me, and I’m freaking out. ”
He finally opens his eyes, and my god, I can’t help myself. I kiss him there in the moonlight on the riverbank and hope he understands I’m with him no matter what.
“Ethan,” I murmur against his lips. “I mean everything I say. I love you, and I’ll wait for you if needed. We’ll sort this out.”
His hands curl into the front of my shirt. “Fort Collins isn’t far, right?”
“No, it’s not.”
He nods. “I’ll start there.”
“I’ll be right beside you.”
Ethan is a deep sleeper. This is a problem.
Well, it’s only a problem because I have limited time before I have to get to work, and I’m hard. Hard and almost desperate for the man next to me right this very second.
“Baby…” My hand slides between his legs while I whisper next to his ear. He adjusts slightly for my hand and murmurs something I don’t understand. “I want to come before work, and I’d rather do it with you than by myself in the shower.”
He spreads his legs wider and turns his head slightly toward me. “Mmm, kay…s’early.”
I love how much of an early bird Ethan isn’t. He tries his best, but these slurred morning conversations are some of my favorite things.
“It’s very early,” I say low next to his ear before rolling on top of him. “This okay?”
Ethan’s eyes flutter open and closed, and his lips tilt in a half smile. “Best way to wake up.” His breath puffs across my cheek with his small laugh.
Despite his fogginess, his hands go to my ass, and he pulls me against him.
Our groins meet, and we grind against each other at an almost leisurely pace.
Ethan’s hand gropes for the lube that always sits on the nightstand now, and I smile against his skin.
He’s still barely opened his eyes as I kneel over him and he coats us both with the cool substance.
Ethan grips us together and finally opens his eyes as he strokes us. His gaze locks on mine, and even though he’s still caught in the web of sleepiness, he smiles a smile so feral my balls draw up.
“Yeah, this is what you wanted, right? Someone else to make you come?”
I can only drop my head back and let him take over. A dark laugh sounds in the bedroom from Ethan. “That’s right, Colt. Let me take care of you for once while you come all over me.”
“Fuck,” I breathe and push my hips into his grip, lost in the sensations and so close to an orgasm I’m shaking.
Ethan’s free hand slides up my chest, rolling my nipple between his fingers. A bolt of white flashes behind my eyes, and my orgasm rushes through me as I unload onto Ethan like he wanted.
I’m still catching my breath when I look between us to find him still hard and staring at me with so much adoration I can’t help but lean down to kiss him.
“Now I know why you always like to watch me come before you do,” he says against my lips. Wrapping my hand around his cock, his words fall into moans as I take over and he comes in my grip.
“I hate to break this moment, but I really need to get ready.” My lips find his and I linger against them for a beat before pushing off him.
“Can I keep you company in the shower?”
“Always.”
“You’re extra quiet today,” Gunner says as he stands beside me. We’ve just returned from trail rides, each of us leading small groups in different directions. A few of the riders in my group asked to make a fly-fishing stop while the others dismounted to hike around the river.
It gave me a lot of time to think.
“Just been thinking about things. Ethan is meeting with Jesse today to talk about what happens after his contract.”
“Ah.” Gunner nods. “Do you think he’ll say no?”
I’ve mentioned Ethan’s idea to Gunner already because I had to talk about it. Thankfully, Gunner was the right guy to listen.
“I honestly don’t know. The cost of living here isn’t huge, and we don’t need a lot of money between us, but also…he needs to work. We’ve talked about looking in Fort Collins, but he’s hesitant about commuting in the winter. There’s a lot to consider.”
Gunner hums as we continue working to take care of the trail horses. My phone still sits in my shirt pocket, silent. I’ve checked for service, and I have bars showing here at the barn, but still no update from Ethan.
“Have you thought about leaving if needed?”
My gaze cuts to Gunner as he works. “I have.”
He pauses, shoulders tense, before continuing. “I’d miss you, but I’d be happier that you found someone.” He clears his throat before turning to me. “Not that you need my permission or anything. You already know I want you to find your happiness.”
“Softie.” I reach out and shove him playfully.
“Don’t you dare tell a soul.” He laughs.
After we’ve finished with the horses, Gunner says his goodbyes, and I walk to my truck. The guesthouse stands empty with no Jeep parked in the yard, but a paper sits on the windshield tucked under a wiper blade of my truck.
