Chapter 33 Finley
THIRTY-THREE
FINLEY
“No,” I scold halfheartedly, trying my best to stifle a smile. “You’ve already had four treats. You don’t need more. There’s a whole bowl of kibble over there. Go eat that.”
Boner’s head tilts to the side as he pretends not to understand what I’m saying.
I know he does, though. He also knows exactly how to play me, which is why the vet suggested that we put him on a diet during his annual checkup last week.
Between the cold weather and me always being too tired to take him to the dog park to run around, he hasn’t been burning nearly as many calories as normal.
Now, I’m stuck dealing with the consequences of my actions while I try to break him of his twenty treats per day habit.
He gives me his signature puppy eyes. It’s a battle of wills—one that I almost lose—until finally, he gives up and trots over to where his dishes sit in the corner.
The little snob sniffs the dog food a few times, looks over his shoulder at me like I just single-handedly ruined his day, and leaves the room.
I’d worry if I hadn’t seen him eat some earlier, but I know his game.
He thinks he can break me down, and that I’ll eventually give him what he wants.
Spoiler alert: I probably will.
I chuckle quietly, returning to the sink and loading the rest of my dishes into the dishwasher.
The Renegades played in Baltimore earlier today in the Wild Card game, winning by a score of twenty-four to twenty-one.
They lost in the same round last year, so this is very exciting.
As a second-year expansion team, they’re blowing everyone’s expectations out of the water, and I couldn’t be prouder.
Watching Theo play his heart out on that field will never get old, even if I have to do it from several states over.
Checking my watch, I see that I still have about ninety minutes before his plane lands, which means there’s plenty of time to catch up on the newest episode of Seduction Island.
We tried watching it the night it premiered, but I fell asleep the moment Theo started massaging my scalp.
I promised him that I’d be up to speed by tomorrow, so we can catch the finale when it airs.
Even though I’m already exhausted, and it’s barely even dark out, I’m determined to stay awake.
I plop down onto the couch, queuing up the show just as my phone dings with a text notification.
I ignore it at first, but when several more come through in rapid succession, I can’t help but wonder what’s so important.
Picking it up from the couch, I notice a string of messages in the group chat I have with the girls.
SYDNEY:
I just saw the news. Finley, are you okay?
BAILEY:
My flight is delayed, so I’m still in Baltimore, but if we need an emergency spa night, I’ll be there as soon as I can.
STELLA:
I had to stay behind to cover the night shift yesterday, and I’m on call tonight, but I can come over if you need me to. Fuck that guy, Fin. He’s an asshole.
LIVVY:
I’m on the team plane. I don’t think Theo’s seen yet, because he’s laughing with the guys. He’s going to be furious.
SYDNEY:
Finley? Are you there?
My brows pull tight with confusion. What the fuck are they talking about? What news? And why wouldn’t I be okay?
I don’t waste a second, pulling up the browser on my phone and searching for the latest news. Several major headlines fill my screen, none of which pertain to me in any way. But when I scroll down to the local stories, my heart sinks.
Cleveland Vipers’ Point Guard, Eric Moss, Expecting First Child with Influencer Alexa Jensen.
My eyes immediately fill with tears as I continue reading, rage bubbling closer to the surface with each cruel word.
The two have been secretly dating for the past five months, somehow managing to dodge media attention by keeping a tight lid on their whirlwind romance.
Alexa, daughter of multimedia tycoon Griffin Jensen, said she’s ecstatic about the new addition and that she and Moss will be tying the knot shortly after the birth of their son this spring.
When we asked the father-to-be how he was feeling, he told us that he’s beside himself, and that he’d been waiting for this moment his whole life.
We’ll do our best to keep you in the loop about Cleveland’s new power couple and their growing family! Congratulations, Alexa and Eric!
Bile rises in my throat, and I slap a hand over my mouth, hurrying to the closest bathroom. In an instant, I’m on my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet violently.
