19. Colt
Colt
The ranch slows down a lot after Labor Day, and even though we’re still booked on weekends up to the end of October, thanks to Ethan’s hard work, the rest of the weekdays are a patchwork of small things. All the things you put aside until you have time.
“Do you have time for a beer?” Gunner asks, and I was hoping he would be available for just such a thing.
“Absolutely.”
“Sounds serious.” He laughs as I follow him to his bunkhouse.
“It sort of is.” Gunner hums as we walk along, but I don’t want to talk about it until we’re sitting. Maybe that’s just me being a coward, but it’s a big deal.
Once inside, he motions to the sofa while opening the fridge. “Have a seat. I’m gonna assume you don’t want others in on this, and we should stay inside?”
After popping the caps, he hands me a cold bottle while he settles on the other end of the couch.
“I’m thinking of leaving. Not just the ranch, but Chance.”
His eyebrows raise so high they should push off his hat.
“Whoa.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s a big deal, but it’s also a huge opportunity.”
“I told you to always take a chance, Colt. I’m not gonna change my advice there.”
Gunner relaxes into the cushions, and if I were looking for an argument to make me stay, I won’t be getting one.
“I want to do it, but Ethan also said I could make my schedule work to be back here in the summers if I wanted. The one thing I won’t have with this job is riding a horse in the mountains every day of the week. It has good points, but…do you think Jesse would let me be seasonal? Or, would you?”
“You’re not just a close friend. You’re one of the best guides here, Colt. You’re also the only one who gives a damn about fly-fishing.” Gunner laughs and sips his beer. “Jesse would be a fool not to keep you for whatever you can give.”
Gunner has always supported me, and it’s good to hear, but one thing has been bugging me.
“Do you think it’s dumb for me to do this for a man? If I’d never met Ethan, this wouldn’t be a possibility, and I guess I feel a little…I don’t know, maybe silly?”
“You feel silly to follow a man you love to a dream job?”
“Well, a little. I’m 40 years old and thinking of uprooting my entire life for this.”
“True, but let me ask you this.” Gunner shifts to fully face me. “If you were younger, would you have jumped at this without a second thought?”
“Not at first. If I were younger and met Ethan, then I’d probably still do it because it’s him.”
“So why use your age as an excuse? Forty isn’t old, Colt. Is that really your hang-up?”
I knew Gunner would be direct with me, and that’s why I wanted to talk to him before I went to Jesse.
“I think…it’s a lot. I love him. I really do, and I want to make a life, but this is what I know. I love this life. Chance and Snow Creek are like family. What if I leave and it’s no good anymore? What if I can’t come…home?”
Because that’s my biggest fear. I know I’ll have my uncle until he’s gone, and this town is the rest of my family.
If I walk, will they welcome me back? Will I miss my Saturday morning painting at the library?
What about Chris at the fly shop? Could I be as content as I was before if this all goes to shit?
“Colt,” Gunner says gently. “Nobody here is gonna turn their back on you. Ever. I know this, and I’m shocked to hear that you think that. Chance loves you.” He studies me for a beat in that way he does. Like he can read your mind. “Is this about your mom?”
Yep. He read my mind.
I shrug. Not willing to voice that thought. I’m a grown man and hesitant to leave the town where I buried my mom. Leaving feels so final, even though she’s been gone for decades. It’s embarrassing.
“I didn’t know her, but I bet she’d tell you to follow your heart. I know if I died, I wouldn’t want someone I love growing roots next to me out of a weird duty. She’s here.” He taps his chest over his heart. “You’re not leaving her. She’s been with you this whole time.”
We sit in silence as I consider this and feel more foolish by the moment. Gunner is right. They won’t turn their backs on me, and shouldn’t I be happier to be closer to Uncle Albert? The only living blood relative I have?
“I’m so dumb.”