Colt,
Sorry I didn’t text. I didn’t want to risk it not going through. Something came up, and I’ve gone to Fort Collins. I’ll be home late tonight.
Love,
Ethan
Folding the note, I tuck it in my pocket before sliding behind the wheel. Do I call him or wait for him to get home? Why didn’t he even tell me how it went with Jesse?
As I drive down the familiar road, my thoughts turn to my mother. I was just a kid when she died, but I remember how the people kept her memory alive for me until I was strong enough to do it on my own.
Mom had something she always said when we had a rough day. She’d ruffle my hair and tell me that even though we had a bad day, someone else had a worse one. At the time, I thought it made no sense, but as I grew, I understood what she meant.
The green fields and leafy trees I love are showing the change of season. Greens are slowly shifting to oranges. It’s patchy, but there’s enough to notice. As I drive toward home, so many things tangle in my mind. Mom’s words, the impending season change, and whatever happens with Ethan.
Instead of going into the apartment after I park. I walk over to Your Fly is Down. The open sign is still on even at the later hour. Chris ties flies all day and never turns down a chatty customer with a coffee. The only time he’s closed is when he’s actually asleep.
Entering the small shop, I’m immediately comforted by the fly-tying supplies that almost swallow me in the small space.
“Well, hello, Colt. I haven’t seen you for a while.” He holds up a container full of flies. “I know you’ve been busy because after you used the last custom fly, my requests for it are non-stop. Five more to tie and then I’ll ship them out.”
“Ah…yes, that one did really well. Maybe it’s the color?”
“Could be. I read an article about fish and eyesight recently. Something about how their eyes don’t always go for colors.” He sets his magnifying loops down and stands to stretch. “Something tells me you’re not here to talk about fly-fishing, though.”
With a sigh, I shake my head as I browse the new floating line section.
“I didn’t want to go home to an empty apartment. My mind won’t stop thinking of shit.”
The sound of Chris cracking the tab of a can sounds, and when I look back, he’s holding up a beer. “Lock the door and sit, Colt.”
After locking the door and flipping the sign, he offers me a beer, but I decline. Chris leans on the counter and pulls the chair from his workbench for me.
“Ethan was here earlier.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m not sure, but he asked about you. Said if you came here tonight to tell you to not worry, and he has a plan.”
“He should have told me that and not you,” I grumble, but somehow I like that he knew I’d be here.
“Maybe.” He takes a drink. “I found it interesting that he knew you’d come here, though. I’m not sure what he was getting at, but…. here you are.”
Ethan knows I like to talk to Chris. Since his shop is so close to the apartment, it’s not exactly a stretch to think I’d come here. When the fishing season is peak, I’m here a lot. Ethan often finds me here.
But to deliver a message through Chris is new.
“I think if I have to stay here without him, it will break my heart. I’ve always thought I could never leave here because of the memories. The town is like a family member, you know? Other than Uncle Albert, it’s all I have, but Ethan…he’s more than that, I think.”
“He’s opened doors you never knew were there.”
“Yeah. I’m just irritated he couldn’t have left me details.”
“Sometimes notes get misunderstood. He likely wanted to tell you in person instead, and that’s not a bad thing.”
My phone buzzes then in my pocket, and I’ve never whipped a device out of my shirt so fast in my life.
“Ethan?”
“Hi, Colt. Are you at the fly shop?”
I glance at Chris. “I am.”
“I’m home.”
The unspoken words hang, and my heart thunders in my chest. “I’ll be right there.”
Turning to Chris, he’s already shooing me toward the exit. “I hope new doors open, Colt. Go talk.”
“Thanks, Chris!”
I don’t walk. I jog the short distance to my apartment and sprint up the stairs. Ethan greets me at the door, and I freeze for a moment, wondering if I want to hear something I might not like.
Instead of greeting him properly, or even hugging him, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“You should’ve called me. I’ve been worried all day, and the note didn’t help.”
Ethan reaches for my hand and squeezes it.
“I’m sorry, but it was all so fast. I didn’t want to say anything until I got the details.”
“Don’t keep me hanging, Ethan.”
“How would you feel about leaving Chance? Truthfully.”