I vomit until my muscles ache, my hands trembling as they clutch the sides of the bowl. I barely even realize I’m sobbing until a tear splashes into the water below me.
“It’s me,” I whisper, pain ripping through my chest. “It’s always been me. I’m why they leave.”
I convinced myself of this very thing when I was a child, and now I’m feeling every devastating loss all over again.
The men my mom brought around were smitten by her right from the beginning, sending gifts and whisking her away on lavish vacations.
It wasn’t until they met me that they lost interest, taking off without even saying goodbye most of the time.
As I got older and put space between myself and my mother, I started to let go of some of the negative feelings from my past. I fooled myself into believing I was worthy of good things—and that someday, I’d have the life I always dreamed of.
When Eric told me he didn’t want to be a dad, I chalked it up to his immaturity.
It hurt, but part of me understood. He’s a young, rich, professional athlete with the whole world in the palm of his hand.
He wanted to enjoy the freedom without having to worry about the drama that often comes with co-parenting.
I convinced myself that it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Because now, he’s in the same situation with someone else.
Only she’s prettier, more interesting, and she fits into his lifestyle.
She’s everything I’ll never be.
As much as I wish I could stop them, visions from the future invade my mind.
The space that was filled with happiness and excitement just a handful of hours ago is now muddled with confusion and doubt.
Sure, Theo wants me now. But what happens when, like all the others, he realizes that I’m not enough?
It’s not just me who will be affected by it if he leaves.
I have to think about my daughter, above all.
I have to protect her, even though I may have to cut my own heart from my chest in the process.
It seems like hours go by before I’m able to get up from the bathroom floor, my entire body aching like I’ve been hit by a semi-truck.
My eyes are nearly swollen shut, and it hurts to even walk as I make my way back to the couch to grab my phone.
My head and my heart are at war, both screaming so loud that I don’t know what’s right or wrong.
As I’m walking up the stairs, my feet feeling like two lead weights strapped to my legs, I type out a text to the only person I know who won’t think I’m a monster for what I’m about to do.
ME:
Can I stay in your guest room? I need to get out of here so I can think.
SYDNEY:
Of course. Anything you need.
I sob quietly as I make my way to my room, pulling my suitcase from the closet.
Boner is at my feet the entire time, his big eyes full of sympathy as he watches me break apart.
I don’t even know what I’m doing as I pack my clothes, feeling like the walls of this giant, beautiful home are closing in on me.
I’m suffocating, and I won’t be able to breathe until I step away and really think about what kind of life I want for Norah.
Because I sure as hell can’t repeat the same cycle my mother subjected me to for all those years.
It fucked me up, and I’m more certain than ever that I’m damaged beyond repair.
I zip my luggage and slowly kneel down, taking a moment to say goodbye to Boner.
“I love you, buddy,” I tell him, the words getting caught in my throat.
“You’re such a good boy. Take care of your daddy for me, okay?
He might be kind of sad for a while, so give him lots of snuggles and make sure he doesn’t have to sleep alone.
” He licks the tears from my cheek, whimpering softly before he presses his nose into my belly.
My face twists with emotion, my shoulders shaking with more silent sobs before I finally stand to my feet.
Pulling up the handle on my suitcase, I roll it from the room, carefully taking the stairs one at a time as it bounces behind me.
I pull up the rideshare app and request a car, but only moments later, I hear the rumble of the garage door.
I knew Theo would be home soon, but I was planning on sending him a text after I was gone to explain.
Explain what? I still don’t know, but whatever it is, I can’t do it here.
I take a deep breath in through my nose, releasing it slowly. I’m not getting out of here now without talking to him, so I may as well buck up and rip off the Band-Aid.
In a matter of seconds, the truck door is slamming shut, and he’s bursting inside like a bat out of hell. Our eyes connect as soon as he sees me standing there, the evidence of my emotional collapse quite literally written all over my face, before he rushes my way and yanks me into his arms.