“You’re not. You’re sensitive and kind, Colt. Wonderful qualities to have in this sometimes shitty world we live in.” He drains his beer and stands. “Now I’m kicking you out to go talk to Jesse and then home to tell Ethan you’re doing it.”
“Bossy.”
“No, I’m just a friend who knows you need a kick in the ass to get moving sometimes. Now get.”
With a smile, I drain my beer and head to the main house to find Jesse.
“Ethan?”
The apartment is dark, but soft music sounds from the living room, and his voice calls out. “Living room.”
I round the corner to find Ethan sitting on the sofa. His laptop is open on the coffee table, but my gaze catches something familiar, and my breath catches.
“Where did you get that?” Obviously, from a local, but I need to know how he got it.
“Can I tell you a story and start from the top before I answer? Please?”
With a nod, I sit, and he turns the laptop toward me.
“I spent most of today at the Laughing Fork. They love you here, and I want you to listen to what they have to say.”
Ethan hits play on his laptop, and I watch person after person deliver messages to me. Cathy from the Laughing Fork. Bud from the library. Chris from the fly shop. It goes on and on, everyone cheering me on, and I haven’t even left yet.
Ethan pauses the video to check in with me.
“This part might be hard, but it answers your question about how I got the bear. You good?”
“Yeah. When did you have time to do this?”
His lips part, ready for an answer.
“I made time. It’s important.” He smiles and squeezes my hand before hitting play again, and the woman from the local urgent care fills the screen.
Well, she’s retired now, but I know her from paint days, and of course, because she was one of the first people to tuck me under her wing when Mom died.
I remember she brought a lot of casseroles to the house until Uncle Albert learned how to feed a kid on the regular.
“Colt, your wonderful boyfriend here has asked me to say a few things about what you mean to me and Chance.” She holds up the stuffed bear I remember watching my mom sew when I was about eight years old.
She sewed it and stuffed it by hand to give to a little girl who’d lost everything in a house fire.
I remember also asking my mom why we didn’t just go buy a bear.
“Your mom gave this bear to my granddaughter when she was just a wee thing and lost her favorite bear in a house fire. She told me she made it with love and hoped it comforted my granddaughter.” That’s exactly what she told me, too.
A handmade gift with love would be more comforting.
Or something like that. “Those words sound very canned, but your mom was always warm and genuine, Colt. You were the light of her life, and I know she’d be proud of you.
Chance is proud of you.” My eyes blink away wetness.
“When I stopped by the Laughing Fork today and heard what was happening, I went back home to get this bear. My granddaughter outgrew it, and I couldn’t stand just giving it away.
Now I don’t have to. It’s yours, and it comes with likely all the good wishes from every person in this town, Colt.
Go find happiness and come back to tell us about it when you can. ”
The video ends with some still photos he’s taken in the months he’s been here. Me helping people on paint day. Us on trail rides. Laughing with Gunner in the barn. His fish, while the hook still sits embedded in his thumb.
The sunrise when we were camping. That one gets me right in the gut so hard I almost gasp for breath. The sadness I felt that morning was thick. I was sure it would be the only one I spent with Ethan in the wilderness.
“You didn’t have to do this to convince me, you know.”
Ethan ducks his head. “I hoped I didn’t need to, but those women can be pushy. Cathy insisted, just in case you were, and I quote, ‘thinking of rotting away when you have big things ahead.’”
It’s exactly what I would have done without the gentle push from Ethan to search for something else.
He planted the seed months ago when he agreed we had a connection like nothing he’s ever felt.
For me, it was scary but so worth it to have this ache in my chest when I think of it ending.
When I think of continuing without Ethan.
“I spoke to Gunner and Jesse tonight.”
Ethan sucks in a breath. “And?”
“I can work in the summer as much or as little as I want. Seems like I’m the best fly-fishing guide around.”
“So you’ve decided?”
Leaning close, I cup Ethan’s face in my hands and dust my lips over his. “A sunrise won’t be the same without you, Ethan. This is a huge step for me, and I won’t lie that I’m nervous. But the good things outweigh the bad here. Immensely. I’m all in on this adventure with you.”
He rests his forehead against mine.
“Thank god, because if you’d said no, I don’t think I’d be able to leave you behind.”
“I guess we’re doing this.”
“Looks that way.”
I puff out a breath. “I need to give Aubrey notice. I’ll need to pack. We have to find a place in Fort Collins. Oh my god, I need to call my uncle!”
Ethan laughs and kisses me. “I have a better idea.”
“I’m so happy you’re doing this, Colt.”
Uncle Albert pats my knee as we sit in the common area of his retirement home. Ethan wanted to meet him and tell him the news in person. I’m happy we did because not only did they hit it off, but I’ve never seen Uncle Albert so excited.
Currently, Ethan is in a game of virtual bowling with a very spry older lady. She’s giving him a run for his money.
“He seems like a good man, Colt. You did well. I can’t say I’m sad that I get to see you more, either. I know you love the ranch, but it took so much of your time. That’s not a guilt trip, either. But there’s more to life than work.”
Ethan hoots with a strike and catches my gaze. He winks at me before turning back to the game and heckling the woman, who gives it right back. Retirees are ruthless.
“I didn’t realize the truth of that until I met Ethan. It’s just…different when there’s someone to share things with. I should’ve been seeing you more, though. I’m sorry for that.”
“Don’t be sorry, Colt. Life is hard enough without feeling guilty about visiting an old man.”
An unholy screech sounds from the woman bowling with Ethan. His mouth hangs open as he watches her celebrate beating him in the video game. Her hip wiggle is top-notch for someone who needs a walker.
Uncle Albert laughs. “I like him, Colt. Now that you’re in the city, be sure to bring him around more. And I have a request, if you don’t mind.”
Ethan plops on my lap and plants a kiss on my lips. “Did you see that woman catfish me like that? When did older people get so ruthless? No offense, Uncle Albert.”
“She does that with all the visitors.”
“Why didn’t you say so!?” Ethan huffs while we both laugh.
“What did you want to ask me?” I remind my uncle before he and Ethan fall into a lengthy chat about the side bets that go on in the rec room during bowling games.
“There’s a director of activities here. She commented on the painting I have in my apartment. You know, the one I did at your paint class once with the mountains?”
“I remember. That’s a great painting.”
“I was hoping you might like to do a class here when it suits your schedule. I’ve asked around, and there’s a lot of interest.”
Ethan’s hand grips my thigh, and when I meet his gaze, I know without his speaking what he’s thinking.
“I’d love to. I’ll give her my info before we leave.”
We spend the rest of our afternoon with Ethan joining forces with the woman who bowls, but I put my foot down at the two of them taking money from visitors in bets. That stuff should be left for the seniors who live here. I don’t need that kind of drama in my life.
On the drive back to Chance, we talk about what lies ahead. Apartment hunting, the opportunities, bringing Uncle Albert back here for breakfast, like he asked. The list is long, but it’s exciting.
It’s exciting in a way I’ve never felt, and the powerful hope I’m gripped with is both overwhelming and empowering. I’ve spent my entire life so afraid of change because the first time my life changed, it was devastating. It robbed me of more than my mother.
But I’m no longer a scared ten-year-old boy.
I have the mechanisms in place to help when it’s overwhelming. Most importantly, I have good friends who have my back and a man who loves me.
With Ethan, all I see is happiness and hope. It’s like a blank canvas just before I pick up the paintbrush or try a new fly in the river. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but it’s never one I regret.
“You okay?” Ethan asks gently from the passenger seat.
“Honestly?” My lips turn upward until a giant grin hurts my face. “I’m just thinking about all the empty boxes piled in the living room and how fortunate I am that I haven’t brought them to recycle yet.”
Ethan laughs. “It was meant to be.”
“It really was.”